posted July 06, 2005 06:26 AM              

I may sound harsh here...but this is not the full story - please read other threads.

Today I will be sending off my application form and also contacting a solicitor to find out what my options would be in the event of a separation/divorce. I can't believe this is happening but I have just about had it. I exhausted myself with running after Mr. Aqua, I've tried to deal with his p/a behaviour and NOTHING works, believe me, I have even tried being p/a back and that benefits no-one, so unfortunately I will have to walk away. I could go on at length about how I think his parents' behaviour and example has fostered it (I think he was seriously handicapped by this), but I won't just now. It's a shame, because he's trapped in a way, but he almost wills himself to be pathetic. If I can't do anything abt. his behaviour, no-one can - this comes straight from the mouth of an Aries!

Anyway, it's all happening starting TODAY, and boy, am I nervous!

LOL

AriesTiger

posted July 06, 2005 07:46 AM              

I have made an appt. with the solicitor for next week - ugh - but I need to know where I will stand legally, I'm not ruling out any nasty surprises.

I suppose I could stay on Exmoor and vegetate for a while and not be "where the action is" - but I DO want a slice of the action! Should've done this 10 years ago really...but didn't have the confidence...LOL.

Just abt. to send the application form off!!

posted July 06, 2005 09:45 AM              

.. just wanted to say all the best with the arts course and the city ..

it's gotta to be better than a vege on x-moor .. or any moor for that matter ..
for an aries .. hey go for it .. london be a gemini city ( as far as i know ) ..
sorry have not read the mr aqua sagga .. ummm .. yet
.. just curious .. are you a j.clarckson fan ? the top gear presenter .. he be aries ..

posted July 06, 2005 10:53 AM              

Thank you for your good wishes!

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE where I live but it is one of the poorest areas in the UK!!!!! There are very few opportunities if you are younger, especially in the arts sector, unless you have established yourself elsewhere already and can keep the same client base going.

Don't have a TV so not sure who J.Clarkson is...but I quite like Mars influence in a guy... I myself have Mars in Gemini, + Saturn, so if what you're saying is accurate, London could perhaps be quite good for my work/career prospects.

Another thing, Mr. Aqua was pressuring me to have kids lately - well, a) I don't want kids and b) he can't even support himself!

AT

posted July 06, 2005 01:27 PM              

I must make a wish...no, several...

posted July 06, 2005 06:54 PM              

Things are warming up nicely here at the moment, and boy, am I glad I made that appt. with the solicitor for next week.

Today Mr. Aqua sprung a "new one" on me. He would like to get a mortgage on our house. We currently have no mortgage as when we bought the house, it was with part of the money that Mr. Aqua and his mother received from the sale of their previous property. In theory, we have been supposed to be paying his mother back ever since we have lived at our current address (5 years) and I have given up chivvying him about it since he clearly shows no inclination to do so. In fact, he said to me that rather than us having to sell the house to pay her back, his mother would be more likely to sell her own house. How bloody selfish is that?

Anyway, today he was talking abt. increasing a loan we took out to pay for a car a couple of years ago. We are paying a ton of interest so he thought it would be better to convert the loan to a mortgage. The reason why he doesn't want to sell our place is that he thinks he can use it as a kind of insurance against our debts.
Now, here's an interesting thing. He wanted to take out a mortgage for DOUBLE the amount of the original loan. This is the funny (well, maybe not very funny) thing. Every few years or so he talks abt. borrowing more money because he can't service his debts. Each time the amount he borrows doubles!!!!! And he has absolutely no way of paying it back, because he spends most of his time either reading books and magazines, or playing computer games. I don't know where the heck he thinks he's going to end up. Maybe he thinks his mother will help him out - because she always seems to. He knows this and probably that's why he doesn't try to do anything for himself.

I do not want to get involved in any further joint financial dealings with him, or indeed any other joint ventures, because he is living in cloud-cuckoo-land. I don't want to have to shoulder any responsibility in connection with him.

Ironically, the solicitors I am going to see were the very same that he did work experience for last year, and who turned him down for a job. (I would be interested to know why!!) The research work he was recently given by a friend has tailed off somewhat, because the friend (an Aries) was more than a little doubtful about his commitment and enthusiasm. I feel like screaming at him, "Can't you see yourself as others see you, goddammit!!! Can't you see you're shooting yourself in the foot right, left and centre?"

It is late here now, these thoughts are going round in my head and I need to work through them. I have a feeling that Mr. Aqua has started "game-playing" already (he maybe has a feeling that s/th's afoot) and that he could be incredibly obstructive if things came to a legal battle, being p/a as he is. Unfortunately he also has legal training, so I shall expect a few surprises. However, I am determined to work through this and stay strong.

Thank you, everyone! I really appreciate your support.

posted July 06, 2005 09:52 PM            

I admire your strength and courage, and especially your planning -- you obviously know about the 6-P's!!

