posted December 09, 2004 02:39 AM              

I tend to feel this way about anyone who seems to need me too much.

That tends to be insecure people. It's like they drain me. Sooo needy. I have needs too, but I don't try to suck them out of people. I can't handle people who always have a problem they're stressing over. But, my first instinct is to solve the problem for them. If they don't want to solve it and just find excuses, I lose patience fast.

So male-like huh?

How do you feel about whiners? Or, are you a chronic whiner? WHY? What do you get out of that?

posted December 09, 2004 02:46 AM              

I work with a woman now -- that i have listeined cry about her life for 5 years and HATE it. She says the most awful things about herself. I used to try and build her up then i relized that was her way of getting everyone's attention. I coulnd' t possibly offer her more sympathy than she offers herself. ARGH!!!

posted December 09, 2004 03:23 AM              

Second was with a lioness. I have never seen such a manipulative woman in my life..
She took advantage of my compassion, and made it a habit to declare my shortcomings infront of her boyfriend (Who i am afraid had a crush on me).Finally i took a deep beath, ran to save my life
I was much softer to her (I should have yelled "I amm sick of you.. grrrr")

posted December 09, 2004 06:54 AM              

What you said Lioneye.. about offering up clear solutions and having them ignored, only to be subjected to more endless whining... ARGH. I had a friend like that (note the use of past tense). She had the worlds worst boyfriend whom she allowed to treat her like a doormat. I think he was evil. She was just pathetic. I was friends with her for 3 years. If I told you the things he did to her and the things she did for him, you wouldn't believe me. So from day one, I am telling her "dump him! he's an @sshole! dump him! if you want help beating him up, i'll help you! THAT B@STARD! dump him!"... Did she ever dump him? No. And who had to listen to her endlessly cry and whine everytime he did something awful to her? Me.

Fast forward to 3 years into our friendship. She got a hefty compensation payout. All of a sudden boyfriend is promising her marriage, he's turned into the model boyfriend. She tells me she's going to buy him a car. My head is spinning. I tell her, look, I know you will buy this no matter what I say... but I'm telling you now, don't be STUPID. Bu a car if you must, but make sure it's in your name"... She says, oh yeah, of course, I'm not stupid, blah, blah...

A month later she calls me crying, inconsolable... he is driving around in the car she bought him, using the phone she got him... to wine and dine other women. I say, tell him to bring your car back or you'll report it stolen! She says, I can't, it's in his name.

I stopped talking to her after that. I couldn't take the stupidity anymore. I couldn't listen to it. It was like, you are really dumb, you're beyond dumb and I can't stand it and I can't talk to you anymore.

My husband is very needy. So is my mother. I despise when people encroach on my "me" time also... It makes me batty... well... battier, lol

posted December 09, 2004 09:28 AM              

Hmmh, I take it as a compliment when someone feels comfortable emoting and confiding in me. This demonstrates deep trust in friendship. Often times, I don't have any solutions and just listen. Regularly clearing the auric field, and adjusting the chakras depending on the situation has worked wonders. I've been told that I am very easy to be around in person.

Then there situations when something about a person bothers me, and I ask myself what is it inside me that is being affected and making me present to it? What is this subconscious irritation about? Why is this happening more than once? Is it something I can heal on my own and continue on with the relationship? Or do I need to step back and look again later with fresh eyes? Can I tell the person what I am thinking/feeling?

Just thoughts.

posted December 09, 2004 09:46 AM              

I feel the same way, but I especially cannot stand men that whine and b*tch
Men are supposed to speak when spoken too!

------------------
. . .and the rain is brain colored
. . .and the thunder sounds like something remembering something

posted December 09, 2004 11:08 AM              

I'm with ya, sistah.

posted December 09, 2004 01:24 PM            

Oh, I have my limits. But if someone I care for is in pain or distress, I try to be patient and understanding...or, if the situation calls for it, demanding. Goodness knows, I've whined a time or two in my life.

posted December 09, 2004 01:32 PM              

Always focusing on the negative seems to act as a magnet for negative things.

