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Author Topic:   Heavy Breakup Scenes-?
sthenri
unregistered
posted August 07, 2004 12:45 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Help with a heavy breakup scene is needed. He is a Gemini with Venus in Cancer in the 5th, Sun in the 4th, Mercury in the 3rd in Taurus conjunct Mars, and Moon in Taurus in the 2nd. He's sort of macho compared to men I usually date.

I am with the Gemini and I broke our love relationship off, now I want to love him as a friend.

He is moody and upset, but can't admit he loved me. IN fact he says he never loved me anyway so I ought to date other men right away.

He seems fine until we go out and I talk to men and they flirt with me. Then he gets moody again.

Can we be friends like this?

Challenge is
I drove 7 hours yesterday to tell him, since I couldn't live with the guilt if I did it over the phone.

NOw he is crying, I feel guilty,

What do you do to help with the guilt when this happens? Medication?

I am taking a bunch of herbs and had an expresso. But still nothing makes me feel about what I've done. He says I am powerful and scary and mean to him and he doesn't know why.

He says, I am emotionally unstable and could scar his life at the same time he doesn't want to let me go when I'm there..

It's hard to leave at the same time I am beat. Looking for like experiences??

I have to make sure I am getting my needs met, but I am not sure if he is just scared of me, or just kind of unintellligent around women. He's a Gemini but he's not that bright if you know what I mean.

I love him, very much in my way, but I can't link myself to someone who makes me feel bad about myself sometimes.

Take Care Knowflakes

What's awful is that we are spending the day together since we already bought tickets to a concert and so I have to act happy, any recommendations on how both of us can get through this day? Or should I just leave?

Natasha
Taurus
Scorpio Ascendant/12th house
conjunct my freaky Neptune

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Archer
unregistered
posted August 07, 2004 01:05 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
What do you do to help with the guilt when this happens? Medication?

no! don't resort to medication so easily. instead try meditation. all the best.

------------------
Neerav

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pidaua
Knowflake

Posts: 67
From: Back in AZ with Bear the Leo
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 07, 2004 01:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for pidaua     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Natasha,

A clean break is what is needed. It is torture, for the one that you don't want romantically, to be with the one that broke up with them. I am usually the one that breaks up, so to me I don't understand why the guy is so upset.

The thing (with that Sag in the 1st house or being a Sun Sag) we can tend to not put the other's emotions first. We don't quite understand why they just can't be happy we are at least friends or now that they are free to be with whomever they want. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way.

Gemini's can be just as emotional as Cancers - especially with a Venus in Cancer placement.

I think the two of you may be able to be friends, in the future, but right now you both need to be away from each other and heal. From the outside, it seems that you may be playing with his emotions, but not realizing it. It is he who is emotionally unstable (not in a mental way) but in the way that occurs when he just got out of the Cancer woman relationship (she was unstable) and then you come along and you really aren't sure what you want. (Nothing wrong with that, but I have learned until we are sure, don't bring someone else into the picture to help you figure it out).

I had a Virgo friend that had an insane crush on me. (He is the violent one I spoke about) I was sure that we could be "Just friends" but he couldn't deal with it. If I flirted with other men or smiled and talked to them, he would go bullestic. That is what broke up our friendship. He went berzerk on me, but in a sense I pushed it. I KNEW in my heart he couldn't just be my friend. He had so many relationship issues and control issues (Venus and Mars in the 12th) Venus conjunct ASC conjunct Pluto, Conjunct Sun, Conjunct Uranus).

If I were you, I would bail out. You did what you needed to do to let him go, but the concert might be pushing it. If you decide to go, just sort of "feel" how things are going, meaning pick up on those emotions coming off of him and see if you can truly be "just friends"

Good Luck and Lots of Love!!

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Gemini Nymph
unregistered
posted August 07, 2004 01:23 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
To be honest, any situation where you have person telling the other that they are "powerful and scary and mean" and they "don't know why" sends the emotional co-dependency flag way up for me. I have said several times before here that Geminis are cerebral people who find emotions confusing, and often need someone else to act as a guide to help them understand their emotions. This also means we get attracted to the wrong people for the wrong reasons and quickly become co-dependant with them (this is no means an insult to you - but this is something you should seriously consider about this situation you're in). Such a person could be an otherwise wonderful person in whom we sense is emotionally strong or stable but is otherwise not a good match for us.

