posted November 02, 2004 07:43 PM              

I feel that one person can love 2 or more people at the same time but can only be really IN LOVE with one. Then the argument arises about how do you know you are in love and not just in lust? Butterflies in the stomach? Does that qualify as love, lust or just pure honeymoon excitement of a new relationship? How does one really know that one is really IN LOVE and not just in love with the idea of being in love?

Does anyone here know or themselves feel that they can actually really LOVE two people at the same time? If so, do you have any Gemini/Pisces in your chart?

posted November 02, 2004 10:01 PM              

Well, there is love (universal), and then there is LOVE (romantic), and then there is sex.

Some people have love without sex. Some people have sex without LOVE.

Some people have all three, and others have none.

When I was pregnant with my son, I had no comprehension of how I could possibly love him, without sacrificing the love that I had for my daughter. I didn't realise that it was possible to love more than one person. But he was born and I love each child equally. So you can love more than one person at a time.

If I was in a LOVE relationship, I would expect that to be mutually inclusive. I've never really understood why somebody would cheat on a partner. Why not just break up with them instead? Unless it's the thrill of sneaking around that they're after. It doesn't make sense to me.

Now sex, well, you can do that with more than one person at a time, lol.

posted November 03, 2004 09:42 AM              

Venus: To love is "to value"--to experience that person as adding something good to your life. We can value any number of people for any number of reasons.

Some people can be recognized as valuable, although a relationship with them may not be productive. In such cases, the relationship should have more space in it. We may then love/value these from even large distances.

To be "in love" is related to the Moon, and the need system. It indicates a collapsing of boundaries--one that feels like the relationship that the infant you had with your Mother.....in other words it emotionally mirrors your bond with your mother. Consequently, we may feel that we "need" this person because the relationship throws us back into our infantile need for mother.
This is why so many "marry their mothers."

Sexual attraction is also about collapsing boundaries. In coitus, boundaries drop entirely. For this reason, having sex with someone you do not value is inadviseable. Never does a casual sexual act lift anyone up. Instead, the person of lower "vibrtion" feeds on the energies of the person with the higher level of awarness.

Casual sex is the spiritual equivalent of leaving your money lying around for strangers or theives to pick up.

The real reason for sexual responsibility is then, not so much moral, as intelligent.

posted November 03, 2004 10:28 AM              

Some people love deep, some people love wide...most of us are somewhere in between the two extremes.

posted November 03, 2004 11:20 AM              

I think we pretty much all agree on the following:

1. We can definitely love more than one person at a time with varying degrees.
2. We can possibly want to have sex with more than one person at a time - although not advisable.

But the question remains - how do you know you are really IN LOVE and not just IN LOVE with the idea of being IN LOVE? When you think about a person all the time, does that mean you are in love with them? or just merely infatuated?

posted November 03, 2004 06:51 PM              

Since I attract those with strong Virgo, I cannot love more than one, I would have to change my life twice. Right now I have one hair colour, if I was dating another, I would have to dye it another colour, and back and forth. I might as well wear a wig. It's just my nature to please, and I can only please some of the people some of the time, that means one man, one haircut, hopefully.

Unless he has a Gemini ascendant or moon, then he likes change but at least he has an opinion and is willing to spend the time.

I don't know how you could love two, if you spend equal time, unless that person feels in touch with you all the time without physical presence, or unless that person is not very demanding.

Wouldn't know,
too many virgo types here!

Miss Muffet do you mean sex with two people at the same time, or in the same bed? I think you could do that with someone but I couldn't imagine being promiscuous. In my mind, knowing the other's sexual partners, first hand is less evil, than not knowing them, just knowing about them isn't enough. I have told men that I will accept another sexual partner as long as I meet her and we are comfortable knowing who we are.

Once I say that they just back out of the entire idea. I think when people say they want to love two people at the same time, they mean they want separate relationships, separate identities, and then they want to separate from reality. That's a little childish to me. That works for a rich man with a wife and a girlfriend, but doesn't work for me as a woman, also it doesn't work for me to have a rich husband who has a girlfriend either.

Yes I think it's possible to be intimate loving wise with two people as long as they both know about eachother that's polyamorous, but not promiscuous. As for soulmate love, no I do not believe one can love two at the same time. And we all outgrow the polyamourous love after a while, at least most do.

posted November 04, 2004 02:46 AM              

He goes on to say that sex is not love but has the potential to grow into love.

"Sex is the seed, love is the flower, compassion is the fragrance".

Osho believes we should all be striving for compassion.

posted November 04, 2004 07:52 AM              

Knowing this, I am somewhat on the defensive about sex, because I am easily seduced.

posted November 04, 2004 08:04 AM              

It seems that the majority of people would and could only really love one person at any one point in time.

Just want you guys to know what is prompting this question of mine is that a person very dear to me when I was growing up had a long lasting affair with another woman and had 3 children with her. It seems that he cannot leave her nor his wife. His wife knows about the affair, tolerated it and did not leave him - something that I don't understand. They have 5 children. In case you are wondering, this particular person is very well-to-do and have more than enough resources to support all his children monetarily.

