posted September 23, 2005 03:52 PM            

I get totally confused between friendship and relationships. For example, became friends with a great Cappie guy and hung out alot, lunches, dinners , going out at night, to parties. I was attracted to him because i could talk to him about anything, laugh and have fun.

BUT he saw me as a drinking buddy and not as anything else. I asked him how he felt about me. I made a fool of myself cause i sort of already knew the answer but still asked him.

I am totally clueless and Linda said that Saggie girls get totally confused between friendship and relationship..

Any thoughts? I need some encouragment please.

posted September 23, 2005 04:45 PM            

I've been dating my bf for a year and a half and we plan on getting married in two years. I still ask myself, "Is this love? Or just friendship?" I really do know the answer, otherwise I wouldn't still be here. But I still ask...

Then there are the guys who I think I have a great friendship with and in the end they get all honked off with me for sending mixed signals...

I do find it difficult to differentiate between feelings of "love" and friendship, probably because Saggies place so much emphasis on friendship within a relationship that sometimes romantic encounters can end up being quite buddy-buddy indeed.

Does this begin to answer your question at all? We can chat more about this in more depth if ya like. Give me a hollah!

posted September 23, 2005 05:59 PM            

There is a book called Soul Signs (or astrology for the soul- I packed it away but will try to find it). In that book the author (a therapist) talks about a Sag client that did just what you seem to do. The men she fell for only saw her as a buddy. IN reality she was doing that because she knew it was a way to keep them at a distance (she was subconscioously setting up the relationship that way, or I should say non-relationship).

I am not sure about the social exchange between the two of you, such as if you knew from the beginning that you weren't his type but fell for him anyway or if he said flat out that he was only looking for a friend...or maybe you gave him that impression so he decided you were safe. In the end, it all amounts to how you approach the situation.

I had the opposite problem. I would think the guy was a good friend (and only a friend) but they would inevitably tell me they were in love in me or wanted to be with me. In a relationship I would end up with someone I didn't see as a "best friend" and when it came to communication and relating to the person,I was at a loss because I didn't really "like" them.

Sometimes, they didn't see the friendship aspect of the relationship as important. My ex (Mr. Taurus) said "I have friends already, you are my mate" He didn't understand how important it is for the Archer to have that friendship. I had it with my ex and we are still friends.

posted September 23, 2005 10:02 PM            

What I was trying to express in my other post was the same thing you did... I think I have great friendships with these guys and they fall in love with me. Then get really angry with me. I could understand if I was physical with them, but that's never the case.

Anyway, I like this discussion on Sag lovin'. I think it can be especially difficult for the females.

posted September 24, 2005 01:33 PM            

Being a firey Sag myself (Sun, Asc, Mars & Jupiter all in Sagittarius) with an Aqua Moon, I'm pretty straightforward and men often mistake my natural friendliness for romantic interest (their ego is getting a huge boost when all I'm doing is picking their brain about something or passing time), not fun sometimes, we're often misunderstood in a lot of ways.

It takes longer for me to show interest in someone romantically/dating-wise because I tend to hold off showing that kind of interest to see what kind of a person they are first before getting my heart involved (learned too many times the hard way by getting involved before knowing more about them...)

Us Saggies do tend to suffer in silence when it comes to being hurt and take some time to get over it when our usual sunny optimism takes a beating.

Friendship is definitely important first to us females and I think to my male counterparts, it's that natural easyness of being a friend first that we value and tend to be really loyal to others, generous and open-hearted. Freedom is very much at the top of the list, but when someone comes along with comfortable chemistry, that isn't so important, but thinking for myself and retaining my individualism never goes away...

kisses
Laura

posted September 25, 2005 12:22 AM            

Okay, I have been thinking....

The situation with the Cappie guy - my first thought when I met him at International orientation (Im studying at UNC for the year)was that he seems like a 'player'. I kept bumping into him and I began spending time with him. I kept in my mind not to fall for him but I love talking with him and he is an interesting guy. He isnt a people -pleaser and is quite individual.

However, he likes women and is vocal about it. So, I may have felt insecure if I had ever gone out with him cause he likes women and to look at them.

