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Author Topic:   Well.... it isn't the 15th anymore.....
pixelpixie
Newflake

Posts: 8
From: ON Canada
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 16, 2005 01:10 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for pixelpixie     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
So.. any happenings to report?
Energies moving through you or others that you have observed?
Rants uncovered, things done?

Today, I went to another city, an hour and a half away, to join my friend to celebrate her engagement, (I am in the bridal party) We got lost a few times, but other than that smooth sailing.
My son was with his father for the weekend, I arrived home a little late ( fifteen minutes) because we got lost, and my son's father *who was there early, just to have something to complain about *even though he knew it was an important occasion, and in another town* just sent me a scathing, a$$holish email about it that had me all up in arms, but that I am used to unfortunately..... Ire, indeed.
My father emailed me also, with a change of email address, and then he phoned me, and told me my Oma (grandma)had a mastecomy a few weeks ago, because they found a four inch tumour in her breast. Then after diagnostic tests, she learned yesterday the other breast has to be removed as well.
I didn't even know about the first one.
I didn't know.
She had colon cancer YEARS ago, and beat it.
The breast cancer hasn't spread to the nodes.
She is an Aquarius, and we clash. But, I don't hold anything against her, and when I see her, I am happy, and I want to know more about her life as a person, and less as a grandma who held something against me for being as willful as her when I was a child.
I understand things differently, and when I mean to keep in touch and don't, it is not because I am hateful, it is because I am busy, and I think if I think of people, and feel things for them in my head and heart, they will know through osmosis.
That is not how it goes. Such an imperfect communication we have, us humans.
Some things you can't laugh off.
Some things make you weep.

How's yours been?

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Tranquil Poet
unregistered
posted May 16, 2005 01:14 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

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hot_ice
unregistered
posted May 16, 2005 01:17 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
boooring day,didnt study or do anything purposeful,kept playin with my mixer,and turntables(on the comp),got an exam tommorow,havent studied a word,seems like im gonna be up all night tonight....

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hot_ice
unregistered
posted May 16, 2005 01:19 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
yeah i know that feeling too,you really want to keep in touch,but you cant...

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maya-v
unregistered
posted May 16, 2005 04:03 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Weird day ... loads of restlessness, sleeping and waking at the wrong times, weird dreams. Merc conjunct Merc and Moon square Uranus trine Neptune.

Strange upheavel in personal relationships, nothing major but slight variations to upset the apple cart. Its humbling to realize that inspite of all that mutable energy in my chart (Jupiter in Gemini, Piscean Moon, Virgo Rising and Mercury as chart ruler); I am essentially a stick-in-the-mud, fixed Taurus bull d*mn scared of even minor changes in my safe and secure universe.

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ariestiger
unregistered
posted May 16, 2005 04:48 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
There was a MAJOR explosion in our household.

Mr. Aqua was sitting about 2 feet away from me all day feeding his computer game addiction, and I just lost it. He said he couldn't understand why I had a problem with it, HE didn't have a problem, I was the one with the problem.
Don't you play head games with me, I thought. Out loud, I said, no, you're not going to get round it like that, this has been going on for YEARS, the crux of the matter is that you don't want to do anything in life.
I do a lot more than you, he said, you do nothing at all. You just sit there and paint crappy paintings all day long.
In between writing a book, working as a gardener, teaching, doing the housework and the laundry -
Oh, he said, big deal. I do a LOT more than you do.
WHEN you work, I said, which is about half a normal working week. The rest of the time you just play computer games. You tire of a job - any job - two weeks into it and decide you don't really want to do it, and people pick up on it. Fact is, you don't want to do ANYTHING in life. You've got no enthusiasm for anything. You're a miserable old f*rt! You're HOPELESS!!!!!

Okay, this may seem harsh, but it has been going on for years, and I just lost it. I cried a bit, I told him I hated him and wanted to leave him, and we didn't say anything to each other for the rest of the evening.

