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Author
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Topic: help with work situation
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themeanreds
Newflake Posts: 0
From:
Registered: Jun 2010
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posted March 23, 2005 08:35 PM
  
I feel a little funny about doing this but I've exhausted myself trying to figure it out in my own head. I don't know what you guys can do, look at my chart, or give me a reading, or maybe just give me some advice that you learned in a similar situation, anything you have to say I want to hear because I really am desperate.
I'm 18 and recently started my first job. The thing is, I've only been there a month and I'm absolutely miserable. The customers are okay, of course I have the occasional jerk or creepy old guy who hits on me, but the real problem is the people I work with.
First of all, there is my manager (cusp of Capricorn and Aquarius)r who is probably one of the most difficult people I have EVER met/ encountered. She is overly critical, tyrannical, and sometimes down right mean. She likes to scream at me in front of customers. I have had her throw her little fits and when she walked away people will ask why she hates me so much or why is she so angry at the world. I have people say they feel sorry for me and that if they were me they would quit and not put up with that ... and keep in mind this is after they witness 5 minutes of how she treats me, just 5 minutes. I deal with it all day. She blames me for things, yells at me and threatens to punish me, then when I PROVE her wrong and show her that it wasn't my fault, or the other employees tell her that it was THEM and not me who did whatever she is upset about, she just says ok and walks away without apologizing for going off on me. on the flip side, sometimes she is really sweet to me! It's like I'm dealing with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hide. It would be easy if she was just a b*tch all the time, because I could build up a defense to that. Every time I walk into the office or everytime she comes up to me, I don't know if I'm going to get a joke and a smile or if she is going to tell me everything that she thinks is wrong with me.
Second of all, I'm bored out of my mind. Sometimes I feel like I'm getting dumber by the day. Everything is so monotonous and unimaginative. The most thought I get to put into things is how to set up the water display. Also, while we are talking about my mental state, it's really hard working for people that I know I'm smarter then. I know this sounds horribly self centered but I've only worked there a month and have already found NUMEROUS mistakes they made, mostly dealing with money. I just don't understand how you can get to be 30 years old and not how to do basic addition and subtraction. If you aren't' good with money shouldn't you try a job that doesn't make you work with it for 8 hours a day?
and third ... the worst of all in my opinion. None of the women I work with are trustworthy. The stereotype about how all woman are back stabbing, sh*t talking, catty, petty, b*tches is quite true when it comes to these woman. It disgusts me. Do you know how hard it is being around people for 8 hours a day and not feeling like you can trust ANY of them. Where you feel like you are constantly being watched and scrutinized, thinking twice about everything you say, wear, do, because you KNOW it will be the topic of conversation later. I am so heart broken because originally I thought these woman were my friends and liked me. Now I know that it was all a lie, they never liked me, all they do is talk about me behind my back and make stuff up. They even try to get ME to say bad things about the other girls we work with (I don't, I just stand there and listen and when they start pressuring me I pretend I have to do something and walk away) These are 30 + year old woman and they are worse then the high school girls I work with. Even if I think someone is nice I'm still wary because in the past month I have been deceived so much. There is a wonderful girl who is my age named Andrea (a cancer) and she is always trying to get me to go out with her but I'm so fearful now that I will become friends with her and then she will stab me in the back like the other girls did. Then there are also comments they make about my appearance. There is one girl who feels the need to point out when I look bad that day. Other people have comments like, "ewww that nail polish is ugly. stop wearing it" or "why do you dress up everyday? this is work, not a fashion show" or they give me back handed comments like "I really like your hair today. I'd do my hair like that but I feel conceited spending that much time on my appearance"
right now I know all of you are like ... quit complaining and just put your two weeks notice in. I wish I could though, maybe more then I've ever wished for something in my life, but I'm sad to say I can't. 1) because I desperately need the money and 2) because my parents said I have to have a job until I start school "or else" When I start college in September I can just get a job on campus through their employment office but what do I do until then. It took me almost 4 months to find THIS job, I can't quit and wait that long to find another one. My pride is also a big factor. I'm not the "giving up type" and it kills me to think that maybe I can't hack it. Do you think I'm just being a baby?
Maybe I'm just being naive but I never knew people could be this mean and deceiving. Not all people can be this way, I'm not this way! I really try to look at the best in people, I try to be a good person and friend, and a hard working employee but all I get back in negativity. I've always considered myself a positive, nice person, I've hardly ever questioned my appearance or my ability to do a job or make friends but thats all I seem to be doing now a days ... questioning myself. I really feel like my self esteem is dwindling each day.
I'm sorry if I'm talking your ears off but really Im desperate. I would appreciate any advice you guys have to offer.
oh, and here is my birth data if that matters. 3/26/86 Las Vegas, Nevada 9:12 am.
