posted March 09, 2004 10:54 PM              

Um, here's our birth info:

Jason
22 Jan 1983, 02:12 am
Ancon, PANAMA

Corri
12 March 1980 09:43 pm
in Fairfax, VA (US)

posted March 10, 2004 03:50 AM              

((((((((Corri))))))))

I spent my first 6 Months of pregnancy alone, my hubby had to go back to Germany to fulfill his contract while I stayed in Canada all alone. I know exactly how you feel and how hard it is.

But! Like Gramma used to say, this too shall pass. Soon, very soon, you'll have baby Corri in your arms, and your hubby right beside you and you'll be the happiest, contentedest (hah?) little family. Try to concentrate on how happy you'll be in a few weeks, and not on how unhappy and alone you are now--because even if you think you're alone: you have your precious little one inside you and are defacto never alone! And trust me, in 6 months you'll be BEGGING for 10 Mins alone lol

Chin up, sweety, enjoy your time to yourself, pamper yourself, love yourself and before you know it, your world is back in its proper place.

posted March 10, 2004 11:29 AM              

you are going thru so much and it is difficult to face each day by yourself. Please hang in there and know that this too shall pass...everything changes, the only constant in life is change.

As a little insight (ahem, now I get to feel important) from someone who may be a little like him, don't we have same sun and moon and stuff, well, I suck at expressing emotion, I mean, I can be affectionate, and I am loving, but I am who I am, and in person, when I feel ALOT of feelings, it is a little awkward for me, and I always think people should know where I am coming from and that I care, because I do, but I'm just not that skilled at feeling and showing that feeling.

Feelings are foreign territory for me. I like thoughts, ideas, discussions, conversation, but feelings, no, intense emotions, good Lord no! I personally spent a whole lot of time doing everything I could to escape from them because, I don't know, they confuse me and overwhelm me and I feel vulnerable when I have a lot of emotion.

I know he didn't react that way growing up like I did, I am just trying to help you see, like your a pisces. OMG when I deal with pisces and cancer it is so wierd for me! I'm like "what's wrong you water signs??????????" LOL and they are like "what's wrong with you unfeeling, looking at the big picture person" haha it's so funny...there's a friend I've made who is a cancer with cancer rising and tons of things in cancer, and we are sooooo different...we get along, but we have to make a def effort to connect.

Listen, Corri, also you are pregnent and EXTRA emotional...so your feeling and he's thinking and just remember that and it will help you understand. He still loves you very much. Everything is going to be great!!! I know and trust it.

posted March 10, 2004 04:38 PM              

This is not to detract from YOUR needs and what you're going through right now, I just think you're in need of a good friend, even better, a pregnant friend.
I know you need someone to lean on right now, someone to go through all of this right along side you, but we set ourselves up for disappointment and pain when we expect that person to be the male in the equation. I know their are men out there who are simply amazing during it all, but that's not the norm.

You're lonely. I worried about you being lonely when you first announced that you were moving down south so you could be closer to his training camp. My first thought was "But what are YOU going to do with yourself while he's not around? Obsess about being alone and pregnant?"

It's got to be very hard to try to have a family with a military man. Lord knows your not the first woman to lament it, and Lord knows you wont' be the last. It's definately not for everyone. Are there other military wives around that you could befriend, ones that may have been in your shoes once-upon-a-time?

posted March 10, 2004 06:21 PM              

Noreenz - No worries on sounding matronly; your advice is appreciated

VAA - Thank you. I shall try to heed your words.

Carlo - Thank you for the "Best Fishes".
Goofnut

Nackie - Thank you Aw, I don't feel alone quite like that; there're people around, or there can be if I seek them out. This is more like the alone that I whined about b/f I met Jase, a "being alone" in spirit. But, yeah - I know it'll pass. All things do

Fajita - Thanks for the reminder.
*knocks self on the head repeatedly*
He's an Aquarius, he's an Aquarius.
I think his tendencies may be a little moderated by all of the water sign/water house action in his chart - heck, most of the time he gets mad at me for emotional withdrawel -, but remembering his Sun's a necessity.

PixelP & Lioneye (eh, it kinda merged...you'll know what's what) - Eh, like I said, I'm feeling better now. Fish or not, my Aqua Moon won't let me wallow for too terribly long.
I'm just mostly bumming because it was supposed to be over...well, at the end of February, and then at the end of this week.
The thing that really got me was the fact that I'll be spending my birthday alone (it's usually w/ my Mom, who has her's two days later; and now w/ my step-Mom as well, who's birthday is the same as mine).
I do have friends down here - military Moms kinda flock - but they've all kids and their own probs, and many'll be, well, attending their husbands' graduation on Friday (so no dice on going out and doing anything).
They all called on Monday after they knew Jase would be back in training, but that just made me feel like an invalid. Anyhoo, they're not what I'd call "good friends". They're Army friends, none quite meshing. Jase and I even went to a couple of Bar-B-Ques to try and cement ties, but - not to sound standoffish - we both realized that we're just too different for anyone we've met so far to be anything more than "Battle Buddies". Not having "good friends" - especially female - in abundance is something that I've just grown accustomed to; I very rarely find a like soul.

