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Author
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Topic: WHY must we play games
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Mama Mia
Knowflake Posts: 117
From:
Registered: Feb 2010
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posted November 11, 2004 11:43 AM
  
How many of you knowflakes out there play
games with the opposite sex. (Mind games relationship games) If you don't would you be willing to if you knew that you would win and cuff him/her...There is a story behind this just curious is to who plays games and why... IP: Logged |
sthenri
unregistered
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posted November 11, 2004 12:26 PM
I would try because there is no such thing as never wanting to play games or control another person, but I would give up half way. I don't actually want to catch someone that way, I think.Being free of games totally is kind of unbalanced, I suppose it depends on how I could live with myself, what kind of peace of mind I had in in the middle of the night with my catch. Natasha
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virgotaurustaurus
unregistered
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posted November 11, 2004 12:48 PM
i hate playing mind games at all. I think it's because I tend to need to have a solid ground with just about everything, and if I'm playing mind games with a guy, I feel like I've thrown him off course and trampled on his sense of security. Kind of cycles around for me.IP: Logged |
lovely*
unregistered
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posted November 11, 2004 12:53 PM
i have been accused of "playing games" with the opposite sex. sometimes my ability to detach (which often stems from my inability to make a decision) is percieved as "playing games". i can't make up my mind, so i freeze and do nothing. IP: Logged |
virgotaurustaurus
unregistered
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posted November 11, 2004 01:06 PM
lovely! Ahh that sounds like me, lack of indecision leading to the dude thinking I'm playing games, but I never am! GahhhIP: Logged |
Mama Mia
Knowflake Posts: 117
From:
Registered: Feb 2010
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posted November 11, 2004 01:16 PM
I hate playing games, my thing is if you like me and I like you lets just see. Why play all the games of chasing and stuff. I have been dating this for almost 6 mnoths now and all I know is to give of myself really do not know how to give bits and pieces of me. Anyway I felt like that is what he has been doing giving me bits and pieces of him while I am giving him all of me. Sometmes when I want to c him he has to rain check it or his weekend is planned already. So I say okay. He says I am not ready to be in a relationship right now content in my life the way things are see other guys if you like you don;t need my permission I wont get mad. I was like WHAT but okay if that is how he wants it then that is how it is...
So I have gone out on some dates with a few different guys and I don't seem so into him as b 4 and he can sense that. I already told myself he is not going to get all of me until I get all of him. I am not going to be available 4 him as I were b 4 even if I am doing nothing he wont know it(GAME PLAYING NOW) So he text me last night and says that a friend if his is having a going way party wpuld I like to go. I really wanted to go just to have fun and to be with him. But we went out Sunday Night and I had said that I will not be available for him like that all the time until I see that he is giving me all of him. I text back and say Sorry cant, Have fun though. He text me back and says R u gonna be down all night cause when I am done want to hear from you. (Him **** blocking)I reply dont know at this point will try and call you later.
I was doing nothing but was not going to let him know that. I moved my car down the block just incase he drove by he will see that my car was gone and I was out. I called him this morning he did not answer his phone I guess he is mad now, but he started this now he can't handle it. The less you give the more they want. The thrill of the chase I think is what it is. Men love to pursuit. All while I was available he was doing his thing now that I am doing something else (he thinks) He got an attitude, don't like to play games hate making people feel bad(that old Pisces in me. Then he is an Aquarius it is a must that he get some space... IP: Logged |
sthenri
unregistered
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posted November 11, 2004 02:12 PM
It takes two to tango, so if one starts the game and the other one plays, you are both in it.That's what I don't like, if I don't want to play anymore, the games continue. These kinds of games are all about controlling the future, but what happened to today? I would do what you are doing, share space today if you want to, but you don't have to share everything in your head and heart. Intimacy means sharing what's inside of your own heart, and it doesn't sound like your Aqua is doing that. Only asking you to open up. I would be cranky by now, because some people like to be controlled, but not me. And for what it's worth Mama Mia, these kinds of games take away mental and emotional energy from your own life.
