posted August 10, 2003 07:17 PM              

I'm am questioning whether my chosen profession is really the right thing for me to be doing in my life.

I am struggling with the feeling of not being good enough. Period. for anything.

I am unhappy because I just turned 29 and I'm not where I want to be in my life..9content, married with kids) and I'm even more unhappy because I don't know what it is I need to do to get there.

posted August 10, 2003 07:31 PM              

I wish I could offer you info about Sat. return, but I'm sure someone else can.

I do know that it's hard to face the things you do (especially your job) and realzie it doesn't make you happy. Since we rely so much on our professions, it's extremely difficult to stop and say "I need a change."

Most of my friends are in the late 20's/30's age range right now and are feeling these very same things. So if it helps, you should know there are so many people out there feeling the way you do. You're not alone. Try to think of the positive things in your life (didn't you just buy a house? That's a big life step)

posted August 10, 2003 07:39 PM              

We all go through times when we question things. I once heard that confusion is a good thing because it makes us go within.

Okay, so you aren't married yet or have children, but what about travelling to exotic countries and experiencing other cultures? What about becoming a volunteer and helping out those less fortunate? What about getting a puppy? What about organising a special dinner with all of your mates and incorporating that with a games night?

Don't ever think that you are at a dead end. There is always an unexpected corner to take if you sit back, relax and see what life has to offer.

If you feel out of control with your emotions, I would seriously advise you to go to a doctor or naturopath.

Keep your chin up - you are not alone.

posted August 10, 2003 08:18 PM              

The whole world, the trees, fish, wildlife, the ocean, everything you look at is imperfect, you can look at the positive of it or the negative. How could God screw up? Everything is like that constantly changing. Think about what you are grateful for and talk to positive people. What are you thinking of doing that's different? Are you afraid of change, of incompetence as a person? I'm there everyday.
Have faith in yourself, you will get everything you want and more. You sound pretty competent to me, from your earlier posts.

Don't be so hard on yourself, accept and forgive yourself for being human.
If you want to question your career, if you are curious about something new, that's not bad.

posted August 10, 2003 09:17 PM              

I know God's decisions are perfect (the past), sometimes though I have a hard time making one.

posted August 10, 2003 09:34 PM              

It's been the theme of my life thus far.

I always feel "not good enough". The owrk I do isn't good enough and it doesn't fulfill me. I don't thinkI'm cut out for corporate america. My curent boss has such a wayw ith words that he's reduced me to tears 3 times...he talks to me..and my coworkers like we're idiots sometimes and it makes me put more pressure on myself.

not good enough.

My relationships with men never work out. I tend to meet great guys every now and then but they're not the ones with the interest in me...only the loser guys.

not good enough.

I'm not sure what brings joy into my life anymore. All of my friends are getting married and/or moving away.

I'm afraid to live alone. I'm afraid of losing my job. I'm afraid of not doing e good job despite putting forth a lot of effort.

posted August 10, 2003 09:43 PM              

You said that only loser guys are interested in you? Maybe there is something about you that appeals to them that you don't like. Maybe there is something about you that appeals to the other kinds of men too only you don't see it.

Time to take stock of your life and list the good things about yourself.

What do you like about yourself? You can do it.

posted August 10, 2003 10:02 PM              

And you should be too - If they say you aren't good enough, get down, do some research and come back when you can beat them at their own game.

So whats wrong with living alone? its fun! you can jam the music right up and prance around the kitchen without worrying about your housemates making fun of you

But always cling onto the fact you will not feel like this forver - i've had my own brush with suicidal feelings and they aren't nice, especially when compounded by insensitive people, but the old adage "nothing lasts" in this case has a positive edge - use it

posted August 10, 2003 10:40 PM              

It hurts badly to see so much blatant gaps in one's life at once. I know. But you can fix everything, given a little time. A Saturn Return both exposes your weaknesses, or gaps in dreams vs. reality, then shows you how to invoke self-discipline and fill those holes and cracks until your foundation is strong for good. Just like your new house that you've been putting so much loving care into, it's also your job to put just as much loving care into yourself.

May I suggest, maybe Saturn is telling you that your destiny has a different timetable than the one that society, and you, may believe it "should" have? You've realized you need to start thinking about a new career -- great, go see a job or life counsellor! They'll help point out exactly what your needs are, and help you decide on some goals of how to get there.

