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Author Topic:   Bad Day
sassygrrrl
unregistered
posted November 01, 2004 06:54 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Last night I was being in a stupidly optimistic mood and I really believed that things might work out between me and the guy I love and so I planned to talk to him for the first time in over a month. But before I got a chance to, I found out that he's obviously in love with someone else. I don't know if it's the same person he broke my heart over, but it doesn't matter. He's never going to love me the way I love him and it hurts. Why do we always fall in love with those who can't - or won't - love us back?

And to make matters worse, today is the one-year anniversary of my dad's death.

The planets must really love me today haha.

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astro junkie
unregistered
posted November 01, 2004 08:08 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
sassy -

Here's strength to help you deal with the memory of your father. It's things like this, when we are all alone in our greatest time of need, I have so much difficulty understanding about life. I mean, I definitely know there IS a reason why we are where we are, but knowing what that reason is doesn't always make one feel any better. The thing I wish is for more mercy, more miracles, more blessings, more synchronicity. I've been going through this myself for years. It crushes me over and over again, and each time curse the gods and swear I will not survive one more.

I'm at that point again now, and trying to talk myself into getting out and meeting new people, but when you are still feeling weak, you know you're vulnerable and that there are sharks and wolves out there who feed on the vulnerable - starting the whole process again.

Not to mention all the f'g jerks who approach you which for me anyways, just ruins the whole day/night, especially when nothing brighter comes along, and I go home angry, completely discouraged, and sad.

The only thing that has saved me is my spirituality. Even when I don't understand anything, and all this suffering in life makes no sense, my ATTEMPT to understand the face of God is the only attempt worth making.

I'm so sorry. Please feel free to express all your feelings here. There will be plenty of support for you.

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LibraSparkle
unregistered
posted November 01, 2004 11:06 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
(((sassy))))

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sassygrrrl
unregistered
posted November 02, 2004 01:52 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks guys {{{HUGS}}}

What makes it so hard trying to forget about this guy (who I will refer to as 'S') is that romantic feelings aside, we have - well HAD - a very special and deep friendship, and we have had this friendship for the past two and a half years. I love him very much and being apart from him, I feel like there's a part of me missing. And the horrible thought of never seeing or talking to him again, makes me feel very sad and regretful. I know it sounds really cliched, but I really did feel a deep soulmate connection with him. We had even both acknowledged that we must have known each other in past lives as we always felt so comfortable together. As soon as we met in person, (we first met online) there was an instant feeling of trust and comfort like we had known each other a million years. S. is very dear to me the way that few men have ever been. When we're together, the age difference between us doesn't even seem to matter (he's 22, I'm 39). Well I do look very young for my age - I get carded all the time, Ha - but sometimes I do wonder if the vast age difference ultimately keeps him from allowing himself to truly fall in love with me. I do know that he generally doesn't have a problem with age differences as he thinks older women are great and he is very open-minded and has no prejudices in general. But maybe it's still a problem for him deep down. And I have a feeling that he's afraid of what others, especially our mutual friends, may think. Especially as he seems to always seek the approval of others (Moon in Libra). And I do know that there are many who would definitely frown upon a relationship between us. Not to mention that his family would probably disapprove as there's not only an age difference, but a religious one too (he's Catholic, I'm Protestant) even though we're both non-practicing regarding our faiths. And I've noticed that everyone he does openly pursue a relationship with are around his age and approved of by his friends first. So because I had the misfortune of being born 17 years too early, I feel like fate has been cruel.

...And I just noticed that T. Saturn is currently opposing our Composite Mars and squaring our Composite Uranus and T. Mars is conjuncting our Composite Uranus and Pluto. Ha that figures.

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lovely*
unregistered
posted November 02, 2004 02:50 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
unrequited love.

we've all been through it. well i know i have anyway. i still fancy someone from over 10 years ago!!
http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1175/is_n5_v26/ai_13220903

ps. i'm very sorry about your father passing.

