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Author Topic:   OMG Help!
maya-v
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posted January 16, 2005 05:53 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
*edited*

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MysticScorpio
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posted January 16, 2005 06:09 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi maya, I'm not Natasha or Pidua but I'll try my best to help you. I don't know anything about this guy but I think if IMs you should definitely reply, what have you to lose? Keep it casual. I wish I could tell you more but I don't know the nature of you're relationship with this person.
Take care

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maya-v
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posted January 16, 2005 06:12 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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Azalaksh
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Posts: 982
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted January 16, 2005 06:37 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Azalaksh     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Oh, maya, just wanted to point out a couple things, what happened to the woman who wrote.....

"How do you break up with a wall? I tried to call him, but it doesnt work. He freaks everytime I try to break up and disappears on me. Now he is just ignoring my messages and I am not sure if we are on or off and obviously its driving my sweet, simple little bull mind up the wall! And he should know, there is nothing more dangerous than a confused, angry bull."

and

"OK I did it ... I gave him a very firm ultimatum to call me or get in touch within an hour or thats it, we're through. Now the wait is on ... I will need all of my patience to deal with this hour - it will be the longest 60 min ever!"

and

"Natasha - he has left. He has said goodbye, he has left and he is probably not coming back. Other than demeaning myself by calling him or IMing when he clearly doesnt want me to, I dont have much choice but to let him go."

Is this the same guy ("I really love the stupid moron"), and now you are freaked that he might contact you after the ultimatums? Do you really REALLY want him to? Analyze where your fear and terror is coming from. Post again with your current thoughts -- what's going on?

'zala

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sthenri
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posted January 16, 2005 06:40 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Maya, what you are thinking is that he's lonely, but you are not lonely anymore and not needy. So, if he does contact you ask him Why? If he's lonely make him say so. Then consider if he wants to be with you, everynight, arms around you. Then tell him you want him to get to know you better by doing just that. You have nothing to lose if you put it that way, but stay firm. Don't sound flirty, don't ask him about his life.

I know Sag men can be really pushy, but you can find another love toy, really.

He's not smart enough to see what you are made of, it's nothing personal.

But if he does contact stay firm with the everynight deal and do not compromise.

Natasha

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maya-v
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posted January 16, 2005 06:43 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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maya-v
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posted January 16, 2005 06:47 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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sthenri
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posted January 16, 2005 06:49 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Having all that fire in your chart, you are setup to fall in love head over heels with many people in your lifetime. It's good to recognize when it is love instead of acting like it's not good for you. You are recognizing a part of yourself but you don't always have to express it right here and now. Affection and comfort are not received when we give. Plus they are separate.

Take the comfort you receive her, and get affection from your friends and you won't expect comfort and affection from a man.

So many fire driven women do well in the music business because they know how much they want to express their feelings here and now. In a song, there is so much emotion, that others are swept along with it. Your emotions are like a song, and you want to sweep him along with them. But you can't be that controlling, give him up.

Go to a pub, I went to one the other night waiting on a friend and he was two hours late. So I met two new men who were cuter.

Play a song, go out and listen to some music, it's GOOD for you to hear live music, it's how you express yourself through music. You can show what you are thinking, but you can never get a man to tell you what's on his mind.

Natasha

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sthenri
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posted January 16, 2005 06:54 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Maya go here http://www.consciousloving.com/forums/
say the affirmations for letting go, you will always love him and remember him, but you have to let go of the pain.

There are 5 stages of grief that we go through when we experience a loss. I'll list them for you, in case you don't know them. Except for the first and last stages, these do not necessarily occur in this order.

The first stage is shock/denial. This is the initial "I can't believe this is happening" stage. You may think or feel things like "Maybe we'll get back together" or "This can't be over".

The second stage is depression. In this stage you feel the sadness and pain associated with the loss. You may eat and sleep too much or too little, have crying spells, have little energy, and lose interest in things you usually enjoy.

The third stage is bargaining. In this stage you may be thinking "Maybe if I/s/he had done______(fill in the blank), then we would still be together" or "Maybe if I/s/he will do______, we can make it work".

The fourth stage is anger. You may be angry with him/her, yourself, or both. Thoughts and feelings such as,"How dare s/he ______" or "S/He has really made a fool of me".

The final stage is acceptance. In this stage you finally let go and start moving on.

Bear in mind that this is normal and necessary in healing. Many people get involved in other relationships right away, to avoid working through these stages. That is why rebound hardly ever works out in the long run. You may go through each stage more than once. So if you are angry right now, that doesn't mean that you won't be again. There is no set time limit on grieving. It takes as long as it takes. Recognizing what you're feeling and what stage you're in can help you get through it better.