Take heart, financechick. If you are feeling so badly about yourself, check out your health first, like Sunmeadow suggests. The moodswings aren't reality, and they aren't the true you -- look at how many people care about you, all that you've achieved... you've changed, that's all, and so have some of your environments. Please love yourself and take equal time to count up the positive things about yourself -- looking only at the negative is a fallacy!

In the interim, I recommend a book that helped me in work relationships, called "Does Someone At Work Treat You Badly", by Leonard Felder, Ph.D. You can find a way of dealing with that boss that will reduce the crap. Or go see your HR person at work -- bet you're far from the first to complain. Maybe your complaint will be the straw upper management needs to reel in this guy. Or maybe you can take a sabbatical?

Saturn says, "do it over, and better." You're reeling because the message has hit home hard and clear. You're allowed to grieve for the dreams and expectations of a younger self. Take care of you first, now, and this dangerous depression -- and then you'll have the emotional space in which to make some plans. 'Cause Saturn never closes doors for us without providing ones that will open in new directions.

posted August 11, 2003 12:34 AM              

What everyone here said. The Saturn return, I feel, symbolizes a "growing up" if you will, passing from one stage of life to another. The transition can be difficult, but Saturn also brings rewards for our hard work and commitment to learn his lessons.

It IS a time of taking stock, looking at choices, and if necessary, making some changes and new plans...whether it involves carreer, marriage, friendships, belief systems, etc. You may very well be on a different timetable than others you know, and there's nothing wrong with that. What is right and "timely" for them may not be for you, as you are unique.

The important thing for you to do as you go through this transition is to be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself for whatever mistakes you may feel you've made, and give yourself the credit you deserve for all your accomplishments too!

For what it's worth, I've learned that when we compare ourselves to other people, we become most vulnerable to that feeling of "not good enough". The only person you need to do that with is you; i.e. look back over the last 5 years, the last 10...and see just how far you've come...then give yourself a pat on the back for that.

You may not think so now, but this a time of much strength for you, with rich and lasting rewards to come. I've been there and I can tell you that if you're willing to work with Saturn, the gifts will be the kind that stay with you.

As you learn to love and appreciate yourself more...you will attract the kind of people into your life that will love and appreciate you more too.

posted August 11, 2003 05:32 AM              

There is not much I can say that has not been said and I won't make it too long, it is not necessary. Just check out all the people who have been so sweet to you in this thread! FC, I know that you won't ever be happy with something else in your life when you aren't happy NOW! NOW is what you have and what you are.

One thing that flashed in my mind last week and which is SO TRUE is:" whenever you wish for something then make sure you go for it." Well, it sounds better in Dutch. It is só very simple. We all make everything so damn difficult for ourselves.

I do not have to add more. I am so happy to see so many have replied to your message~~!

Please know there are a lot of people in your situation who for some reason cannot reach out for anyone. You have so much love around you. SEE IT and you'll be fine!

Really, there is not much to it FC! I have noticed life is VERY simple!
Want something? Then make sure you are it or get it or be it!

Kick ass FC! GO FOR IT! Show your smile to the world, and they will smile with you!

What more do you need when you are LOVE!???

So off you go! Go out and SMILE! You have the gift of living, LIVE! You will be fine...

posted August 11, 2003 05:51 AM              

financechick, i dont know you that well, i dont think weve posted to each other at all. i do want to say i understand what you are going through, and in fact am going through a similar thing. we do have very different circumstances but in essence it boils down to similar issues. i had my saturn return a couple of years ago, and its never easy. one thing about saturn though, is that he is not only a taskmaster but he also does give us the rewards we are due. its an interesting thing, and is quite true.

in my case, going through my saturn return was pretty traumatic. i wont go into detail what i went through. after it was over though, and i am well into my 30's now (34 next month) i have a lot more inner peace. life really does begin when you are in your 30's, i think. i can only speak for myself but its been wonderful. i dont care as much about what other people think of me, i am more forgiving of myself, oh the list goes on. not that life is peachy, the very essence of this incarnation of mine is that it will be difficult. but overall, im much happier now.

saturn likes us to clean out our house so we can move on to a better one.

i have every good wish for you and i know you will come out of this time stronger and happier, and more in love with yourself. we are all unique and beautiful in our own way, we just need to see it. take care

~happywithselffaery

------------------
where i end and you begin there's a gap in between there's a gap where we meet where i end and you begin
and i'm sorry for us the dinosaurs roam the earth the sky turns green where i end and you begin

posted August 11, 2003 09:23 AM              

i feel the same way sometimes too

*sighs*

posted August 11, 2003 09:26 PM              

To Astrotruth:

I understand what you're saying but it just seems like I attract bad people in my life who seem to try to point out that I'm really not good enough and I'm beginning to believe it.

