posted December 13, 2003 04:14 PM              

Problems started when the guy lost his job after one year of their marriage. Since then his attitude towards my sister changed completely. He started disregarding her existence and would get extremely agitated even at the smallest issues. Although my sister managed the entire husehold by taking up a job, he didn't acknowledge her efforts at all. He expected others (especially his in-laws) to help him out with his financial matters. He would somehow blame my sister for not being the "Lady Luck" of his life. Everytime my sister tried talking to him about these issues, he would conveniently apologise but would never mend his ways. So things were repeated over and over again. He started finding faults in whatever she did. And it always turned out that my sister did anything and everything to please him.

Two years went by in this way and then one day when all hell broke loose, he had the audacity to abuse my sister publicly. That was the instant when my sister couldn't take it anymore and she walked out. But since then she's been feeling miserable. More than anything else she's been feeling extremely guilty about the fact that she left him in his time of distress. She does hope that everything would be fine one day and they'll be together again. At the same time she doesn't want to lose her individuality.

So guys please pour in your mails once again with your suggestions.

posted December 13, 2003 10:33 PM              

I can offer something from an astrological point of view as well as having been a survivor of domestic violence.

As for Virgo, they are perfectionists and some have a lot of trouble forgiving themselves for the most insignificant thing. If they are not willing to forgive themselves, they become a martyr and then also don't know how to forgive anyone else.

He's projecting his inadequacies on her.

Virgo's only feel confident when they can be of service to others, and there goes that viscious cycle...

As for the domestic part, he's playing the martyr and Aquarians are humanitarian. So it is necessary for her to want to help out, but the thing she needs to learn is NOT AT HER OWN EXPENSE. She comes first. It's like trying to save a drowning person when you're not a strong swimmer.

And the two best books I've read, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE check them out from the library and land them in her lap. They will save her in a thousand difference ways:

"Men Who Can't Love" by Carter
and
"If Men Could Talk" by Gratch

with love & support,

.gloria

posted December 14, 2003 02:15 PM              

well, me being a Virgo I'm sort of surprised to read that. I don't understand the reason for his actions one bit, but I guess frustration about his own lacking was part of the explanation. It's not an excuse for what he did, but it could explain part of it.

Now, as for your sister... she should NOT feel guilty!! There is not one reason for that, 'cause by what you told me she did everything and more in her power to keep the relationship going, to tie the ends together so to her: DO NOT FEEL BAD! Really, if anyone should feel guilty and lousy 'bout himself it's him.. I wonder if he does, but considering he's a Virgo, I guess he will.

This is however not a dead-end situation, if only he would get a hold of himself. I don't know if they still have contact, but if she would like things to get back to normal, she probably ought to talk to him again. Get through to him that he has to get a grip, get over the fact that he lost his job, find a new job (if he hasn't done so already) and make up with your sister... provided he also wants to restart their relationship. If he remains to be such an a$$ (pardon my language, but I consider his actions that of one) she shouldn't bother with him... no matter how much it hurts and just move on.

I hope this makes sense to your sister...

Wishing you strength,