Funnily enough, all the put-downs he threw my way - for instance, that I "couldn't manage on my own" didn't hurt me, I saw it as just head-game fluff!
"I have been supporting you these last two years" he said. Well - fact of the matter is that he has done even LESS work than previously - because he hates working as a gardener. Several of the jobs we did together he has let go, often because he didn't like the customer, or some such reason. Anything I earn also goes to pay his credit-card bills. Because I have a little bit of money, he asks me every so often for a couple of hundred because we have gone over our overdraft limit yet again. Then because our earnings are counted "as a partnership" he actually ends up paying less tax, whereas I end up paying more tax than I should theoretically be paying. So he ducks out on that one as well. I have spoken to the accountant and they say that it is better all round counted as a partnership, but the fact is that it is not better FOR ME. Christ, I am so fed up with it!!!!!
Also, he says "you can do whatever you like" but doesn't praise me or say what I do is great - EVER!! In fact, he'll say it's the opposite!! My art's crap, my music's crap, everything else I do is crap.

So that is not really "supporting" me, as such!! Well - is it? Does it SOUND supportive? Correct me if I'm wrong.

I feel now as though I have been through the wringer and come out the other side. I look at how much I have had to compromise and think, did I really go along with all that?
And I have come to the stage now where I am questioning the "comfort blanket" of personal relationships, because I have been so incredibly disappointed. But I think recognizing that disappointment, acknowledging it (which I didn't want to do before) has actually made me stronger. Acquaintanceships are fine, living with somebody or being emotionally involved is a different thing. You lose a part of yourself.

I never wanted to turn cynical or bitter! I think that now I am strong enough to be able to cope with all this without feeling either of those two things.

This may seem really strange, but ever since we first went out together, I have had allergic reactions. First of all I started getting a blocked nose and sneezing constantly, then when we got married I got candida right away. Over 6 years it has got worse, I have tried alternative therapies, diets, Canesten, Diflucan, and NOTHING works. Whenever I have been particularly close to him, I start getting a blocked nose and sneezing again. I wonder whether I am actually allergic to him, and whether being away from him would actually cure the candida. I went on holiday for a week once by myself and my blocked nose cleared up completely.

I know what I have to do now - it is daunting, but I am fairly dauntless. I have been through therapy but quite honestly, talking about it on Lindaland is better, therapists have their own agenda, they have their own little box they like to slot you into, they don't necessarily take account of your needs and desires, what's right for YOU. (They think it would be better to try to save our marriage!!!) I feel now that I can get through this on my own, I have the strength to do so. Because ultimately we are all on our own, and I would like to be independent; I think I would finally come to "own" myself.

Our Composite Sun (Pisces) would have been touched off by recent events, as well as my Moon/Jupiter/Venus and his Mars, also in Pisces.
The Mars-Uranus CJ would have opposed my Ascendant, his Jupiter/Uranus/Pluto (Virgo), and squared my Mars/Saturn (Gemini) and Neptune (Sag).

LOL

AriesTiger

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Saffron
unregistered
posted May 16, 2005 04:48 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
dear pixie girl ~

*some things make you weep*

...your heart is in a good place. and they know...your love reaches 1000 miles and longer. it touches and it heals and caresses...the evidence isn't in the material...it's in the ethereal.
your kindness and goodwill register and deeply so.

may much lovingkindness and warm soothing sweetness envelop and wrap you up...and keep you safe and free from that sadness that seeps in when your care is too heavy upon your heart.

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sue g
unregistered
posted May 16, 2005 09:28 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I went to see my shaman healer and she told me that Ive only found two thirds of myself but within the next few weeks I am gonna discover the other third and I will be ILLUMINATED - YAY!!!!

