posted February 03, 2005 08:22 PM            

So, yeah.

Neptune is transiting my 1st house, Squaring my Retrograde Venus in Scorpio.

I just checked astro.com, and it seems the Sun conjuncted Neptune today -- no wonder it hit me so hard.

I've been more Neptunian, and more Jovian, the past couple of days, than I've been in a long time.

I literally feel like I tripped over the past couple of days. I experienced as much blind optimism as i've ever known. I found myself indulging in self-righteousness like never before. (I mean, never for such a sustained period, and so assuredly.)

I'm glad this group was/is here. I want to apologize for drawing so much attention to myself. I have been humbled today in the weirdest way.

I am very sad right now, crying, and thinking unfortunate thoughts, but I dont want to -

I know i'm still "tripping".

I suppose I've resented hearing people talk about Scorpios in what seemed a very condescending way - not just here. But I was humbled today. I got my ass kicked, just a bit.

I know you kid (Scorpios) because you love. I know no one here would expect a true-blue water sign to act like an earth sign. I have seen my watery nature today, and it humbles me to think that you folks know a thing or two more about it that I do.

I'm really freaked out. I lifted the veil just enough to know it was there. To know how precarious my grip on reality is.

I'm no longer looking forward to my Saturn return.

I said i was not naive, but its all I am.
I'm not a brilliant eccentric.
I'm a self-deluded shut-in.

Reality is so unreal.

I knew I shouldnt attempt to write while in this state, that id only say negative things... but i still feel there is a karmic reason for my late interractions with this group.

Please dont site me, though, as just another instance of the defective Scorpio male, prowling for chicks lately fallen from the nest. Maybe I am too messed up, too self-absorbed, too neurotic to enter a mature alliance,... but I DO love the people in my life, and I am good at showing it, and I know they love me, and that I DO provide something valuable by my presence.

Wow!, listen to me.. I sound like a nut!

But its made me think.
Yesterday I wanted more than anything to meet someone just like myself.
Today, I don't.

posted February 03, 2005 09:00 PM              

"self-deluded shut in"? Don't be silly. Hermit periods are quite common and often very useful. Enjoy it while it lasts! *sigh* I still ocassionally miss mine.

As for the "brilliant eccentric" thingy, while those sorts are certainly entertaining, I don't think they always live up to the hype. There are equal or better things to aspire to.

posted February 03, 2005 09:04 PM              

Water-friend, I feel ya.

posted February 03, 2005 09:11 PM              

p.s. you can be a brilliant eccentric AND a self-deluded shut-in at the same time but I wouldn't know anything about that *whistles innocently*

posted February 03, 2005 09:34 PM              

Hey Steve. I really do know how it goes. We are having (pretty much) the same transits (although aspecting some different planets). And although we are completely different people, I understand. Neptune in the first is hitting me hard as well. It's opposite natal Mars to boot! I've had my bouts of slipping in and out of "reality" lately as well. Life's been like a dream.....a bad dream at times.

Unlike you I am still looking forward to my Saturn return. You should be looking forward to it too! It's our charts ruler with Capricorn rising. I think (hope) he will be bringing us many rewards upon his return.

Youre not a nut, youre a great guy, dont get so down on yourself.

quote:

---

Yesterday I wanted more than anything to meet someone just like myself.
Today, I don't.

---

Same here. It's old Saturn transiting the 7th. (I forget what degree your Cap Asc. is in. But I think Saturn is in your 7th too? That can explain alot)

posted February 03, 2005 09:42 PM              

What's this Neptune guy doing that we're all up in arms about?
And I thought Saturn Returns were good things? My last one was disappointingly uneventful. I'm hoping the next will be better.

posted February 04, 2005 01:23 PM            

Tink,

thanks for the thoughts.

Saturn isn't scheduled to visit for another couple of years - but, when it does, it will be in Virgo(!!!), in the 8th (!!!!!!!).

It is presenty re-conjuncting my DC, in retrograde.

prox -

Thanks for the empathy.

vtt -

thanks for the *hugs hugs*
I needed that.
And, yeah, self-awareness blows.

I'll try to allow myself to be more of myself, not just one aspect or another.

Do people still say "rad"?
I think you're rad too.

ps. Do you really live in "Fart"?
That can't be fun.

26taurus,

Yikes, Neptune oppositioning mars sounds brutal! "Life is but a nightmare," I hear ya.

My Cap Asc is at 20 51'.
Saturn is oppositioning my Asc, Neptune Square Venus and Midheaven, Chiron just passed the Asc, and it headed for my Moon, Mars is making his way into the 12th, and Jupiter is transiting an already busy 9th house...

I've heard that, about life getting exponentially better for the Cappy risings.
Let's hope its not somebody's idea of a sick joke.

maya,

Neptune transits bring a strong sense of unreality. Neptune squared my sun all last year. This year its squaring venus. Next year it will square Uranus. After that, there's the Saturn return.
Wake me when its over, will ya?

posted February 04, 2005 04:34 PM            

Saturn "returns" to its own natal position (approx. every 28 years), not to the natal position of the sun.

posted February 04, 2005 06:11 PM              

Well, Neptune transits arent necessarily bad but they can cloud and confuse things and while in the first house of "self" that can get tiring. I have to keep reminding myself that there are some very positive aspects to this transit though. It's a little frustrating to deal with when it is opposing my natal Mars (and keeps going back and forth over it) as Neptune and Mars dont quite mix so well - two very different energies. This is also a looooong transit - Neptune moves very slowly, and I have a huge first house. But this is also a very transforming transit and the fact that it's in the first house makes it even more so.

Also, Saturn Returns CAN be "good things" it all depends on how you've been living your life up to that point. When Saturn comes around you better be ready or he'll kick you in the butt and make you shape up. So, depending on you and your life Saturn brings rewards or makes you shape up whether you want to or not.

I think my Saturn return time will be a good one. *crosses fingers*

Steve you will be able to relate to this:

Neptune in the 1st by Maria Kay Simms (excuse any typos)

"More than a decade will pass during Neptune's journery through your first house and during that time you may confuse both yourself and others about just who you really are. You may be percieved as quite different by some people than you are by others, and as different by the same people at different times. You may deliberately try on differnt "masks" to appeal to differnt audiences, as you try to learn from them what works in your relationships. Ultimately, and hopefully, you will learn who you really are inside - which may be quite different from the face you have presented to others. When you figure that out, you may find that your relationships will change, because you are now attracting people on the basis of your true inner needs, rather than on the perceived needs of whatever mask you were once wearing.

Whatever idealism you have will be highlighted durning this transit, and you must take special effort to try to differentiate between who others really are and who you would like them to be............Or you could seek to "save" someone, only to ultimately realize that overdoing care and compassion only serves to make that person overly dependent on you, and less able to help himself.

Your dream life and your imagination are especially vivid during this time. You can learn a great deal from your dreams if you pay attention." ......blah, blah, blah....

I find all of this to be so very true. And while part of me likes it - the other part wants to come back down to reality sometimes.

HeartShaped, Yeah mines at 18 degrees Cap. Oh God, I know all about the Neptune square MC too. It's been reaking hovoc in the umm.."career" area of my life. I'm glad Chiron is finally out of the 12th house though arent you?

And yes, let's hope it's not all a "sick joke". LOL! I've had enough of those.

Someone wake me up when it's over too. I like to look ahead on my transits alot and well, looks like these kind of transits wont be letting up for awhile.

Ahhhh well. I've handled worse. Life is good.

posted February 04, 2005 10:39 PM              

Slowly but surely it begins to sink in.