I'm sending you some Love and Light along with this post, may your transition away from Mr Aqua be quick and clean!

posted July 06, 2005 10:06 PM              

Some Aqua's butts need to be kicked once in awhile, especially those that get comfortable manipulating, and mooching off their supposed loved ones!

posted July 12, 2005 09:52 AM              

On another, weirder level, I believe I may actually be allergic to his semen. (I have several food allergies.) I had a severe thrush-type internal/external itchy reaction when we first got married and stopped using condoms, also each time we had condomless sex from that time onwards. I have brought up the subject with him several times and he can't believe it's possible for s/o to be allergic to a person. We started using condoms again 1 1/2 years ago (which he hates) and the problem of itching following intercourse has disappeared. Which, of course, he persists in not taking seriously.

My solicitor's appt. is tomorrow at 9.30 a.m.

This is it.

posted July 12, 2005 10:05 AM              

Your decision to broaden yourself is certainly opening many doors for you...use the courage you possess and walk forward into a better future...armed with knowledge from your appointment!! Good planning...

Hey 'Zala...what are the 6 P's again?

Patience
Planning
Perseverence
Progress
puh...puh...I dunno...what are they?? Ha,ha!

I could make up a WHOLE other list but I will spare everyone my Cancer Moon silliness!

Good Luck!

GemStar

posted July 12, 2005 10:31 AM              

You've got such an abundance of those good ole Aries guts and fire and those will serve you so well in whatever you do. It sounds like your Mr Aqua is a tricky one so be sure to listen to your Aries hunches - they never lie.

I'm also with an Aqua and to anyone with an ounce of fire or earth in them, it can be so frustrating trying to attract their attention and drag their minds back from musing on 2000 years in the future, to what's actually going on in the here and now!! Sometimes their lack of a sense of urgency drives you mad. It's so much 'your turn' by the sound of things hon, and you make sure you take it!

He also sounds like a bit of a mummy's boy - that can always be a warning sign!

The greatest of good luck to you Aries and I really wish you happiness.

posted July 12, 2005 10:58 AM              

Extraordinary what you said abt. the transits! My b/d is 16.15 p.m. 18/04/74, Bristol, UK.

Mr. Aqua and I were each other's first partners, it seemed so romantic when we first met. (I was 23,he was 29.) But my mother told me, when we were dating, that she met s/o who knew him and they said "nice bloke, but he's never done a stroke of work in his life". (!!!!!) Plus he was living w. his mother at the time, in fact I had to live w. them both for 14 months (she hardly spoke 2 words to me the whole time, except to ask when I was going to pay the monthly living expenses - I was supporting them both for a while - I CAN'T believe I did that!). I was so desperate to have a relationship & to make it work regardless!!!

posted July 12, 2005 11:34 AM              

Uranus has also been Conjunct your Venus/Moon...new happenings for sure! Uranus on the Moon ALSO divorce transit...

Chiron 150 degrees of your Saturn also is a separating transit...

What can I say?? Those are the MAJOR transits happening right now for you...Could you be as amazed as I?? Astrology never ceases to astound me...Never.

You are on the RIGHT TRACK my dear...your intuition is setting you Free...the time is right and has been building up for a while...if you choose to do so. It sounds like a lot of frustrations are coming alive again for you and this it is time to unload your baggage and move on.

Life is TOO short...to bury unhappiness. And URANUS is here to dig you out!!

Good for You for following your Aries instinct!

posted July 12, 2005 11:53 AM              

Combined w. the general Sunsign forecasts, it does seem pretty...well...extraordinary.

I realize I am going to have to tell Mr. Aqua I want to break up this week sometime...I FEEL it coming...but I don't know how he'll react, because he has been physically violent in the past and there was no warning, it was scary, there was no "angry" build-up. I don't know whether he will just say, "go, I can't stop you", or make life uncomfortable for me physically, or financially, or whatever. But I think I just need to make the statement, rationally, that I think we'd be better off (trying to make things work) apart. I think that probably neither of us are suited to marriage in the long-term.

(BTW: his b/d is 2.00 a.m., 14/02/68, Bristol, UK)

posted July 12, 2005 12:22 PM              

.. been reading your thread .. was going to post a msg this morn .. got side tracked .. actualy wanted to know what p/a men are before typing .. however reading current post .. i shall leave this here as info .. and the link at bottom .. don't be put off by the title .. it was something i needed to research a few years back ..

***** "CAN THE EYES PREDICT VIOLENT BEHAVIOR? " *****

Yes, the eyes can predict when someone can become violent," claims Kathy Thompson, prominent Face Specialist. "According to my research, the more pressure and stress a person is under, the more it will show in the eyes. The more white around the iris, the more dangerous that person can become.This is true for most people. THE EYES ARE STRESS SIGNALS."Studying faces for 13 years, Thompson has given programs around the country, and has had national media attention. Stress affects the mind and the optic nerves behind the eyes. This pulls themuscles up-- moving the irises up into the eye sockets. White space isrevealed under the irises. THIS IS THE SIGNAL--THE SECRET. The stress can be from your private or public (work) life. Your righteye displays your personality at work. The left side is your personal side. So if the white is under the right eye, there is too much pressure at work. If the left eye shows too much white, it is personal stress. If it is under both eyes, be careful. They want to unload.

