posted September 24, 2005 05:47 PM              

Little background: I'm married, been with hubby for 12 1/2 years. 3 children. I'm polyamourous... he's not.

If there is one sensitive point in our marriage that causes constant arguements and friction, it's that.

So why in the world to I keep attracting men (and being attracted to men) that I have uber karmic contacts with?? It's like this big cosmic tease! I can't have them the way that I want them! I have to settle for being 'friends'... even though the pull for more is mutual.

posted September 24, 2005 07:38 PM            

You might feel a strong karmic tie between you and these men but it seems the real karma is in your choosing to act on the attractions or not act on them, the temptation is strong and that's part of the test. I believe timing is everything. You met and married your husband first, before any of these men. If you were meant to actually be with any of these other men they would have crossed your path when you were free to be with them.

posted September 24, 2005 11:46 PM              

[I'll write it down just in case ]

posted September 25, 2005 06:58 AM              

I know Tigerlily, that's why I haven't acted on them in the past 5 years since it started. I started dating hubby in high school... only had one boyfriend before that. He knew my stance on relationships before we married, to the point where we had that part removed from our wedding vows. I concent to the open marriage and he pursues the relationships that are presented to him outside of the marriage... I'm the one who isn't "allowed".

posted September 25, 2005 09:19 AM              

I didnt understand that either. thought I was being a bit dim LOL !!!

posted September 25, 2005 11:40 AM              

I'm poly, he claims that he's not. He explores the "extra marital" relationships under the pretense of "she can't do it, so I'll do it for her".

posted September 25, 2005 12:43 PM            

quote:

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He knew my stance on relationships before we married, to the point where we had that part removed from our wedding vows.

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quote:

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I concent to the open marriage and he pursues the relationships that are presented to him outside of the marriage... I'm the one who isn't "allowed".

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posted September 25, 2005 12:45 PM            

quote:

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I want it open, he wants it closed

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posted September 25, 2005 02:25 PM              

quote:

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I'm completely confused.

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Well, you are a Pisces...

posted September 25, 2005 02:28 PM              

and I have strong Neptune in my chart LOL !!!!

But it is confusing isnt it??????????

posted September 25, 2005 07:06 PM              

Alright, I tried to keep the explaination simple because I really didn't want to rant about the situation, but it seems that it isn't making sense, so I'll throw out the whole story.

As I said before, I started dating hubby in high school. I was 16 and we knew that we were suppose to be together so it wasn't a big deal when I found out I was pregnant (yes, we do have a lot of karmic ties in our charts).

When we started dating, he had 5 (yes, 5) other girlfriends in different towns. I didn't care. He dropped the other 5 after we had been together for a couple of weeks on his own accord. I didn't ask him.

Flash forward a couple of years. Our child was about to turn one and I was the maid of honor in an old friend and one of my oldest friend's wedding... I cheated on hubby and bopped the best man.

Hubby found out right away and it sent us on quite the path of self discovery. That path ended with me realizing that I didn't believe in monogamy. We agreed that we would talk to each other about our attractions because it was the honesty that was most important.

I promised myself that if I ever was in the "I really friggin want him" situation again, I would wait it out. Because of the amount of pain that my cheating caused, I wanted to be sure that whatever relationship presented its self, it had to be worth that much pain again.

fast forward another 8 years. Crushes came and crushes went. Hubby had one relationship with a girl that he had dated in high school who was just coming out of a marriage, and I had found someone that was worth the pain.

I told hubby... and he told me that he had for the most part lied to me about being able to stomache the thought of me being with another man. Woman was no problem, but... sorry ladies, girls just don't do it for me. That arguement lasted for about 2 months.

I keep his end of the marriage open because I'm not about to be a hypocrite and tell him that he can't do something that I completely believe in. He asked for "more time" to get use to the idea of it... and asked to try to be monogamous. I have been, just not in spirit.

So, now it is two years after that... I still have contact with the guy that was worth the pain... still very good friends. I know that some people would consider it an emotional affair. I can't change that (give you an idea of how strong the energy is, our composite chart is a Grand Sextile). A couple of months ago, I met another guy... composite is only missing one point to make it a Grand Sextile... but I've been good.

Hubby has met three women that were viewed as potential... he had a lot of karmic ties with them too. As soon as they heard about how our situation is set up now, they told him no because he wasn't being fair.

posted September 25, 2005 09:04 PM              

ya, that's basically what it is. That issue wasn't the intention of my original post.

posted September 25, 2005 09:35 PM              

Personally, I reserve that term for something really major, going way beyond plain old attraction...

Neither of you seem to be cut out for monogamy, maybe that's it, period. Except, like someone else said, he is allowed to act out on these attractions, and you aren't.

But what about the emotional part? Do you love your husband? Does he love you, or is he merely possessive? Are you in love with each other? It must be no on this last question, bec. if you were, you wouldn't even notice all these other characters.

Maybe you are both in love with love? There are people like that... Even when they are genuinely attached to someone, they need this excitement of the chase, and the initial romance.

I keep saying "you", really meaning the two of you. You seem to be cut of the same cloth, so to speak, in that respect. so, this being the case, you should enjoy the same kind of freedoms, no?

posted September 26, 2005 01:05 AM              

Unlike other predatory animals, Skunk does not threaten your life but threatens your senses. You know this to be true if you have ever been in the vicinity of its spray. In observing the habit patterns of Skunk, it is easy to notice the playfulness and nonchalance of its natural behavior. The "I-dare-you" attitude of this four-legged creature commands you, as the observer, to respect its space by mere reputation alone.

