posted February 05, 2004 05:10 PM              

I've noticed my selfsteem has been effecting me in everything else.
Its holding me back from talking to people and opening up. I'm really shy and when I talk to someone I can tell they are looking at me and thinking how bad I look today. And its not something I'm making up. I know thats what there thinking. One day if I spend 2 hours getting ready I might get some compliment "oh you look good today" blah blah.
Its holding me back from talking to one of my teachers. I guess I'm pretty close to him. He knows a lot bout my life and my parents....(hes a libra). I always felt nervous around him and thinking hes analyzing me and critzing me..but once I get to talk to him I feel much comfortable. I did this bonus project where I had to write some poems...And wrote bout how ugly i feel, my parents, and just other things.
I probably shouldnt have shared something so personal but I could only write bout how I feel.
I dont have him as a teacher anymore because the new semister just started and I probably wont have him as a teacher again cause im graduting.
but...yeah I spend most the time kicking myself for giving him those poems cause i thought they were really bad. But my friends told me that he came up to them last week and said that he wants me to come to pick my poems up and that he thought they were really good.
i was suprised. I dont think he would lie....
But that was last week and I havnt gone to see him at all to pick up my poems.
I think he could care less..maybe I'll go tomorrow. He probably forgot bout me.
I just dont know how to talk to him without feeling stupid and not feeling like im being judged.
And this whole thing is effecting me in acting and on stage (I want to be an actress). I dont trust myself anymore or my ideas so I'm doing a really shitty job right now in my acting class. I can tell that my acting teacher thinks im terrible.
I just dont know what to do anymore
I dont want to talk to a councellour because I dont want to waste anyones time with my problems.
I dont want to force someone to listen to me or ask for help.
I dont want them to listen to me just because they HAVE to listen or its their job to listen.
I would talk to my teacher bout it, cause I would feel more comfortable, but I dont want to bore him with my problems.
I think I'm a burden on everyone.
Sometimes I wish I wasnt a virgo so maybe I wouldnt have all these bad qualities bout me and be a Libra or Aquarius cause than maybe I would be more pretty. And If I was more pretty than maybe I wouldnt have all these problems right now.

damn..this got too long.
I doubt any of you will actually take the time to read all this. I dont expect anything really...no one really cares bout me.
I just felt like venting.
I just wish there is a way I can get through this....and way to talk to my teacher without feeling like a dumb ass

posted February 05, 2004 05:33 PM            

No, the first thing I noticed Ms. Virgo, is that you sound so much like how I felt in high school at a certain time. Sometimes, we don't see what others see. Sometimes we look in the mirror and we see the hurt that is inside because we are giving in to feelings of doubt.

Never stop with your poetry. I found that when I was feeling so down and like no one cared about me, it was my writing that saved me, that and drawing / painting. I was shy, but also outgoing, kind of scared too. I didn't see what others saw. I didn't understand why they said I was beautiful, when all I saw were imperfections.

You are suffering from two things, being an adolescent is hard enough, but add the perfectionistic attitude of the Virgo and you can suffer in silence with depression for days.

My advice to you is as follows:

GET UP!! So what you have a pimple, hell I still get blemishes honey, that is what make up is for. Yeah, you feel the restriction of your parents - My mom was a total religious goof ball (dude she even had a weirdo prayer group at one time that tried to lay hands on me - HELL NO LOL). My father was a career law enforcement officer (just retired) so it was either tough discipline or regular scripture readings. I thought I would DIE. Now, I laugh at it because they were just worried I would get into trouble. The world is scary and people take advantage of others so often.

Get back on that stage and stop worrying about what you "think" you should do and instead think of what your "character" should be doing. Look at all those beautiful Virgo actresses and actors: Richard Gere, Sophia Lauren, Beyonce (singer too), Keanu Reeves...on and on. So many beautiful people.

You are just in one stage of your life and as you get older you will grow even more beautiful and intelligent. Virgo's are late bloomers most of the time. Ever see Gere as a young dude or Beyonce as a teen?

Do you really think other signs don't beat themselves up? I am a Sag and there are times I look in the mirror and say "I see this wrong and that wrong". Then I say What the hell, there is still a party somewhere LOL...

posted February 05, 2004 08:45 PM              

Virgo, do you know what your Ascendant sign is?

Also, remember that you are a gestalt of all of your planets, not just one. To get overly fixated on a particular planet or point in your chart is wastful of your energy and time. In other words dear, lighten up some.

posted February 05, 2004 09:05 PM            

Your words have so much meaning. I like what you said about volunteering. You are very beautiful and should never think otherwise.

Virgo,

posted February 05, 2004 10:03 PM              

Let's do an exercise:

If you could describe one perfect day, how would it go? What would happen? How would you feel?

.gloria

posted February 06, 2004 01:05 AM              

Here I could give you pithy advice, or perhaps share the horrid experiences of my own life feeling the EXACT same way you do.

But, this isnt about me, and everyone else is much better at advice.

I have been reading the boards, and have read a few of yours, like the one about your disgruntled view towards how Virgos are portrayed in astrology..and BTW, I agree with you 100%.

