posted July 01, 2003 11:46 PM              

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I'm wondering how the different signs handle the tricky process of telling someone that they don't want to be with them anymore.

Personally, I have alot of trouble doing this. I find it sooo difficult to tell anyone that I don't accept them as they are. And when you break up with someone, that's essentially what you're saying to them.
"You're not acceptable to me" is the message.

So, what I tend to do is avoid them mostly. But when I DO finally summon up the nerve, I'm never hurtfull, or angry, or blaming them. It's always the "It's not you - it's me" bullshat. Let them down easy. And I never burn bridges. I always leave the door semi ajar, just in case I realize I've made a grave mistake.

Problem with that is, when you start seeing someone else, they don't appreciate ex's calling and trying to "keep in touch", so I have to fess up that I'm moving on, and it's at THAT point that the drama starts.
Meanwhile, we've been broken up for say...4 months already.

Screwy, I know.

I just HATE to be the source of anyone's pain. I mean I really really hate it! I'd rather fake a death! Honestly. I'm so bad at being honest when breaking up that it's pathetic. I can't say anything that they may interpret as " you're not good enough".

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posted July 01, 2003 11:55 PM              

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posted July 02, 2003 12:09 AM              

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Yeah the last guy I "dated" was an Aries, and up until I had met him, I had never felt such an enormous attraction (I am Virgo btw) like that. I really enjoyed being his friend but when he did ask me to be his gf, which I kind of initiated our whole friendship in hopes of him asking me out, it felt really awkward. I had never had a real bf before (I am 16) My heart kind of jumped out of my chest and I said yes. He seemed so perfect to me and I started wondering what he saw in me. I tried to avoid him because I never knew what to say around him, I got so nervous. I would go home and cry, coz I felt I could never make him happy and that I wasn't gf material. But he was everything I wanted in a guy and failed to realize at the time; he was the most gorgeous guy I'd ever seen, he knew how to make me laugh, he was a gentleman, and a vegetarian. I approached him one day and asked if I could talk with him. I asked if we could be friends and he said yes, but after that we hardly talked. It's funny you should mention, because my exact words were "it's not you, it's me." I think about him every day now, and wonder if I'll find someone else like him. He moved to Montana so I guess I'll never see him again. I feel sooooo bad having hurt him, so I guess I won't be going in another relationship anytime soon, at least until I grow up.

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posted July 02, 2003 12:18 AM              

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"it's not you... it's me..."

"I always leave the door semi ajar, just in case I realize I've made a grave mistake."

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posted July 02, 2003 12:36 AM              

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You don't do that LL?
C'mon...what about the Scorp gal you can't forget? What about the Leo you thought was "too much drama", who you're trying to rekindle the flame with now???

What about that? Huh? People who live in glass houses shouldn't go around throwing stones, buddy!

Yeah, I know that's so lame, the it's not you it's me thing. But it's not entirely untrue.
They're happy with things the way they are, and I, on the other hand, am not. So, in truth, it's NOT them. It's me.

And I hate to say it, but only once have I been the 'dumpee', and that was in grade 7, with a guy who didn't even bother telling me, but told everyone else that we're broken up. I found out when someone said. "Oh, so you and Don broke up, hey?" I was like..."Uh, no. Who told you that?" they were like "He did." I was like " OH. Ok, I guess we did". He was a Taurus. Not that that has any relevance here. It WAS grade 7 afterall.
Ok, wait. There was a Virgo in grade 11 who I was hanging out with alot, but one time, when I started to talk about why we were great together, he said. "Me and you would never work." So, of course I wanted to know why, and he said because I partied too much for him. So, fair enough. I left it at that. We kind of fell out of touch right after that. He was a cutie. Oh well.

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posted July 02, 2003 10:28 AM              

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The 4th House represents how we end things, according to Howard Sasportas; author of The Twelve Houses.

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Posts: 67
From: Back in AZ with Bear the Leo
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 02, 2003 11:18 AM            

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Like a typical Sagittarius: I send a letter.

I have a way with writing, but when I try to say what I am feeling, it gets a bit jumbled. So, the majority of my breaks up have been through letters.