Often we are attracted to people who are *too* emotionally intense, out our overabundence of curiousity and naivity (or perhaps, sheer stupidity), and they either intentionally or inadvertently oppress or outright crush our rather delicate sense of self, leaving us feeling like pulverized, confused emotional pulp. Most Geminis go through this kind of thing something in their life until we figure out what kind of people are good for us (this is why wise astrologers advise Geminis to go ahead and shop around, and to marry *late*). Gemini also just don't have much in the way of emotional stamina. Until we've matured emotionally (that is, if we mature ), we really aren't up for intense emotional relationships (seriously), and something like an intense breakup or fight can literally send us into a nervous breakdown.

The cliche analogy of Geminis being the butterflies of the Zodiac is a good one - we are actually that delicate and our spirit that easily crushed. You may not have had anything but good intentions, but being a Taurus, you just may be to "heavy" emotionally for him to feel anything but oppressed in your presence. With a Taurus moon and Cancer Venus, he's going to have some intense emotions that you'll naturally feel the urge to move in and respond to, but it seems this Gemini desperately needs his space to emerge out his emotional muddle, rest up his nerves a bit and find himself again. Unfortunately with a Taurus Merc, he may not be very good at asking for that space.

If you do decide to go to this concert with him, my best advice is to keep the conversation cheerful, light-hearted and far away from emotional issues. If you don't think you can do this, then maybe it'd be better to opt out.

Sorry, but this isn' a very pleasent situation and I don't think there's goign to be an easy or fast resolution. He may yet prove to be able to be your friend down the line, but I think right now he definitely needs a break from the heavy-duty emotional business.

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LibraSparkle
unregistered
posted August 07, 2004 02:07 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi Natasha,

I think it's very noble of you to drive to him rather than do it over the phone.

Breaking up with someone/Being broken up with is a hard thing. IMO, guilt is a useless emotion. It causes self torture.

You've got to be happy and have your needs met! Good for you for knowing their not being met. There are plenty of women out there that will just stick around for the sake of not being alone.

There's a great oldish book called Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood. I think this is a great book for women to read... men too, if you can get 'em to. It gives several different situations where a woman is putting her own needs aside to meet the needs of her man. It talks about the subtle ways we lose ourselves in them and how to make ourselves more aware of this process. I REALLY REALLY recommend this book to ALL women. It's pretty old... so you could prolly get it from a used book store for super cheap. Or, ebay or half.com too.

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purplezen
unregistered
posted August 07, 2004 04:42 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
good luck natasha. sending you some healing light.

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astro junkie
unregistered
posted August 07, 2004 05:27 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Natasha -

I REALLY REALLY REALLY hate to say, I told you so....

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sthenri
unregistered
posted August 09, 2004 11:54 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks everyone,

I agree that he gets nervous and can lose his identity easily..

I am secure and won't back away from a discussion, I know it's best to leave him alone.

I know in my heart Pidua, Gloria, GeminiNymph, LIbraSparkle and Purplezen, that he is going to have a tough time seeing me with someone else, I don't need to keep testing his or my limits.

We did agree to keep being friends just to work on our friendship, at least talk or get together once a month and I think he/we both need that. But he agrees I need to get more from elsewhere, only he can't accept it right now.

It's okay, I wasn't looking for a solution today, I told him, just a conversation. Actually my therapist told me to say that. That helped a lot. He is very difficult at emotional conversations, or talking about needs, and he has been drinking a lot lately to calm his nerves he says.

I do not think I help, and I hate to see someone pickle themselves out of nerves. I worried everytime he had a beer, since he normally drinks pretty much everyday at least a beer.

Oh well, he in my mind is really a friend who is kind of sexy, in the lesson in this is to do a courtship for a while instead of rushing things, especially with air signs. Earth signs can go right into it, but air needs space:>

Thank you,
Natasha
Taurus

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pidaua
Knowflake

Posts: 67
From: Back in AZ with Bear the Leo
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 09, 2004 01:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for pidaua     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi Natasha,

I am sorry for your situation. I know it hurts and it hurts even more when someone starts to turn towards a substance to alleviate their pain / nervousness. When Mr. Leo started to drink more and more it broke my heart.

The turning point was this time last year after a cattlemen gold tournament. He was hammered and I suspect he was drinking while driving. My stomach was in a perpetual knot - I was following him because we had planned to spend the day / night in a town that we both loved. It was like out own little mini-vacation before I headed back up to Coeur d'Alene.

I came out of the shower to see him passed out on the bed, halfway dressed (clothes almost off -boots still on), like a drunk. That was the end. From that point on I just shut down my feelings and started to make my way of moving on. It took until January to cut the cord completely - we still worked together.

Mr. Gemini will have a hard time letting you go, but if it is meant to be, then things will work out. He doesn't seem to be what you want at this time. You seek stability - yet romance. Someone you can spoil and they can spoil you (emotionally). All relationships have ups and downs, but that is part of the process.

You will be in the thoughts.

~Pidaua

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