posted March 18, 2003 02:35 PM              

And I think deep down most women are comfortable sleeping with a man & not knowing him, society simply represses them into having to follow "guidelines" to sleep with a man... or not

posted March 18, 2003 05:07 PM              

In a nutshell, some men separate Sex and Love, some woman equate Love and Sex. Men can detach themselves, women emotionalize it. Now, I mean this in the most general terms, as not everyone falls into that compartment.

It depends on the culture and beliefs (societal) taught, programmed, or instilled into our growing minds as youth.

I think here in the States, women are fairly liberated and enjoy sex just as much as a man, thanks to the Make Love, Not War generation of the '60's.

There was a very good series by Desmond Morris about Human Sexuality on PBS. It is very up to date and explains the biochemistry and details of the difference between the genders. Due to the difference in reproductive systems, the male can go out and create constantly and spread their genes, a female is limited to the birthing process and mothering and is therefore more selective, only wanting the best genes for her offspring. At least that is what research has found.

When I worked in the ER, most suicide attempts were made by females due to infidelity by their male partners. Mostly over the holidays, too.

posted March 18, 2003 11:56 PM              

There are times when I just want to have fun and guys think there is more to it and I'm just not feeling it with them just having fun.

I know what the problem is! It's that girls can't express this. If a girl says she is just looking to have fun and play around and "horny" she is a **** ! But if a guy is going thru this stage well he is just being a guy, that is how he is programmed so it's totally cool for guys. Well screw that. So girls might feel that way but they keep it to themselves so that is why you mainly hear about guys being this way.

A big problem is also girls judging other girls. I told a female coworker that I was feeling sexual urges but not looking for a relationship and she raised her eyebrows at me and said that sounded really bad. Maybe to her. Maybe because she judges me. Maybe she judges herself that harshly too. I personally don't appreciate girls judging other girls. Aren't we all in this together? Aren't we all trying to get more equal and have the ability to express ourselves as men do. So then we shoulnd't judge each other.

I think a judgemental person is just so unnattractive!

Sorry if I got heated, but this Aquarian chick doesn't care for the standards people put on people, perhaps I shouldn't be so rebellious...it's a mighty tough job but someone's gotta do it!

posted March 19, 2003 09:25 AM              

You're so right! And isn't the Clitoris's ONLY purpose sexual pleasure and not procreation?

(sorry for being so blunt)

posted July 30, 2003 06:54 PM              

Anyway, woman can have sex with whoever they want, whethor it's a relationship or not. They just have to keep it very private. What others don't know won't give them something to judge you by.

posted July 30, 2003 07:17 PM              

I actually feel filthy after being with someone im not attracted to - in a way that gets me to the core. This reaction has been alot stronger in me recently than it used to be, mostly brought on by more uhh..availability i suppose.

Bear in mind i'm a venus in cap/mars in libra so its not exactly the most blazingly forward blast of sexual energy on this planet, although i'm still red-blooded.

I suppose you could say i'm "saving myself" for someone worth it. I keep getting burnt by people who aren't

posted July 30, 2003 08:32 PM              

Women tend to get emotionally dependent on a man right away and so accept the whole package. Men are taught by society to have sex as part of a standard, to push themselves and they feel objectified and abused by this standard so they externalize this rage on women and themselves.

Mostly men do not trust or like themselves very much in regards to their own sexuality and so they try to bury it and it comes out in strange ways. Anything you repress comes out strangely.

Collectively men try to fit in, and have been forced to distrust their own sexual nature at a very young age, in western society. Individually they can be taught to love and trust women, but first they have to learn to trust themselves as a sexual being and that takes a lot of work and removal from the negative environment. Men need help, just like women do to be emotionally independent of other people, not just the opposite sex.

Some signs are easier than others, Libras, some Scorpios as friends, can serve as mentors or teachers to a woman, and some women especially Aries can serve as a mentor or teacher to men, but in order to help they have to let go.

So what are you asking, and why? Your motivation tells whether or not you want to understand men collectively, or one individually? You can't understand a man collectively, we would need to know his sign and information. It's just good manners to respect someone before judging him but in this society we just don't have time anymore.

If you give respect to a man, by first respecting his space and emotions and try to understand where his motivations are coming from, he will trust you. Once he trusts you and himself then you have to be willing to love him and want nothing in return.

It's the old age question, how do you love me? the question has to be how, not why?
We live in a society of put downs, and negative self images, no wonder men are full of hate for themselves. It has more to do with how a man is raised than just his sign, but I would say that I have had more trouble with Pisces and Virgo men, and the best luck with Libra men. I only require that a man be emotionally accessible.

