posted December 02, 2004 12:15 AM            

It was my son's tenth birthday *10* Omigosh *10*.. We had a family/older friends with their young ones gathering to celebrate.. and this Saturday, he'll have a friend one.
The young ones kept running around.. which is cool, and expected... but my son was opening up the guitar we got him and I really wanted a picture of it..I was crouched on the floor..... every time I moved for a picture, the kids would run in my field of vision... it was actually comical... my friends behind me, laughing at the unfortunate timing... so being the playful drama queen I am, I dramatically fell back, exasperated, and swooned.. saying "Someone else take the bloody picture!!!" My friends know this is my character.. it was a fun way to alleviate the stress of the situation... I meant no maliciousness......
Then I got up and asked if anyone wanted me to make coffee. My mother, who was a recent arrival at the gathering, looked at me like I had two heads, and said " Relax, I don't think you need coffee." *uncomfortable laugh, shifty eyes*
Under normal circumstances.. maybe this would be an okay comment... but I felt so much weight with it. I suppose through out the years, she has never understood or 'got' my sense of humour (sarcasm) or bold way of doing things.... she feels like when I act out like a diva, or do/say something childish or silly, in fun, I am actually that way, and it shames her, as she must keep up appearances. I just thought.. "How dare you walk into MY house, and look at me as if my behaviour is something to be ashamed of.. when you didn't even know the context of it. Nor have you ever tried to understand that I am different than you....." I said nothing though.
I feel she thinks of me still as the fifteen year old girl who rebelled against her, and that was the times in our life together when we were at our mutual worst.

I am twenty eight. I say and do things from an adult point of view. *well... never mind... * I am fun. I would rather laugh at a situation than dwell on it. Unless it needs surfacing. I don't know how I can ever be who I actually am around her, as she doesn't see it. She twists it into something else.. she projects her own feelings toward me. No one else in the room would see it as me being inappropriate, they see it as me being me. They love me because they know me.
She loves me because she made me.

Also, I notice I can't have acheivements without it being a reflection of her. Everyone has noticed this, in conversation.
"Oh, you did well on stage there... what a great voice."
She will say "Yes, we come from a talented family.".. or something.. Like she can't let me have my own, she has to take a little. I don't mind sharing, and I am the first to point out.. Yes, the family is all awesome.

Such a karmic thing with mothers....
My mother is a Capricorn wih a Scorpio Moon, and I don't know her proper birth time.
I am a Scorpio with a Capricorn Moon and Leo rising.

posted December 02, 2004 04:28 AM              

I'm married to a cappy, I understand HOW annoying it is to have every light-hearted thing you do turned around into "the LOOK" (said in a deep growl "will you freaking STOP you are EMBARRASING me! You are a childish attention getter now STOP!") Something along those lines?

And I don't know why, but I have the feeling with cappies, too, that I want them to feel proud of my achievements, but they never do, so it's quite depressing. For example, I just wrote an exam last week. When people would ask me if I'm prepared for the exam, I would say, sure! np! piece of cake! That really annoys cappies. LOL You are supposed to go into an exam looking outwardly calm, but internally sure of the fact that you are not going to pass, nor do you have the right to pass, cause you didn't study 11 hours a night (only 10, and that's not enough!). Me, I studied in total about 4 hours, and after seeing the scoring system (A=94-100%, B=83-93%, C=64-82%!!!!), figured well, I'm prolly not gonna do better than 80%, and if I write an 80 or a 65, I get the same grade, so why should I bother breaking my head for the exam. Well THAT put my cappy Hubby and cappy MIL up in arms! They were sure I'm just gonna go into that exam and not even TRY to get a good grade. My MIL is like: how can you be sure you're gonna pass the test at all? You're so smug you're gonna pass, I've known lots of people who think they're gonna pass and then they fail. I wouldn't (haha, dying laughing here) want to see YOU fail!!

Anyways, long story, short pointe, I'm pretty sure I wrote a B, but it was just GREAT to have all that support from hubby and MIL lol

The "we come from a talented family" thing must be a different influence, sounds also very leo. It sounds to me like she is jealous of your achievements (that could be cappy ), or is just trying to soak up some of your light...

In those kind of situations, I just try to shrug that stuff off with a laugh, and be happy that I don't need to be that way!