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chrissymgreen
unregistered
posted November 02, 2004 02:54 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
sassy,

i'm so sorry to hear about your troubles! i'm sending a google of good vibes your way.

c

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puppyblew
unregistered
posted November 03, 2004 02:00 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
sassygrrl ~ i'm so sorry about this. i too am 22 an was turned down by a 37 year old man. all i can say to comfort you is that he is 17 years older than you and still is not married and probably just plays games. who in their right mind would want to go through that hurt of a broken heart for 17 more years? you don't have to. you can take this experience and learn and form a meaningful relationship while he is still emotionally going to be a 16 year old for many more years - until he is hurt like you have been. it's just amazing to me how someone can be 15 or more years older than you and still act so immaturely in a relationship. i hope that he did not dismiss your friendship for this woman when he broke your heart. that's something i don't get. why do these older men get into emotional relationships with us and then act like it was nothing? tell us things and then don't understand when we fall in love? make us think there is a possibility for a relationship while not taking us seriously because of our age and then date someone their age whom you know won't work out. i don't know if he did this to you or not. i've just got a major chip on my shoulder.

i know how hard it is to not be able to talk to him. feel free to post on here to me. we seem to have alot in common!

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sassygrrrl
unregistered
posted November 03, 2004 09:54 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks guys for all your support and kind words. I really do appreciate it.

Puppyblew ~ Actually I am the older one. He is 22 so I guess he has a good excuse to being immature. lol. I, on the other hand, am the 'older woman' who should know better. :P

I think that if he were my age he would be more able to overcome all of the emotional obstacles preventing him from pursuing a romantic relationship with me. I go over and over in my head: 'Should I tell him how I feel?' 'Or should I not?' And I feel like a puppy chasing it's tail. So I just don't know what to do. Ugh.

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puppyblew
unregistered
posted November 05, 2004 01:58 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
oh my! i feel embarrased now.

duh, now i see that you said HE was the 22 year old one. i was just seeing so many darn similarities that i must have read it wrong.

maybe you can tell all of those guys your age to stop being retards and that 15 years is not a big deal. seriously though, i admire you for giving your heart. it's not an easy thing to do. you obviously haven't lost the excitement of what love can do and be even though you are older than him, and i find that an extremely admirable quality. most people tend to become bitter (i'm getting there) but you have not.

i say tell him how you feel, even though you think he is in love with someone else. i'm sure he loves you too since you had such a good friendship. he may not love you in the same way, but you may mean alot to him and have no idea just how much you have shaped his life.

i do think that couples with an age differance are brought together for a reason. sometimes i think it is so that one person can help teach the other how to love again, even if they are not to love you. to help heal a person in a sense, and ensure that their life gets on track once more. that's just what i'm thinking at the moment.

i told the older guy i loved him and got blown off, so that is a risk you have to take if you want to tell him how you feel. our friendship was bascially over at the time, and like you are thinking about doing, i reached out to him after a time. now i have no friendship with that person at all. so, i'm warning you that this might happen to you as well.

i think it is the right choice to tell the person even if it means you loose them. you will never be happy without knowing, in some form. you must be true to your feelings, otherwise you will be miserable and possibly waste your life hoping that the continued friendship will develop into something more. like i said before, it's great that you still know that love is all. kind of like that giddy high school drama, isn't it? when we look back in our lives those high school loves are always the ones that haunt us because it's when you believed love would conqure the world and went brashly into it. now days we make stupid rules up about how many days after a date we should call and are more concered about getting hurt that we miss out. i say you know what you need to do. go for it!!!!!!!! if it does not work out it will hurt, but i can guarentee that you will be proud of yourself. i was.

keep us informed.

love,

~ puppy

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KarenSD
unregistered
posted November 05, 2004 02:23 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
*HUGE HUGS* to sassygrrrl

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sassygrrrl
unregistered
posted November 05, 2004 10:43 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
*HUGS* guys

...And thanks for your insight, Puppyblew.

I still haven't decided if I will tell him or not. Ugh. Maybe one day (hopefully)
soon I'll get an epiphany and figure out what to do once and for all. *sighs*

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sassygrrrl
unregistered
posted November 07, 2004 01:37 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Gaaah...my Mr. S. called me out of the blue tonight which I did not expect at ALL. The conversation went ok although nothing important was really discussed nor resolved. But it goes without saying that I'm feeling very verklempt right now.


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