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Author Topic:   BDSM Thoughts on the lifestyle
AcousticGod
Knowflake

Posts: 4416
From: Pleasanton, CA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 14, 2005 06:39 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for AcousticGod     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I seem to have opened a can of worms on another thread. My post was primarily to do with domination and submission, saying that Water signs seem drawn to d/s. An argument seemed to erupt from it.

My beef is primarily with the d/s crowd, and I've had a few run ins with Doms that lead me to believe that this lifestyle may attract emotionally abusive people into Dominant roles. These Doms displayed traits in their arguments with me that are right out of the symptoms of emotional abuse. I also don't agree with the jargon used in the lifestyle. Finally, I believe that power exchange fantasies can be explored outside of the lifestyle, which essentially means to me that the lifestyle isn't necessary.

I know that's harsh in a fairly usual Capricornian way, but heck, I shouldn't even know about this lifestyle as far as I'm concerned.

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Marlene
unregistered
posted May 14, 2005 07:51 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
From what i read you are saying:
1.Water signs have a tendency towards domination/submission games
2.Most doms are abusive by nature and that is the reason why they have chosen to be dominants in the erotic play.
3.You believe that a dominant/submissive lifestyle is not necessary to prove you are a d/s person
Am i correct?

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AcousticGod
Knowflake

Posts: 4416
From: Pleasanton, CA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 14, 2005 08:29 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for AcousticGod     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Sounds like you're setting a trap, but it is nice that you ask.

1. Yes, I know several subs that are Cancers, and one Pisces who used to be a sub, but talked his Cancerian female friend into trying the lifestyle. First she was his Mistress, and now she is his Pet.

I also make my [admitted] guess that water signs are attracted to the lifestyle based upon emotionally charged exchange I had with a Dom whom others in the lifestyle call an ass. I could be totally off base in my thinking that he's a water sign.

2. I couldn't say for certain whether or not most Doms are abusive or not. I am not so ignorant that I don't realize that the Doms serve at the subs pleasure to the same degree that the reverse is true.

I do see where an impressionable person that is looking for a way for it to be ok for them to be dominant over another human being might be attracted to the lifestyle. I don't like that aspect of the lifestyle at all.

Also, in my arguments with two doms I got the same series of tactics that are noted as symptoms of emotional abuse. Both attempted to humiliate me. Both tried to criticize me, and both tried to undermine my self-esteem, so to speak, all in an attempt to railroad the conversation away from the topic at hand, which was their use of the lifestyle jargon in a public place to the dismay of the other people present.

3. No, I believe that the d/s lifestyle is an unnecessary one as power exchange can be explored within the context of a relationship outside of the lifestyle. Why do I think this is preferable? Because if a dom or sub explores those areas outside the confines of an arbitrary lifestyle then they won't have to use the utterly offensive language of the lifestyle. Frankly, it is offensive to hear people refer to one another as, "Master," "Servant," "Pet," "Lil one," "Mistress," "Boy," "Slave," etc.

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cancerrg
unregistered
posted May 14, 2005 08:48 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
well acoustic , i have a no. of cancer friends and i will agree that in general life cancers do seem ( actually tey are not ) but being in submissive position that i think is extreme , none of my friends has ever admitted to it and as far as i can guess none has such tendencies but then even i would give this view a benefit of doubt from my side . i , ofcourse dont agree with your view but lets see what others have to say about us .

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A Perfect Circle
unregistered
posted May 14, 2005 11:08 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
For someone who has such a problem with the "jargon used in the lifestyle", you seem to know alot about it

Something you're not telling us?

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AcousticGod
Knowflake

Posts: 4416
From: Pleasanton, CA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 14, 2005 07:40 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for AcousticGod     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Cancerrg,

Yeah, I'm not sure what draws Cancers to it either, as you guys certainly don't like being told what to do.

A Perfect Circle,

I do only because I've been subjected to it.

There's a virtual world online called Second Life, and there's a d/s community there. It would be cool if they kept their lifestyle to themselves, but sometimes they insist on speaking the language of the lifestyle at events where people not in the lifestyle are in attendance. There are a lot of us that aren't enthusiastic about hearing it.

It's kinda like religious people. Most people can understand why people go to church. It doesn't mean that they want to be preached to at work or at a party or what have you.

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neptune's mermaid
unregistered
posted May 14, 2005 07:50 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Sorry I’m a little confused…forgive me because it’s late and I just came home.

But are you talking about dominatrix and weird stuff like that? if I’m wrong feel free to slap me lol
But if you are why would you connect that with water signs?? I know some Pisceans can be submissive…but I think you’re taking it to the extreme

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AcousticGod
Knowflake

Posts: 4416
From: Pleasanton, CA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 14, 2005 08:07 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for AcousticGod     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
lol Neptune's Mermaid

Yes, I am talking about dominatrix and weird stuff like that. I connect water signs to their lifestyle (their word, not mine) based on the 4 Cancers and 1 Pisces I know that are into it. I could be wrong.

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Secret Garden
unregistered
posted May 15, 2005 03:48 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
acoustic for the most part i do agree with u,

do u remember what the title of the thread was where me n white rabbit got catty JK .

i actually forgot the thread name and havent been able to go back. lol. i always do that grr.

Love
SG

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AcousticGod
Knowflake

Posts: 4416
From: Pleasanton, CA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 15, 2005 04:42 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for AcousticGod     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Of course I do, SG. It was Astrology and Appearances.

Could you look at my post in Soul Mates?