There are different stages; 1) Stress in one eye (from home or on thejob/school), 2) stress in both eyes, 3) extreme pressure (ready to explode), 4) the eyes of a psychopath. If you see eyes with only half the iris showing, don't walk--run away. With even the slightest stressful thought or feeling, the eyes will indicate your true mental state."This information is timely and needed. It can help prevent a lot of senseless violence, even with children." Thompson wants to share this information with everyone, and is available for programs and consultation.

If you would like to know more about the eyes and stress, contact KathyThompson at; Kathyt@corridor.net

**************************************

this be were the above txt came from : http://groups.msn.com/PSYCHOPATH

***********

just now heard a roll of thunder .. hope there be a change of weather ..

*********

posted July 12, 2005 01:39 PM              

HD - p/a stands for passive-aggressive, a term used to describe the behaviour of (usually) men who can't be assertive or straightforward, don't want to be seen as "not nice" and instead express their aggression towards others in ways that are obstructive and ultimately underhanded. It is a complex state of being and unless you have experienced it in a close partner who is VERY p/a, perhaps difficult to believe. There are several webpages that describe it very well. Although I think we have possibly all come across someone with strongly p/a behaviour at some point in our lives and will be able to recognize it from somewhere. Trust me, I and other people who have had to deal w. it are NOT exaggerating when we emphasize just how harmful and frustrating p/a behaviour can be.

Thank you for the tip about ppl's eyes. I shall look at Mr. A's eyes closely, if I can get a chance. My father's eyes were almost permanently white around the iris. He was violent - LOL.

posted July 12, 2005 06:45 PM              

I understand what you say abt. it being difficult to live together after the announcement has been made...the only thing is that I wanted him to kind of slowly get used to the idea. So it was not too much of a shock to the system.

If I get into a new relationship I don't intend to discuss Mr. A. any more than I can help. People, unless they are trained counsellors, tend to either "go off one" if you tell them abt. your problems, or use the information against you in the future (or both. Even friends that we have as a couple can't believe he's like he is, even when he insults me in front of them, they LOVE him.) I really won't want to even think abt. him more than I can help, and I know prospective partners don't like one talking abt. other men. I myself do not really know how ready I am for an intimate relationship, but I would want it to be as fun and commitment-free as possible.

Don't worry, I do not expect ANYTHING from Mr. Aqua. I do not expect anything from a person whose conversation is frankly unbearable. This is an example of what I had to put up with today - and every day: Mr. A. comes in, and says "Hello, little girl! God, you've got small (breasts)!" (He has a weird fixation abt. my being a girl, not a woman.)
"For the hundredth time," I said, "I am NOT a little girl."
"What are you then?" he asked. "A little boy - without a *****?"
(BTW - I get this same conversation EVERY DAY)
"You are a sh*t," I said to him.
"You're very rude to me lately," he said.
"And you think that what you've just said isn't rude?" I asked.
He couldn't reply to that.

As I said, I am seeing the solicitor tomorrow. I will find out whether the opinions of some of the doctors I consulted re: Mr. Aqua's problem, including his violence, and re: my counselling, could be used as evidence against him if he decides to get nasty. (Although I think he's pretty nasty already.) If I have professionals on my side it might ease things a bit.

I don't want to look at this as an all-doom-and-gloom thing, though, and one thing is for certain, I do NOT intend my work to suffer. I do not intend it to get me down any more than I can help. I have already suffered enough for this (quite frankly) fruitcake!!!!!

AT

posted July 12, 2005 09:42 PM            

I send you strength and courage and patience with this post -- I admire your guts and your fortitude! You go, girl, go after what you want and leave the User behind!

GemStar ~

The way I learned it,
Prior Planning Prevents P*ss-Poor Performance !!!

posted July 13, 2005 05:24 AM              

I.e., it would be better to file for divorce at the time of my moving. I would also be absolutely within my right to cite his unreasonable behaviour as a reason for divorce. If he is violent, an injunction can also be served against him which carries with it the threat of arrest. The courts are very tough on domestic violence nowadays.

If the court orders Mr. Aqua to sell our house (since I will need money to live), he will have to do it, no question. Also, he cannot take out a mortgage on our property without my consent.

I am relieved I have got this sorted, because at least it gives me some clarity!! Not that I don't foresee him being obstructive, for example seeeking to defend his position (which is frankly indefensible) - but if he is, I hope somebody will be tough on him!!!!!

Thank you, everyone, for being incredibly supportive. Not for nothing do I uphold my conviction that LL is better than counselling!

AT