posted February 18, 2004 04:22 PM              

I'm a Scorp in an 8 year relationship with a Sag. I have no doubts about his "love" for me, but about every three months, or so, we seem to butt heads only he actually gets physical with me! He doesn't seem to find anything wrong since he says I "push him past patience", so even though he may apologize it never seems sincere.
My info: Asc: Scorp; Sun: Scorp; Moon: Pisces
His info: Asc: Cancer; Sun: Sag; Moon: Aquarius

I want to leave, but each time I keep coming back. It's great for about three months, then something happens (money, car,etc), and we are fighting again. Of course, I am always to blame and always the one who gets physically hurt and ran off. I know I need to leave, but I truly love him.

posted February 19, 2004 02:05 AM              

Aqua -
I'm a survivor of domestic violence, and I've volunteered to help others who are on the same path.

EVERY SINGLE woman in our position says the exact same thing... "...but I love him..." EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US...

And remember... Domestic abuse crosses over all ethnic and monetary levels.

Therefore, trust me when I tell you there is a set psychological pattern engraved in stone. There's a reason why you're in this relationship. There's a reason why he's abusing you. There's a reason why you keep going back. AND THERE'S A REASON WHY YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH AND HAVE TO LEAVE!!!

However, it is during this planning phase when you will be most vulnerable. Planning to leave is the #1 reason why women are murdered in the end. Don't think it can't happen to you. No one ever thinks it could happen to them, yet the stats are astronomical.

So it is VERY IMPORTANT that you tell NO ONE of your plan. NO ONE!!!!

First- erase any evidence of your being on this Web site asking for help.

Go to a payphone and call the Harbor House - 1(800)500-1119
IMMEDIATELY... they will walk you through the next step.

Write us from your new life when you are safe and sound, and we'll continue to support you 100%.

with love & support,

.gloria

posted February 19, 2004 11:57 AM              

I knew he would try and hurt me so I felt justified in hurting all these other people. Then at the end of the dream I was busy rescuing the victims and giving CPR, WAAA!!!

Aqua and air moons can blow up and scare the water signs away. I have Scorpio rising, and Cancer/8th house moon so I get it!

I would find your "mother", your collective support system and REACH OUT. YES THAT MEANS YOU, BECAUSE YOU ARE VULNERABLE!!!!!!!!

Ways you can deny your true self and weaken your emotional boundaries

1. Pretending to agree when you disagree.
2. Concealing your true feelings.
3. Going along with an activity that you really don't want to do and never stating your preference.
4. Declining to join an activity you really want to do.
5. Pushing yourself beyond your limits.
6. Working too hard or too long.
7. Doing too much for others.
8. Not resting when tired.
9. Ignoring your needs.
10. Not eating regular and healthy meals.
11. Insufficient sleep.
12. Too little or too much time alone.
13. Too much or too little exercise.
14. Insufficient contact with people who truly care about you.
15. Insufficient to too many leisure activities.
16. Using chemicals to avoid yourself: these include drugs and/or alcohol.
17. Using compulsions to avoid yourself: these include eating, starving, exercise, work, shopping, spending, TV, sex, games, sports, etc. that are done compulsively or to excess.

Joy Miller's 10 'Demandments' - 10 rules to live by to insure unhappiness in a relationship:

1. Thou shall make me happy.
2. Thou shall no have any interests other than me.
3. Thou shall know what I want and what I feel without me having to tell you.
4. Thou shall return each one of my sacrifices with an equal or greater sacrifice.
5. Thou shall shield me from anxiety, worry, hurt or any pain.
6. Thou shall give me my sense of self-worth and esteem.
7. Thou shall be grateful for everything I do.
8. Thou shall not be critical of me, show anger toward me or otherwise disapprove of anything I do.
9. Thou shall be so caring and loving that I need never take risks or be vulnerable in any way.
10. Thou shall love me with a whole heart, a whole soul and a whole mind, even if I do not love myself.