BUT - I am a little concerned about my pattern of liking playerish men or unavailable men. Yet, the shy available men I intimidate and if they do show interest it unerves me. I need to be able to talk to a guy in a comfortable manner - i cant handle someone who takes so much work to just converse with.

I do want to break this pattern though - Ive never had a serious relationship with a guy - the guys I have liked have always been friends and ive never said anything. I guess I should be proud that I did say something to the Cappie - he was very honest which i appreciated. I do not think I can ask him what signals I send - he was a little skittish around me the last couple of days which is fair enough. I hope the friendship we built up is gonna be okay. If not, I guess it wasnt that deep anyway.

Pid - would you mind digging out that book for me? Im not sure of how to go about sending different signals.

Also, i get on with guys generally better than girls. It takes me longer to feel comfortable with girls.

I dont know what else to say really...its interesting to evaluate how i interract with people I suppose. My natural friendliness has got me into trouble alot! For example, I asked this shy guy (over Instant messenger) if he wanted to go for an ice cream since we were both bored and i freaked him out apparently with my openess. He didnt want to come with me! From my point of view it was only an innocent friendly gesture. Oh well, i'll judge it more carefully next time.

wow, i've waffled on for a while....

posted September 25, 2005 10:35 PM            

I had a friendship with a guy for a year and a half who clearly liked me more than just a friend but I didnt feel that way. I liked him cause he enjoyed the same things i did. He was libra sun/Sag moon so we did get on. Sometimes i wonder whether i should have just gone out with him but it didnt feel right.

Im worried I wont find someone that i like intellectually, who isnt afraid to stand up for himself but who is honest too.

In fact, I get on with Cancers well. Its my descendent so maybe that plays a part? they somehow calm me down, soothe me. Ive only known my new cancer guy friend for a month but i already feel close to him. Its a comforting feeling. It's easy.

Im trying to think of other stories of me messing up somehow. I honestly do not know how ive got through 2 hard years of university - I can be so dappy and blonde!

posted September 26, 2005 06:59 PM            

That is not me saying that I am in love with them or it is a romantic love. Sometimes Saggies say "Love you" as a friendly gesture, but I love you is different.

I love lots of people and things. I love animals - I tell my cats I love them and I do. I don't just say it to a romantic partner unless I am in love -nor do I say it to someone of the opposite sex unless they know it means as a friend or lover.

I wouldn't take too much stock in someone saying "I love you" while in an argument. Chances are he did it to throw you off (a typical Sag move) or in a sarcastic manner.

posted September 27, 2005 01:31 AM              

It was about 3 years ago, Just out of the blue one day i Told her that I loved her. I didn't have to specify she knew the manner in which i meant it. It wasn't the same after that.

She didn't talk to me much for about a year, mostly avoided me. It kinda hurt my feelings considering if you know anything about Cappies we don't usually say we love someone unless we mean it (Most of us). So it was kinda ok that she avoided me at first. I ran into her a few times after that and had casual conversations with her. then 2 years ago december I was in an accident, totaled my car. Funny thing is i didn't get scratch, but i was in life changing mode, I stopped doing most of the stuff I used too. Drugs, drinking, acting childish, and endagering others. So i pretty much cut ties with everyone I knew except my family. I moved away from my Parents that march. About two months later I got a phone call, it was her. I didn't anwser the first time even though i wanted too. She called back the next day and i answered. She asked How I was doing, and if she could see my place. I thought about it for about 5 seconds, It didn't take me long to say yes considering How i still felt about her.

She comes over near an hour later, She's dressed almost like she just woke up and threw on some clothes, no make-up. But that's how I always liked her anyway her natural self. We talked for a while about each other, and things we used to do. As she was getting ready to leave she Said "I miss you, and it took me 5 years to determine that I Love you!" I melted, it was a little more romantic than I can explain with words but you get the picture. So today she is still my bestfriend, my support beam, soon my wife, and also the mother of my Second Daughter.

posted September 27, 2005 08:24 PM            

Please don't take that personally - it wasn't directed towards you as a person, but towards the "universal" you. The same applies though if he is getting infatuated with other people or if he acts on it.