posted October 16, 2005 02:25 PM              

He's a typical negative/moody cancer. He disappears, comes back in circles, always super sensitive over any carefree comment he hears. He gets upset quiet easily and manipulates arguments so well that I blow up in the end. Then after several days, he contacts me- always via text message. One day he promises the world to me, the next day he says when he thinks this over, he finds out that we cannot be happy together and leaves. Then, again, comes back first with text messages, then with promises. This has been going on for months and I cannot take it anymore.

I've tried so many ways of communicating with him. I ignored his needling me with his overanalyzing questions, it didn't work. He says he doesn't like a passive woman around. He wants me to speak up when he's bothering me. He wants response. I feel like he's doing it on purpose to make me mad and hear me mad, too. I tries speaking up. He got upset. He is not comfortable with open and honest opinions. His uncomfort makes me mad. I told him he was hurting me, he said he liked me because i was very strong. I shouldn't be hurt if I'm strong. etc. He's got this weird way of irrationalizing things. And he never admits to it. He says I have a mind with clear cut boundaries. And I cannot see beyond it, where his is.

I hate getting into discussions with him as we waste hours for nothing, I always try to get some sense out of his argument and I cannot. It's like we don't understand each other. It is awkward to me as I have always thought I was good at empathizing.

He is a charm to be with when he's in a good mood though. Very jolly, funny and helpful and understanding. But unfortunately, those periods do not last very long.

posted October 16, 2005 03:40 PM              

Tell him so and tell him that you make the decisions. At this point you know he is looking for an aggressive woman who bosses him around and tells him what to do in the relationship, if not in life. You will have no life unless you set all the rules yet act loving too.
if you are not ready for that then be his friend and stay in contact: still tell him you are looking for another relationship.

if you can do it, is the question than start by telling him off when you need space everytime and don't worry about where he goes. Be there for when he comes home, but insist he does not get moody by making him eat regular meals, get exercise and work regular hours. Don't insist he get friends he never will if he doesn't have them now.

Just work on his moods: It may seem he is in a better place than you and it's frustrating that you are doing all the work, but he's not happy when he's like that. If he's good to you stay and have faith, but even so put your foot down and take care of your own basic emotional needs first before him.

My ex had mercury in scorpio conjunct neptune, moon on the ascendant, gemini moon, very very moody guy. I won't even talk to him unless he's exercising and eating right.

Good Luck,
I wouldn't just cut him off as he could make it bad for you.

posted October 16, 2005 04:54 PM              

I disagree with Natasha on this - Pisces mooners don't like aggressive partners, and prefer to be treated with kindness, acceptence and gentleness (and I say this as a Pisces moon-Virgo ASC myself). More importantly, we needt ostay away from aggressive partners. A Pisces moon is too easy bullied and has a lot of trouble standing up to overbearing partners in intimate relationships. Likewise, Pisces moon is hypersenstive to criticism and *highly* intuitive about other's feelings and opinions. We "absorb" others negative feelings, and are heavily influenced by them, becoming easily distressed and discouraged by others negative vibes. On the flipside, if a Pisces moon is around positive vibes, we often overcome negativity very readily and are able to remain in a positive mood. Unfortuantely, because of a Pisces moon's tendency to be bullied, we too often fall into unhealthy relationships with negative people who dump their cr*p (for lack of a better word) on us, and then complain that *we* are the negative ones. So chances are if your Pisces moon partner is acting negatively, you're feeding him negative vibes in the first place.

