posted December 15, 2002 11:37 PM              

My job is unfulfilling, which is the least of all of it. My precious cockatiel, Lexie, died this morning. She was so sweet and had such a personality. I feel like I didn't pay enough attention to her and my other tiel (Eddie) lately, and she died of a broken heart. My husband says we should get rid of Eddie now, since he made too much noise all day and he can't sleep. So sensitive, my husband. Makes me wonder what he'd do if I died, throw away my two kitties if they yowled from missing me?

I am stuck in a loveless marriage. I am just a paycheck to him. We've been together since '96 and got married last October, which is also the last time he slept with me, on our honeymoon. That makes me think that I must be hag-like, not able to compare to the bimbos in his "Maxim" magazine. He even needs a list from me (of my interests!) what I want for Christmas. Shouldn't he have some clue after 8 years? I could go on and on but I won't bore you any further.

And I can't lose weight, even throught the latest of my attempts; diet pills and starvation. The scale won't move.

My mother puts down everything I say and do. And then complains that I don't visit enough.

My friends are all gone, busy with their lives. No one answers my email. I haven't gotten any Christmas cards this year. I usually send out about 30.

I'm sorry to bore you all. I just wanted to get this out of my head.

Is there something going on, transit wise, that will end soon? Or is this my number 8 karma coming to haunt me?

posted December 16, 2002 12:10 AM              

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I just wish I could say something to make you feel better. Just know that you're not alone. I have not had the best of days, either. I try to hang in there, and I hope you will, too.

I think knowflake Illog is offering free astrological service on transits, perhaps you'd like to approach him?

FOr now, the only suggestion that I can think of is using crystals. Have you got any? If not, email me with your address and I'll see what I can do. If you have a piece, however, put it in your heart chakra before you go to bed. Just use a sticky tape to fix it there. If you feel like it, you can breathe light into it, while simulataneously transmit a message to it. Something as simple as "heal me", "cleanse me" , "help me" will do. Do this several times. But if you're too tired psychologically to do that, just stick it on yoru heart chakra nad go to sleep. It takes a bit of time, and after a few days you'll suddenly feel very sad, perhaps for no reason. From my experience, that';s because the crystal is releasing what's buried inside you. This would last from a few days to maybe a week. And then, one morning, when you wake up, you'll suddenly begin feeling so much better, and that's the crystal doing it's work.

Hope this helps. Give it a try, will you? If I can think of anything else, I'll let you know.

Peace and magic,

posted December 16, 2002 02:06 AM              

Lexie didnt die of a broken heart, she knew you loved her.

It seems as though your husband sees marriage as a means of him not having to make an effort for you anymore. So you need to make an effort for yourself!

You can't lose weight from starvation either, have you ever seen the body of someone who has starved? nine times out of ten they have a huge belly on them and they look sickly. Do you want to look like that? I love my curves, I tell all my male friends to enjoy looking at models in the magazines. I NEVER intend to look like them, they are all the same!! I have curves which means I am UNIQUE!! I love being unique and I love dressing up so I feel good (for me, no-one else).

'oh and mum, sorry I havent been to see you lately but my work and social life is so HECTIC!! why dont you visit me for a change?'

Things I do to feel better:

-My feel good music (the type I love) LOUD
-Dancing and singing to that music like I'm a sixties go go dancer
-Wearing something that makes you feel sexy (dont cover up, if you've got GREAT cleavage - show it off! put those size six nothings to shame)
-Tell your husband you want a vibrator for christmas (I dare you) even if you dont the thought of doing it should put a smile on your face. It did me
-Do at least one thing a day to make someone else smile, like letting them in line before you at the supermarket or in traffic.

Anyone else got any feel good ideas???

And all the positive vibes this site generates is sure to help

Love and Light to you Katie

posted December 16, 2002 02:12 AM              

I read your words and I am filled with sadness for you. But it is time for you to think about yourself. You are worth you know, whether you feel like it or not!

Please let us know that you are taking some of these suggestions and tell us what is going on! I have a hunch that once you start remembering how important YOU are and doing things for yourself, your husband will see the life in you return and see the woman he first married. And if not, well, that is his loss. Entirely.

I know when life seems hard and I am depressed, my actions then can further depress me.

Are you exercising- that can uplift the mood alot- and I know that it seems like there is not one ounce of energy inside of you, but once you start stretching and turn up some good music and moving about, the energy sort of comes along. Exercise has been proven to be just as effective with treating depression as antidepressents.

And please don't compare yourself to those girls in Maxim..believe me, airbrushing does alot! And to look that way many of them do not eat. And if they do eat, well, they reduce the size of their butts like they did with Beyonce Knowles. My bf gets that magazine too, and not that this helps or anything, but the articles are really good- I read it too.

I do not know why you and husband have not had sex in so long, but I hope for the best for you. You are not a hag and you are smart and wonderful woman! I know this and in taking some of this advice you will come to remember that.

posted December 16, 2002 08:44 AM              

I slept for 15 hours yesterday. I guess I was worn out.

My birth data is 5/8/68 5:45 pm Sussex NJ
My husbands is 9/24/69 8am (approx) North Bergen, NJ

My mother: 8/1/41 9 am Pequannock, NJ

I would appreciate any insights and ways to deal with these people besides simple avoidance.

Thanks again,
Kate

posted December 16, 2002 10:28 PM              

I am looking at your chart now, and if you want, provide you with my take on it . . . just toss out some questions and feelings into the Universe, and give me permission to look at your chart with your mind's eye.

Cheers,

posted December 17, 2002 11:13 AM              

Do let us know how you're doing.

