posted May 17, 2005 03:10 PM            

Um, I suppose what I'm saying is- one, a Cancer guy, I really love, he is nice and adorable, infact, my friend likes him too, but that's not the point ... We've been talking over instant messenger and have great conversations. Because he is 5 years older than me, I'm presuming there is no interest other than mild friendship, so I'm not expecting anything, but there is a part of me (stupid idealism or slight insanity) that can't stop hoping there would be. I think I have to stop this.. a) because I don't want to be disappointed and b) because it's ridiculous and I don't want to embarass myself.

In a friendship with closer ages it would be simpler but because it's not, you can't just explain your feelings and expect for them to be taken seriously. You can't just go with the 'love can't be stopped no matter what ages you are' theory either because you are pretty sure (but don't know) how the other person feels. You either have to be of a closer age or at least be certain what the other person thinks. I am almost sure I know what his principles are, mainly that he is sensible and mature, so presumably he would be horrified, but he talks to me without a hint of being condecending, making me forget the age thing....

Here are some facts, not that I think it will help much....-
Me Them
Sun Virgo Cancer
Moon Aries Aries
Mercury Virgo Leo
Venus Leo Gemini
Mars Gemini Cancer
Asc Capricorn Libra

posted May 18, 2005 03:23 AM              

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posted May 18, 2005 03:34 AM              

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hahahahahah acostic , it doesn't have to be the ulterior motives all the time . but ofcourse , mutable be practical , i feel u are - i can sense it through your writtings , i'll just say dont give him any hints if u give , he will fall for u , he is a cancer with aries . i am tooo ... hahahahahahah .

posted May 18, 2005 03:51 AM              

i was with a 23 year old when i was 16, until when i was 18 and he was 25, although there was no sex involved. but we are from a different culture, where this kind of age difference is not only acceptable but encouraged. young men are totally blown off as immature and nonserious. men look for women , seriously, even for marriage, who are at least 3 yrs and up to 10 yrs younger than them.

so i think i can safely say that in my case it was entirely different.

my parents are 13 years apart , etc. every couple in my ethnic community that i know is like that.

however if this is entirely unacceptable in your community you should rethink it.

from an astro viewpoint, you have the venus/mars conjunct that is one of the eureka aspects. besides that, you also have the moon conjunct possibly (im guessing all this becoz i dont see degrees in there anywhere). nonetheless even if it isnt a conjunct theres a strong sense of connection and attraction becoz of the same placement. your asc's and moon placements indicate that you would have a great connection and more in common than you would have expected.

i agree with you, that thinking 'love can happen to anyone blah blah' is dangerous. but i would say that, sometimes u find the most unexpected connections and compatibility , anywhere at anytime, with anyone.

so that is something that i would say, dont blame yourself for. i really dont think there is anything wron gwith the 5 yr gap, but if it was 20 and 25 or something, not 15 and 20, simply becoz of the cultural context and the legalities involved.

What never fails to amaze me is how age differences are considered a bigger taboo than S&M, porn, etc. especially from some of the things posted on other threads around here. Maybe I just have very strange standards of taboo, but can someone explain to me how 5 yrs is so much worse than dominance and sexual slavery or degrading images of women.

posted May 18, 2005 08:23 AM            

I agree that if he really means a lot to you and he indicates the same interest in you, then by all means, remain friends with him.

I was concerned with the legality because, ultimately, regardless of what you feel right now, if you get involved in a romantic relationship that has a chance of becoming physical, then there is bound to be trouble, and I'm sure neither of you want that.

posted May 18, 2005 12:59 PM            

About the sex/consent thing-
No, I am not planning to throw myself at him yelling "Take me!" and have it off before at least 15 (preferably 16, I'm law abiding :P). And I very much doubt he feels that way towards me. So that's off the agenda, (for a year and a quarter anyway!)

BOE- Thanks for your comments... interesting. Well, I don't live in America but thanks!

Acoustic- I think he's a little shy... but no doubt he probably will meet someone even if I do stay friends. Dang

Ayumi- If only he wanted to! Ta for the advice- I plan to stay friends, if I can! Maybe one day lol

posted May 18, 2005 01:00 PM            

BlueRoamer- Er... thankyou... wise advice... however I'm not planning on purchasing a vibrator... lol

posted May 18, 2005 01:01 PM            

future_uncertain, thanks for your luck! I'll need it...

posted May 18, 2005 01:08 PM            

The difference in maturity between a 20 year old and a 25 year old is not as extreme as a 15 year old and a 20 year old. Its still a 5 year difference, but the difference in maturity between those ages is striking. Live a few more years and find out

posted May 18, 2005 07:59 PM              

the issues are :
1. legality
2. his motives,
3. ur expectations, which reminds me of starlover's thread in soul unions. i know this is not a student-teacher relationship, but what she started out calling an innocent crush turned into almost hatred for this teacher of hers because unbeknowest to her she had developed expectations from him. if u do something of the sort MNF u will only end up hurting yourself
4. the direction any possible relationship would take, and the appropriateness.

all this aside it is still possible to carry on a more than friends relationship, without sex, and without anything 'wrong'. also, i would like to say in regards to what zoso said about 15/20 vs 20/25, that most men are about as mature at 20 as women are at 13. not to mention that 15 year olds will only be immature in societies that treat them that way. In the UK and other british influenced countries many teenagers have to choose their career path in O and A levels (15-18 yrs of age). By A levels (i started A levels when i was 16), you are already majoring in your career. you are usually working a job in that career also, and in many countries 16 year olds do have the right to marry.

I am almost 20 but am working a job that some 30 year olds cannot get, I am almost done with my bachelors (2 years early, at the least), and am divorced...I decided to take on life much earlier, and I had to grow up early. My parents were too busy bickering to really raise us, and I raised myself. Taught me a lot, I had my first heartbreak, etc etc all on my own. I dont remember an adult ever guiding me.

Everyone is different. You are adult when you understand how to handle life and its responsibilities and how to deal with the everday world, not when you turn a number. There is no change between a person the night before their 18th birthday and the morning after, except for 12 hours of time.