posted October 16, 2005 05:17 PM              

-You look handsome today.
He replies,
-Why did you say that?.
-Because you DO look handsome today.
-What do you mean?
-I mean I like you
-Why?
-@!$%#&^&@

posted October 16, 2005 05:17 PM              

-You look handsome today.
He replies,
-Why did you say that?.
-Because you DO look handsome today.
-What do you mean?
-I mean I like you
-Why?
-@!$%#&^&@

posted October 16, 2005 05:18 PM              

-You look handsome today.
He replies,
-Why did you say that?.
-Because you DO look handsome today.
-What do you mean?
-I mean I like you
-Why?
-@!$%#&^&@

posted October 16, 2005 05:18 PM              

-You look handsome today.
He replies,
-Why did you say that?.
-Because you DO look handsome today.
-What do you mean?
-I mean I like you
-Why?
-@!$%#&^&@

posted October 16, 2005 05:23 PM              

-You look handsome today.
He replies,
-Why did you say that?.
-Because you DO look handsome today.
-What do you mean?
-I mean I like you
-Why?
-@!$%#&^&@

posted October 16, 2005 05:25 PM              

-You look handsome today.
He replies,
-Why did you say that?.
-Because you DO look handsome today.
-What do you mean?
-I mean I like you
-Why?
-@!$%#&^&@

posted October 20, 2005 11:48 AM              

(by the way - only hit the SUBMIT button ONE time, or you'll get those multiple postings - just be patient as the server may be busier at some times).

posted October 20, 2005 12:10 PM            

I don't really agree with Gem Nymph's assessment that you're doing things to cause these reactions. There's no doubt that you're acting however you act (and he's reacting to it), but at some point the other person has to take responsibility for their emotions. It's always amazing to me when a Cancer tells me about how I feel about something they do. Like I had a girlfriend whom I helped cook once. Because I helped her cook she felt like I didn't think she could do it on her own. Of course she didn't tell me that at the time, but rather told me later. You'd think at some point Cancers would understand that we're not out to get them or put them down. That's not our goal in the slightest.

posted October 20, 2005 01:45 PM              

I can relate to a lot of what is happening to you and your guy. I'm in the same situation. My guy is a cancer sun with a cancer moon. I'm a capricorn sun with scorpio moon and ascendant.

I do agree that we capricorns and cancers do have that power struggle going. My situation is worse since we are both scopio moons and we tend to hurt eachother over and over.

I have decided to give up on him since I'm always the one being the adult in the relationship. I do think that I somehow hurt his feeling but I wish he would let me know what I did so I don't do it again.

Cancers are so wonderfull and they have such beautiful dreamy eyes but they sure are a mystery to me. A very fustrating mystery :-(

posted October 20, 2005 02:27 PM              

I feel for you. The only thing that has worked for me is just taking some time apart. My cancer always contacts me after a while too. When he does, I try to talk to him and discuss what happened, but of couse, he doesn't open up. I have known him for over a year. I think that cancers, when feelings are involved, tend to hide in their shells.

I have tried to pretty much force him to open up by telling him what's on my mind but that only scared him even more.

posted October 21, 2005 12:16 PM              

Being a 1st House Scorpio Moon I always wanted to get to the bottom of things. She wanted to keep her head in the clouds and live in "Cancerland" where everything is lovely and goes her way. My mother was the same. The annoying thing is they don't really want to hurt anyone and you know this so there is always this difficulty of just "unleashing" on them the fury you might readily express to another. This I feel encourages them to continue.

I actually found myself apologising for things I hadn't done because she turned cold. Now I'm past that I really am wondering whether she was a little bit nuts.

But my point is Cancers play emotional games within their own minds and you become a part of that. Reality gets lost somewhere in the haze and then everyone gets confused.