Nicky's having his bday party next Saturday, we just made the invitations this week. Our little saggies are precious, aren't they? At least there your mom can't take that praise from you!

posted December 02, 2004 10:08 AM            

Nackie~ It is definately a Capricorn thing.. 'image'. but really.. I was in my house, with family and friends. So annoying. Disheartening enough to post here about!
My mom and I have been down every road, and I have chosen the one of acceptance... but try as I am, it is a constant battle. I have been everywhere from calling her my best friend, to thinking I have forgiven her for these little and big slights...to absolutley giving up and writing her off. I want to be able to talk to her, and every time I started, She'd be like "here we go..." and get defensive before I even made an emotional dent in her armour.
I hate that she affects me. I know it is unfounded. I know it is her own issues. But they are also mine, and I don't like ugly things reminding me at every occassion, they tug my heart down.

Thanks for listening. Both of you, all of you.

posted December 02, 2004 10:39 AM              

While I was reading your post, I was thinking:

Interesting... My Scorp mom has a Cappy mom. My Scorp SIL (who's a Scorp like you... jovial, beautiful, and fun) also has a Cappy mom.

MY MIL is extremely critical of my SIL. It's getting a little less and less over the years, as my SIL is VERY outspoken and doesn't have a problem with spitting criticism right back at my MIL when she tries to cut her down. I think she's basically learned through trial and error that if she says anything to embarrass Laura, Laura will say something right back to embarrass her.

posted December 02, 2004 11:44 AM              

Don't worry, just continue to be yourself Pixie

Don't let her pissy behavior limit yours!

Speaking of mothers
Mine is a Scorpio/6th, with Moon in Pisces/10th
and I have to decide if I want to go ahead and sue her or not for causing the damage to my house, and her creepy Sag boyfriend is calling and emailing me obscenities.

Families are strange things, they are bound to you by blood but some of these people give nothing back. Maybe it's the nature of things, but I feel this intense dislike of grown mothers who cling. My lawyer says I ought to leave the woman alone, I find it hard to think with the Sag boyfriend bugging me, but of course I have heard that it's my fault time and time again for everything that happens. And that it's my wild and unpredictable behavior! That causes this destruction around me.

My mother has even called me destructive, because I caused her to destroy my house.
Amazing how she can turn everything around on a dime as soon as I start to believe there is something wrong with ME.

I would not play into anyone's game that makes you think there is a defect inside of you.

Take Care
Natasha

posted December 02, 2004 01:38 PM            

Those of us with strong Cappy influence are so...so...well. I think the Cappy sun may be the hardest placement. So many Cappy suns I've known want to be free, want to be fun, but they just don't know how. Envy is a funny thing...it can make one want to destroy that which it envies. Your mom envies your effervescant Leo Asc. But it's ok. She'll get over it.

No one can destroy you. You won't allow it.
You're brilliant, btw.

posted December 02, 2004 01:53 PM            

Especiawwy fwom ouw mommies

posted December 02, 2004 02:37 PM              

quote:

---

So many Cappy suns I've known want to be free, want to be fun, but they just don't know how. Envy is a funny thing...it can make one want to destroy that which it envies.

---

Yep. I think Trillian is correct here. If my Aqua Mum and Sag Dad hadn't thought me in early age to enjoy life and do my own thing, I wonder if I'd manage to learn it now. I've seen plenty of Cappie Sun & Moons who keep trying to live out their parents' ideas on how they 'should' live. And it doesn't work. And they can be bitter bunch. It seems to me Cappies has to learn to be their own 'father-figure', standard, authoroty, whatever. It looks you've done it, but your mum still needs external help - people refelecting her values back to her.

OK, I'm rambling. I just wish I had something practical to say.

posted December 02, 2004 04:28 PM              

From an astrological view in my situation, my mother's Saturn is also exactly - to the degree - opposite my Sun. Ugggh, I feel the weight of that pretty hard. She can be as cold as ice to me sometimes. But I love her and I know she is only doing the best she knows how. I cant get offended by her internal dramas that she has projected onto me for all these years anymore. I tell her that she can feel and think whatever she'd like to about me, but those are just her own thoughts and opinions. Her's, not mine. I wont let them influence me anymore.

I dont need to make anyone happy with me except myself. Because I am the only one who has to live with me.

Keep being you, no matter what anyone says or thinks about it. You are a really beautiful person , and if anyone tries to make you feel different - screw 'em.

posted December 02, 2004 08:38 PM              

I am a capricorn, and I had to move out when I was 15 to get away from her. I have a Cap. moon too, and I promised myself early on I would never be hard like my mother.

And then life happens, and **** happens, and you feel it happening to you.

Well, I can relate.