I am going to be blunt, and I hope you dont take it personally...
You have a choice to make....
whether its more important for you to think you are RIGHT (that nagging voice that says, I am ugly, I am terrible, no body likes me, I suck) OR........
You can choose to believe what others tell you about yourself (ie, the outside world.)

Its hard, isnt it? Virgos are bright, and self critical, and analytical....and I am going to hazard to guess that we ALWAYS believe that we see "the truth."
Its hard to believe other people, especially when they say nice things. Its easier to believe that inner voice that perpetuates self doubt and self hatred. After all, we are always RIGHT.

The key lesson for a Virgo is "discernment." You need to learn how to tell what is truth, from yourself and from others, what thoughts are good for you and which thoughts are nothing but hurtful.

From what you have written, people compliment you on your face, your body, your acting skill, etc.....why wont you believe it? I am not going to waste your time telling you that "Beauty is only skin deep."
I think you know this, but adolescence is a wretched time for one's self esteem. Even if you see and accept the logic behind it, and if reading all the wonderful, affirming things all the LL folks are telling you doesnt help, me repeating it wont do any good.

Being pretty or not being pretty is not the epitome of life's journey. Its easy to get depressed about it because our society puts so much emphasis on it. Look into your self... if people only paid attention to you for your looks, do you think your analytical Virgo mind would be happy with that?

I have been depressed (for the very same reasons it appears you are) since childhood. It sucks to waste that much time and energy shooting your self in the foot. Please don't do it. I know thats easier said than done......why not start with promising yourself one day where you dont allow yourself to talk bad to yourself? If thats too long, start with an hour. LIfe isnt going to feel better until you make the choice to look at it in a better light.

It seems that Virgos, especially in childhood, need more nurturing and positive encouragement than they are willing to admit. We look cold, unemotional, and self suffcient. We certainly are not any of those things. And then we proceed to spend the rest of our lives craving that approval. It doesnt sound as if you get that from your parents. You may have to accept the responsiblity of doing it for yourself. Its hard to grow up too soon, but if no one else will nurture you, you must take steps to care for your soul.

I hope you dont take this as criticism...LOL its just my Virgo instincts responding. I am trying to help because your post sounds just like my journal entries from the first 20 years of my life.....right down to the "I dont want to be a burden on anyone else."
By believing that, I had to struggle way too hard when I could have asked for help. I dont want to see anyone have to struggle that much.
If you are graduating this year, you are about 17, maybe 18? IT WILL GET BETTER.
I PROMISE.
But it will get better alot sooner if you believe it will.
If you ever need help, just post here. I swear I am not always this blunt. I will keep an eye out for you on the boards.
Get outside, and go for walks. It will burn off that nervous energy Virgos get when they start the "I suck" dialogue. Trust me, it helps.

OK, so there is some advice in this long winded diatribe....whoops. Take what you want, forget the rest. I hope to hear from you soon.......

posted February 06, 2004 01:39 AM              

Just ask anyone here they've been reading about my Virgo dramas for...oh, I dunno, a long time now.

Yes, it's true, you guys are altogether TOO HARD on yourselves. It does seem to be a common theme with Virgos, yet the rest of us see you as caring, modest, principled, gracious, practical, helpful, clever...and always easy on the eyes, even if understated.
You can't be perfect in every way, virgo. This is true of any person, of any sign, so why should you be an exception? Do you only like people who are attractive? I doubt it. So what if you're not the Hotty McHotHot on the block. That's not your role in life. You're not cut out for that kind of pageantry anyway. And I bet that if we saw a picture of you, you wouldn't be that bad looking. Being in school kind of sucks because you have those babes of the school that sort of set the bar in terms of what you have to look like to even be detected on the chick radar. Once you get out into the real world, you start forming real bonds with people, and you have to lean on other strengths. Being the popular and hot girl won't get you very far, unless you're willing to sleep your way to the top. And I can't see a Virgo doing that. (although I'm sure there are exceptions). The skills you should be honing are found in your classes, shcolastic and vocational. Just find something you enjoy, and lose yourself in it. Is it acting? If that's what you love, you can't possibly suck at it. We only love doing things we're good at. We all have an obligation to contribute something while we're here, so focus on that. Everything else is irrelevent. (until it becomes relevent, which actually makes more sense than you think, at least to me heh heh)

Anyway, my point is, you don't have to be a knockout to be a loveable and valueable friend, and a shining star in this world. You just have to be a good $#!t, which I think you already are.

posted February 06, 2004 02:26 AM              

Every sign has characteristics which contradict themselves. On the one hand, Virgo's are very critical and can detect imperfections. On the other, they see beauty in things where no one else can see them. Especially if it's POTENTIAL beauty.

Haven't you ever thought something or someone was very beautiful, when others just don't see it? Virgo's are not always the most rebellious people, but at some point, you are going to have to have the courage to go against the moral majority. One of Virgo's strong points is standing up for the underdog, and being of service to those in need.

with love & support,

.gloria

posted February 06, 2004 03:39 AM              

I seem to rebel against EVERYTHING.....the Church, the government, employers, patriarchy
the "status quo".......