posted September 01, 2003 10:29 AM            

I think that's really great that you have adopted him. I feel that considering he's been subjected to horrible abuse it will probably take some time for him trust anyone. You mentioned that he's been with you for about 2 months, I'd say it was still early days yet. Are you getting any support/help from the doctor with regards to his past abuse? I notice you said he has a Leo Mars - that can be a bit firey (Leo is a fire sign) at times however in saying that it's also a very playful, fun loving Mars. Maybe he's never been given the opportunity to be playful and have fun in his past.
Also he has a Virgo Moon - so he can be very hard on himself emotionally.

Post his data if you have it and we'll take a look at his chart - it may help you to understand him a bit more. I do tend to feel that you should be getting professional support with him and that it would also be a great help if the doctors or adoption agency can give you a more detailed history of the abuse he's been subjected to.
Sue

PS: You're Aries Moon will "move" your emotions much faster than his Virgo Moon. With an Aries Moon the temper tends to be short but as emotions move and change so quickly, the temper never lasts for very long. His Virgo Moon will give him an emotional need to keep busy but it will also have a tendency to increase feelings of guilt and he will be very critical of himself. He'll think things over and over and over and probably worry about them. I would guess he may also blame himself for stuff that's happened when it's not really been his fault.

posted September 01, 2003 10:49 AM              

I totally agree with Cat; so young and already forced to struggle and fight in his young life! He is very emotional (why do people usually abuse the Pisces, Cancer or Virgo children? Why don't they try to hit an Aries boy or a Scorpio girl - I bet their teeth would not be in the same place any more!) and will take quite some time to heal: the most important thing is to show him that he has found a secure home now, that he is loved and that no one is going to hurt him any more. I would not give him any choirs yet, let him chose something HE likes. Why not get him a pet he could take care off? That would give him a close friend and enhance his sense responsibility too. The best thing to do is to consult an expert.

posted September 01, 2003 10:45 PM              

I agree, two months isn't very long to really have a handle on who this child is, and what he needs. I agree with everyone that you ought to have more info and support -- what support do you currently have? You need a plan for dealing with his current special needs, that will only subside once he and you develop trust and love. A third party with whom you can collaborate closely for this next period -- a child psychologist or doctor or other social worker, and maybe a mothering group if he is your first child. Do you have other kids? You deserve the support, and the understanding you gain will be invaluable for both.

Maybe he destroyed the closet handle because he's too used to being locked in one, and because he expected to be punished that way after he expressed anger and rejection toward you. Remember that kids defy the ones they trust -- the ones they are afraid of, they don't test. He's got a bag of heavy survival tricks that probably saved his life. It'll take a long time for him to unlearn them. You have to prove yourself to him.

Also, since this child has been abused and probably for his protection no longer has any contact with anyone who was in his life -- little or no continuity -- so he's angry about that, too. Kids are often angry about injustices, or perceived injustice. Have you tried negotiating with him about what he wants, and what you want? You need a strucure for him as your son, and he needs a structure where he doesn't feel abused. Maybe just a tone of voice is setting him off, and he's terrified (and therefore angry) that you're rejecting him too, and so he's rejecting you first

Finally, if you have a SagMerc and he has a PiscesMerc, they could be squaring each other -- meaning that there is a clash in the way you both 'send' and 'receive' each other's messages. Please read up on this -- probably you want the same things, but will have to work at 'hearing' each other.

Anyhow, rambling on a little here, but I send you both some Light and wish you well.

posted September 02, 2003 10:02 AM              

He has several extremely difficult transits at this time.

He is very upset, very tired, and very frustrated. He needs a lot of space to himself to heal. I sense at this time, he really does not want to talk or deal with anyone. Further communications or contact would only serve to aggrevate him.

His reactions towards the chores, are really not about chores. Truthfully, I recommend just letting go of this idea of getting him to do things, for a long while.

I also sense, the two of you have not connected.

Best,

posted September 02, 2003 11:45 PM              

quote:

---

It might not work, but speaking as one Pisces, I prefer options over explicit directions. Again, you are doing something great for this child. He might not appreciate it immediately, but with such a generous heart as you have, I think he's likely to come around. Like Aphrodite and the others said, he'll need time to heal.

---

Fishkitten-These are not chores I'm creating but taking his wet pull ups to the trash, using soap in his shower or getting up on time for school so we won't all be late. He moves veerrry slowly so I try to allow extra time but it feels like he's ignoring my directions and making life a stuggle for us all. Very little is expected of him but the basics. Help. I know it will take time but your suggestions really help me think through more clearly ways to better understand how to work with him.

posted September 03, 2003 04:42 AM              

I know what you are trying to do: make him do all the little things all the other children his age do - and I think this is great. You are right, getting up for school and using soap are the basics and every kid should have one or two "big" responsibilities. If he could do whatever he wanted, then you would just cut him off from the rest of the world and leave him as handicapped as before.

posted September 03, 2003 10:32 PM              

...maybe start with something small, that doesn't need housebreaking and vet care, like a fish.