posted October 31, 2005 11:17 PM            

I have extensive experience with the former. The breakup was confusing-- our feelings for each other were at their peak but there were too many internal and external problems. We seperated, and luckily I was able to completely distance myself for a few months. However- he came back into my life and continued to do so for two years. I was never intelligent enough to confront him-- maybe because I was slowly getting over him and it was comforting to have this presence in my life that I knew adored me and would do almost anything for me. I laughed when I read "I miss my best friend" because that is one of the exact lines from a birthday email he sent at some point when we were in one of our no communication phases. This story has a happy ending-- he openly confessed his residual feelings, I told him that even though I still had feelings, I did not want a relationship with him. We went through another no communication phase but then I was heartbroken over another man and I got in touch with him again. These days things are nice- no drama and we've finally become "friends".
It sounds to me like you are in a similar situation but the two of you are dealing with it differently. It is still fresh in your mind and it's a black and white issue for you: being together or not being together. In his world the borders are less defined and he is obviously getting great pleasure from having you in his life and adoring you from a distance. This displacement may be the only way he can function in a relationship: and that is not healthy and not somewhere you want to be. It seems he has some issues about love to work out. Honestly, these days I want to tell everyone and myself: you should only waste your time on a person that couldn't imagine a world in which they are NOT with you. Everyone else is just passers-by.
I'm sorry to say this but I feel he is an unhealthy individual and is manipulating and hurting you. I feel you should do everything you can to cut him out of your life. Maybe if he learns to love in flesh and blood this could one day work.

posted November 01, 2005 06:47 PM              

Born on November 2nd, 1977
Atlanta Georgia

Sun in Scorpio at 10 degrees in the 10th
Moon in Cancer at 23 degrees in the 7th
Mercury in Scorpio at 19 degrees in the 10th
Venus in Libra at 20 degrees in the 9th
Mars in Leo at 2 degrees in the 7th
Jupiter in Cancer at 5 degrees in the 6th
Saturn in Leo at 29 degrees in the 8th
Uranus in Scorpio at 11 degrees in the 10th
Neptune in Sag. At 14 degrees in the 11th
Pluto in Libra at 15 degrees in the 9th
Mean Node in Libra at 13 degrees in the 9th
True Node in Libra at 14 degrees in the 9th
Chiron in Taurus at 3 degrees in the 3rd
Ascendant in Capricorn at 15 degrees

He e-mailed me today and asked me what I was going to be for his birthday tomorrow. So aggravating if he wasn't so incredibly cute. Hard to keep the defenses up. Good thing I only see him once a week.

posted November 20, 2005 10:46 AM              

I was hysterical. I felt like the biggest walking fool for believing all this time all of the things he said to me and how he told me he didn't have feelings for anyone else but me. I could have dealt with him sleeping around, but the idea of him actually having feelings for someone else made me sick to my stomach. He and I had agreed early on that we would be honest with each other about everything and if we decided to date someone we would tell each other even if it hurt the other one. I have asked him that question almost once a month for the last 5 months. And he just flat out lied through his teeth.

I will never know what was real and what wasn't. I told him unless it was work related, that I don't want to hear his voice. I know he is flipping out because he can't figure out how I found out. He is being ****** to every one and completely sarcastic and rude. He keeps e-mailing me "We have got to talk about this!!!!". But I just delete the e-mails. There isn't any explanation he can give that I want to hear. I know he is trashing me to his friends. My friend at work had to call him for something and someone in the background kept yelling "who is it? who is it?" We have caller ID at all the locations and he would have known it was my office calling.

I just can't help feeling that I was a walking idiot. I actually believed that this person felt something for me and tried to ignore all the gaps in the story that he was providing.

posted November 20, 2005 01:12 PM              

Plus sexual flirting is big, then there is the Venus in Libra, can be dishonest at times and wants to be liked-finds confrontation difficult so he didn't bring up the other woman but let you express yourself first to hedge his bets.

Venus in Libra men tend to like women a little submissive (because they see themselves as romantics), that is happy to be around without making too many demands, and they like mature women. Problem is he hasn't figured out yet how to give and receive in a relationship or figure out what is mature behaviour or not.

I would confront him and negotiate
offer up your ability to make things more peaceful without guarantees or specifics, in return he stops calling you, flirting with you, touching you in anyway emotionally, or acting like your boyfriend as you are trying to work on relationships and need peace in your life at this point. He is too emotional for you-ask him if he's cool with that? Get him to recognize that he is overly emotional and needs to chill.

The woman he is with probably only sees him when he is playing romantic and that's why she misses him, he's never really sincere, or around when she needs him. I doubt he has any real feelings for her, it's a game he was playing to test-or maybe see which woman fights for him.

Then get him to make that deal and tell him to stick to it. Don't expect much but at least you have pushed back. And then don't allow any sexual flirting in the future-I always say it's a bad thing because some men get a lot of kicks out of it, and as soon as the sex talk starts it's time set limits.