Sh!t happens in life, and that's fine... we've gotta deal with it and keep on truckin'. Part of dealing with it is talking about it to work through it. Harping on it doesn't solve anything.

posted December 09, 2004 03:17 PM            

It is one thing if they are sad and need help- but when it is a constant pattern I just want to chew my arm off to get away.

The other thing that can really make me want to run - someone that is too hypercritical or has to challenge EVERYTHING that I say.

One of those people that if I say 'Wow..the sky has a really pretty pink and purple hue tonight" and they respond 'Actually, it is more like a lavendar and rose,but you aren't that wrong".

Why? Why must they go there?

LOL...I am feeling that way right now with Mr. Taurus. We have so many great things going for us, but he is starting to embark on that territory where I am about to snap. I don't mind debate or being challenged on important principles or even being criticized in important things. But I CAN'T stand the little nitpicking or challenge to inconsequential things are mostly my opinion.

posted December 09, 2004 06:00 PM              

What a whine-bag. And a crybaby. I dont mind if a guy cries once in awhile, but there's a point when it gets to be too much. I want to be with a REAL man. Not that "real men" dont cry. But if a guy cries more than me, I can't deal. (I'm not a crier anyway though) Especially when it's over stupid things. I dont do emotional games. Maybe it's all the earth in me. I just wanted to slap him and say - "Get a friggin' hold of yourself man!!" But I didnt in fear of more crying.

And "poor me's" and complainers irk me. Negative people. And I'm with Pid, those people that challenge everything you say. Uggh.

Usually I don't tell those people "Go away - I'm sick of you." I just go away. I know if the person will be able to take what I have to say, or not. If not, I'll just say "See ya." I dont like hurting people's feelings and some things are just better left unsaid. With some people you just know it would be of no use to say the things you would like to. They'll take it the wrong way, no matter how you say it. They'll just feel bad for themselves and call you a jerk no matter what you do. Awww...poor you.

posted December 09, 2004 06:56 PM              

Face up to it. We all do it.
Sometimes it's good to have a good old moan. Sometimes you just get a run of bad luck, for no apparent reason.

Rarely are people entirely positive or negative, a lot of supposedly publicly "positive" people are monsters at home. They are rarely as positive as they would have one believe, or claim to be.

Naturally, there are cut-off points for moaning, I have had experiences with several friends with unsolvable eating disorders, or religious converts (I was neither of these), who I suppose latched onto me because they thought I looked kind (or, as unhappy as they were - which I probably was at the time).

I tend not to get people like that approaching me any more. It seems now to be feelgood, achieving people, which is a Good Thing, and possibly an indication of where I'm at now, and the work I've done on myself.

If I moan, I try to do it in a very over-expressive, dramatic or almost camply funny way. That way, the potential is there for making people laugh, or at least be mildly entertained. It gives the whole situation a bit of pathos.

I'm not sure how true the old adage "Laugh and the world laughs with you" is, and I wouldn't suggest that we all became Pollyannas. But I think if one makes some effort to be positive, achieving, working towards continual self-improvement and living a reasonably balanced lifestyle, then one can't go far wrong.
I've been working 10 years at this, and I'm not ashamed of the results.

LOL

AriesTiger

posted December 09, 2004 07:16 PM              

The thing with whiners and needers is that they know what they are doing. My ex knew I felt uncomfortable, esp as I had another boyf, but was too soft to tell him to get lost, and he totally took advantage of that. He constantly made me feel sorry for him. He wasnt stupid, he knew I wanted to tell him to **** off but didnt have the guts. But in the end I did, quite suddenly and without planning to - and I havent heard from him since!

posted December 09, 2004 08:04 PM            

About whiny guys, when I was younger I felt the same way 26T. I had no tolerance for someone I viewed as more "girlie" than me (ie; crying, emotional, etc). As I've gotten older though, I've come to respect guys who are so in touch w/ their emotions, and I'm touched that he feels comfortable enough to cry in front of me, which IMO is a big deal for a guy to be able to do. I don't cry a lot either, esp. not in front of people, but if my significant other feels comfortable enough to cry in front of me, it makes it easier for me to cry in front of them (ie; share and be vulnerable).