This is why it is hard to be a capricorn to me: you can't understand other people. When my boyfriend really screws up and does some horrible thing, like cheating on me, I can't even fathom being able to do that. I am so *real* all of the time, and to flake out to such extremes is really hard for me to grasp.

posted December 03, 2004 10:08 AM              

They do make you want to put a firework behind them, their die-hard "realism" can get slightly, er, boring, at times! They are very tied up with formality, and I'm not sure they have a tremendous imagination. However, they can have their good points, including a propensity towards being quite loyal.

posted December 03, 2004 10:14 AM              

I thought a lot about what you said and wanted to sleep on it before writing.

You love your mom a lot. I can see it. There's just no way you're ever going to let anything bad happen to her without a real fight. I know it. You really, really care.

So I know you are committed.

May I make a suggestion? I did this with my mother and it helped our relationship a lot. Mind you, perfection is an illusion and our relationship clearly underscores that. (Hehe ) Clear yoursELF - no judgements, no history, no feelings, no theories, no ideas . . . and ask her:

"What's it like to be you, Mom? Really, what has it been like for you as you lived your life? What is your life story?"

Just listen. Give her the spotlight and the space to safely say things she may have never said before. Some controversial things may come up, so give her the room to emote. Keep in mind that in this private moment, nothing is wrong or right. It's just energy and you're a warm Soul.

Good Luck, my friend. I am praying for the right angel to be at your side.

Love,

posted December 03, 2004 12:16 PM            

Thank you, Aphrodite.
I do really love my mother.. despite complaints, despite all the bad blood and wonky thigs that have happened in our lives together, it is our lives *together*. She is a fabulous person to other people, and I appreciate that. I can see her objectively at times, and I love a billion things about her. It would be nice if some of those things were directed toward me more.. but I can put that in its place along with paper dolls and skipping ropes.

posted December 04, 2004 02:52 AM              

my dad is also a cappy with a scorp. moon.
i have never heard the words "good job" or "i love you" from his mouth. never. not once. i was never told i was good at anything when i was younger or now for that matter. you could visibly see the pain on his face when he felt as if a parent would give praise. he's not mean on purpose.
it's just that he really didn't know how to express his feelings at all. he parents never praised him. he is so serious. it's crazy. now, he has written me a note saying "i love you" a few times when i was really upset and he stormed out of our emotional arguements so i wouldn't see him cry. he really doesn't fool anybody.
so, it's difficult, but you just have to believe that they ARE proud of you and love you. they just don't know how to express it. it's them. not you.

i have a cappy aunt as well and she is such a b1tch. she's like you guys were saying ~ all appearance. we must look as if we are rich, ect. it's nuts. and she is so manipulative and uses a sick sweet voice that doesn't fit her at all when she wants something. boy does she know how to manipulate. it's like don't you have any morals?????? it just blows your mind.

i really don't know what is wrong with them. it must be hard to live under saturn's rule. i have cappy rising, so saturn rules my chart and i know that since i didn't have praise as a child it'll be hard and foriegn for me to give it to my children. but damn it, i'm going to!

posted December 06, 2004 04:11 AM              

Pixie, you are EXACTLY right with that wandering around a point--sometimes I get SO frustrated with hubby. He'll want to tell me about something at work, say something about Nelson Numbers (he's in marketing and that's marketing research stats), and he'll start to say: "oh man, our nelsons are really low this month" and before I can say, well that sucks, why is that? he'll start on like: well you know, nelsons are measured so and so, and the research is done then and then, and then to understand them you have to go to these and those schoolings bla bla blah...not realizing, or CARING!! that I work in a very similar field and use nelsons myself ROTFL

It's very annoying, I feel like he's putting me down, I'm too stupid to know that. Couple that with a fairly fast mind and an Aries Mars (LETS MOVE ON NOW!!) and I do explode about his ramblings once in a while. Usually I just make really heavy eyes, roll them heavily once in a while, and nod my head like I'm falling asleep. At the end he'll say: "not that you care", and I can't make him understand, I DO care about your bad numbers, but I DON'T care about Nelson Marketing, their marketing strategies and their schooling concepts LOL

Tja, the joys of living with a cappy. Thank God he's a gem rising and a libra moon--makes it a bit bearable lol

And yeah, Nick's doing SO well in school at the moment, I'm so proud of/for him! It's been a long haul, but I'm seeing more and more of his cappy moon kick in (getting excited about good grades etc). He's getting so big, sometimes I feel sick to my stomach about it--he'll be gone before I know it!

Today is Nicholaus day in Germany, "Nikolaus" brings Candy and Chocolate to the kids and puts it in their shoes lol. He left Nikolaus a note with a glass of milk :"Sorry we don't have any cookies, is that OK, yes or no (please make a cross where).

Talk about melting your heart!!!!! I LOVE SAGGIES (mostly lol)