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maya-v
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posted January 16, 2005 06:55 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You're right Natasha, abt music. Is it coincidence or did my stereo break down a few days ago for a reason? I always have music playing when I am working and for the last few days, I have not been able to escape into my fav melodies. But now its fixed, so maybe I will do as you say ... thanks for helping me out when I need someone the most - as always

You're an

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sthenri
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posted January 16, 2005 07:03 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Letting go http://www.consciousloving.com/forums/showthread.php?threadid=3506

Take a look

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sthenri
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posted January 16, 2005 07:11 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think Sag and Gemini men can be really addicting for Taurus women, it must be our Aries Venus and fire Mars, it's like they are love objects and they like to play with several. That makes it a competition and Venus in Aries likes to collect and capture until it's an obession.

The man wants to be take care of, and loved but not an obsession, you have to pull back to give him his space, so he can get over his loss too.

He is getting over you, let him get over his loss and anger at your fights otherwise he will be resentful. He doesn't want to hear, how much you love him, because he wants to be in control of the relationship. So he wants to push away now. It's painful but that's because Taurus women are strong and the fantasy is that all the goodness is now badness. He doesn't want to see you that way or else he will not respect you.

Remember you don't have to fall in love with someone else, or date, just see friends, but don't feel obsessed with collecting and capturing different men to get them to sleep with you right now. I did have a fling with a Sag right after the Gemini and I felt wrecked, it was the same thing, and even though I told him not to call me he did anyway. Which was domineering and played into my feelings of loss all over again.

Sag men can be very controlling and in charge which makes a Taurus woman feel less control and more abandoned. But that feeling can get quickly out of control if you have a lot of fire in your chart because you are not resigned to it.

You must be resigned to negotiate in your relationships. You have to compromise, but that means not a doormat, not in control, not a fantasy, a relationship with work on your side. It's easy to be the fantasy woman because you HAVE the looks with Mars/Venus fire you are a love object too. Take care of your power, and use it wisely.

You do not belong to everyone, and you do have self esteem already, don't look for it in the Sag, because he doesn't have any right now to give. He needs to find a comfort level on his own.

This is a good time to do activities that you love, bake a cake, get sentimental, put up pictures. I took down all the Geminis photos and put up my own, and worked out, got my hair done, made an apt with a plastic surgeon, tried to get away from the things in the past. Dated, a few, but had pizza with friends, just do the routine and remember you do belong to the world, but not to the people in it.

Get comfortable, wrap yourself in a blanket and cry if you want to but you don't have to.

It's a loss, you have to get over, but it's not a huge loss, and there will be more love, I promise.

Are you holding it together?
Natasha

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MysticScorpio
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posted January 16, 2005 07:15 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Seems to me that this archer is not ready to settle down and that must be disagreeing with your steady Taurus nature that craves security so much. I honestly think that you have given him more chances than he desreves, And if he fails to recognize what a great person you are whos willing to give so much than I'm sorry to say, it's his loss. I think you shouldn't IM him if he logs on again, however, if he talks to you, reply but be very curt & tell him that you don't appreciate him not answering your emails without sounding like you're guilt tripping him, guilt tripping doesn't really go well with sags. I am sending you lots of love and a big hug I hope you do the right thing.
Take care

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sthenri
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posted January 16, 2005 07:18 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Empty passion is what he has right now, offer him the real honest truth about what you want and you won't be unhappy. You know what you want from him, if you offer anything else it's not real. And you can't take what he offers because then you are not helping him into a real healthy relationship.

I hate to be radical, but do you want to die alone? Is the love really that strong? Then would you die alone for him? What difference would it make if he's there for one night and leaves you like that?

Nat

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maya-v
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posted January 16, 2005 07:20 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I did have a good cry the other day - my roomie has this cute song and everytime she plays it, I break down and cry like an idiot - but no more! I am going to delete that stupid song and since he has officially ignored me a second time - I am not going to waste time over him!

Its amazing how empowered I feel with just a few words form you guys ... its like I have the wisest largest family of friends in the world! Thank yuo Linda for showing me the way to where I truly belong - I have found a home now!