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Azalaksh
Knowflake Posts: 982
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 23, 2005 09:33 PM
themeanreds ~
I hope you have a happy birthday on Saturday!
It really sounds like you have The Job From Hell. It is tough working in an office full of women, because there tends to be a schism and if you aren't on one "side" or the other you are ostracized. It sounds like you are damned if you do and damned if you don't, no matter what the situation. Spending eight hours a day in that kind of negativity is really draining, but it sounds like you have made a choice to stay. If you quit now, what would you put on your resume for the reason you voluntarily left? But working there until September must seem like an eon. Well, one day at a time, as they say. You can only do your personal best at your job and ignore the catty b*tches as well as you can. You can't exactly ignore your boss, but you could pick up some books on being more assertive. I don't think you should let her dump all that crap on you, and there are suggestions out there for replies to stop her in her tracks -- and maybe someone at this board can come up with some. The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey, How to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing with People by Les Giblin, or any book by Wayne Dyer are recommended.
Good Luck, I feel for you!
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themeanreds
Newflake Posts: 0
From:
Registered: Jun 2010
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posted March 23, 2005 10:28 PM
Thank you for the reply, on my day off tomorrow I was planning on going to the bookstore so I will check out the books you listed, so thank you for the suggestion. and I do need to learn how to be more assertive. Well actually, my problem is that I need to learn when to be assertive and when not to be. It's like I'm either way to forceful or not enough. Maybe I will get better at knowing when to fight and when to back down as I get older. ------------------
Colleen
Aries/Libra/Gemini
"Let's not forget ourselves good friend, I am flawed if I'm not free"
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astro junkie
unregistered
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posted March 24, 2005 11:56 AM
themeanreds -What is your Midheaven (MC) in? List Sign and House of Ruler? That would be the Cusp of your 10th House. Example, if it is in Sagittarius look and see what House your Jupiter is in. IP: Logged |
themeanreds
Newflake Posts: 0
From:
Registered: Jun 2010
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posted March 25, 2005 01:40 AM
My midheaven is in Aquarius and that's ruled by uranus and saturn, right? Saturn Sagittarius 09°39'32 06 stationary (R)
Uranus Sagittarius 22°22'25 07 stationary (R) IP: Logged |
astro junkie
unregistered
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posted March 26, 2005 10:22 AM
Ah HA!!! I knew it!!! Every single thing you wrote is EXACTLY my experience with almost every job I ever had, and my MC is in Aquarius too. I'm happiest when I'm self-contained. Think of jobs which allow you to be an "independent contractor". There are MANY, and many that are not so obvious at first.Even moreso with your Uranus in Sagittarius. You need to CONSTANTLY grow and learn, and expand your boundaries. Just forgot to include the House your Uranus in Sag is in ... Cool! I can relate to everything you said. TOTALLY!! IP: Logged |
Kat
unregistered
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posted March 26, 2005 11:14 AM
I can't stand working with a bunch of women. I taught elementary art and let me tell you women in large groups at any age is Hell. They (we) simply have difficulty being objective. Presently I work with a bunch of women designers and it's the same thing. I'm glad our senior designer is a lesbian because she sees objectively and balances us out.
The one thing I recall from being young is that people have a way of subconsciously fishing out what you feel your insecurities are and then they assume that they are directed at them personally, then they stomp all over you because you are unskilled at proactively defending yourself. For instance if you question yourself at the way to proceed, the other person assumes your intruding upon them and they resent it so they lash out. It's complicated stuff.At this point in your life you have nothing to lose. Take advantage of this being a learning situation. Many many more opportunities will arise. Get some books to read but in the meantime, I'd try setting one simple boundary and stick with it like glue glue glue no matter what. For instance, definitely decide that you will not tolerate this one thing. For instance, you will not tolerate being yelled at in front of customers. When she does it STOP and offer her an alternative. Say something like " xxxx___ I can see that you are upset, but I will not discuss this in front of customers. Would you prefer we discuss this in the back or somewhere else? When would you like to do this? If she continues, rephrase yourself. I think perhaps you did not understand me. This is highly unprofessional and is not in the best interests to our customers. Where would you like to discuss this? If she continues walk away and go to her superior, owner whatever and discuss that she is being unprofession in front of customers. HOLD to it no matter what. Decide what you want and always speak calmly and use direct eye contact.
Good luck
Do give this a try and see what happen. Be consistant and don't be intimidated. Don't threaten. and if you get fired - so what!! IP: Logged |
themeanreds
Newflake Posts: 0
From:
Registered: Jun 2010
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posted March 27, 2005 12:48 AM
Astro Junkie ... that's neat that our placements are the same ... what are your other aspects? I'm thinking you're a Scorpio but maybe I'm confusing you with someone else ...? I bet you of all people understand where I'm coming from then.