Remember, too, that developing and maintaining healthy physical and emotional boundaries takes work. Boundaries are like muscles...they need to be exercised appropriately. Development of those boundaries, if you weren't fortunate enough to have learned good ones in your family of origin or if yours were eroded, is a process. It takes time and work to find those "muscles" and learn how to use them in ways that promote your personal growth, development and safety

From Anne Katherine, author of "Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin" and Joy Miller, author of "Addictive Relationships: Reclaiming Your Boundaries"

Natasha
Taurus/Scorp rising

posted February 19, 2004 12:21 PM              

I was secretly packing when he came home last night and got the shock of my life.
HE set up anger management classes with/through the Catholic Social Services and is going to stay at a men's shelter for at least a month! I guess someone at his work convinced him he/we need help before one of us causes serious injury to the other.

You know, none of my relationships have been without some form of abuse and I want to know if this is the way it will always be due to the fact that I have Saturn retrograde in Taurus 3'53"(6th) directly opposing Venus in Scorpio 9'41" (1st).
If this is true then I'm going to just give up on relationships. I was four years celibate before I met my Sag,so I'm sure I can handle it again.

posted February 19, 2004 12:44 PM              

It's up to YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU
NOBODY ELSE, NOBODY ELSE, NOBODY ELSE

You meaning not MEEEE, has to do the work, that sounds mean but it's not. It encourages others to take care of their emotional well being. Emotional and spiritual health takes self WORK, just like a physical workout.

So let's please ask for BIRTHDATES.....!!!!!!!!!!!

PLEEEEEAAASSSEEEEEEEEEE

SORRY DOESN'T MEAN JACK!
BECAUSE SHE IS REALLY FEELING SORRY FOR HERSELF!!!!

No sympathy, without work, none at all.....
It's all up to YOUUUUUU, meaning not HIMMMMM who is not here posting.....

Thank you, sorry for the caps.

posted February 19, 2004 12:55 PM              

It's up to YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU
NOBODY ELSE, NOBODY ELSE, NOBODY ELSE

You meaning not MEEEE, has to do the work, that sounds mean but it's not. It encourages others to take care of their emotional well being. Emotional and spiritual health takes self WORK, just like a physical workout.

So let's please ask for BIRTHDATES.....!!!!!!!!!!!

PLEEEEEAAASSSEEEEEEEEEE

SORRY DOESN'T MEAN JACK!
BECAUSE SHE IS REALLY FEELING SORRY FOR HERSELF!!!!

No sympathy, without work, none at all.....
It's all up to YOUUUUUU, meaning not HIMMMMM who is not here posting.....

Thank you, sorry for the caps.

posted February 19, 2004 01:07 PM              

Sorry but I just don't have it right now, that may be mean or emotional, but what I am reading is that this poster has been in this abusive relationship where he hits her, and she wants emotional validation and soothing maternal care.

Not going to do it,
especially without a birthdate time for both.

posted February 19, 2004 01:10 PM            

Saturn Aspecting Venus: When stressful, is another of the so-called "hypoglycemic aspects", the others being Venus stressfully aspected to either Uranus or Pluto. This one also causes a tendency for the blood sugar level to fall. Get it checked by a doctor. People with stress aspects between Venus and Saturn fall into two distinct types. One seems to have an allergy to success, always blowing their big break just before it’s in their hands. The other type becomes successful beyond their wildest dreams, but has difficulty enjoying it because they are too busy. Bill Gates has Venus and Saturn in conjunction in Scorpio, sign of extremes, which makes him even more driven. Oprah Winfrey has the square between these two. In her case, Venus is sitting close to the Sun, which gives her charm. But make no mistake about it. Saturn, planet of efficiency and organization squares both of them and it is the one calling the tune here. Venus-Saturn people also tend to be extremely loyal, sometimes beyond all reason ("Well, I know you just burned down my house and killed my family, but you did something nice for me 5 years ago, so I’ll forgive you"). Ok, maybe not THAT loyal, but you get the idea. These folks frequently suffer from what I call "Free-floating guilt". If they see someone else doing something wrong, somehow they feel responsible. If you have this aspect, try to rid yourself of the belief that you have to suffer before you can enjoy anything.