Skunk is teaching you that by walking your talk and by respecting yourself, you will create a position of strength and honored reputation. The carriage of your body relates to others what you believe about yourself. There is no need to bully, aggravate, torment, or overpower other beings when your sense of "self" is intact. As with Skunk, the resonant field of energy around your body is relayed through the senses. Self-esteem permeates the body's energy, and is instantly recognized on an extrasensory level by others.

Learn to assert, without ego, what you are. Respect follows. Your self-respectful attitude will repel those who are not of like mind, and yet will attract those who choose the same pathway. As the odor of Skunk attracts others of its kind, it repels those who will not respect its space.

Skunk medicine people have the ability to attract others, and they are very charismatic. At the same time, the other side of their natural power is to repel those who seek to take energy from them without recycling the gifts they have taken.

Skunk medicine people also know how to use the energy flows that will attract a lover. Some people call this sexual magic, as it is akin to the musk scent that animals excrete to attract a mate. It can be dangerous to leak sexual energy if you are not looking for a mate. It puts you into a games condition that may feed your ego but not how others feel about you. If you are attracting others who have an interest in you, you are in a sense saying, "'I'm available." This can cause hard feelings when the truth comes out. It also leaks energy that you could have used in a more constructive way.

In Skunk medicine, it is good to learn how to handle energy flows. Modern psychologists call this body language. In tribal teachings, this is your personal medicine which you are showing to others. Use your medicine well, and know that you are known by your reputation. How you use your energy will attract either honor or disgrace. You may want to examine what energy you are putting out that creates your present situation.

If you have chosen this symbol, you are being asked to notice the kinds of people who are attracted to you. If they emulate favorable characteristics, have enough self-esteem to recognize those characteristics within yourself. Walk tall and be proud of the accomplishments you have made. Bear in mind that what you believe about yourself is your ultimate protection. Project self-respect!

posted September 26, 2005 02:30 AM              

But... maybe the karmic work has something to do with (both of you) NOT acting on various attractions because you are married... emotionally or physically. An affair is an affair. Some might argue that an emotional affair is much worse than a physical affair.

In an emotional affair you are giving your heart and soul... not just your body. The giving of your heart and soul are much more intimate than sex.

That being said...

Girl... don't put up with this crap from that man! You don't need him. You don't need any man. You is all you need.

What kind of example is this setting for your children?!

...I'm sure you're thinking they don't *see* anything. That doesn't matter. They can FEEL. Children live what they learn. What are they learning about healthy relationships from the way you and your husband are living?

I'm sorry if I sound harsh here. I believe in a certain brand of honesty. We don't do anyone any favors by pussyfooting around the truth trying to make it sound all nice and flowery. (Although, I really like nice flowery stuff )

I empathize with you. I can only imagine what it must be like to be in your position. I can also see how it might be hard to be with the same man since high school.

*sigh* I don't even want to think about how many men I've between high school and my hubby... LOL... I'm sure he doesn't want to think about it either.

Basically... I think you need to pull yourself up by your bootstraps, evaluate the situation, make some goals accordingly, and STICK TO THEM.

For instance...

Once you have evaluated the situation, you may decide you cannot live with it the way it is (or maybe you can... who knows, but you?). So now there is the goal... What changes would you like to see made? How long are you willing to give the changes to take. Make yourself a promise NOT to allow your boundaries to be crossed.

Goal: I want to be monogamous in our relationship. I am willing to give you (hubby) one week to absorb this decision I have made for myself. After one week, we can discuss it and see where we both are. Perhaps we can agree. Perhaps we will have to part ways.

Either way the goal has been set and it is being stuck to.

You must respect yourself. Setting small personal goals and sticking to them is a good place to start earning back your own respect.

posted September 26, 2005 02:41 AM              

As I said in the soul mates thread... we may have one "ultimate" Twin Soul. For me the jury's still out on that one. But I do believe we have many soul mates, some family, some friends, some romantic... I've already met a few of mine in the romantic arena, and I can say with utter certainty that they were soul mates with heavy karmic ties. I know it sounds trite, but it's something you just can't describe unless you've been there. If you are, you KNOW.

I don't think it's just a case of learning to resist temptation here... though sometimes it can feel that way. I can't tell you how many times I've asked myself what the lesson was: whether I'm supposed to stay or whether maybe the challenge is that I'm supposed to know when it's time to move on. How does one know whether it's "true love" or whether they're just settling for comfort and companionship? Both of those things are nice, but there's always that feeling that something is missing. Polyamorous people have summed it up in quite a logical-seeming way: it's /not/ about getting to sleep with whoever you want when the urge strikes. It's more about a belief that one person cannot be all things to any other person, that different relationships have different needs and about having the freedom to go with things naturally. I have a few polyamorous friends, so I know it's easy to misunderstand if you're not familiar with it.

In Val's case, she specifically had the "monogamy clause" dropped from the vows, so technically she's not breaking any. I'm sorry hon, but I think it's just terrible that /he/ can get away with exactly what he refuses to accept from you. Whoever called him manipulative was right... maybe not consciously, but I think on some level he's hoping you'll feel a little bit of the pain he felt and that that will make you "drop this whole crazy idea". *hugs*