Anyway, I found out recently that a friend of mine is having an affair with another person I know. When questioned about it, he indicated that he loves the woman and his wife. We went into an argument about a person cannot love 2 people at the same time, etc. Then I remembered the other person ... BTW, they both have very strong Gemini influences in their chart.

There was also a point in my life that I feel the same strong connection with two different individuals. I dropped one of them and married the other. I feel very lucky in that I was blessed with finding not one, but two people I can connect with very strongly, and have the sense to choose one.

Now I am wondering if I didn't... and had continued to see both, would I end up falling in love with both? I don't think I am capable of loving two people at the same time, but maybe other people are... Who am I to judge?

posted November 04, 2004 08:48 AM              

Could you achieve an even higher LOVE if you gave it all to just one person?? Wouldn't that be the ideal...a Higher Love??

One of my best friends equates love with sex...regardless if the rest of the relationship is total garbage...she stays in it because the she believes the sex to be good. She says she feels loved. (Huh?) This boyfriend is emotionally abusive and selfish...not to mention a little controlling...I told her that I felt that it was not real love with this guy but just base sex and that maybe she gets too much of her 'love' feelings from the physical side...How can you feel that it is truly GREAT sex and REAL Love if all the other areas (emotional, spiritual, intellectual) are not satisfying?? That is the low level of love that the Zen describes...I see it all the time....

What are your thoughts??

Respectfully submitted.....

Venus Trine Pluto-(could contribute to my idealistic and all or nothing approach...or is it my Scorp Rising???)

posted November 04, 2004 10:01 AM              

quote:

---

how do you give 100%??

---

If I can give, I keep giving & giving and giving.... I don't count nor measure, so I can't comment on precentage. So in theory, why not more than one love? But I haven't been in that position personally anyway, so I'm just guessing.

posted November 04, 2004 10:16 AM              

If you value yourself by how many people love you, or want you, or depend on you, then it would make sense to conquer more, and more. It depends on where you get your self esteem. Air men tend to be more masculine than normal, to overcompensate. As for being able to support the responsibilities, that could change anytime. I do know a Gemini Ascendant with many Scorpio placements who is a one love person.

A lot of people will put up with anything to keep from being alone, that's what they call love. You can call it anything you want, but you are either interested in love, or not. I think most intelligent people know what love really is, but they have two loves for the same reason they have a new sports car, or multiple credit cards.

I have noticed a strong Gemini trend in the two loves too, but that could be because Geminis attract those who need to be loved and accepted very much. And Geminis usually put things diplomatically, so they do not want to hurt anyone's feelings.

Geminis I have known had pretty bad childhoods, and need a lot of unconditional acceptance. I see these polyamourous relationships as kind of therapy for the Gemini. I have seen Geminis in ths situation with Cancers, Pisces, Virgos, some Scorpios but not for long, Libra with Taurus or another Libra, and Aquarians with Venus in Pisces. I have also known at least two Libra men who had additional family, and they stopped supporting the first family.

I read an article about this in Details this month, and it said men who have these kinds of affairs, usually are very good liars. Otherwise, the first woman or wife will not put up with it. For women, indfidelity is almost always a dealbreaker, so all these stories of women who put up with this behavior must be coming from the men themselves. The men in the article were quoted as saying that they always tell the second love she is only an affair, until she threatens to leave, then he says he loves her. Then he learns to lie better, eventually breaking it off with her before the wife or first love can find out.

Obviously if the two did not know each other at the start, there is a lot of lying involved. Even if the first love finds out, what are the odds, the information was volunteered? True polyamorous relationships? An affair is always an affair if it involves lying.

Try arguing about lying to a liar
Good Luck! It's always justified.
I like Aquarius because no matter what they are up to, it's hard for Aquas to lie about love.

Natasha

posted November 04, 2004 10:49 AM              

Liars scare me...and you are right, they totally justify or deny (by lying to themselves) that they always speak the truth. Was there a thread recently on the sign that lies the most????

posted November 04, 2004 11:57 AM              

Venus Conjunct Pluto here - and this promotes that "all or nothing" thing too. If I'm not mistaken, would the Conjunction be even more potent than the Trine?

You have a Scorp Rising, and you're a Gemini, right? We have some influences in common, but I don't think being a Gemini with those two Scorp influences would singularly account for your view on this. It depends what is included in the "all" part, and I say, give yourself a chance to define "all" any way you wish. It's up to you how far you want to take it, and how you want to affect someone else, if there is a someone else.

I've had moments of jealousy or all sorts. I don't believe that "jealousy" is a required commodity within any relationship. Jealousy in and of itself does not have a value. It may very well be the glue that binds in some relationships. But in other's it could be the straw that breaks the camel's back. No doubt that none of us are free of it, but I like to think I've learned how to be a bit self-deprecating about it, as it has no value to me, and so, I deal with each situation as it comes.