posted August 10, 2004 09:24 AM              

that is, how soon do you start talking about the "relationship" when you are dating someone you really like? Or do you just let things unfold?

posted August 10, 2004 09:53 AM              

How do you sense the other person wants the conversation? What do you observe happening?

posted August 10, 2004 04:13 PM            

That must sound like such a wicked game to play, but it's not that I want them to share things first out of a control thing, I'm just way too short of b@lls to be the first....

If that makes no sense at all, let me know. My head has been a little out of sorts today, lots of stress!!

posted August 10, 2004 04:17 PM            

But if it's someone I only sorta like, or am ambivalent about, I hold back a lot. Moon conjunct Jupiter in Cappy, and Mars in Pisces.

posted August 10, 2004 04:27 PM            

"So, um, where are we at with this? I mean, are we exclusive? How do you feel about me? About us? Well, here's where I'm at/how I feel...". That's pretty much how it goes w/ me. Kinda takes some of the sparkly romance out of things I bit I s'pose, but knowing is better than not IMO.

posted August 10, 2004 05:17 PM            

If it is not already blatent. Like with Mr. Taurus who came right out and said "You are the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, I love you". That was after only knowing each other a week. LOL...

But for the most part I will ask because if I want to date others, I want to be clear that no one is under the false impression of exclusivity. Hurting someone is the last thing I want to do, so getting things out in the open is always best.

posted August 10, 2004 07:18 PM              

Another thing is, it may depend on how you come across when you ask personal questions. I've noticed that even if I come across really cool about everything, as soon as I ask a personal question, I come across much stronger. Even if I don't think I am.

So it's almost a fear I have now, unless I know the other person is feeling especially emotional at the time and then I know what I say will be more readily accepted. These moments are usually few and far between as I usually get involved with people who are "emotionally unavailable" to a certain extent (which makes me wonder if that's part of it).

posted August 10, 2004 09:51 PM              

Kind of pushes the ball out of your court to say nothing, then you can say yes or no to whatever comes up, controlling how deep the relationship gets. Like you said Gloria, it's how you present it, I do bring up emotional subjects all the time, but I do not make them sound heavy, I find I am the one who neglects to infuse the conversation with emotion, even if the subject is emotional.

Also haven't you found that by the time you get around to having the conversation, if it's been too long things are dissolving?

Suppose you do like this person quite a bit, wouldn't that change what you say?

posted August 10, 2004 09:53 PM              

Why is it hard to love someone?
and
how else would you, and he/she know it's love?

posted August 10, 2004 10:13 PM            

You're right on. I look at it like this, it's not playing 20 questions or trying to smother another with love. It is just about being upfront and establishing the parameters of the relationship.

Some of us flighty people NEED that. For example, I dated someone that never really talked about the relationship between us. Being the typical Sag I took that as my own very long leash and that things were very light. I ended up hurting that person, because in his mind we were "together" well, hell - he could have filled me in on it. A relationship takes two people. I had dropped the hint that I wasn't looking to be tied down, he didn't listen and we ended up breaking up.

My Ex leo was kind of like that..the leash was very long, the line was not really drawn. I had enough. I was in the position of "are we an item are we not" if I asked he said "Hell yes, we are together" but I didn't FEEL it deep down. Other things led to us falling apart, but I did feel that there was too vague an atmosphere in the relationship.

posted August 11, 2004 12:38 AM              

So I just accepted that I a part of me needs the spontaneity with respect to this subject.

But here's what I've learned since then, especially with Mr. L. He and I are both Libra's and have many similarities and similar planetary influences. He liked me for a very long time, but flirting, not ever sitting me down and looking at me in the eyes and stating just how special I was to him. By the time he'd gotten around to telling me, over a year had passed.

At the same time, once I found out, I saw him with new eyes and then in turn, needed time to understand what he really meant to me.

So why is this?

Well, we both have Libra Suns, so we need time to weigh things out. Someone may not know what you really mean to them when it comes to the big picture. If a guy was like asking me that after the 3rd date, I'd freak out. I need more time. It takes people 2 years to really begin to know me.

Probably same with Mr. L., but I sort of now just assume most people are like me and need time. You hang out, have some good times, connect where there is a natural connection, and then see where it's at further down the line.

Mr. L. and I also have cautious, yet emotional Moons. Him Cappy Moon in the 1st, me a Cancer Moon in the 3rd. We both have cautious, yet emotional Mars. His in Cancer in the 7th, mine in Scorpio in the 6th. We both have Uranus influences which gives us both a good feeling to hang loose with be kooky. And we both have Leo or 5th House influences which makes the selection of a lifelong mate an extremely important and delicate undertaking.

We both also have some important 9th House influences and ties.

So in theory, it is conceivably possible that the two of us could have gone on forever feeling the intensity between us, yet not saying or doing anything to get the rubber on the road.

And even now that we both know where we stand and what the possibilities are to an extent, it doesn't realy change things because he still has to work out certain things in his life, and same with me. So it's as if knowing the answers to those "20 questions" doesn't make much of a difference because in the end, things are going to land in the same place regardless.

Does that make any sense?

posted August 11, 2004 04:36 AM            

Love is something you and i must have. We must have it because our spirit feeds upon it. We must have it because without it we become weak and faint. Without love our self-esteem weakens. Without it our courage fails. Without love we can no longer look out confidently at the world. We turn inward and begin to feed upon our own personalities, and little by little we destroy ourselves.

With it we are creative. With it we march tirelessly. With it, and with it alone, we are able to sacrifice for others.

posted August 11, 2004 09:34 AM              

My batting average is 3 yes' out of 4 inquiries.

The one miss was the result of being curious after the first date

posted August 11, 2004 11:00 AM              

Gloria, what works for you works for you, I am glad you and Mr. Libra are happy. His Cappy moon sounds intense and rewarding.

Ooh, I knew someone would bring out love quotes, that's something one of my past loves would do when I would start the conversation. I can't compete with flowery words,

All I can say is that it's a bit too much to have poetry brought out when all you want to know is if there is a we, that includes both people. As in both are into sharing and caring with each other. That kind of thing sends me running if its done in an intimate setting such as:

(Kisses) How do you feel?
Fine,
I love you!
Oh, Okay, you don't expect me to say it too right?
No, but are you into sharing and caring with just me now?
Ummm, Love is a flower, it's very delicate, you have to be careful not to crush it, the flower must grow, and then we can enjoy the rewards.......

Here is where I stop listening:>
It seems there are two different people, one who wants to be exclusive, the other who wants to find perfection, and understanding.

Looking for understanding through another human being, is more like obsession with perfection, than love:>

Is this a typical Earth/Air interaction?

posted August 11, 2004 01:55 PM              

Most people are a mix of air and the other elements, thankfully.

But then being exclusive is a totally different concept than having space. How can there be effortless rapport when the two lovers are not exclusive? Not every air sign is that secure, eventually the relationship becomes a friendship again. Which leads me to believe some people just do not ever want to be exclusive but have trouble saying so directly.

If I get signals that the time is still not right for the conversation, usually I will dissolve the emotional relationship and stay as friends. It seems unfair any other way to me. What I don't relate to is how much I will be chased after I "quit the job"

Why would I be faking the ending to draw the other out? That's not very secure.

Love is looking more and more to me like
"Innocence"