Saturn in retrograde has a different meaning. I have it too,but I don't have the info handy. I will post it this evening if I get time.

One thing I have noticed too about the Scorp Sag relationship is that the Scorp does like to egg the Sag partner on. Sometimes you WANT a certain response...for the person to show SOMETHING...your mate has a moon that is not all that emotionally responsive and a Sun that tries to hide the bad feelings away ( I am a Sag too). Combine that with a Cancer rising's need to strike out when hurt, and you get a powerfully volitile combination.

There is NO excuse for violence. My brother is a Sag married to a Scorp. They have had their share of blow outs because of his need for freedom and her need to possess. When she is angry, the little smirky, cynical comments start to show up. She will endless needle him until he blows up and yells are her. Saggies have a temper, make NO mistake about that. Then it's his turn to start to needle her...on and on. BUT, they recognize this and they work on it. He has a Scorp moon, she has an Aqua moon. They both have Mars in Aries.

It is a good thing your Sag is getting counseling. It would be good for the both of you to see someone to get things worked out or to break up - but at least breaking up in a way where you can both learn what to work on in your own life.

posted February 19, 2004 01:18 PM              

As for scaring the poster away, we wont' do that, that would be the best thing for her! As for being afraid that he will leave after "all this time"

My neighbours fought violently on V-Day and she left, finally, after 9 years and hasn't been back because of what she wanted-not for him or because of him, and for her daughter.

Good for her, but she didn't say, what about all the time we had together, or wait for him to get help, again, she knew better.

Go with your instincts on this but I have to counsel as I see fit too. I told her to get out, as there was nothing she could do to change him ever, and it wasn't her problem anymore. And I refused to get emotional or deal with her again. I was surprised when she left but it's the best thing for her and her daughter that's for sure.

Good Luck, to you poster, but I can't be soothing and comforting to you, because you know he will do it again, if he can, people do not change overnight, it takes work and separation. That's not mean, that's just choosing life over despair.

posted February 19, 2004 01:19 PM              

I'm glad HE has taken steps, but keep in mind, even psychologists and medical doctors and such have problems being physically abusive. In other words, men who devote their entire lives to healing others. So one month or whatever does not impress me in the least bit, and it shouldn't you either.

You need to remove yourself from the situation, not sit back waiting for him to get back. I cannot stress this enough.

Natasia -
I hear you.

AriesRocks -
It may be Natasia is working through some of her own issues as well. It's good for her.

.gloria

posted February 19, 2004 02:00 PM            

*sigh* Unfortunetly my computer monitor is wiggin- keeps turning off for minutes at a time before coming back on.. it's taken me waaay too long to get through this thread.. guess I'm goin monitor shopping at Value Village today..*sighsighsigh*

posted February 19, 2004 02:08 PM            

Hey chickie, I answered you on the LHC thread about mis-spelling your name. LOL TO make a long story short, I had been under the impression you called yourself Harpie R. I didn't know, until I read in another thread after that, your name was a different spelling of Harper. LOL. hee hee..see sometimes my brain is very literal...Merc in Capricorn here. LOL

Yes, I know you have a Sag Sun and Scorp moon. I think that is why I have this kind of affinity towards you, almost like a mothering instinct, because it is like my bro. I know how happy go-lucky he is, but I also know that he has a very sensitive soul. Also, you and I banter back and forth like he and I. Trust me, he has very different ideas about things than me. Crazy kid (I mean that in a good way).

Scorps enjoy the needling and making the remarks. My sis-in-law has done it to me, but because I am not as close to her, I can just slam her back. It usually works and we have a lot of respect for each other. I would NEVER be in a relationship with a Scorp though because I am just too Saggie. I think Sag Sun / Scorp moon really understands the Scorp sun. I see that combo ALOT. I just couldn't handle feeling that possessed by someone - not that being with a Leo is too far off. Hee hee....talk about needling.

posted February 19, 2004 03:46 PM              

Pidaua: Your Bob Marks website on Saturn Aspecting Venus post is sooo accurate it was like looking in a mirror without the rose colored glasses.