It's different when I let someone know that I am not interested in dating. Then I just say "Hey, you're great for someone else, but I don't see us making the match".

My current guy made me promise him that if I ever wanted to break things off, not to do it in a letter. There was a time, about a year ago that I was ready to move on because I was afraid, so I sent him an e-mail and left a message. Being the Leo that he is he called me right up and said "I fast forwarded through that message and didn't listen to it and I also deleted the e-mail. You're going to have to talk to me".

We ended up working it out.

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posted July 02, 2003 11:30 AM              

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posted July 02, 2003 11:48 AM              

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I disagree, Lioneye. I don't think that breaking up means you're saying you dont accept the person, but rather that you do not feel the same intimate feelings anymore. I accept loads of people I'd never date. But it's different for everyone, I suppose.

I usually just stop calling the person to break up, and if they don;t get the hint I tell them outright. I know it's wimpy, but it's that detached thing. It's as thoguh I just remove myself from the things I no longer want, and that includes people. Usually, my feelings can change in what seems like (to other people) a split second. It can be the result of feeling that I need something else or something has completely turned me off or I woke up from the fog I was in. LOL Usually, the reasons I don't want to continue carrying on with someone is not something they would feel good about hearing, so that could be another reason why I just detach myself. The worst is when my feelings suddenly change and the person starts to irk me...and then I just end up fighting with them. I'm not saying it's the right way or that I';m ever really conscious of it; it's just the pattern I seem to follow most of the time.

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Posts: 67
From: Back in AZ with Bear the Leo
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 02, 2003 12:32 PM            

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OMG Natasha!! That is soooo true. I had a Libra friend that wanted way more than a friendship. He started to stalk me and call me like 15 times a day (he could block his number from my caller ID, but I knew it was him because only a few people have my home phone number and I am unlisted).

I sent him an e-mail and left a message to leave me alone and he went over the deep end. WEIRDO.

Capricorns are kind of the same. The one I work with doesn't take the hint. I tell him "I AM NOT INTERESTED IN DATING YOU!!" He says "Uh huh, okay, when do you want me to pick you up?" ARGGGGHHHHHHHH.

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posted July 02, 2003 12:50 PM              

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posted July 02, 2003 01:27 PM              

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hmmm... let's see.

I'm not going to post the not so nice ones.

If I get burned out... I generally just act as if they're not there.

One story (it's not a bad one) I was really fed up with this one guy and told him a day or two before that "I was through".

Alright... a couple of days passed and while he was gone to work... I packed up and left.

He calls wanting to know why I had done that.

I was dumbfounded and was like... well, I told you I was through!

The stalking bit?! I know a Virgo who done some freaky things to a Taurus.

I don't see how so many Scorpios get that stalker label, as I would think that to be one of the most degrading things someone could do!

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posted July 02, 2003 02:02 PM              

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posted July 02, 2003 02:03 PM              

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Posts: 67
From: Back in AZ with Bear the Leo
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 02, 2003 02:31 PM            

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Hi Ms 1Scorp,

I know of a Scorp that spied on his ex to see what she was doing, but that is pretty unusual. Sagittarians are known for stalking either as we tend to just kind of let the idea go, but inside we do think about the person. I have never really been dumped, so I am not sure about rejection in that sense. I did break up with a Pisces in a letter and I know it hurt him deeply, that is something I will always regret.

I was stood up once, by another Sagittarian. I waited about an hour, then took off with my friends to go party. He later told me he was testing me to see how much I cared and if I would call him to find out what happened. I looked at him and said 'Oh, well, now you know.. I never have been great at tests!".

I have had crushes on guys that didn't feel the same about me in jr. high and some in high school, but I just chalked it up to people have different likes and dislikes, so not a big deal.

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posted July 02, 2003 02:40 PM              

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Yeah, you know the letter thing...I've written many "This isn't working for me and here's why" letters, then I crumple them up and throw them out, because just writing the letter would make me realize that I don't even want to work it out. So, I wouldn't send them the letter, because I didn't want to bother giving them the details, because that would just give them ammunition to argue with me about it.
Like, if I said, for instance, "You seem to value your friends alot more than you do me", they could just come back with "No, that's not true...I'll change...I didn't know it bothered you...blah blah blah...