Natasha

posted July 31, 2003 11:31 AM              

Do you really think men don't like themselves and their own sexuality very much? Wouldn't the same be even MORE true of woman? We're made to feel ashamed of our sexuality, and to admit that "god, I want it", we're regarded as wh*re-ish. Not SUPPOSE to want it. Suppose to just TOLERATE it. Nonsense!! I've actually ended relationships over incongruant sexual appetites. (i.e., his sex drive was no match for mine) It's really important to us as well, some more than others.

posted July 31, 2003 01:57 PM              

Men want power in the world, if they can't get it at work, they will get it at home. Same with Women, and there are two types of people (one who gets his/her power in the world, one who gets it in the bed of a man/woman) Carl Jung was a genius.

I agree it's survival of the fittest in some ways. Men act like Peacocks performing for women, and women do the choosing. I think that we have been conditioned only in the past couple hundred years to hate sex, I do not think women were as manipulated by society before. My Grandmother was a lot less hung up then my mother, even though she was born in 1926. My Grandparents were very open about sex and didn't bother to hide their attraction for eachother or even try to be too quiet. Even when my Grandfather a Cap, couldn't you know, they still tried anyway, just for the affection. Getting off wasn't their whole life and they didn't have a book or a manual but still managed to enjoy it. But my parents, whole other story. I never discussed sex with my parents.

Sex has become so much of an issue, it needs to be put back into the person and we can take a vacation from thinking about doing it, and instead focus on our emotions and doing what feels right. No more trying to be cool and eliminate the hang-ups. We need to learn how to share and stop using the other person as a show piece or a workhorse. This is not Tressage!

My Grandmother said if you don't want to share your toothbrush with someone, why would you sleep with them? She couldn't figure out how piggy people were about each other. Everything is I own this person, look what I've got, look at my pretty pony all dressed up. We do not own each other or even have dibs just because we seal the deal.

Sex in most cultures is to seal a deal, if there is not enough of you to share why make demands on the other person?

Yes I think men are very angry at being forced to be sexual at a young age. Women at the age of 9 or 10 are not forced to be sexual, but men are. Emotionally they are not ready, but society insists they talk about it, watch it, and become involved in it way too young. That never goes away. They need women to help them get over that, but dislike them for it too. I have had men angry at me for not liking to be sexual, and angry for being too sexual at the same time, they are angry at themselves.

Strangely enough I have had more men tell me they prefer a women to be a little slutty, than not. They insist I wear sexier clothes and even ripped stockings?! But then they want to "protect me", I think they like the attention they get from other men. Very rarely have I known men who wanted me to be myself and it works both ways. Must be my 8th house moon, because seem to be obsessed with the erotic around me and my personality is anything but. They like that entire, No, NO I won't do it thing and then I give in. But I was going that way anyway he he. I am as innocent as I look but I think different and then I "corrupted". I still get shocked easily.

But I say "corrupt me" go ahead...Some men are strange..that's for sure they love to save, sacrifice, redeem, it's an entire emotional salivating, erotic, exotic, Gone with the Wind Production Every Time!!!!!!!!! Must be because I attract Leos, or Venus in the 5th. Exhausting though, I like bits of affection and can go without the main course all together which is called being a TEASE. But that's who I am not what I like to do.

We have to fight in each relationship for the right to be ourselves and first we have to find out who that is.

In this society we need to let young people mature slower. There was a pressure to be sexy and talk about sex when I was 12, and girls were already having intercourse with boys who were 13, no wonder men and women are so off base. Emotionally at 12, I still thought Willy Wonka was a real person, I don't think anyone in this society is ready at that age to be forced into a sexual norm, it affects the entire person.

Who the F...K are you? That's the big question.
Wasn't that the Who's theme song?
A Leo/Taurus team with some great songs about coming of age and sexuality.
Ever heard of Quadrophenia?
Have to Cut my Hair?
Teeenage Wasteland
Leos are the adolescent of the zodiac so the Who is great with those love/sex angst songs.

I'm out on the street again
and I 'm leaping alone
Desperate for a peace pipe
but I just can't explain
why that uncertain feeling is still in my brain
Why should I care
if I have to cut my hair
The kids at school have parents who seem
so cool and though I don't want to hurt them
my way won't be their way
I cleaned by room and my shoes
but my mother found a box of blues
and there doesn't seem much of hope of staying
I have a white jacket with lapels five inches long
Why do I have to move with the crowd?
I work myself to death just to fit in
I'm coming down on the very first train to town
My Dad's just home from work
he wasn't talking
and it's all a game, but inside I'm just the same

Great stuff there, buy it or download it if you haven't heard of the Who before.
Women are walking Patsy Clines, and Men are still trying to figure themselves out. A Woman can't expect a man to understand her when he can't understand himself. I tend to think since most men were wounded somewhere in childhood there is a man/child still there waiting to be set free.