Natasha
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Mama Mia
Knowflake Posts: 117
From:
Registered: Feb 2010
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posted November 11, 2004 02:18 PM
You said it only expecting me to open up, ans Im not,not all the way. We as women are
so much smarter then men. Todayis Thursday we are alredy on Sunday if you get me. I can play this game til the end and will win but I don't hopefully this will open him up some and he will share with me what is in his heart...It will be so much easier for him... IP: Logged |
Gemini Nymph
unregistered
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posted November 11, 2004 03:26 PM
I hate games. I really really do. I was telling ariestiger about what it is like to have Asperger's Syndrome, and one of things we don't handle well are social inferences and nuances. We prone to be incredibly gullible about other people's intentions and take things very literally. So when some plays a game with us, we're often flat-out clueless, either oblivious or going along thinking the person is on level, until we're hurt by it. I get accused of playing games because people get suspicious of me because I'm weird and different and hence they feel compelled to question my motives. But it's always a misunderstanding. I guess if someone looked at my chart without *really* looking at it would think I played games too. But I try to be on level with people all the time. If I can't be on level with someone for any reason, I distance myself, even if that person has something I would like to get from them or through them, be it a relationship, friendship or something else. I can't even play along with day to day common social "games," and if someone suckers me to go along, I feel just horrible, even if it's nothing that significant. My life's been made hard at times by that, because I have had to find other avenues to get things or simpyl go without because I opted not to deal with such-and-such person because I knew I couldn't "play along." IP: Logged |
moonshine
unregistered
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posted November 11, 2004 05:28 PM
Game playing is all about mistrust, I think. If two people really trusted each other they wouldnt feel the need to play games, or retaliate to someone they think is playing games. It can also be fun, but this almost inevitably goes wrong when one party's feelings develop deeper than another's. I have a friend who has never had a relationship or a fling without playing games, and they always fail in the end. I dont think she knows how to just be straightforward in a relationship. She tends to go for these bad boy "player" types who ALWAYS play games and thats why she thinks thats how you have to be. I think she just hasnt met anyone she really trusts yet. Me, I dont play games - i like things to be straightforward, but, like the guys above, I get accused of playing games because i tend to be very "avoidant" in relationships.. lack of decision and an inability to say no leads me to never return calls, make excuses like Im busy when Im not, etc etc... i cant help it!  IP: Logged |
lovely*
unregistered
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posted November 11, 2004 06:33 PM
vtt, yes! gaaahhh rumbug. for me i also believe (because of my sensitve nature) i pick up on what others need, neglecting my own. then sabotage by withdrawing because i realise the person/situation is not for me. some people do this through passive agression, i do this by avoidance also, as moonshine mentioned. i can relate with what gem said too, in that i'm weird  . what i mean by weird is i'm unusual in relationships. i'm honest and people are uncomfortable with it at first. i'm often accused of being selfish, which is really self preservation due to my sensitivities i pick up on negativity and underlying feelings. i'm concious of another persons needs before they are, but i have trouble expressing myself. i hold back because i fear being misunderstood. i think games are just fear-based. we are trying to get control over someone because we fear hurt and rejection. *edited to clarify..avoidance is..passive agressive IP: Logged |
batgirl
unregistered
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posted November 11, 2004 11:49 PM
i dont understand games, on one level it seems to be about who can be the most successfully celibate or polyamorous but that might just be the head games i play with myself. . ..i also have always been fazed by the social, and wonder if it has to do with some level of autism (similar to asperger's?) brought on by measles/mumps/rubella vaccine when i was 5 (because before that, social things werent an issue, being around others was natural for me) .. . .i also wonder if the vaccine affecting me in this way has any parallels in my chart IP: Logged |
lovely*
unregistered
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posted November 11, 2004 11:59 PM
batgirl, please explain if you will. waht does "i also have always been fazed by the social"...are you more reclusive and do you correlate this with the vaccine?IP: Logged |
LeylaLeFay
unregistered
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posted November 12, 2004 06:00 AM
I don't know- but I've got a hell of a game going on here.Male offered to buy me something.
(For the both of us really. A web cam for our long distance relationship)
I sat expectantly waiting for it.
Never arrived. I was hurt and insulted. Also embarrassed in front of my friends I had bragged to. Threw a fit. Why does he offer and not deliver?
He agrees to buy it.
Now I've told him if it does arrive in the mail I'm sending it straight back! 
I'm not going to let him turn me into someone who begs and nags for things, because that's not who I am and not who I want to be. Questions or comments? IP: Logged |
sthenri
unregistered
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posted November 12, 2004 08:29 AM
Leyla, is he normally kind of lazy?If he is, then that's his shortcoming, it won't change on it's own, My Libra ex was like that and still is, I have decided not to depend on him for little things, he is better at the big picture. But I used to get angry too, it didn't help. Unless your guy is just clueless, then you can try and figure that out by asking if he knows why you are angry? If he does, then he knows.
