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Author
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Topic: A piece of prose / poetry I have written.
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Quark
unregistered
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posted October 05, 2005 09:29 AM
 
Just for your own curiosity (and because I would like some feedback from the more literary amongst you), here is a piece I have written as part of my honors thesis in lit. It’s still in rough drafting stage but any feed back would be greatly appreciated. I have posted it in the astrology section because it was greatly influenced by the water elements; especially I think you will see.... Neptune  Hope it’s not too long a post. And I also hope you enjoy it... o yeah and its copyrighted :P So don’t go handing it in to your first year creative writing classes now, ya hear? Bad… bad…. karma! Love and Light For the love of Neptune, I can not think of a title for it.... Any help on that would be appreciated as well! Thanks. -------------------------------------------- He reconciled himself to a waif like appearance from an early age, all sweet fluidity and an inherent breeziness that was carefully calculated to eventually become natural. Such a bodily disposition of course, complimented perfectly the peculiar structuring of his mind, head forever in the clouds; running eyes shut, arms apart, giggling in wide aero plane like arcs. He would twist and twirl until the bile rose within him; a delicious giddiness he longed for in later years, as the skill of play receded but the deeper memory of such things remained. Turning and spinning, reveling in awe at the sweet disorientation of displaced fluids that swum and turned within his inner ear. That bitter tragedy of early youth, a mosaic of forgotten memories and gentle impressions he carried with him now. The hint of such things occurred to him only in his darker moments, or when he allowed them to. This world did not allow the luxury of such things, not this world, a place that seemed sick with the surety of identity. Devoid of the mutable, it had become for an odd reason, such a process of his inner self. IP: Logged |
Quark
unregistered
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posted October 05, 2005 09:30 AM
Poor little lost Pisces boy, head barely above the water, and stars in the pools of his excessive eyes. Child of the third sex, Plato’s lost minority. His dancing shoes crunched gravely tarmac as he drew closer to his home. Rain fell near to his face, a descendant sheet of micro fine droplets, just moist enough to spread his eyes with black shadowed tears. Subtly ruining those careful hours of ritual application that had so enveloped his concentration beforehand. At the time of his birth the planets once again swum spinning across the horizon, he was a child of the early morning, and forever kindred to the specter of the desert night. Ascendant to the god of Neptune, the ruler of illusion and lust, love and art, betrayal and deceit, he adored these quiet facts about his nature. He wore them as a mark of pride, grew comfortable in their watery depths and chose to secretly dip into their warm silences as a transcendent rejoicing. In these chosen nights he was alone, one with himself, accepted and adored. It is our birth right to be ourselves, he thought, our birth right to be fabulous! Underneath the strobe lit mirror ball, revolving itself too into a similar ecstasy of release, they could once again be free. Free from the moral majority, free from the suppression of society, together as family, hidden away in darkened corner’s and tucked away tight in a glittering fairly land ghetto. A place where there was only one rule, one motto, a single hot burning point of existence; to love thy brother.IP: Logged |
Quark
unregistered
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posted October 05, 2005 09:31 AM
They met there under the cascading phosphorescence, love forged in the black of forbidden quarters. Contrasting dark night with the ink of their complexion, offset with sparking faces and lunar beam stares. Sharp ends of its crescent moon protruding from dilated pupils, a contact high of kindred spirits. Together they danced, silent in the magic and commotion of the floor, lost in the bodies of light and the sound of music, but still together. Few words were to ever pass between them in those heady times of early courting, but few were regarded by all, in all. What was left to be said when your voice had been stolen? Shared understandings need no words, truth rambles through the ocular, it’s a contrast in style. Back then the verbosity associated with our out crowd was a perpetual non-existence. Primary issues were survival and a quantum possibility of coming together. City hall declared us an atrocity even after Stonewall. Yes, we wore our curls in our hair, but the sharp side of a blue boot in the temple was still a regular ending to a big night out with our boys.IP: Logged |