Natasha

posted August 03, 2003 03:12 AM              

Human males have more testosterone than females, and this creates a very different level of sexual drive. There are definitely many women out there who have a high testosterone level, but it's not as high as a man's. If you've never seen it, sometime rent a documentary by Monika Treut called "Female Misbehavior" -- Annie Sprinkle and Camille Paglia are in it, for one thing -- there's a fascinating segment that follows a woman getting a sex change, and her remarks after receiving her first testosterone shots are instructive, about the massive leap in sexual interest (warning: an explicit film, not for everyone).

Men also have their sex organs outside their bodies, and are very aware of their own arousal -- many women aren't as instantaneously aware of their own physiological responses (although some totally are!). I think too that if one is talking about intercourse, then the process is different -- whoever is the receptive party, has, in my humble onion, an extremely personal experience because they are taking someone else into their own body -- obviously the other person involved is also having an extremely personal experience, but there is a distinction to be made. Finally, women get pregnant, men don't, so women have a lot more invested in having an emotional compatibility or relationship with the males with whom they get it on... because there may be great personal and economic consequences 9 months later! (by the same token, many men realize this too, and take this responsibility seriously)

Like people are saying, the whole Judeo-Christian Madonna/wh*re hypocitical post-Puritan thang has definitely warped a lot of men's sexuality and sexual expression. (see Shere Hite's instructive studies! Problematic, but instructive) Many men define their manhood by how much intercourse they get from women, etc. Alternately, there are guys who find this definition oppressive, even if they like sex. Personally, I wouldn't want the social pressure of feeling like I have to "score" (being a, well, you know what) on top of having such a strong biological drive to have sex; no wonder some guys just don't want relationships at all, with this stacked against them -- how do you swim against the current and just be a human being?

Happily a lot of younger guys seem to have it more together than the men of previous generations. They seem to have more permission to be themselves, whatever that self is. Western culture has been changing, and I hope, progressing. It's time for the patriarchy to just back down!

But I agree with Oxychick about how for women there ain't no "should feel emotionally involved" obligation about sex... know something about your partner, sure, and be protected for STDs and pregnancy, but no way have I ever felt I owed a man an emotion... we shared feelings, whatever the relationship, but it doesn't have to be a deep relationship. It's nicer when it is, but life, she's a funny animule, wanderin' here, and there... no tellin' where she be in some funny years, neh?

posted August 03, 2003 07:45 AM              

Leos are not as social about little stuff, and emotionally are more involved. Since they like drama if you are sexually involved then you are going to get emotionally involved whether or not you can shake a martini and fly out the door or not. Eventually his ex, or new girlfriend will find you and proceed to kick your you know what.

I'll give you an example of how sex is never safe if they know where you live. I never let my girlfriends tell their new boyfriends about me until it's official. I don't see why it's necessary for everyone to know my business either.

I was sitting home one day minding my own business at that moment, when a Gemini girl came in and proceeded to insult me and rip my clothes off. Now I know I was talking to someone I didn't need to which is what they call being SOCIAL, so I was not guilty but it's amazing how sex can travel and sex does not include just intercourse, but talking, flirting, touching, or sharing milkshakes. To Geminis it's all relative.
Gemini and Taurus-Remember OJ and Nicole (the Taurus)?

Sex is just not safe if your friends know where you live which is why I suggest we move every three months and leave no forwarding address and then bump into each other at the post office.
(I'm only a little crazy don't worry)

Or you can be honest with yourself, look at the motivations behind what you want, and get what you really want out of sex, not just a fix but someone to show you a part of yourself and teach you a lesson about life. Scary I know but it's better than going to one emotional fix after another. But then this is my life and that is your life and we are entitled to our own reality.

posted August 03, 2003 09:39 PM              

As a scientist in the past I can tell you the controls were all screwed up.

First
When the girls asked the guys for sex, they did so IN PUBLIC. What guy is going to say no then? I can guarantee you due to my own comparative "study" that men will act confused and scared by an assertive woman IN PRIVATE with no other men around. Big difference and totally ignored.

Same with women in private, they are more likely to say yes if other women weren't around. I know I would have thought about it before answering.

Silence in our culture is golden especially around sex. What nobody knows about is very different and if you think the other person wants to keep it down, you will too. It creates a feeling of what if..That is part of the problem but it's edgy and exciting to some people.

Without scientific controls there is no study just entertainment.

I'm big on controls you can't conduct experiments for years without standards.

Men's butts are attractive no matter what, if you are looking that's all that matters. I look at men's butts all the time, in every shape or size, I am sure my ovulation cycle has nothing to do with it. and trust me sex is not a problem outside of the three days.