Just making a checklist and matching it to the one you prescribed for me, Nat
(do you mind if I call u that - have a bad bull tendency of nicknaming people I care abt ) -
1. Bake - thats such a fantastic idea!
2. Call friends over for dinner and make a huge one.
3. Go out for a movie - I have a s*** load of work to do but its a holiday on Monday - so what the heck!
4. Listen to my fav music - thats a great one - just bought a small IPOD - will populate it now!
5. Take care of myself - found an inexpensive salon which will pamper me for less -time to give it a try!
6. Joined a fantabulous gym with Raquetball, Aquacise and all other fun stuff - with a brand new season ebing launched on Monday - Yay!

Now this will exhaust all my hard saved resources but I would have spent themon the idiot anyway - so here's one for me!

Just hope I am able to stick to my resolutions!

How abt you Nat - how r u doing? I am sorry for being so selfish and boorish but I never did ask abt you before!

Did I mention I love you

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sthenri
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posted January 16, 2005 07:36 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Awww thanks, no you are not selfish,
I know I spent a bunch of money on a Sag too, it's amazing how well you can put that money to use on stuff for yourself. Think of it as an investment,

I am better, I had two dates last night so I am pretty resigned to be on the circuit for a very long time, but now I need a break. It's good to be patient sometimes. After all it's been one month since the breakup with the Gemini, so I don't need to push myself.

Nat

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pidaua
Knowflake

Posts: 67
From: Back in AZ with Bear the Leo
Registered: Apr 2009

posted January 16, 2005 09:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for pidaua     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Block him from seeing you on the IM- Yahoo and AOl has that feature. I did that with the ex Leo, because every time I saw his name online it would make my stomach go into knots, my pulse would quicken and I would panic...

That was during the first month of me letting go. So I blocked it. Now I have no idea if and when he goes online and I don't care. He is a part of my past, but like you, I was very upset at first and it hurt.

Don't torture yourself with "what if he contacts me". If it happens you can deal with it.

When I am sad and truly wanting to get over someone I do a few things.

1) I embrace it- I give myself some time to realize that I am letting go

2) I mourn- I set aside that time (usually 1 night) that I think about all we went through. I write letters, I cry, I listen to sad songs.

3) I throw out things: I put all the stuff that reminds me of him in one of two places- a trinket or two in my memory box and the rest in the trash. Then I make a day of it- clean out everything, throw away all that is outdated ....It is very "pluto"

4) I go on..and try to resume life as normal..

Repeat the process as needed..have a glass of wine and a bubble bath...(I listen to the Cure)...I wouldn't advise repeating the process so often that you end up with NOTHING to throw out LOL...then you have gone too far.

When we break up- we do mourn -but you have set him free and by doing so, you also set yourself free.

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sthenri
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posted January 16, 2005 09:37 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yes Pidua knows what she is talking about with that strong Pluto.

And a 4th house sun knows how to end things too. My ex Gemini was a 4th house sun and I admired his way of moving on, but I am still learning. Setting aside time for a while is a very good idea.

Nat

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maya-v
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posted January 16, 2005 10:28 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Just had a bubble bath - time for a snooze! Got my hot cocoa and an old movie ...

Love you guys - Nat and Pidaua, see you tomorrow - hope it goes better than today : )

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pidaua
Knowflake

Posts: 67
From: Back in AZ with Bear the Leo
Registered: Apr 2009

posted January 16, 2005 10:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for pidaua     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi Natasha,


Ahhh...if only I could move on as quick as a Gemini 4th house sun. For me, I repeat that process I noted about 3 times over a 6 month period. I usually know ahead of time when I am going to break things off and try to let the person know. I mentally prepare myself- then have the talk.

With the exception of the Leo, the majority of my exes stayed friends. (well, the ex hubby Virgo won't talk to me now that I am with Mr. Taurus).

It is still hard, harder if I have allowed them into my inner sanctum (my home). If I move (like I did with my ex) then I am okay, because they are no longer apart of that part of my life. It is much harder though if we have spent time at my home and i have created memories.

Yeah..the throwing things out is very Pluto and very cathartic...I also "clean" like maniac when I am sad (Virgo risng).

Oddly enough...I also throw things out when I am just fine, especially food. Like if we have left overs and no one eats them in 2 days..in the trash.. Mr. T thinks I am nuts..But I HATE half eating things..like boxes of crackers that are a quarter full or things of that nature. HE says..."but we can't let them go to waste". I am like "ewww...they are taking up space"

hee hee

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sthenri
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posted January 16, 2005 11:06 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yes Pidua that sounds more Virgo, I do that to make the fridge neat.

I feel like 4th house Suns have some sort of power over me. My Taurus 6th house sun is a sensual servant, and the 4th house suns are like royalty, so they have a lot of power over me. I am sure I was meant to serve someone, but someone who make me feel he is worthy. And of course 4th, and 8th house suns have that prince like quality. I am in real trouble.