Knowing, is the first step to actually doing something about it, but sometimes that doesn't happen. Still knowing he's a jerk sometimes, is better than the kind that acts like he doesn't know. Natasha
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batgirl
unregistered
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posted November 13, 2004 03:56 AM
in school, i never understood when people were 'having fun' or the things they talked about with each other--it all seemed boring and silly, and a lot of it just seemed gossipy and i didnt want anything to do with it. the 'games' i guess started when i was in kindergarten or 1st grade, and i was very hurt and offended-i only wanted to be me. i closed my eyes or read books of my own a lot when the teacher didnt have me occupied with schoolwork. when i got to college, i probably could have found people i had things in common with but i had developed no social skills because of my experiences in high school and earlier. people who seemed like they could possibly be interested in friendship with me had too much of a kind of enthusiasm that i found to be irritating. since before i had the vaccine i felt more in tune with others and the natural flow of things, i thought it might be the cause or at least partially the cause; i dont remember where i got the idea originally but i read somewhere on the internet that this vaccine could be a cause of autismIP: Logged |
LeylaLeFay
unregistered
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posted November 13, 2004 06:12 AM
Several times he told me he was "ordering it" and it never arrived. But this time he told he he HAD ordered it, and that it was on it's way, and it never arrived.It went from procrastination to an out-and-out lie. I have asked him repeatedly what are his reasons for jerking me around? What the hell is his game? Why is he doing this? He doesn't seem to have an answer. It frustrates the hell out of me.  IP: Logged |
ariestiger
unregistered
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posted November 13, 2004 11:43 AM
Well...I guess most of us hate games, and I suppose most of us have been hurt by people who play games, or who we think are playing games.
I actually wonder whether the book "The Rules" started a lot of this off - or whether it was always there, just not focused on so much.
The key, really, is not to get too emotionally involved. By nature I am quite an emotional person and I had to learn to keep that under control. Even in my marriage, as my Aqua is occasionally prone to game-playing. The worse I am - the more he chases after me!!! Yet the more I dote, the more he freezes up, or ignores me. So I am sweet occasionally, give him a "crumb" from time to time, and rage most of the rest of the time. It's very exhausting, and takes ever such a lot of energy. Especially since, with Venus in Pisces, my natural inclination is just to GIVE and give and give pure love. However, it's not that simple.
My theory is that men just can't cope with the emotional aspect of things. Talk to them about anything emotional and watch their eyes glaze over. And they always want what they can't have. Particularly Aquas. Remember that they are CONTRARY creatures, and you will get an idea of how they should be "played".
I guess it's a question of gauging very carefully where the guy is at from an emotional point of view and then (on the surface)adjusting your emotions accordingly. Aim to appear enthusiastic, but just slightly less so than your intended. Always make it appear as though you are completely in control of yourself and on top of things.I hate game-playing as much as anyone else, but I have found it a useful tool to avoid getting hurt. IP: Logged |
sthenri
unregistered
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posted November 13, 2004 04:35 PM
Venus in Aries is very emotional and giving too and it's exhausting with games. I find the best are those that just appreciate the way I am, Venus in Virgo, Leo and Libra are pretty laid back.Talked to a Venus in Leo today, what a breath of fresh air! No pretense but could be hurt easily. Why do we play games? I think to keep from getting hurt. I can see where a naive person could be wounded, but I love honest. Natasha
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astro junkie
unregistered
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posted November 14, 2004 12:32 PM
"What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind."T. H. Key IP: Logged |
sana
unregistered
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posted November 14, 2004 01:10 PM
i hate games...its all or nothing...take it or leave it..
love
sanaIP: Logged |
LeylaLeFay
unregistered
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posted November 16, 2004 05:46 AM
This is an Aries Male/Aquarius Female relationship.Oh sure, there's always great fire/air passion 
But I find it's a near constant battle of wills.  I think he's trying to pull a typical "alpha male" thing, proving he's going to do only what HE wants to do, WHEN he want's to do it. He won't get far with that attitude. As for your observations, AriesTiger, I find it very informative to look at an Aquarius through Aries eyes. I had a snicker when you said Aquarians want what we cannot have, when every Aries I've known (expecially my mother) had the same strange disorder: She would locate a man who totally ignored her, and become convinced that he was really deeply in love, but just didn't know how to show it. He could throw rocks; he could file a restraining order, but she KNEW it was all an act! I don't know if it's emotions necessarily that Aquarius is afraid of, but certainly intimacy is an issue. We can deal with emotion at a safe distance. I am great at passion filled letters, for instance, but one on one conversation....yeah, I'm going to freeze up. As for you're "raging," my Aries mother did plenty of that.  I haven't spoken to her in years. Be warned- Aquarius has their limit to how much they put up with, and when we leave we don't look back. IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
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