(Think of jobs which allow you to be an "independent contractor")
yessss, I think that's exactly what I need. I don't do well when I have to answer to others and am not in control (so to speak) I understand that with most jobs there will always be someone who is higher up and I have to listen to, but the less interference the better.
Kat:
"I can't stand working with a bunch of women. I taught elementary art and let me tell you women in large groups at any age is Hell. They (we) simply have difficulty being objective"
I agree. Even though I think it's a cop out to say something like "woman are just too emotional" there is no denying the fact that most woman are very complex and it's effects all aspects of there lives.
"Take advantage of this being a learning situation."
That's what I'm trying to do. When something bad happens I'm trying to turn it into a positive situation, like if I stayed calm and didn't blow up, or if I was able to explain myself and get my point across, I try to look at what I did well in the situation. Also, even though it might be the negative side, I think I'm learning loads about people and how to react towards them. After working with this boss and these people, I think I can handle any work situation no sweat. This is just training ground.
That is a great suggestion (about setting one limit) and I am definitely going to put that into action starting TOMORROW.
"and if you get fired - so what!!"
ahhhh, that is so hard for an over achiever like myself to agree with! I'm so used to trying something and excelling and having everyone like me so this whole situation is a shock. Before I thought if I got fired I would crawl under a rock and hide from the shame but now I'm at the point where I just don't care. This might even be better because a lot of the stress I was under (mostly from the expectations I set up for myself) is gone now that I just don't give a sh*t. I'm still going to work hard, but if I get fired it's okay, it isn't the end of the world (or at least that's what I keep telling myself haha)IP: Logged |
Azalaksh
Knowflake Posts: 982
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 27, 2005 11:20 AM
I agree with Kat -- if you get fired, so what! My comment "If you quit now, what would you put on your resume for the reason you voluntarily left?" applied to if YOU made the decision to bug out, not to an involuntary termination situation.
quote:
that is so hard for an over achiever like myself to agree with! I'm so used to trying something and excelling and having everyone like me so this whole situation is a shock. Before I thought if I got fired I would crawl under a rock and hide from the shame but now I'm at the point where I just don't care. This might even be better because a lot of the stress I was under (mostly from the expectations I set up for myself) is gone now that I just don't give a sh*t. I'm still going to work hard, but if I get fired it's okay, it isn't the end of the world (or at least that's what I keep telling myself haha)
I think you've mede an attitude adjustment already! You can still be the overachiever you are, but this job doesn't sound like a place where they will allow you to excel.
You go, girl! Your entire life is ahead of you and you can do ANYTHING with it!!!  IP: Logged |
themeanreds
Newflake Posts: 0
From:
Registered: Jun 2010
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posted March 28, 2005 01:17 AM
Thank you all SO MUCH for the advice/ words of encouragement. Even though this is just a website on the internet, it really does feel nice to have some feedback. I hope you guys(girls?) have a nice easter  IP: Logged |
cancerrg
unregistered
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posted March 30, 2005 12:04 PM
tell u wat meanders , i had a friend (scorpio)who was in the same condition as urs, same financial problem , same aqua boss, i'll suggest u the same thing i suggested him .aqua - capri boss can be difficult to handle .
1.dont argue unnecessarilly with her, even if u know she is wrong.
2. try to make them believe that ur honest and strightforward ( though u dont have to be strightforward - u just have to make her believe.)
3. my guess is cancer gal wud be helpful , they normally are ( there is a solid logic - that cancer must be someone who doesnot liked to bossed , so she can give u helping hand at the work place because she too has grudges but she wont speak untill she has a alternative or she can harm the boss.)
the last thing if u want her to respect u , show her that u r capable , forget about liking u , she wont ever but for the time being make her like u.
i know all this is real difficult but if u wanna do the job , u hv to do it , keeep patience and maintain silence, dont ever give a impression to ur boss that u cud be a threat , the day she comes to think this , ur out ,take my word ( though i have not read much abt astro but i have experienced )remember , she has to think ur capable but submissive and not a threat ok
good luck.
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astro junkie
unregistered
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posted April 05, 2005 04:00 PM
themeanreds -Did you say this is "JUST a Web site"???? OH NO YOU DIDN'T!!! This is the greatest place in the world! Hee hee ... Anyways, I'm a Libra, but I have so many Pluto/Scorpio overtones in my Chart, that it makes me seem much more Scorpio-like. What are my other Aspects you ask? I guess you mean to my MC? MC in Aquarius Trine Sun in Libra in 5th
MC in Aquarius Square Mercury in 6th
MC in Aquarius Square Neptune in 6th Is there something else you wanted to ask? IP: Logged | |
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