posted February 04, 2004 12:15 AM              

I am a Cancer-sun, Pisces-moon, Taurus-venus Virgo-mars gal.
He is a Virgo-sun, Cancer-moon, Cancer-venus Pisces-mars guy.

I am trying to figure out if I should wait for him, or just forget him. I have read you have to wait a long time for a Virgo, but this is getting ridiculous!
I am passionately in love with him, but he won't step up to any kind of real committment. We have been seeing each other over a year and things have been very hot, very close, but pretty casual at the same time. He has been deeply hurt by a very bad 20 year marriage, and says he is not ready for anything serious with anyone for a long time to come. We have absolutely the best communication and understanding together that I have ever experienced with a man, but the uncertainty is becoming a real problem. (cancer/taurus. you know!)

posted February 04, 2004 03:56 AM              

I hope you did not start anything while he was still married, although with this chap, I really doubt it. He's the type who will hang in there within a relationship to the very end, and he hates change.

If you've had a solid year of being together exclusively, and he doesn't want to break it up, then he's probably yours forever. The only fear he has is of change. In other words, lack of security.

So why doesn't he make that committment to you?

The thing to watch out for here in this relationship is sort of like the dog chasing it's own tail. You are both in need of the same things in "another person", therefore, neither is able to provide it.

You each need to make the effort to provide a stable secure environment for the other, in relatively equal proportions, in order for this to finally get off the ground. If not, the powers that hold you together will keep you together simply for fear of change. If you leave him, it will crush him. If he leaves you it will crush you.

If you cannot find a way to curb your emotions and demands in a way that is still being true to yourself, he'll never get to the point where he'll feel right about committing to you forever.

This is one of those relationships where there are powerful forces drawing you together, but which also needs a little more work and reframing in order for it to progress.

with love & support,

.gloria