As far as staying up near DC, that just wasn't an option. I'm not sure if I've told any of ya'll, but I have had several cases of early contractions, as well as one bout of uterine irratibility that required monitoring for a time; if I had not moved down when I had, it's unlikely that any Dr. would have approved it at this point in the game. Also, Jase said he needed me down here (you should see the poor dude if I don't deliver a letter every day to WOCS; he said that they're what get him through his days...he's having a bit of a hard time in there coming straight from Basic - and heaven knows there's no better way to appeal to a Pisces than to say that you need them) & I had a home to set up, so I'm here. The timeline hasn't worked out quite as hoped, but the best laid plans of mice and men...y'know?
He's said time and time again that the way he makes it through the training day is by knowing that I'm here for him, knowing that what he's going through has a reason and purpose; that his doubts have been brushed away by me. That all that he's done here as been for our family. I can give him no less than that same devotion.
Besides that, deployment rates for the US Army have gone up 300% in the past 6
years (source: AFTB Briefiing), and I'm not going to miss what may be perhaps the only opportunity for Jason to be here for the birth of a child of ours. No matter where he is in training, he'll be able to get to the hospital as soon as I call his Command...I've met way too many other women who's husbands have been sent to Iraq, Bosnia, or Afghanistan for the last months of their pregnancies to deny us both that.

I'm going easy on Jase, no worries.
Except for that once when he was in holdovers (and could come home for a few hours at night), he's not heard a whisper of this. As you said, he's much on his mind right now.
Like I said, he's trying, and that's all one can really ask. If anything, he's more nurturing (when he's around) than one could hope to expect - even given his (completely understandable) need to adjust - holding me through whatever basket-case-ness my hormones have brought on. The main adjustment that I must make is not that my man will be gone much of the time until early April, but that my best friend is gone - not to mention that my best friend is going through the most difficult time of his life and there's little more I can do than write a letter each day and show up for Mass. He was crushed when he found out he was being considered to be recycled; he cried in the middle of the Church, afraid that he was letting down both me and our child. His face contorted trying to hold it all in. I couldn't even kiss his tears in that Church, the one time we were able to see each other that week. I could embrace with him, and tell him that no matter what I'm here for him, that I love him. Frankly, that's what hurts the most: that he thinks/feels that what's done here can possibly let me down & all I can do is say that that isn't so and continually, slowly, show him otherwise. It hurts that he's afraid, and it hurts to see him struggle so hard through all that has landed upon him, to see him struggle as he questions whether or not this is right for him and for us at all. But, again, all he sees from me is support - that's the credo of the Army wife, didn't you know?

And no worries on me keeping busy.
I am.
I'm reading or am about to read 5 books, am taking fitness and art classes, hiking along the paths that criss-cross through Ft. Rucker, and brushing up on my German (not to mention occasionally hanging out with or helping my new friends, assembling the influx of baby goods from our families, and "being pregnant" - going to Appts, sleeping an inordinant amount...being on bedrest b/c of contractions a few days...).

posted March 10, 2004 07:49 PM              

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*MY NEW HAT*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*MY NEW HAT*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It's the little things, really.

posted March 10, 2004 08:52 PM              

I wasn't sure if you meant that I should just get some pics taken, or that you wanted to see the belly. Either way, some peeps back home wanted to see a new belly pic (and I'm having waaay too much fun w/ my new digital camera), so...:

posted March 11, 2004 01:47 AM              

when are you due and what hospital? I might be able to arrange for a knowflake or three to be by your side, if'n you like...

posted March 11, 2004 04:03 AM              

I know we haven't known each other long, I'm kind of a newbie...

While reading your thoughts I'm completely in awe of your form of expression, of the unbelievable patience you have.

I've been sayin the last few days, there's something in the air, and asking if anyone else feels it. I swear, something in the collective consciousness/universe is snapping. What a test you are undergoing. This distance you feel from yo man is definately exagerated right now.

Not sure if you know what I mean. In terms of something in the air, it's like, I don't know... I visualize it as a transparent wall you walk through, and when you look back, everything you see is so clear.

Makes sense with what you are saying. You are amazingly clear about your situation. You've walked through the wall, and now he will too.

You are smart and brave.

God bless you and your child. Remember that if your body produces sad chemicals, that will transfer to the baby - - who is being born at (I feel) a pinnacle in time. I predict this child will be a VERY strong leader.

You are blessed.