Quark
unregistered
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posted October 05, 2005 09:31 AM
They were a muddy mix of earth and water, beyond the stereotypes that came to flow out of straightened community misconception. There was no hissing and bubbling over telephone cords wrapped around limp fingers, just mutual respect, understanding and love. People say it was purer back then; purer black then, as if you could only be your own truth under the grip of another man’s cutting chains. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t, and they ceased to exist in that moment, just as they cease to exist now. Love doesn’t know time, it sits in a circling stasis, its ephemeral ability to catch a moment, catch it and hold it tight. Hold it in, counterbalance till the moment cease once again to be, flying in a perverse pattern, unlimited stretches till the borders of infinity. A realization of its timeless quality only occurs after the moment breaks, like the water breaking in the womb of liquid night. To live in those precious time frames of the soul, those timeless frames of not now, not then, this is what they yearned for. Descending upon the streets of desire, hungry kittens craving the milk of release, and at nights end, scurrying once again into the pitch, hunter to hunted, to sit and wait and lick the remnants of meal from their tired paws. IP: Logged |
Quark
unregistered
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posted October 05, 2005 09:32 AM
And we survived together. The two of them, the two of us, it was me and you; it was you and them, against the world. And Neptune smiled down upon them in that junction, sighed and smiled his acquiescent smile, against the warm glow of mirrors and illusions that this could be forever. For those precious moments again, I would give my whole life. To be back in that space, with the hum in my ears, and the sweat on my back, gliding and revolving, together on the killing floor, in the sweet hot crush of love. Outside of one another we lived to dance, together simply to stay alive. A weekly ritual of letting off tension and steam, pent up loneliness and release from the custody of the many staring eyes. When the evenings were done and our feet were strained and tired from the endless hustle of the twilight, we all trickle mote like, back to our flats and apartments. To lie in each others rocking arms and ward off daybreak with quiet whispers and mumbling brow. A thousand burning tobacco highlights, bouncing and singing their gently smoldering soliloquies from balconies and porch sides, a fog of secrets across sleepy city lights. IP: Logged |
Quark
unregistered
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posted October 05, 2005 09:33 AM
I remember that morning you told me, broke the news, dared to start something anew. Sitting cross legged in the silt of many previous terrace inhalations and cowering in tiny traveling cyclones of ash. The sun was breaking day on the horizon as slowly and surely as the rising count in your blood. I just let it wash over me then, as I let it wash over me now. Unthinking and not feeling, maybe you had said nothing or maybe I chose not to hear, I can’t remember everything. In some respects I prefer not to. The giddy taste of bile was rising slowly in me once again, stomach turning like a small child after having too much ice-cream at the fairground. There were rumors even back then, people were sick and they were not getting better, something was terribly awry. A dark cloud was descending from the rooftops and gently pushing its way across our family home. You were always the incorrigible optimist, but deep inside I think I knew the truth even then. Time was short, and we were in a state of biding. Faces dropped from the weekly photo spread, numbers dispersed, dancers stood at bars quietly nodding heads to the inevitable march of disease. People were gone in a matter of weeks and all the while Neptune looked on, tears in his eyes at the lusty depth of our disbelief. IP: Logged |
Quark
unregistered
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posted October 05, 2005 09:33 AM
He took you home in September of that year, back to his aqua depths, to swim once again at his side. Fish tailing through the memories that leapt and crashed against the inside of my skull, intermingled with your ragged listless last breaths. God’s forgotten children, inherited by Neptune, surrogate father to the damned of his own illusions. Once again perched on darkened balconies, amongst the choreographed spirals of smoke, this time alone as we were before. The tears came then as they come again now, streaming warm down my cheeks to make little dirty pools, dripping rain on glittering and decaying ghetto streets. I stare through the mist imagining, Neptune riding with his shoals of men, you perched amongst his trident, the water flaring through your hair, bubbles rising from the corners of your mouth. You were smiling then as you smiled in death, the last breaths shallow, your heart struggling under the weight of pneumonia, mottled skin and the damp smell of conclusion hovering in the corridors of that decrepit hospice. IP: Logged |