If you read the Soul Unions forum there was a thread a week or so ago from another with a similar problem-in that case it was with a Libra male.

Libra and venus in libra males like the woman to fight over him, they are competitive and like competition. They need limits and act much like children in a relationship at first. The downside is that they overly romanticize their lives and lead women away from their true selves.

The only upside is that they rarely cause serious harm because in their dreams they are always with the "right" woman, playing house. Unlike other signs that maybe players, they truly believe they will end up with a wife and happy family this way.

posted November 20, 2005 07:08 PM              

Unless you have an accurate time for him, you can not know which houses his planets fall into. You can also not know the exact position of the Moon. However, the position of the other planets can be calculated relative to each other, without their house positions.

Since he has Pluto (transformation, also power) conjunct (energy is combined with) Venus (relationships), he seems to be a person who seeks power in his relationships. His goal is to dominate and oppress those people who are around him. This is not a rational impulse, but an oppressive one.

Reasoning clearly does not and will not work with this person. I would suggest not talking to him or communicating with him in any way. Also changing your phone or email address. People who are obsessively controling in relationships can be very dangerous. Be cautious around him and avoid him wherever possible.

This dangerous possibility is increased since he has a stellium (collection of energy) in Scorpio (transformation, also power) including Mars (being, also action) square (energy needs to be combined with) Uranus (friends, also impulse), indicating the possibility for sudden, violent, powerful action.

Urging taking care,

posted November 21, 2005 08:59 PM              

I would take care as pluto conjunct venus will self destruct rather than lose and of course then there is the guilt if he does harm himself or others. He is probably also a master at guilt.

posted November 22, 2005 06:31 PM              

04/26/1978
Louisville, Kentucky
1:43am
Sun in Taurus in 3rd house at 5 degrees
Moon in Sag. in 11th at 17 degrees
Mercury in Aries in 2nd at 14 degrees
Venus in Taurus in 4th at 28 degrees
Mars in Leo in 7th at 5 degrees
Jupiter in Cancer in 5th at 2 degrees
Saturn in Leo in 7th at 23 degrees
Uranus in Scorpio in 9th at 14 degrees
Neptune in Sag. in 11th at 17 degrees
Pluto in Libra in 8th at 14 degrees
True Node in Libra in 8th at 5 degrees
Chiron in Taurus in 3rd at 5 degrees
Ascendent in Cap. at 29 degrees.

posted November 22, 2005 06:51 PM              

Do not make it personal, make it about your time to be with others-as in no more emotional friends who yap about sex all the time because it's getting in the way of YOUR life. You don't have to score points and talk about his life at all.

Treat it like a layoff rather than a firing. It's not personal, it's just business!

posted December 04, 2005 11:47 AM              

Then I told him that I felt I needed to explain some things about myself since I have repeatedly told him that trust and honesty are such HUGE things to me and never really told him why. I also explained to him that what I was about to share with him is known by only three other people and that I find it hard to talk about. He said, "So I should just shut up and listen, right?" I explained to him what happened with two back to back relationships that I had and New Years Eve with a "friend" that I had known all my life, but don't remember anything about after the first half glass of champagne. I hadn't had anything to drink before that glass. Leads one to wonder what was put in my drink. When I finished telling him everything, I asked him if that made sense to him. This is why I need to be able to trust those people in my life more than anything. I don't ever want to feel that I am not seeing the bigger picture, that I am being lied to, that I have to guess about what I mean to someone. He said it made complete sense. Then he brought up a girl that he is friends with that I know. I asked him why he brought her up. He said I don't know. I again said why did you bring her up. He said "I am so nervous right now." Then he explained. He said she is one of his best friends and he has never even made out with her. Then he said "Then there is you and I've been intimate with you and I don't know how to be anything else with you besides that. We have always been that." He asked if I had any guy friends like his friend that is a girl. I said I used to. He said "Yeah, that didn't work out too well for you. Honey I am so sorry...I would never have guessed that those things happened to you. It just makes me want to scream." Then he said "What do you want me to do? I know that if you took a date to the Xmas party, it would really upset me. And I know that if I took a date it would really upset you. Tell me what you want me to do?" And then...despite my heart breaking... I acted like a grown up. I told him that he shouldn't worry about me. That if he really wanted to take a date, he should. That it's his party too. He said he didn't know what to do with that. He told me he had been jumping through hoops, yelling at his friends, and backpedaling for weeks trying to figure out what to do to not lose me. That if he could save even a fourth of what we had, he wanted to do that.

When he came to our sales meeting a couple days after our talk, he was so nervous around me. He could barely look at me and kept taking big, deep breaths when we talked. He looked so unnerved, but kept constant eye contact with me when we talked. I think the things I told him about my past relationships were a lot for him to absorb. I don't know.