I call upon the spirit of Linda Goodman to watch over you and all of us. It is here we know we can be embraced in the arms she has commanded from all of us. A mother to all of us, and a soft place to land. Think of her... she will be with you with amazing presence.

.gloria

posted March 11, 2004 10:25 AM              

Carlo - Well, I's be due April 25, but only 2% of babies are born on their due dates, so it'd prolly be kinda pointless to tell you the hospital. The knowflakes'd have to be on call for potentially a month (2 weeks before the DD and two weeks after) in order to know that they'll get there. But thankya for the compliment

posted March 11, 2004 11:27 AM            

But my love and thoughts are with you.

You do indeed look beautiful, love the hat.

posted March 14, 2004 12:46 PM              

Several yrs. ago, my then-boyfriend was going through OCS in Quantico and it was nothing less than a nightmare. I could feel the fear, stress and anxiety virtually eminating through him (I am a Pisces like you and easily sensitive to these things). At the time, I thought, my goodness it must be so terribly difficult to be in his shoes, and I did everything I could to support him -- the letters every day ( I rememeber one day running after the mail truck so I wouldn't miss a day - in bare feet on cracked, "inferno" like pavement - no less!!), the phonecalls, the visits... It seemed like nothing I did was enough to make the burden light enough though. And my own lonliness was more than I could bear. Or so I thought at the time...

Fast forward two years later when I decided to go to OCS myself for various reasons which I will not go into here. It was the year after I graduated college and I wanted to become an intelligence officer. That was my plan at least, but things happened differently. Never mind about that though. What I'm getting at here is that when it was MY turn to enter into hell (and it truly was HELL in every sense of the word and beyond imagining), I saw things through my boyfriend's eyes and it hit me like a ton of bricks. There are no freedoms in military training. (WHICH IS TORTURE IN ITSELF FOR AN AQUARIAN!!!!) No freedom of thinking, of speaking, of doing, of existing. You are not one person, you are one of many and the group is all that is important. One is not even permitted to refer to oneself in first person. I remember when I first (and LAST) uttered the word "I" to one of my sergeant instructors. In an instant, 3 of them were in my face - screaming, demeaning, and basically set to make a public display of my disgraceful use of the word "I" in front of all of 72 members of my platoon at the time. The (one of many) ordeal went on for 10 minutes straight. There were no peaceful meals, or rest. As we ate (more like shoveled down food) in the mess hall, drill sergeants hovered and swarmed all the while, yelling, insulting, in general just dehumanizing the lot of us. It may seem all like fun and games when you watch it on t.v. but in real life, you are there, and there is no escape, no mercy, no "counsling sessions". You get 3 hrs. of sleep if you're lucky and are made to perform endless tasks of tedium through the hours of the night with nothing but a red maglight for visibility, so that the following day (after day after day),your mind is virtually at the breaking point. Add to that the tests one must pass, the memorization of credos, and rules (to be recited at a moment's notice, any time, anywhere, in front of constantly menacing "instructors" who are just waiting for the moment they can rip you apart), and it makes for a neverending nightmare. Well, more really "day"mare, since sleep is a commodity. I would even go into the "physical training" (more like self-induced torture). Though "teamwork" is apparently promoted, the participants quickly realize it is a dog eat dog world and set out against each other as early as a week into the whole experience. I cannot tell you how often my training manual got "lost" (more likely stolen) and the humiliation (amongst many others) I endured at the hands of these relentless instructors at their discovery that once again, I couldn't keep track of my own s*it. Maybe it sounds like I am over-dramatizing it. Really, there is nothing I can put into words that would fully convey what one goes through during military training. Those that thrive in such an environment (and there were quite a few) were truly meant to live the military life and philosophy. I would say that the worst school bully, or the demented killer would be in his element. In fact, for the most part, that's what the general population consisted of -- a conglomeration of former school bullies from around the states. Ok, maybe now I am going too far, and this is not to say that everyone in the military is psycho but it's pretty damn close. After what you are put through during training, the transformation if you will, is pretty tough to shake. And whether you like it or not, it stays to some degree, forever. In this life, anyway.

I guess I am saying all of this and going into all the detail b/c I want you to know that despite your pain and your lonliness (again bearing in mind that I went through it too), the pain and lonliness that one endures in a hostile, merciless training environment is far greater. Part of what makes it greater is that no one on the outside can understand what you are going through and there is just no way to explain it. It almost makes you feel less human in a way because the only people that do understand are for the most part your "enemies".

Ok, I gotta stop b/c/ I could go on and on and on. and all of this actually brings back too many painful memories (keep in mind that I only just skimmed the surface). So sorry to make this posting a novel. Just rest assured that your Jason needs you as much if not more than you need him and every note, every drop of sweetness, kindness, love, etc., will be much treasured by him, even if it does make him weaker in his present environment. Send him all your love and energy that you can possibly muster....