posted November 09, 2004 10:57 AM            

I mean, how do you make it not awkward to simply hang out with a guy without having either one of you get too delusional about other motivations? I have this great aquaintance at work and would love to see him outside of work, without coming on strong like I'm apt to do.

I know I'm fumbling around the question, but I'd love some advice.

I am gonna try to have people over on this Saturday and see if he can come, is that a good enough start?

Here are his astro starts if that helps at all:
Sun Libra 1 degree
Moon Gemini 19 degrees
Merc Libra 16 degrees
Venus Scoprio 13 degrees
Mars Capricorn 22 degrees
Jup Pisces 16 degrees
Sat Saggitarius 4 degrees
Uran Saggitarius 18 degrees
Nep Capricorn 3 degrees
Pluto Scorpio 5 degrees
Asc Taurus 13 degrees

posted November 09, 2004 11:20 AM              

Some men are like family, some are like co-workers, if I am friends with a man I see him as a cousin or brother. He will feel that too. sometimes if he has a lot of water in his chart, he will try to change that into a crush.

posted November 09, 2004 12:13 PM            

I think the key is just viewing them like you would any other friend, and treating them as such. But w/ guy friends, usually flirting and physical contact is a dangerous no-no. It's just more straightforward and easier to maintain the friendship in the long run that way IMO.

posted November 09, 2004 03:09 PM            

1)"He sounds like genuine friend material, but his Venus in Scorpio may feel attached emotionally. Not in a physical way but he may feel like a brother rather than a friend...sometimes if he has a lot of water in his chart, he will try to change that into a crush."

So the fact that he only has 3 planets in water signs will make the "brother/friend" thing easier, right? Enough air and earth to keep control...?

2)"It really is no big deal in this day and age unless you make it so.
If you are not comfortable doing it, then I would suggest starting off going with a group of friends rather than alone with one person."

That is true, I just have a ton of trouble with that for some reason. I can't fathom why (cause I don't think I flirt unintentionally) but the guys who I talk to at all, even if I am totally not attracted, only being nice and polite friendly, always seem to become interested romantically in me, and never seem capable of realizing I don't have any interest in them that way. Then they get hurt when I brush their advances off nicely. So now I've gotten to the pointwhere I don't let anyone into my bubble unless there is some level of attraction because it saves time later...does that make any sense? The group thing does sound like a safer bet. What further complicates this, is that I am attracted to the aforementioned guy but want to find a way to feel things out first, see if he's better as only a friend, and if so, keep him there cause either way, he's a cool guy. Am I being too manipulative and ambiguous?

3)"With a Cap Mars I'm sure if he wanted to know if there was more to your invites he'd speak up and ask...and combined with Libra/Gem, very bluntly. I have a Gem ASC/Libra moon/Cap Mars friend and she's always VERY forthright in her inquiries about other people's intentions."

That is good to know, GN. I'm glad he's the kind that will speak his mind, the upfront ones are so, so much easier to deal with.

4)I think the key is just viewing them like you would any other friend, and treating them as such. But w/ guy friends, usually flirting and physical contact is a dangerous no-no. It's just more straightforward and easier to maintain the friendship in the long run that way IMO.

See, Isis, my issue is, I don't know if he considers out conversations "flirting". I'm not real good at subtleties, I'm just open and honest with everyone who looks trustworthy. We haven't hugged, or anything like that, cause I think both of us are not that way with strangers. I myself reserve hugs for very intimate friends and family only.

OK, see I found out recently that he's into romance novels too (which I think is way cool for a guy to admit), only his are vampire-type and mine are historical-type. He offered to lend me the book he was rereading, which was nice, as I love new stuff to read. And I know from before that he likes to make snowmen, which is also awesome in my book. My conclusion is that I like guys in my life who aren't afraid to have soft feelings and indulge in being a child from time to time.

I'd love some feedback to the above comments though...

posted November 09, 2004 04:11 PM              

Even if he accidentally touched your breast, it wasn't an accident! Kid him like a cousin, say No in a friendly way, but say No accidental touching.

I too had a big problem with men friends when I was younger, I learned not to talk about romance, and to stop hugging and then I was fine.

I came from a family that hugged everyone, once you hug a guy, that's it, you can never go back, he will always remember.

posted November 09, 2004 04:18 PM            

We (this Libra/Gemini and I) haven't ever hit on a conversation where romantic interests would ever come up...so that's good, right?