Peace and white light,

posted December 17, 2002 02:12 PM              

I posted that a while ago at Universal Codes...I'm posting here again for you

quote:

---

"THE ROAD TO HAPPINESS"

1ST STEP: Maybe this is the most difficult of all, but if you really want to discover the road, open before anything else, " THE DOORS OF YOUR HEART ", but be prepared, you can feel strong emotions !!!
If you have some difficulty, give a small push, maybe this door is jammed by use lack;

2ND STEP: As soon as you cross the first obstacle,you'll see in front of you " THE CITY OF THE FEELINGS ", and to arrive there, you will have to cross the "RIVER OF THE CRUELTIES", you will see it soon, but pay attention, don't drink of his water, or else you can feel sleep or fatigue, and like this, you won't have forces to arrive to the "BOAT OF THE PERSEVERANCE";

3RD STEP: When entering in the boat, hold yourself well, because the river of "THE CRUELTIES" is dangerous and during his course it is reached by the "WAVES OF REGRET", what can generate an immense will of returning behind, but if that happens, drink a TEA OF COURAGE (you should take it with you), and everything will return to normal;

4TH STEP: On the other side of the river, it is the "NEIGHBORHOOD OF THE DAILY LIFE", and maybe in it you can find the "SOLITUDE" , and "SOLITUDE" adores to be in the road of those who seeks " HAPPINESS", but pay attention, don't say a word to her, because what SOLITUDE likes, is to be ALONE !!!

... As soon as you arrive, you will see an large avenue call "CHALLENGE", in it,there are several crossing streets , the first on the left is the street of the "BITTERNESS", it is probable that in the corner you find "SADNESS". SADNESS lives melancholic and likes to cry for the SUFFERING of an old boyfriend !!!

... Proceed direct, don't enter in none of the streets on the left side because they gives access to the towns of the "ANGUISH" and " ILLUSION", this last one,believe me, is terrible !!!

... Go walking on the sidewalk of "THE HOPE", that is on the right side and enter in the street of WORK, cut road for the "ALLEY OF THE GOOD WILL", and soon you will see the "HILL OF THE WISDOM", but be carefull, that is one of the most dangerous places...
...There, may appear "DOUBT" and "FEAR" , the first one, changes the whole time, and may leave you confused and without knowing where to go... the second is still worse, it is scaring and creates imaginary situations where you may think that everything will go wrong and can cause you "CONCERN", a syndrome that leaves people thinking about what can happen of worse. That's why FEAR is a relative of "PESSIMISM" !!!

5th STEP :Begin to go up to the hill and you will see the "TRAIL OF THE CONQUEST", in this trail you will find some stones with their respective names, first "THE SEARCH", later "THE ANSWER", "THE REASON", "THE FAITH", and last ,"THE TIME" ;
put them all togheter in the pot of the "COMMON SENSE", that pot you can find in the curve of the "TRUTH", don't put more or less stones , in this pot it should contain the right weight, "THE BALANCE".

6TH STEP: In the end of the trail you will find the scale of "THE BEST DECISION", put on that scale the pot of the COMMON SENSE, if the weight is not correct, you will have to return to the beginning of the trail and begin everything again,but, if it is correct, the pot will open in front of you "THE DOOR OF THE HAPPINESS". Enter, and you will see how beautiful LIFE can be !

... In the simplicity of a smile, in the heat of a hug, in the happiness of an accomplishment !!!

---

posted December 17, 2002 02:50 PM              

Everyone has given you great advice from their hearts and I can add nothing more, other than I wish you lots of peace and love and WHITE LIGHT!!! When I get a chance, I will look at the charts to see what is going on. ((((((Big Hug)))))

posted December 17, 2002 04:23 PM              

A big and warm hug to you ! There isn't much that I can add to all of the posts of these wonderful souls!
Have faith and I believe in YOU!

btw. I love the list of RubyRam! Can I use it too? And yes, making others smile is probably one of the best medicine!
Excercise...YES! That one too!
Hey dear, one last thing....you're never alone!

posted December 17, 2002 06:15 PM            

Jakie, your quotes were beautiful

posted December 17, 2002 08:40 PM              

I buried my sweet Lexie today. Then I came inside with tears running down my face, and my husband asked what was for lunch. My mother comforts me by saying "Birds are messy anyway...you're better off." I think I want to be rid of both of them.

I can't wait until he goes to work tonight, and I'll just erase my mother's 3 messages on my machine without replying. I don't need this BS anymore. I'm going to start getting back to me by redecorating the house while he's away tonight. It will be MY house when he gets home in the morning.

He's been complaining about the lack of money lately since I went to work part time instead of full time because of going back to college. (He doesn't mention that he purchased a $2300 big screen TV LAST WEEK!)
But I'm not going to drop out...I'm getting all A's this semester, and I only have 89 credits to go.

I would still like to know about my chart (maybe even their charts) if anyone has the time. Thanks.

posted December 17, 2002 10:05 PM              

1. Take it from a former/recovering anorexic..starving yourself does more harm than good...it will SLOW your metabolism..so your body will hold onto it's extra weight for protection....you have to excercise...get your body moving...it will boost your metabolism and your mood.

2.A, Either your husband is just a moron or B, he picks up on you being down and therefore..will not approach you to be intimate..possibly thinking that you would turn him away.

3. My mother is never satisfied either but I had to get to the point where I said...it's not me...it's her...it's not me that's inadaquate..it's her...if she says you don't visit enough..say..."I visit as much as I can" and leave it at that.

we have all these people placing demands on us and we try to keep them happy that we forget about ourselves.

posted December 19, 2002 11:11 AM              

From looking at your chart, I sense that you are suffering from your own Achilles's Heel in that you do not particularly enjoy serving or doing things for other people without getting something in return. You have Saturn and the North Node conjunct in Aries in the 6th house, very close to the descendant. In addition, you have Chiron there as well, the psychic wound.