It's in my chart...just look...a predisposition to attract or have "bad" people around me. People who are jealous of me for whatever reason and people who take advantage of my good nature.

I do not know how to distinguish these people and that fact makes it hard for me to get close to anybody...especially from a male femal prespective.

people always seem to want something from me. I do not know who I can trust and who I can't and I don't know why this is.

I am nhappy with my job, I'm good at what I do I guess but I still feel as though I'm not "good enough" overall.

posted August 11, 2003 09:40 PM              

You are loved
you love others
You are caring and sweet

This is temporary and will pass. As long as you have people in your life that love you, that will get you by. Why would anyone want to do anything to hurt you or make you angry at yourself? Do you think they do that on purpose? We all hate and love people, give up on getting approval from these people.

Do you know how to emotionally detach? Make those people smaller in your mind and yourself bigger. Find other activites to fill your mind and your life so you don't think about them, and don't listen to their problems. This is your life, you don't need to find solutions for others.

Is there someplace you go when you are upset? It sounds corny but if you talk about this place it can open you up to what you need in your life. Is there a sanctuary you can visualize in your mind, a cottage by the sea, a cabin in the mountains, a treehouse, there has to be somewhere?

You are human financechick, no one is better and smarter or faster than you, underneath we are all the same. I am wishing for emotional and spiritual protection for you. I don't know how else to put it.

Natasha
Try saying affirmations,
I am beautiful
I am good
I am a loving person
I am wonderful
I am never alone
I am a good friend
People desire my company
I am a supportive person
I support my community and appreciated for my work

Keep going...

Keep going..

posted August 12, 2003 12:02 AM              

During that "black period", I too would get down in the dumps and I'd think "Is this my fate? This is the best I can do with my life? God I'm pathetic." I was also living with a very uptight Virgo, Cappy rising (how appropriate for a Saturn return relationship, hey?) who made me feel like I never quite measured up in so many little ways, and that I was morally depraved if I wanted to let off some steam and go out and party once in a while . Plus, my finances were another source of stress. Yeah, it was a bad time, my Saturn return.

But, I stayed on course, did my job the very best I could, and with confidence that nobody else would have been able to do it any better than me, and nobody else would be as made-of-teflon as me, and put up with it for as long as I did.

Eventually, it came to a point that nobody even asked my boss anything anymore, cuz he never had a flippen clue what was going on around there. I did. Then I got promoted into a position in the sales/marketing dept., and I barely have to deal with his crap anymore. He actually has to come to ME for certain authorizations and information now, and he HATES it. But he's respectful of me now, and he has new flunkies to make miserable, so he still gets to power trip. I feel so sorry for those girls. Yeah. Girls. There's THREE of them now, doing what I use to do by myself.. Hm.
Oh, and the oppressive Virgo/Cappy rising...kicked him to the curb too. I have a new sweetie now, but I'm keeping that kind of light and going slow. I'm liking my independance now! Especially since I'm doing much better financially, and I can come and go as I please. I feel healthy and sexy, and confident... I've never felt so in charge of my life, and I'm still young enough to enjoy it all, you better believe it!

Moral of the story... Yeah, there is one, even though it seemed like I was starting to rant there. Sorry. I guess my point is, just be your best and you'll rise above the crowd, but it takes time and patience, and a whole lot of shoveling you know what. You'll come through it a whole lot wiser, and more confident, I promise!

(if it doesn't make you bitter a jaded that is. just kidding. Won't happen...you're a Leo afterall )

posted August 12, 2003 01:33 AM              

We go thru the ups & downs... but don't forget... the mood will change.

It's tough, I feel you on that one... been down so far sometimes that I thought I couldn't get any lower.