posted December 16, 2004 11:50 PM              

Having a relationship with me would be the opposite of what he needs since I am permanent. So that helped me understand why I have so much trouble with 40-42yr old men. I will avoid that age group from now on.

posted December 17, 2004 12:31 PM            

WOW!!! He is having a time isn't he? I didn't realize that Transit was occuring. Sorry I have been neglecting writing back - things have been hectic and sort of sad.

I was sad on my b-day yesterday because I missed my grandma so much (she was pretty much a mom to me). On top of that my ex hubby sent me a b-day e-mail and left a message for me- still saying he loved me.

I felt this tremendous guilt because I had hurt him in the past (he hurt me as well) that I had still haven't told him about Mr. Taurus. Both my dad and I thought it would be best not to tell the ex because it would hurt him and wouldn't serve any purpose. I planned on letting him know I was with someone in a Christmas card along with just general stuff about life and my family.

Mr. Taurus caught me crying at my computer last night. The first thing I blurted was about the ex- not about my grandma (which was the real reason I was crying and had been close to it all day). He thinks my guilt relates to the fact that I have kept the ex in the dark and that I should cut the tie. He's right and I will - in my way without causing the pain of just calling him up and blurting it out.

We also found at that my brother won't be able to make it out here because of the weather. He was supposed to fly in last night and we'd meet him up in Phoenix and go to the football game with my dad. (Merc retro)...so my dad and bro were pretty bummed last night too.

On a positive note - I found the last xbox in town and bought it for Mr. Taurus (he's been wanting one and loves those games- looks like I might be an xbox widow..LOL)

posted December 17, 2004 03:48 PM              

I know the guilt of an ex, mine makes me feel the same was. Telling him about Mr. Taurus will upset him no doubt, but it's the excitement he will be jealous of, just keep it light. I felt so sad after my ex I had to get rid of the bed because it reminded me too much of him, it's a constant reminder.

If you are feeling sad, you may be catching a sadness from others, you are a Sag and so sensitive to other's moods.
Try a B vitamin supplement, it really does work, it's amazing at curing sadness, it works right away.

I am taking the Amino Acid Relaxer, which is B vitamins, amino acids and gaba which is an herb. I can't believe how I don't get anxious like before. Since it is winter, and people get sad, try it, and I know you will like it. Your Sag temperament is easily influenced, and you need to be calm.

I am not looking forward to 40, if it looks like the Gemini. I am going through a rough Pluto transit now, as i believe are you, Pluto square Pluto, that correponds with big changes, a desire for action, increased sex drive, cutting, making, or creating, or destroying old structures. It can cause arguments and bickering too.

Be good to yourself now since you are going through so much inner emotional turmoil which will last all year, get a massage, take amino acids.

I am trying hard not to bicker, but it's difficult, it seems everywhere there is confrontation. That is why I am spending Christmas and New years, among calm people.

Remember you are stressed emotionally right now, so take care of yourself, don't forget.

posted December 20, 2004 01:29 PM            

Sorry I didn't get back to you. We had to leave for my dad / stepmom's place for the weekend. It was great. Warm, Sunny and we went hiking up in the White Tank Mountains.

Ahh..yeah, the stress is getting to me, especially with the job search. I am under consideration for a couple of positions at the University of AZ - BUT..it's winter break so it looks like I will have to wait until January to get word.

Mr. Taurus was pleased with me telling my ex that I was with him. I decided to do it in an e-mail versus just laying it out in a Christmas card (that seemed a bit callous). LOL...I don't know if I will hear from him, but I do feel a burden has been lifted.

I will look into the amino acid relaxer. For Christmas (Mr. T could NOT wait until Christmas to give me my gifts..LOL) he bought me two bath / message kits...Ahh..the chamomile / lavendar anti stress massage lotion is great. He rubbed some in on my sore neck and I felt like I was in heaven.

Bickering...Ugh..this seems like the time for some reason. I have noticed that both Mr. T and I have been moodier and I do pick up on other people's moods. It's hard to explain and when I try sometimes Mr. T thinks I am just being irrational. (Personally, I think he doesn't want to admit I am right..LOL)

It's funny..I love our car trips to my dad's or just about anywhere because it gives as chance to just hang out and talk. Last night, on the way home we talked about me not being "very romantic" his words. I finally told him "I am very romantic in my mind - I have alot of thoughts and dreams, but it's always been hard for me to express them. As I have grown older I have become more cynical as I have dealt with betrayal and hurt."

He said "As I have grown older I have lost my cynical view of love and become more romantic".

I had never voiced that to him before- I don't think he realized how much of a mush pot I really am inside- it's just that I can be so analytical when it comes to my speech or my emotions.

But...I think Taurus people are also similar to that, don't you? Even though you all are very cuddly and great with cards, gifts and gestures, when it comes to really opening up, that is a different story.

What do you think?

As far as turning 40? Well, I am not looking forward to it...but, what can we do? I guess if we've made it through this Pluto thing so far (and we both have had a hell of a time with Saturn in Cancer - your poor moon) then I think we'll do fine at 40---mainly because we know what to expect and we know not to fight the lessons.