Quark
unregistered
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posted October 05, 2005 09:33 AM
And now I lie here in waiting, for the seed has also taken grip amongst me. It burns in the hushed moments before sleep, a secret poison of forbidden devotion left to me as your only physical manifestation. I will cradle it warmly in my arms, waiting for it to take me to Neptune and just as Poseidon has become forgot to the memory of his heir apparent, so shall we disappear gently under the undulating waves of affection. Caught within the eternal kiss, the quiet poem of Demeter and sinking to the bottom of her endless affection. The music of our revolution has born me upon its crest and lifts me tonight to be one with the gods and stars. I am dancing alone on the wind of tomorrow. A turning of the day which will at one moment cease to come to me in its inevitability. Spinning to the edges of sight, blurred as the inky faded street lights meld together and travel fast as tainted blood to the ends of my feet. Dancing against the grain, transverse smooth lines of talcum powder, lain scattered and slippery across the creaking wooden boards. We spin together to a point of union you and I, a quiet place in the center where no sound or light dare intrude, locked tight in the memory, the strength of your embrace. The tears will break, and dry stinging feverish across this life’s mask. Whirling to a point of centrifuge and in a finality of leisurely dissention. To once again join Neptune in his far away stupor. (C)B.Chaudhry 2005
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Lialei
unregistered
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posted October 05, 2005 09:54 AM
 ....Awe, just awing Quark!  There's a Ginsberg, Kerouc sort of rythym and feel to it...but NEVER did they begin to touch on the ethereal and romantic tender imaginative realms of Neptune as you have.  Brilliant!!  IP: Logged |
Quark
unregistered
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posted October 05, 2005 07:41 PM
Thank you very much for your kind words Lialei, Im handing this one in today.Hope my lecturer thinks the same way as you! 
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AcousticGod
Knowflake Posts: 4416
From: Pleasanton, CA
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted October 05, 2005 07:53 PM
quote:
He would twist and twirl until the bile rose within him.
Bile? Throws a really nasty image in there for me. Bile: A bitter, alkaline, brownish-yellow or greenish-yellow fluid that is secreted by the liver, stored in the gallbladder, and discharged into the duodenum and aids in the emulsification, digestion, and absorption of fats. Very artful otherwise. Enjoyable to read.
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Quark
unregistered
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posted October 05, 2005 08:30 PM
O yes, your right. I didn't intend it as such, more a feeling of intensity. Plus, it comes up again as a repeat motif towards the end of the piece, tying in with the imagery of disease when his friend is diagnosed.Hmmmmmm.... might have to craft that out. Thank you for the suggestions, I love other peoples impression's of my writing. Btw, Acoustic,just out of interest; whats your sun / asc / moon? IP: Logged |
aqua
Newflake Posts: 0
From:
Registered: Oct 2009
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posted October 06, 2005 05:38 AM
oh Quark!!!it was amazing!!  and you have a nice usename too!! QUARK!!!nice one! IP: Logged |
Quark
unregistered
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posted October 06, 2005 06:00 AM
Than you as well for your kind reply's! I did a little editing on the end so it flows more rythmically and handed it in only a few hours ago. Fingers crossed my tutor thinks its ok.I've had the user name Quark for ages! Just kinda stuck when I was a 15 year old using IRC (god that was AGES ago!).... hehehe Take Care. Love an Light! IP: Logged |
aqua
Newflake Posts: 0
From:
Registered: Oct 2009
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posted October 06, 2005 10:33 AM
IP: Logged |
AcousticGod
Knowflake Posts: 4416
From: Pleasanton, CA
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted October 06, 2005 10:54 AM
My Sun is in Capricorn. My Ascendant is Gemini, and my Moon is in Virgo (barely, 29th degree). IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
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