Nat, you said:
I came from a family that hugged everyone, once you hug a guy, that's it, you can never go back, he will always remember.
Really? Hugging a guy is that big a signal to him? Wow, Tony and I have been hugging for a few years now, and now that I think about it, one of the best memories of my time there this summer was the 2 warm hugs he gave me...interesting thought to ponder.

Why do you think you can "never go back", and why/what will he always remember? The Hug?

posted November 09, 2004 04:45 PM              

It's just the way men think, they are always looking for signals, and that's the biggest one you can give. It's saying, I would like to date you, and I would like more hugs from you. Because a man will feel entangled emotionally, he probably wont' date someone else for a while. So you will notice that he will hang around more.

It's sort of a tease to do that to someone, hug them and wait to see what happens, men know this and usually feel put out if they don't at least get another hug or a chance at a date after that. He will hide it unless he is an assertive type. Once I hugged an Aquarius and he saw me out with another guy and was crushed. Apparently he thought he was the next one for me to date.

Once you hug a man he feels that you have an emotional attachment, so that you would at least tell him your romantic feelings, that way he could be part of the story. Nobody likes to feel ignored, and when there is hugging there is a good chance that an ego will be fed, again and again.
Men like nothing more than being hugged or kissed by a woman in public. They get excited and start dreaming. It doesn't take much to get a guy fantasizing.

Geminis are very frustrating because even if he doesn't want more from you, he will always feel down if you are hugging someone else. And you do have a crush on him and he on you, because you two have hugged. Geminis can have major crushes though, just sitting next to you. So don't ask me how you can tell.

posted November 09, 2004 06:16 PM            

I've found, even if there is some sexual tension in the beginning of a male/female friendship, if you ignore it, ie; don't feed into it (by flirting, hugging, talking about sex, talking about "what ifs") it often dissipates and then you can move forward with a genuine friendship.

Hug Sl*ts

posted November 09, 2004 06:48 PM              

Burp.
Loud and long (you know, like one of those belches that can fit the whole alphabet).
In his ear if at all possible and as often as can be managed, after which start giggling like a baby that's just discovered its feet.

But maybe that's only an option for people with strong Aquarian and Uranian influences.
And no pride

posted November 10, 2004 08:06 AM              

I'm Aries with Virgo rising. I perhaps have a similar problem. Middle-aged family men, married like me, are fine to be friends or do business with - it's the single guys within my own age group that I find difficulty being "just friends" with. I always find it a little awkward, as I'm rather intense, (I have Sun in the Eighth) am not physically unattractive , and tend to project that consciously or unconsciously. It's really difficult trying to keep a lid on it. If you are an intense person you just can't do much about it. So I try to play it supercool and detached a lot of the time, which is not really the real me. I find men respond to me much better when I "play" the real me, but I just keep retreating into this protective mechanism all the time. Why???
I'm not much into touchy-feely either, I find it invades my space, particularly if I've only just met the person, I regard it with suspicion. But don't think I'm a cold fish - I'm not!
I had a great "guy friend" once but got totally besotted with him. He was a Virgo, great to talk to about anything (medic in training) and very practical. But the feeling wasn't reciprocated on his side.

posted November 10, 2004 09:02 AM              

that is why I mentioned earlier it's easier if you both have crushes on other people, even with a girlfriend, sometimes there can be a strange occurence where the guy thinks there is more to your attentions than there is. If he knows you have a crush on someone else and vice versa, without details, that eliminates any guessing or tension.

That tension can ruin a relationship either way. It doesn't work if you pretend to have a crush, it only works if you are really interested elsewhere. But if you are not then start dating so you don't get hung up on single guy friend.

I think men like boundaries anyway, such as I am dating him, now I am dating you. I love boundaries myself, so I know who feels what. Life isn't always like that, I know.

posted November 10, 2004 09:13 AM              

I'm a Libra/Gem (Rising). I've always had a lot of guy friends.

The thing I wanted to comment on is the Aries/Libra friendship.

It's awesome. You both totally see through each other's crap. You both know exactly how to speak to each other. It's a really wonderful friendship (from my experience).

One of my very dearest friend is an Aries (Libra Rising, Virgo Moon). We have the best time together. We really understand each other. PLUS we're a couple of TOTAL silly heads We have a blast.