I love their innocence and their sensitivity, but then these are also the same qualities that can become grating if they stubbornly stick to one viewpoint and hide in their shells. I think if they were able to communicate clearly and be honest about their feelings they would be wonderful to be around all the time.

posted October 21, 2005 01:39 PM            

I don’t know your whole story but I can take several stabs at what’s going on here. First of all, I think somewhere back along the way you did something to profoundly hurt your man or make him think you didn’t like him or want to be with him. He’s pulled so far back in his shell I doubt you’ll be able to reach him without some serious effort, which it doesn’t sound like you are willing to invest. The hypothetical discussion about his appearance is an obvious indicator of how hurt he has been by you. He does NOT think you find him attractive or want to be with him – he’s so thoroughly convinced of this that he can’t even hear your compliment without doubting it’s sincerity. Why though? That one I can’t answer completely, but I’ll tell you this, your man knows how unhappy you are, and how discontent. He’s probably intuited half the things you wrote here. How could he not feel insecure? He’s also being very stubborn and locked in his mindsets. You’ll find Cancer’s become more and more stubborn the farther they pull back into their shells. If you are dating / seeing a crab and they start getting stubborn know that they are profoundly hurt and pulling back into that every handy shell. It’s an easy indicator.

I’m not sure how things got to this horrible, but I can tell you how it started. There was a time, maybe weeks or months back that you did or didn’t do something that hurt your crab profoundly. He pulled back and you didn’t reach out and grab hold of him, so he kept pulling back. And the father he retreated into his shell the more he annoyed you because he was acting sulky, stubborn, manipulative, moody, insecure, etc. The more annoyed you got, the more you encouraged him to hide. It’s a vicious cycle, no?

How could YOU have averted this disaster? (There are plenty of things he could have done too but we’re just going to talk about you for now). You could have been more in-tune with the ebb and flow of his emotions from day one. You could have watched his moods, and reach out and grab hold of him when he pulled back. If you had held him shortly after you hurt him, he never would have retreated into that shell. His fears would have never grown so large. Hurt Cancers tend to lock themselves in a dark place full of fear and doubt, if you never shine light in there to dispel those fears they continue to grow. I imagine your boyfriend seems like a completely different person to you now – nothing like the man you fell in love with. This is because you are seeing him through a veil of his hurts and doubts. The man you loved is still in there, but until you shine some light through the black cloud surrounding him, you won’t see that sparkling, beautiful sea creature.

How could HE have averted this disaster? He could have analyzed his own emotions, and known himself well enough to talk to you about his hurt in the first place. To explain how your actions made him feel, etc. You would have to be VERY receptive to that discussion though or you would have hurt him more. It takes a lot for Cancers to overcome their hurt and be honest with the person that hurt them because they fear rejection and more hurt.

I partially agree with those that have questioned the compatibility of Cancer / Cap combinations as well. I think the reason Earth / Earth is a better combination than Water / Earth is because Water and Earth people deal with their emotions in a very different fashion. This problem is deep enough that it circumvents the moon sign too. I dated a Virgo Sun / Scorpio moon for years (I’m a Cancer sun / Taurus moon) and I always felt that the reason we failed is we were fundamentally unable to understand each other on an emotional level. He never NEVER understood my retreating. And I never understood why he got so angry at me and gave up so quickly.

So, to anyone that has ever dated a Cancer or plans on it, just remember this… Learn to watch for the signs, practice empathy, and don’t let your crab retreat into his or her ever handy shell. Know that his / her retreating is often fear or hurt based. Get to the root of that. If you Cancer changes his behavior like doesn’t call when he normally did, or doesn’t get up and hug you when you come into the room, or does ANYTHING that seems like he’s retreating a bit emotionally, you should lavish tender loving care on him, sit down and encourage him to talk. Believe me, no Cancer wants to be in its shell. It’s a dark, sad, scary place. And you, dear earth signs, can be the white knight / lady that saves your dear cancer from that darkness. If you keep your crab out of his or her shell you’ll find that you never loose that misty, dreamy, romantic soul you initially fell in love with.

Again, let me reiterate, none of the above excuses the Cancer in the relationship from responsibility. Cancers have to conquer their own darker inner natures, I’m just writing from a perspective of how YOU can help them. : )

posted October 21, 2005 05:15 PM            

Isolaede,

That's the most I've ever heard a Cancer talk about their inner workings. Pretty amazing stuff. I have some questions for you, but I don't think I have time right now.