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Author
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Topic: What Does One Do with a Depressed Person?
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ariestiger
unregistered
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posted January 11, 2005 12:43 PM
 
Despite the fact I complain like crazy about Mr. Aqua, a part of me can't help feeling sorry for him.
He's trained as a solicitor, but needs two years' practical experience with a law firm to become fully qualified. The trouble is that he has never been able to get work experience of this type. He was looking at jobs on the Internet yesterday and they ALL required full qualification.
The weather has been awful over here and gardening is slow in any case this time of the year. Last week he was playing computer games from 10 am to 2 am the next morning - I kid you not - practically every day. This week he's taken to just lying - not doing anything, in the Parker Knoll armchair and looking out of the window.
I actually think he has some sort of depressive illness allied to his PA behaviour, but I am not qualified to make that assumption. I am told I can't force him to have counselling, he has to take the initiative on that score. It feels strangely as though I am beginning to relive my life at my parents' all over again, because my mother used to lie in bed all day with depression and not do anything. Myself, I suffered with depression for a long time, but wasn't allowed to get away with not doing anything! So I figure my case can't have been total, absolute depression of the type Mr. Aqua and my mother experienced.
I can understand the need to want to have an unconventional career. What I can't understand is the not wanting to do anything AT ALL, that seems to be a characteristic of this type of depression. Is this something that Fixed signs suffer from? Mr. Aqua and my mother both have a lot of Fixed signs in their charts. Is it possible to deal with this type of person on a practical level, as I know it's almost impossible to get them to do something they don't want to do? In my experience, there's not a lot one can do, but I'm trying to jolly Mr. Aqua along at the moment 
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maya-v
unregistered
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posted January 11, 2005 12:59 PM
I think sometimes, when you have lost your way, it helps to revisit your happy place from the past. Maybe you could help him go back to the things that always mattered to him. Being an Aqua, I think he would love to go on an adventure and if its into somewhere familiar, it might even remind him of the reasons he chose the path he is on right now!IP: Logged |
pixelpixie
Newflake Posts: 8
From: ON Canada
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted January 11, 2005 01:11 PM
With fixed signs, when the rut hits, it's difficult for someone on the outside to move them... motivation isn't something they will respond to.. especially not critisism. They will know and understand on some level what they ar(n't) doing.
Hopefuly he will get out of it soon.
How would I like to be treated when I am down?
Speak nicely, not condescendingly, no critisism, (I am the first to know how crappy I am or what I am doing is, and to point it out gets me resentful..)
Let him know you are aware he isn't at his best and wonder what you could do about it... compasson, espect... but no pushing, as it is like moving a brick wall ... defeating for both involved.
I know first hand, living weith an Aries hubby, and being a fixed sign who is emotional ( therefore I have downs too) He doesn't have a lot of patience for this, or understanding. But we both know that I will work through it within, not talk a lot, do my own thing, and then feel better and pull myself out of it again.
I have never been suicidal, nor necessarily without motivation.. I just change my course, or am ruled by emotions for a while, and am overwhelmed.
Good luck, I wish I had advice other then don't move him...IP: Logged |
The_Toothfaerie
unregistered
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posted January 11, 2005 01:16 PM
aah yes, i know exactly where hes comming from, im an Aqua, and have gone through exactly the same thing, i trained for a year to be a dental assistant, did my internships, temp jobs, only to come back to my home town and find absolutely nothing...other then jobs where i had to have at least 2 years of experience...i became very depressed and hopeless...in fact i still dont have my dream job, and it still really gets to me, but I am...and im sure he is also a very ambitious person, and that is why he is feeling this way, all he wants, is to reach his goal, but the world seems to be his obstacle. he probably needs someone to lean on for now, and a little inspiration from someone he loves, and even if he has to take a lower position, he will still get his foot in the door...as i have found out also...even though i dont have any experience in dental assisting, ive been in the medical field for the last year, and im sure dentists will look at that and acknowledge that i at least have that experience...do ya know what im getting at? he probably doesnt want to be bother too much but nudges are good, especially if its just something simple like getting out of the house for an hour... i hope this helps.------------------
Buying dope, so an 80 year old can eat, is a crime id be honored to commit.
-unknown journalist for the Seattle PI
(it was an artical about an 80 year old woman who couldnt stomach food or take her pills unles she smoked a joint first...) IP: Logged |
sthenri
unregistered
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posted January 11, 2005 01:52 PM
Has he taken any meds at all? I would put him on exercising as a rule everyday, and antidepressant herbs and vitamins.B-vitamins, Gaba, amino acids, your local health food store has an entire section, be firm, Natasha
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astro junkie
unregistered
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posted January 12, 2005 01:24 AM
... oh how underestimated doing "nothing" is ...IP: Logged |
The_Toothfaerie
unregistered
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posted January 13, 2005 01:29 AM
What is nothing, anyway??? Really...IP: Logged |
ariestiger
unregistered
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posted January 13, 2005 05:34 AM
Well, whadd'ya know?I had a "gentle conversation" with Mr.Aqua, reminded him of some of the magical times we had had in the past, and took care to remember: NO pushing, NO criticism. I think what really turned things around was when I said: "I'm here if you need me". Mr Aqua's depression lifted as if by magic, and his sunny smile came back to his face. Of his own accord, he then went and investigated other work avenues. I then remembered that that sunny smile of his was one of the reasons I had originally fallen in love with him, and that I hadn't seen it for quite a while. I then realized that I hate seeing him looking so sad and as if he were downtrodden.
Natasha, you mentioned in another post that a relationship dies when one loses faith. I actually, if I'm being honest, felt for a long time that I had lost faith even within the first year of our marriage. I think this was partly due to circumstances, my parents refused to contribute anything towards the wedding and split up the moment we got married (so did not exactly offer any sort of support, moral or otherwise, for my marriage) and I had to live with MIL for 14 months after the marriage, which should never have happened. I think Saturn was in Aries at that time! I can't help feeling that life would have been so much easier if both sets of our parents hadn't been around. Mr. Aqua said at the time that he would rather we had just eloped, but he knew his family would have been upset. It's funny, I sometimes get the feeling that he in some way resents his family, too. His mother is so damn clingy!! Pixie, that advice of yours was great, and spot on. (Mr. Aqua also has a Leo Moon and Scorpio rising.) THANK YOU!!!!!!!!! LOL AriesTiger
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