Another 4th house sun Aqua I know, is the same way, Mr. Prince. He is always holding himself up higher than the other mortal men. If I try to bring him to my level it will never work, so I would have to serve him forever. He has been married twice before and he got involved with other women due to lack of attention, not physically though. So I know my work would be there.

It's like I need to work for it or something. My God. I was on another astrology board and I posted about the 8th house, and then a Pluto conjunct Sun Leo messaged me to tel me he and his wife hadn't had sex in 5 years.

I was like huh? Did he know I was 6th house? These water house suns are always looking for a commitment, but the relationship is more convulted than just, let's go steady. There is a love of drama.

I have learned I must imagine myself as a perfectly dressed servant in a temple of love, ready to please, always pleasant, and light hearted on emotion and heavy on devotion.

That is me, of course but it's strange to feel so grounded by someone else's imagination.

I am still in shock someone else could zero in on my biggest fantasy, a man who hasn't had sex in five years alone with me:>

So, it's my duty to serve, but I don't know if I want to meet another 4th house Sun man for a long time. Even worse is when they are in competition mode, is the 4th house very competitive? Because it seems unless I am attracting other men, I am invisible.

In fact I feel invisible unless I have everything, money, beauty, brains, clothes, my hair done, body perfect, it's almost as if I must be the most popular girl in the room. Yet I must be totally devoted to one person and give lots of attention, practically stalking the object of my desire. I have to pursue, and pursue and I never know if I am doing the job except that I am still allowed into the house.

As you put it, the house is it, I was very angry when the ex b/f wouldn't bring me to his house because his ex had to leave town or she would drop by. So I went, and he was so protective of it. I never knew anyone could be that way. I could see then getting into his house was very significant and I showed up there often. All that drama and secretiveness just made me want him even more.

What is your opinion on 6th house suns if you know any?

Thanks,
Nat

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Secret Garden
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posted January 17, 2005 02:15 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Sorry to interrupt your conversation, hehe, but I was just reading (I love your guys' posts). Sthenri, I can totally relate to wanting to be the most popular girl in town and the whole service thing too! I like to do things for my significant others...all sorts of financial, emotional, other favors...that no one would normally do. Sometimes I think this messes the relationships up because the other person begins to take you for granted, and becomes a slavedriver.

I can give one mean massage and my exes always say thats one of the things they miss most about me. I love giving massages, giving gifts, giving kisses, putting away another persons laundry, doing their work for them, anything.

I also love to look the best because it makes me feel the best!

As far as fourth house suns go, my brother is a fourth house sun and holds a strange power over my mom (a 6th house sun). There has to be something going on with that combination. He has basically rejected her whole domination/arranged marriage ideal and gotten away with it. She still loves him to death and just constantly admires him.

I, on the other hand, got cursed for doing that sort of thing (9th house sun here). Any ideas on the 9th house irritating that 6th? And what about 12th house suns? Im absolutely mad for this one guy who's sun is at the end of his twelfth house...

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ariestiger
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posted January 17, 2005 05:33 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Natasha,

"These water house suns are always looking for a commitment, but the relationship is more convoluted than just, let's go steady. There is a love of drama."

I've said this before, but I really think you ought to write a book. Selling point: unique interpretive style.

LOL

AriesTiger
(8th House Sun)

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pidaua
Knowflake

Posts: 67
From: Back in AZ with Bear the Leo
Registered: Apr 2009

posted January 17, 2005 04:12 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for pidaua     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi Natasha,

I never thought of myself as having power over 6th house Suns. I never even saw myself as being like a princess..but...that was my nickname that my mom and other's called me for the longest time.

My Ex Leo was also a 4th house Sun. I knew that we would never marry because we would never be able to share the domain. With Mr. Taurus- he's a 1st house Sun- he has his space, which I never touch, and lets me have the run of the rest of the house.

I find that he can be more powerful than me in many ways. His resolution and determination is amazing. I also find that he can be very "in charge" at times, which can irk me- especially when he gets that way at home...that is MY domain

I NEED a home base- it gives me strengh. If I feel that base threatened, I get very insecure. It doesn't matter how big it is, it just has to fit my needs. I don't want just anyone here.


My brother is a 10th house Sun and had our house quite noisy. His friends were always over, which was fine- but at times it really bothered me because they interferred with my inner sanctum. One funny story- my brother would invite his friends to stay over at my mom's house..even when he no longer lived with her and especially when she lived in Vegas. I was over one week for a vacation - this was when my grandmother was still alive- and my brother left a message that a friend of his and his wife would be coming over to stay and would call ahead.

