posted October 30, 2004 04:21 PM              

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Ever seen the movie "Carry On Doctor"...?
If you have...do you remember Jim Dale's character - Dr.Kilmore?
The nice but hapless, accident-prone doctor?
Yes? No?
Well, anyway...
I was driving down to a "fun" works meeting about 3 hours away from where I live. About 2/3rds of the way there, I realized I was coming up to a roundabout, and started to brake. The trouble was that I misjudged the stopping distance. I had been going at about 50 m.p.h., and didn't brake quickly enough.
Guys, if you have never experienced hitting something at speed, you don't want to. It really IS, like, "AAAARRGHH!!! SH**********T!!!" You see the object coming closer to you - and, there's nothing you can do. My car smacked into the back of this other guy's car with a fair old bang.
I shakily got out of the car. How can I have been so stupid, I thought. I dreaded the thought of the sight of the front of my car. I imagined the headlights smashed, the front stove in, the...
I and the other guy walked round and round our cars to check for damage, and there was...NOTHING!!! Not even a scratch! - just a mark on the back of his car from my plastic bumper - which rubbed off immediately!!!
I couldn't believe it!
God, I am so damn lucky, I thought...Aries/Tiger luck, or what???

Anyway, I got to the meeting in one piece. Only trouble was, I couldn't find anywhere suitable to display the canvases that I'd painted. Where I'd placed them, they kept falling down and threatening to brain people. Trying to put a gloss on things, I joked that the canvases ought to come with a health warning. (I'm not sure the others got the joke!!) One of those days, I thought...

Then I was talking to someone who knew Mr. Scorpio well...and in a sense, I am glad I did, but I almost wish I hadn't...he mentioned that he had a girlfriend...well, come to think of it, the most recent photograph I've seen of him DID show him wearing a ring...I didn't really want to believe it, but...things changed from that moment on.
The guy also went on to mention that Mr.Scorpio was a "strange character". Strange in what way, I wanted to ask...however, reading between the lines, it looked like his could be another Mr. Aqua situation...I don't know, and I'm not sure I even want to know.
I am glad I have kept cool and businesslike in my exchanges with him. I don't want him to disrespect me. Yet it hurts me to think that he'll never know how much he inspired me...how having a crush on him actually meant so much to me, how I became so creative because I admired him so much. It's not like I can even say, look, I had an enormous crush on you but I'm over it now and I'm married anyway, so please don't feel embarrassed about communicating, I just want you to know that you inspired me more than anyone, EVER, in the most positive way? How the hell could he be expected to react to that? It would seriously compromise any relationship he was having, whether he decided he hated me because of what I'd said, or whether it went the other way, and interfered with his feelings for his significant other.
I told myself I wasn't going to shed any tears over this, but I do feel gutted - just a little bit...my Moon and Venus in Pisces are so unrealistic it's insane. I always seem to keep falling, in big ways, for people who aren't interested in me..I hope this isn't going to be another one of these situations. Falling in love is not something that happens to me very often...but when it strikes, it strikes hard. I feel slightly empty, even though I tell myself my happiness should depend on myself, be found within myself, and not depend on whether x or y person likes me.
Well...look on the bright side...I did write a whole album of songs because of him (see For Yellow Wax and the Ants)...and I have been consoling myself with chocolate eclairs and Baileys...
I looked at my horoscopes for today, both from Astrocenter and Astro.com. Totally positive, seemingly. I had expected titles such as "Dented pride" or "Hard knocks", with warnings about travelling/accidents or ways in which one related to other people. But - no - nothing of the sort. Not that I could find!!!
Of course, astrologers would try to explain this by saying that horoscopes are not entirely foolproof, and blame Uranus...

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posted October 30, 2004 04:41 PM              

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Easier said than done !

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posted October 30, 2004 05:08 PM              

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I feel like I'm going to burst if I don't tell this guy the way I feel/felt about him at some stage. We don't communicate much anyway, so I can't see I'd lose face. Honestly - what have I got to lose?
Something says to me: Be good, Aries Tiger, don't be reckless, exercise some self-control.
The other half of me says, To hell with self-control, I ENJOY being reckless, live dangerously!
Maybe I am just very tanked up on Baileys - and repressed emotion.
Maybe it will all be clearer in the morning...

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posted October 30, 2004 07:05 PM              

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Yeah - wait until tomorrow and how you see things. And see which you would regret more. Telling him, or not telling him.

Make a deal with yourself. If you DON'T tell him, promise you'll stop obsessing about him. If you DO tell him, remember to see things from his side as well, so he doesn't think you're some kind of emotional vampire. In other words, if someone went up to you, how would it come across? What would you want to say, and try to be natural and relaxed. He'll be relaxed if you are, no matter what happens.

And be prepared for any signs of "rejection" from him. Respect his choice, which can be based on a million different things in this life. Make sure you're not building yourself up to this climax just for the thrill of it, because it could become very anti-climatic as well.

I have faith in you.

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posted October 31, 2004 04:52 AM              

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Wow, thanks, AJ. That is really sensible, good advice...Thank you!!!
Yeah - I can imagine what it would be like if I had to experience the sort of scenario where someone was obsessing about me, and came up to me and told me. Maybe it would depend on what they were like, but still...I can imagine I might be a trifle apprehensive about that person... So, I won't even go there.

I shall just get on with my life, stop obsessing about him, stop trying to impress him, and put this down to experience.

LOL
AriesTiger
(now tanking up on peppermint tea)

P.S. I'm glad you have faith in me!!

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posted October 31, 2004 12:01 PM              

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But - (oh no, you're thinking! - no, seriously, it isn't as bad as all that) I would like to be friends with him, and maybe exchange more conversation with him than we have been having. Because, basically, I like him.
So if the understanding is just that - purely platonic, given that I am attached and he is attached - what, in theory, could go wrong?
I really like to chat to other artists about their work, how they approach it, etc. No ulterior motives, I just have this need to communicate and discuss ideas.
How does anyone else feel about male-female communication when one or both individuals are married or have partners? When is conversation too "deep" or inappropriate??? For example, if I came across a contemporary artist whose work I thought he might like, and recommended them to him...given that I don't know him very well, would he feel that that was invading his space?
(Phraseology is so important!!!)

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