posted June 13, 2005 12:07 PM              

I have got a problem, one that is keeping me up nights:

Perhaps some of you have read my past posts relative to my family. I have a 25 year old son, who has conquered a drug problem, and a 23 year old daughter - who is currently getting her Ph.D. You also might recall that my brother(a taurus)was killed by a drunk driver as a teenager while going to a coin auction.

I got a call from my mother several weeks ago. She said she was considering giving my son my brother's coin collection. She didn't know if it would be worth anything, but said ..."(my daughter) has life by the tail, and (my son) could use something to get excited about." I said - sure.

Well, my son hasn't been sleeping, either! He is up all night with his computer, discovering how much this coin collection is worth. And, it is worth a lot of money.

So, I don't know what to do. He could use this money and start something big for himself. He is very smart, although not well-educated. Yet, it seems so unfair. My daughter, who makes good decisions and is very motivated and successful, is not getting this collection - because it appears she won't need it as much, and she is not male (like my brother).

Also, my son, in spite of his problems, is just plain lucky. Always has been. Anything in his chart about good fortune?

Nov. 6, 1979 5:50 am Philadelphia, PA

So, this is a good thing. I don't want to lose track of that. I just don't want family problems. My son and daughter are currently good friends - yet, my daughter didn't speak to my son for (2) years during his drug problem days. I don't want to go back there. Also, she doesn't know about any of this, and I hate secrets.

posted June 13, 2005 12:39 PM              

Give it to the daughter.

That way your son will get the message that you reward GOOD behavior, and are not easy to take on pity alone.

Your mother may have a different opinion, but ultimately it's your decision.

posted June 13, 2005 12:41 PM              

does he know/you know what he wanted to start?

posted June 13, 2005 12:57 PM              

Also, what Weasel said is true. My daughter has worked hard and was ignored during my son's problem years. Even now, he is working in our family business - and is being paid a good salary. Please note that he does an excellent job - has never been late - and is a very good employee. But, she is forging her own way.

posted June 13, 2005 01:06 PM              

Only my parents and I have sentimental feelings. The (3) of us actually hate the coin collection. After all, he was killed going to a coin auction. I still remember my father coming home from the hospital - after identifying my dead brother - and throwing all of the coins against the walls of my brother's room. There was heaps of money on the floor. After that, he packed it all up and stored it in safe deposit boxes.

My brother was killed before the birth of my children. They have no sentimental feelings. Also, my father and now deceased uncle collected coins with my brother. My son has their collections, as well.

posted June 13, 2005 01:11 PM              

The coins aren't registered. My son simply has them all. My mother sent them to him - in (4) separate shipments. It was all fine - until my son told me how much $ they were worth. Now, everyone is upset.

KEY

posted June 13, 2005 01:12 PM              

I find it sad that now that everyone knows the real worth of the coins....they are all upset. I find it to be very selfish. It actually disgusts me. Especially when it is going on in a family.

------------------

posted June 13, 2005 01:29 PM              

Why do you say that - that my son should have the collection? Although my brother never had any drug problems, my son is quite a bit like him.

Actually, after reading all of the posts, I took a deep breath and talked to my son.

I said: "Do you think this is fair? What about your sister? I think this should be divided."

My son said: "Quit worrying about it. Forget about it. I am not selling it. Don't make such a big deal out of this. I could have kept quiet about this, but I didn't. Yes, the value could be very high, but you also have to find a seller, etc."

KEY

posted June 13, 2005 01:37 PM              

You know what? You are right. My son worked just as hard or much harder than my daughter. He picked himself up out of the gutter, and he got himself clean. He is also kind and sensitive and responsible.

Pixie -

He is 25-years old. How do I guide him, when I don't even know what the answers are myself?

As a funny aside -

He called me to his computer and showed my a picture online of one of his dimes - and the huge amount of money it is currently worth. I said - "Don't cash this in right away. Don't do anything rash." He said, "Mom, what do you think I am going to do? Run over to the local bar and plop this dime down, and say .... drinks on me?"

posted June 13, 2005 02:44 PM              

My son got himself out of the gutter. Yes, we paid for re-hab. But, he asked for the help, and he got himself clean. We didn't do this for him. He has kept himself clean.

Also, my daughter went to MIT. Do you know how expensive that school is? My husband and her grandparents picked up that tab. I talk to my daughter every day, so we speak plenty. It is hard to grow up when your older brother has addiction problems, especially when you are in the same school. It was an extremely painful time for my quiet and shy daughter. And, yes - my husband and I were focused on my son's problems. And, yes - she didn't get the attention she deserved. She did everything right - and got ignored. I think that this is natural, though. You automatically help the person who needs it. What should we have done? Nothing? Our son was suffering from something way out of his control, and he needed help. We paid for rehabs, (3) rehabs, actually. He ASKED for the help. We were glad to give it. We still consider it the best money we ever spent. My daughter understands now. She is extremely proud of her brother - six years now he has been clean. My parents feel the same way. They are proud of my son and all that he has accomplished. Also proud of my daughter.

Is this karma? Do you think? I just don't know how or why all of this happend. I am used to stepping in and sorting things out. All I know is that my mother called and said - "your dad and I would like to give your brother's coin collection to (my son). It just feels right. Would that be okay?" I said, "yes." But his is no longer just about memorabalia - it is about money. An investment. Possibly a very large amount of money.

Pixie -

You are correct. We need to talk more to our son. He is honorable. He is also dazed with the excitement of this windfall.

posted June 13, 2005 03:06 PM              

Yes, I feel the daughter is owed something.
Key herself feels the same way.

------------------------------------
"but she understood there was a real reason for that. It helped her to grow."

I think that's bullsh!t, that goes along the lines of:
"I want you to help me with my homework, because it will be good for you: I want you to become smarter from it."

posted June 13, 2005 03:07 PM              

It is good for me to hear both of your opinions. I just talked to my son again. Sort of what Pixie mentioned -
I said, "What do you think is the honorable thing to do with these coins? What about your sister?"

He said, "Quit freaking out about this. I am not selling the coins."

I said, "If you do, will you give your sister half?"

He said, "Quit making such a big deal about this. No one else has a problem with this except you. We will see who needs what, when."

I haven't mentioned that my son is the kind of person who would give the shirt off of his back if someone needed it. My daughter is very careful with her belongings and savings.

I wish I could go back in time and say -
"Mom, have them share the coin collection."
Now, the collection is in my son's possession.

Maybe I should just enjoy this. I can watch and see what my son does. Will he share? Sell? Could someone look at his chart? I posted his birth data earlier. He is a wheeler/dealer type. Good at games, street smart, and smart smart.
KEY

posted June 13, 2005 03:09 PM              

Well, care to venture a guess who will need money when/if he does sell it?