Well, in my experience, leopards don't change their spots. They just learn to camoflouge them better. So, why bother?
If it's over, it's over. Why beat a dead horse? (sorry, Pidaua...know you're a horse lover, so that's probably not your favorite cliche)

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From: Back in AZ with Bear the Leo
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 02, 2003 03:17 PM            

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LOL....Lioneye, I understand what you're saying. You are totally right about the letter thing. I guess I just never looked at it that way, only because once the letter was sent, I would no longer acknowledge the person. Now, with Mr. Leo, I was secretly hoping he would ignore the e-mail and message and show me some "anger" over it. (God, how Love Signs is that - when I read that in the book regarding the Leo and Sag I almost fell over! LOL)

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posted July 02, 2003 03:18 PM              

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1) I went over to his house.
2) Said to him why I wanted to break up.
3) He negotiated for 4 hours.
4) I said this whole relationship isn't for me anymore after his negotiations.
5) Said I would call once every few weeks to check up on how's he's doing and that I didn't want us to become strangers or end on bad terms.
6) I am still calling once every few weeks, and he's giving updates on how he dealing with a lot of things that have come his way.

I think I've done good thus far.

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posted July 02, 2003 03:22 PM              

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You show incredible patience for a fire sign, Aph. I would enjoy that like the sound of nails on a chalkboard! (the 4 hour talk, that is BLAH!!!! )

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posted July 02, 2003 03:26 PM              

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"I'm a redhead and I was working for a company in South America, there are a lot of cultural differences. That has a lot to do with it. I was never that popular before or since" Hilarious Natasha!

I was stalked by a Scorp once, I told her that "if" we weren't both moving in a month to different states then "maybe" we could have been together... she called me almost daily, for months, of course I stopped answering... then she started getting info on me through a chick in my hallway... then came to "visit her" and tried to track me down the whole time she was in town... and this was months after I said we've gone our separate ways... After like 6 months she finally gave up, and two months later she was pregnant and on the way to marriage (She's Mormon) Whew! Escaped that one!

Lion: I don't string women along... that's what it sounded like you're doing to dudes... typical of a Leo female keeping lovestruck groupies around I can fall victim to the same indulgence... it's just soo hard when they're just "so happy" to be around you. But not recently...
I let them know I'm chasing... and if I'm not chasing, they know. I make a clear distinction between whether I consider you "friend" or "love interest"
I don't pretend to still be interested just in case I might change my mind

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posted July 02, 2003 03:34 PM              

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No, I don't pretend I'm still interested, I just don't say "Don't ever call me again. You can just jump of the planet for all I care" I just let them know that I still care about them as a person, and I wish them nothing but the best, and if they want to call just to talk from time to time, that would be ok....AS FRIENDS.
But I can't deny that what you said is somewhat true. Leos like to have fans. (or groupies). And they attract them whethor they're trying to or not, so it's all good. I certainly don't fake interest in someone if I'm not actually interested. Couldn't be botha'd (said in my Bronx accent...yeah, didn't you know? I do impersonations and accents. )
That would be a giant waste of energy and time, now wouldn't it?

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posted July 03, 2003 02:12 AM              

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Ever have an ex call you up out of the blue years after you've split?

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posted July 03, 2003 08:31 AM              

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Years? No. Weeks? Yes.

Usually when it was a complete split they didn't want to ever see me again

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posted July 03, 2003 11:55 AM              

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posted July 03, 2003 12:06 PM              

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Natasha, maybe if you're a psychic. Yeah, caller i.d. IS GOOD!!
I have a Virgo ex from high school who still calls my mom's house every couple of years, usually at 2:00am when he's loaded. He lives on Vancouver Island now, has twin daughters and a son. But he just gets the crazy notion to try to call me every so often. No idea why

1scorp, I'm interested to hear some of your less-than-nice break-up stories...I'll bet they'll sound alot like my Scorp. bud's stories.

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