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neptune's mermaid
unregistered
posted May 15, 2005 08:42 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I don’t even know what to say umm…yeah you could be wrong.

Although I once read in a website that Pisceans like blades and to drink blood WHOA!!! where did that come from???

I can only speak for myself. NO I am not like that because 1. I hate any kind of pain 2. I don’t like the thought of being the dominant or inferior one 3. Anyone who would be into that kind of thing would scare the hell out of me - I come from a VERY conservative family 4. I can only be attracted to someone I respect.

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Marlene
unregistered
posted May 15, 2005 01:38 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Sexually i consider myself a dominant.
That derives from the fact that i am afraid if i let loose,i will be used and abused for once more in my life.
I haven't adopted a dom/fetish lifestyle because i think it's a bit lame(for me).

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pidaua
Knowflake

Posts: 67
From: Back in AZ with Bear the Leo
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 15, 2005 02:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for pidaua     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Acoustic....

I can see what you are saying..and I understand. I think it may go deeper than a water sign thing, but I also think that water signs would be attracted to such and exchange..mostly for the same reasons you outlined.

BUT...I also think it has to do with the person. Take me for example, I am a Sag Sun / Aries moon / Venus in Sag....Pluto conjunct ASC in the 1st house..etc.. (I do have Mars in Pisces though).

I am a strong, self confident woman and I am usually in a position of power wherever I end up working (as luck would have it, being unemployed for 9 months landed me into a powerful position in the bioterrorism unit in my state). In my last position I was in research and product management which lead me to work with company CEO's and negotiate deals..etc.. (I am giving this background as a lead in to my sexual preferences regarding power and strength).

I like strong men and sexually, the stronger the better. If I find that I can scare a man sexually, meaning my prowess if more than he can handle, I see them as being weak, boring and I can see them in a sexual way (that is on a purely sexual level..I can still care about them as friends though).

In the same respect, my basic nature would never allow a man to treat me as a pet, put me on a leash or do anything that I find degrading (Saturn in Taurus in the 8th) BUT....there are times when I allow myself to be submission or I may like when the man can be very firm / rough and then gentle. For me, I need to know that he can handle me physically and that in the bedroom I am not like I am in the "boardroom".


I DO think there are a fair number of people that take dominant positions in the BDSM lifestyle because they are abusive. That goes without saying, but it is up to the people involved to ferret out the right and wrong type of people to hook up with. Personally, that lifestyle would not work for me, but there are elements that I find intriguing (a little slap on the buttocks(Lol)...a well placed blindfold or tie..LOL)


Anyway....people may get offended at the suggestion that water signs would be drawn to it...but I would take it further and say that signs with control issues or signs with submissive / martyr issues would be drawn to this lifestyle OR... in relationships that have elements of this type of lifestyle.

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lalalinda
Moderator

Posts: 1120
From: nevada
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 15, 2005 09:50 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lalalinda     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
My dear sweet friend and next door neighbor Lisa (s) and her husband (d) enjoyed that lifestyle, a lot of humiliation and control.
she is Pisces Sun/Gemini Moon
he is Cancer Sun/Pisces Moon

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lalalinda
Moderator

Posts: 1120
From: nevada
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 16, 2005 12:58 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for lalalinda     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
interesting to note that in the above example his Moon is 0 39' Pisces and is inconjunct his Sun at 28 15" Cancer

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hot_ice
unregistered
posted May 16, 2005 01:34 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
i know a pisces friend who is constantly abused by his girl...he calls up oh so often and cries on the phone...i hate her..i hate.......ok then fine why dont you just tell her off....noooooo i cant live without her...this girl actaully abused his mom and slapped her,he is still with her after all that,more over,she wont even let him talk to any other girls...so because of that he stopped talking to any other girl in my class...

maybe he likes being controlled,or maybe he's scared that he cant get anybody else...

the girl is an aqua,dont know anything else bout her,he is a very piscean guy,venus,mercury,sun,mars.....

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sthenri
unregistered
posted May 16, 2005 01:47 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
What people do in leather in their bedrooms is their business, but you are right, if they are talking in a public place using names like Pet, and Slave, that's degrading if the others don't want to listen. That's pushing the boundaries of good taste not just sexuality, to some.

I have noticed an extreme fetish for leather in our culture, which may have something to do with it, plus water signs are considered soft and the men especially want to have more power in their relationships usually. Our culture is very hung up on shoes, clothes, make-up, appearances, everything is what you wear, people are objectified in everyway on TV every night more so than in a D/S culture.

Look at the nose jobs and breast augmentations on Television and in the movies, and on the beach, we are obsessed with appearance.

I know some Pisces who are crazy about certain types of clothing and scents. And you have to admit it's kind of exciting to act slutty sometimes, to do things in secret, and have a code. I see that in a lot of people. I could relate to the acting differently for one night, and I don't need to see someone as healthy to respect him or her. Sometimes people just want to look slutty for one night, who knows why? It's not their personality.

What I can't respect is lying, stealing, hypocrisy, double standards, dirtiness, and distrust. A lot of people in non DS relationships are abusive.

I have been contacted by a Dom once and he was shocked by some of the things I had to say,
He was very superficial.
My Pluto trine Sun does not like superficiality,

Natasha
Taurus
Cancer 8th house Moon

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astro junkie
unregistered
posted May 20, 2005 02:17 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
AcousticGod -

S & M is a fantasy which can be taken too far if someone is f$cked up to begin with.

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