When the going gets tough, we're an excellent match as well. She knows how to cut through the crap and tell me exactly what I need to hear, rather than what I want to hear. I am able to do the same for her. We've talked many times about how we value that quality so much in each other. Sometimes the truth sucks, but regardless, it's the truth. I have a lot of respect for people that can speak the truth when it's the unpopular thing to do.

She is a little unreliable at times, which drives me nuts... but eh... what're you gonna do?

Anyhow, I think you and this Libra dude could be great friends. Just be sure to lay off the flirting. Couldn't hurt to have a conversation about being friends. Or maybe just casually mention how cool it is to have a guy friend who isn't interested in getting into your pants.

posted November 10, 2004 02:02 PM            

Does you conciously try to focus on making receptive body language when wanting to know someone better? I never realized how much affect properly tuned non-verbal cues could have until I tried them out on the Libra/Gemini last weekend and he seemed to respond.

Nat, should I just ask right out if he's dating someone, cause that would be sorta awkward...?

LibraSparkle, I appreciate your optimism for the Libra/Gemini moon guy and I working this friend balance out and also, I'd love it get someone else's take on this: what defines "flirting"? And I don't want to be that blunt about putting him on the spot defining this relationship (in the friend-sense) that we're still working out details on...

posted November 10, 2004 05:30 PM              

As the woman you have the upper hand in all flirting, you can flirt or not, you can get away with more. To keep good feelings between you as friends, it's best to stay friends until you have explored the other option to yourself. BTW you will never lose him as a friend because men love having female friends, but if you blow hot and cold, (like I have) it makes things confusing.

This way you get to know him as a person, and plus this way he will feel you like him for himself, not for boyfriend-ness, dating can be expensive, emotionally and financially and most men are not up to dating someone new every week.

To be fair, it's best to say that you have are open to dating someone right now, but there is someone who has a crush on you. You could say something like, it's wonderful when someone interests you, but it's nice to have the companionship and the freedom of a friend like him, no pressure.

Just some positive thoughts about dating in general, to show you are heterosexual, and open to the idea, but not anything specific. You get used to being sort of political around men friends, just don't ask him about relationships, or offer up any information. Don't worry, he will tell you soon enough if he is dating someone, by letting drop that he has to leave early on Saturday night.

If he's not in a rush on Saturday night, he's not dating anyone.

flirting is discussing any feelings you have in your heart or head that are considered intimate by you. You can discuss your new suede pants, but not how you feel when you wear them!

posted November 10, 2004 08:18 PM              

I always flirt! Married or not. I like shocking people. For me, it is easier to get the "Sex" stuff out of the way right from the beginning (especially between friends - male friends and you).

I always joke about sexual stuff and just make people laugh with me. The awkwardness will disappear right before your eyes if you can pull it off. For example, not too long ago, a guy at work was talking to me about MSN setup and was asking me if I am using it and I casually said: "oh yeah, it's great for cyber sex with my hubby, you should try it!". I said it with a very serious face and followed it with "of course, my hubby will not fall for it when he's at work, he's such a drag." Then I just cracked up laughing. That made him laugh so hard he almost pee'd in his pants. It broke the ice between us and now he's one of my close friends. Of course, I don't do it with everyone I meet, just a select few that I feel is not too stick in the mud type.

I guess the idea with me is that I portray the willingness to just talk about anything under the sun with anyone that I think is worthy of my time. Does that make sense?

Miss Muffet

posted November 15, 2004 08:07 AM            

I mean, so this is how things went down this weekend:
When I got to work on Saturday, I had the intention of asking some people over, and ran into a few of the nice baggers that I talk to, asking them about coming over later for a movie or two, and when I said that, the Libra/Gemini said that he was gonna ask me if I wanted to see "Seed of Chuckie" (horror flick that he has mentioned wanting to see and asked if I wanted to the previous weekend), tickets on him. So I was like, "darn, do you wanna come over for movies instead?"
He went back and forth, asking me more questions, then said he might....

I called a few of my friends from college, and told another gal coworker, that I was "having people over", and told her to tell anyone else that I might know that was free that night. Ok, so friends ended up backing out, so did gal coworker, and therefore no one showed.
But, next day, I found out Libra/Gemini had decided later that night to come but realized he didn't have my address ....

::WILL FINISH this AFTER CLASS!::

posted November 15, 2004 11:32 AM              

I also keep plans to a minimum with him, such as meet me here, okay? No? okay then meet me here, okay out of time.

That way there is less back and forth, your guy is going to be pretty indecisive most of the time