Pixie girl, sending you love and hugs, hang in there me lovely, am gonna send you lots of MAGIC - love to all Sue xxxx

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Saturn's Child
unregistered
posted May 16, 2005 09:31 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
It wasn't toooo bad. Some transportation problems that had to be resolved by putting up with one of the MOST negative people I've ever known in my life.(could spoil a wet dream) But I went outside and potted petunias to make it all better. While I was outside I realized that someone had stolen my TRASHCAN!! Can you imagine???? Anyway, just minor irritating crap for me. But, glad it has passed.
Pixie, sorry bout your Oma. She knows you love her. Send her a card that says I Love You and give her a call when you can. She will feel better and so will you. Granchildren are special to us. Feel better.

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maya-v
unregistered
posted May 16, 2005 09:34 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Pixie ...

God bless you. Im so sorry abt your grandma ... those are precious and even if she is as ornery as you, she must be really close to your heart. I will pray for her and send love and healing white light both your way.

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pixelpixie
Newflake

Posts: 8
From: ON Canada
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 16, 2005 10:27 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for pixelpixie     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Ariestiger.. believe it or not, I am 100% getting you. Good luck.
And I agree on the therapy, and I have heard and 'got' you in the past, regarding your support system.. and I undestand how important that is. I really do.
I am glad his words didn't affect you. That says tonnes about where you are in development compared to him.. but you knew that already.
I wouldn't blame you one bit for ripping the seams apart and sewing them up where you need them. Whatever that entails.

TP~ Thanks for the blue sympathy.

Hot ice~ Um.. God speed, and stuff... hmmm. I'm glad you are a relationship slacker like me. Well.. not glad exactly, but it's nice to be understood and all.

Saffron~ Thank you, you are such a wise soul. I appreciate your words and wishes.

Sue~ Of course you will be illuminated. As If you already aren't.....

Saturns child~ I will, I will send her a card. Sometimes the simple things seem insurrmountable. But this is beyond.

Maya Thanks for the wishes.. well, most of them anyway.
Geez, liberties with my emotions much?
This ornery biatch is puzzled.

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Heart--Shaped Cross
Newflake

Posts: 0
From:
Registered: Nov 2010

posted May 16, 2005 11:32 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Heart--Shaped Cross     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
maya -

"ornery" means "irritable and cantankerous", not "willful and headstrong".

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maya-v
unregistered
posted May 16, 2005 11:39 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks for that Steve

Im sorry Pix, I didnt mean you're irritable just that I like that you are willful and that you see you got that from your grandma - thats one he!! of a gift!

I got the same from my grandma too and let me tell you, Im really glad I did! Its helped me in more situations than I care to admit.

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sue g
unregistered
posted May 16, 2005 01:36 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think I am "ornery" or is that "horny", if it means irritable, I am DEFINATELY that, just ask my husband and son, he always says "Mummy is being miserable again", I am sure as he grows older, he will think of another word for it (eeekk). Love to all xxxxx

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BlueRoamer
Knowflake

Posts: 95
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 16, 2005 03:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BlueRoamer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I met someone cool!

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Philbird
unregistered
posted May 16, 2005 03:26 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
A little "disaster" here. On the eve of the 14th, I responded to a post made by someone who mentioned leaving their boyfriend. I copied and pasted a qoute from their post in my reply. Hubby was looking over my shoulder briefly, saw I was posting and thought I was leaving him. He didn't say anything until the next morning and didn't sleep well that evening. When he confronted me on this, I had no clue what he was talking about! I finally figured it out and showed him the post. He thought I was going to divorce him! Poor guy. Of course it didn't help much that we have been frustrated about different things lately. We did have a beautiful Sunday though. We went to see a national monument here and the scenery was breath taking! We just sat on some rocks and cried because it was so beautiful and here we were getting buttchapped about trivial life stuff!
Here is where we were! We are making plans to go camping there in a few weeks! They even have a stream! (Remember I live in AZ. There's no water around for about a hundred miles!)

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sVirgo
Knowflake

Posts: 51
From: Colorado
Registered: May 2009

posted May 16, 2005 10:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sVirgo     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
On astro.com this is what they mentioned for me -- Uranus opposition Uranus
I felt too depressed, all of a sudden, I saw in mirror that am I getting old. Then I started thinking about my age and I cried too.
But the only good thing was that my son's birthday is on 15th May, so we went out and watched a very boring movie and caught in traffic, brought dinner but could not eat as we didn't feel hungry.

