posted January 05, 2005 07:56 PM              

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Taurus:
Don't date a Taurus if you're not Looking For A Relationship, because once you ask them out they'll consider themselves engaged and want to shop for rings. If you are looking for an over-possessive materialist, get yourself a Taurus. Do date a Taurus if you enjoy eating huge, fattening meals in front of the television set every night, and you don't mind carrying a pager so they can reach you at any moment to ask you to stop at the grocery store on the way home. Are they really as stubborn and slow-moving as legend has it? Well, let's just say that if you're waiting for them to change their mind, you should definitely bring along something to read. And if you're waiting for them to get ready to do anything, be prepared to actually watch your nails grow ....

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posted January 05, 2005 08:06 PM              

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Leo:
Looking for an easygoing, low-maintenance, and independent partner? Someone who can always roll with the punches, never takes anything personally, and is always able to separate their ego from the situation at hand? Well, then avoid Leos at all costs. If you're dating a Leo, you're going to need lots of Power Naps because these folks are as high-maintenance as they come. If you can manage to call and/or stop by to tell them they look good, did good, and that the color of the sweater they're wearing really brings out their eyes -- at least 18 times a day -- they'll be mildly placated. If you don't, they'll pout and say you don't love them anymore. Too bad the reason you didn't call was because you were having surgery. Couldn't someone else dial the phone for you? Be prepared for your life to turn into a soap opera, too. With Leo, High Drama is the only way to go, and Big Entrances and Big Exits, are the only way to get there. Most important of all, don't ever stand in their spotlight -- which is anywhere people gather in groups of more than one.

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posted January 05, 2005 08:52 PM              

Actually I don't really mind except the chained part, and they are slow to forgive too,

posted January 05, 2005 09:39 PM              

Pisces:

It's not true that they never get out of bed or away from the television set. If you can find their clothes, and give them very specific instructions on what to do with them, you can even take them out -- but understand that they will only want to go to The Movies, to the Pool, or Out For A Drink. No matter where you take them, they'll have no idea where they are or how they got there. Are they really all that easily confused? Huh?

posted January 05, 2005 10:46 PM              

Scorpio:
Looking for a lover who will automatically suspect you of lying at all times? Someone who will be obsessively jealous of everyone around you, regardless of their age or sex? Want a relationship with someone who will squint suspiciously at you, at least once a day, and ask what you really meant by that? If so, you've found your match -- or, actually, they've found you. They'll continue finding you, too, no matter where you hide. Just look out back in those bushes. That's them in the black tights -- with the binoculars. Oh, it might seem a bit psychotic at first, but you'll get used to it. Keeping you in their sights is just Scorpio's way of saying, I Love You.

posted January 05, 2005 11:09 PM              

Bring you milkshakes in the middle of the night...and demand the same!