I blew up! I was so offended that the twirp would EVEN think it was okay to invite someone to stay at his mother's house like it was a hotel. (She is 9th house Cancer Sun). In the end, the friends stayed in a hotel and my brother stopped pimping out my mom's house.

I ex-Virgo was a 5th house Sun (Venus and Mars in Leo).

I would have to say that the majority of people in my life and the men I date- tend to be 1st house, 5th house,or other 4th house Suns. In fact, ALOT of my friends and family are 1st house Suns -or Aries rising or Mars in the 1st.

My dad (1st house)
My sis-in law (1st house)
best cappy friend (5th house)
ex hubby (5th house)
Mr. Taurus (1st house)
old best friend (1st house)
Grandma (1st house)
Brother (Mars in the 1st)
Nephew (Aries rising)

Odd...

As far as people serving me..nah, I don't really like that- it makes me uncomfortable- but I tend to work behind the scenes to promote others- especially the men in my life. Like their own personal cheerleader - and I like to watch them grow and succeed, but I need to be given credit ( I have Mars in the 6th as well). If they neglect that, then I start to resent them and after a long while, will look to move on.

They don't have to be best looking or the most popular, BUT they have to be GOOD. By that I mean, my mate or potential mate has to have potentional, be intelligent and yeah- look good. If I think about it, I have always be attracted to power (Pluto in the 1st) and very strong men usually with either prestigious careers or careers where they served a great purpose. That may be why I am attracted to Military and law enforcement types (also science). That could also be due to my Moon in Aries in the 7th house.

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sthenri
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posted January 17, 2005 05:22 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yes you are right and there are many different aspects to your personality than just the sun. I do have Mars in the 1st conjunct Ascendant, but I do not think it's service so much as work.

I do notice that 4th house suns must run the household or else they feel totally dominated by another presence, and that space has to be respected. There can't be people in and out, stopping by. I can see that, but what's funny is that my sister would do that at home when we were younger and now she doesn't let anyone in practically just immediate family.
I think the trust takes time.

What I don't like is feeling that from someone, especially a 4th house sun, because as soon as walk in the house I feel I am talking to someone who is part of the house, so no matter where I go, walk around I have to explain what I am doing such as I going in to the garage and so on.

The strange thing is that I ramble in people's houses, without knowing why, which must be very upsetting to 4th houses.

Secret Garden, I don't know any 9th house suns right now, but the 12th and the 9th are both co-ruled by Neptune, so you must have a lot in common. Pretty much anyone can boss me around when they are living with me or part of my household, and I do open my doors/boundaries without questions. I find 8th and 4th house Suns are constantly telling me to be careful with myself, and I respect that concern.

The water houses are about boundaries and I choose not to have as many with friends. that can be confusing about what is happening now, and who is most important in my life. 3rd house and 6th house suns tend to leave boundaries to others too much, so I do not have too many strong personalities around me, as casual friends.

Example, I do not like to date Italian men anymore, as I do not like the need to follow their every suggestion that comes up. I do not like to be protected without respect for my differences.

If someone tells me flat out I am making mistakes without seeing how hard I have tried, that says they have no patience, something I have to work very hard to obtain and keep. I do find that water house suns can be very good with suggestions but I am easily confused with two or more strong close personalities in my life.

That is why I was confused when I knew two men with 4th house suns well. I would have to take a break, taking that break from a man who is a friend is really tough for me especially if that person is already protective and implanted into my life. Whoever spends the most time with is the most important, and 4th house suns do not trust and let someone into their home that quickly. In the meantime I have already bonded to someone else and listen to that person.

As it is I have to keep settled and make sure that I also work in an enviroment with lots of people telling me what to do, rather than one controlling bossy person, because then that person becomes too much for me and disrupts my personal life. I can live with someone like that but work. So if my work is boundless that way, it scares my partner because he doesn't know my schedule.

Now I finally have to have a schedule of some sort where a boss is watching me to have a partner living with me and sometimes I don't know...It's all I can do to work for one art gallery once a week and then work with the public-unfortunately I attract tons of men that way, another way to distance 4th house Suns. Maybe I will work for the city p/t and do my bit for a schedule, after I have to be more grounded to attract a grounded mate.

Secret Garden are you patient with your Mother? Or do you notice she worries easily? Best way to deal with that is to soothe, and tell her to worry less often.

Natasha

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