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Aphrodite
unregistered
posted May 16, 2005 11:09 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Pix, I am very sorry to hear about your grandma

I had a miserable day and found myself having to be a hardass with an aggressive client.

:-/

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DayDreamer
unregistered
posted May 17, 2005 12:57 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hey pixelpixie...

for you and your oma...

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pixelpixie
Newflake

Posts: 8
From: ON Canada
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 17, 2005 08:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for pixelpixie     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Not to bump this up or anything, but I did want to say thank you.

I emailed my oma, and she emailed me back a wonderful letter, and basically told me not to be so hard on myself, she knows I am there and feeling for her, she is strong, and will be okay, and that she understands.
This made every difference in the world.
*stops beating herself up*

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BlueRoamer
Knowflake

Posts: 95
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 17, 2005 08:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BlueRoamer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Pixie....

You cap moons are so hard on yourselves.

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sthenri
unregistered
posted May 17, 2005 09:11 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Pixie, everyone I am sorry it was such a rough day. I can't even begin to complain, my front door lock is broken and I can't get it fixed. My job may be eliminated, my relator told me he has three other listings like mine and he doesn't know when he'll sell my house, and my tenant paid his rent short and won't answer my calls.

Other than that, I moved, and found the previous tenant let his doggie pee on the carpet and left bad meat in the fridge
My poor nose,

The good news is that my friend Jimmy, a Gemini of course, who is Greek, moved me and made me a big Greek dinner, even shopped and we had wine and talked all night even with the bad meat smell. he ranted about his Gemini g/f and how she runs around on him. I noticed that he was spending the night at my house, but oh well.

That was the highlight,I still have leftovers and he told me my next b/f will support me in everything I do, he has a premonition. So I was happy about that. My dreams are big, even if reality smells.

Natasha
Taurus

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Secret Garden
unregistered
posted May 17, 2005 09:24 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Natasha, thats a horrible bunch of things,

and i can relate, because over the weekend i locked my keys in my car TWICE, had to stand out in the burning heat waiting for the car people to drive up and open the doors for me.

Then my mom lost her cell phone and since we're on the same plan I had to call up and cancel and get another new plan since no one has those cell phones for our service anymore....since my mom is too frustrated to even wipe her own @$$ nowadays im doing everything...and shes ignoring me for some unknown reason (i swear i havent even done anything in the least objectionable in the past 2 weeks).

then the heartbreaker of the weekend: this scorpio guy who met me for the first time who madly wanted me , i could see in his eyes that he had lost interest about 5 mins after we met. although i had really begun to like him....he was so nice and sweet and funny, acted more like a sag/cappy actually and upon closer inspection has sag moon (im guessing a cap asc). although he is so warm, and totally sexual he kept saying, everything about scorp men is so true, i need a woman who can give me great sex otherwise its an overall no. anyways...i could see the interest in his eyes fading...maybe its coz i put on weight...maybe its jus coz i suck at these things,

but anyhow he let me know yday he isnt interested,

a weird hollowness is taking over ,

right in time for finals and when i need to perform at work!

Love
SG

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pixelpixie
Newflake

Posts: 8
From: ON Canada
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 17, 2005 09:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for pixelpixie     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I hope your grand dreams are everything you want them to be... plus more.
*pppssssttt* Happy Birthday

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Secret Garden
unregistered
posted May 17, 2005 09:26 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
had to add, my aqua isnt talking to me for about a week now...hes angry at me for no apparent reason. i told him that my moms breast tumor is back , this recurring little tumor that shes had for 13 yrs and its not fatal at all, he sympathized, but didnt bother to call back after that. so im guessing somethings up. im so sick of his emotional games . i dont need someone who is going to make me feel bad for being my best. maybe if i was at my worst i could see where he was coming from. such a selfish @$$h0le i swear

Very p!$$ed off now,

Love
SG

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