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Author
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Topic: Drug use
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ScorpSoul
unregistered
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posted November 16, 2005 04:59 AM
 
I don't even know if I have the emotional endurance to help him by advising him to seek help. But also, the more I think about it, the more I realize that I can't just sit there and watch someone kill himself all for the sake of some silly white powder: cocaine.
He's a really great guy that I love dearly as a friend. I got quite freaked out when I discovered that he used cocaine because that is not a world that I am used to being around, thankfully. He's been using this drug for at least ten years now I guess. It hasn't controlled his life as he is not yet dependent on it. I've been reading about the difference between a continuous abuser and a dependent user of the drug. But regardless, his last serious relationship fell through because (among other important things) she got tired of this problem (at least that is what a common friend who has known him for years says). He said that he had stopped for a year because they were making plans to have a family. But by then, it didn't matter, for the relationship was already beyond repair.
Either way, I just would like him to stop before it's too late. I think he can stop (especially if he did before) but I'm trying to figure out how to get him to the point of no return. he is the kind of person who only listens to himself, present a strong facade while he is mushy inside. I've read somewhere that Arians don't know how to take care of themselves. That would sum him up when it comes to his drinking and use of drugs: he can't take care of himself emotionally -or won't admit that he is suffering, that he is sensitive and lonely - and therefore drown his sorrows in those deadly substances. Apart from that, he takes really good care of eating well and drinking plenty of water. In fact, that is the only thing that gives me hope because I don't particularly take care of eating well and have been learning from him on that.
So any insight...how do you get an aries with aqua moon to accept help from others and to take that big jump...
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nannyfish
unregistered
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posted November 16, 2005 05:16 AM
Arians are the "infants" of the zodiac and represent: Birth. Their primary concern is with themselves, just as a child is all *ego* so are Aries. This is not bad, just the way they are wired.What would you do with a child that needs to be disciplined or has a behavior that needs to be changed? One, you could go for punishment - an Adult version of time-out. Take something away that is important until the lesson is learned. On the other hand, praise and reward works very well with children and Aries. A good nanny uses star charts to change behavior -- a visual representation of how *good* the child is. Maybe the Aries needs to see the positive effects of quitting the drugs: more money, less harmful to his looks, better friends, etc. My 2 cents worth. IP: Logged |
Peri
Knowflake Posts: 1848
From: 49N35 34E34
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted November 16, 2005 05:19 AM
Welcome ScorpSoul 
 ------------------
Sun - Taurus
Moon - Sagittarius
ASC - Capricorn IP: Logged |
Lauren
unregistered
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posted November 16, 2005 08:55 AM
 WELCOME Can you post his whole chart? It isn't very Aries or Aqua to be that into drugs. Pisces/Virgo/Libra ring bells when it comes to drugs.. so check his Neptune aspects, or anything he might have in Pisces, Virgo and Libra? A grand cross or T-square, involving Neptune..could definitely point to a drug addiction. It's reality escapism. I think you should make it clear to him that this IS very serious and can have very bad consequences and he should get into rehab as soon as possible. That's all you can do really. It IS up to him at the end of the day. You can't "make him" change, unless he realises and admits he has a problem..and wants to fix it. You can try to help him and get him to go to rehab..but if you see that he won't and it keeps happening, I think it's probably best for you to distance yourself. Because otherwise I have feeling you'll end up very hurt in the end. Some people are impossible to help. I'm not saying "don't try". I definitely think you should, if you care about him and want to...but not to the extent where it drains you emotionally, and not if you see you're continuously helping in vain, with no positive results. IP: Logged |
1scorp
unregistered
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posted November 16, 2005 09:11 AM
I can relate.  Addiction is complicated. __________________________________________
Scorpio sun, venus, mars, mercury and uranus
Libra moon, pluto and asc. IP: Logged |
Azalaksh
Knowflake Posts: 982
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted November 16, 2005 12:19 PM
 to the forum, ScorpSoul.....Your friend will only quit cola when he's hit bottom (either emotionally or financially), when he's had enough, when he gets tired of the pain and guilt and fear that is inevitable with drug use. I wonder about this "continuous" vs "dependent" distinction?? In my view, if you've been using the stuff for 10 years, you're dependent. I speak from my own experience. Check out the N.A. meetings in your area, they're free, they can be a huge help and require no commitment, you can just show up anonymously and listen (non-users may attend too). Years ago, AA and NA saved my life..... Keep talking to your friend -- but if he's like many involved with the powder, he will be defensive. As women, many of us would do anything to help our friends/lovers/family members get off the stuff (whatever it might be). But there's a point where you must detach for your own health and sanity. My Gemini Sun/Libra Moon brother is still living in the disease -- we don't talk. Seeing me making (more or less!) a success of Life makes him angry, and he feels abandoned since we used to drink/drug together. I think that after all these years of abuse, his body will fail him and he'll be hospitalized. Only then will the stubborn ones have a *chance* to get out and be free of the disease. I hope it doesn't take your friend that long..... 'Zala
Libra Sun/Leo Asc/Pisces Moon IP: Logged |
1scorp
unregistered
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posted November 16, 2005 12:24 PM
Zala's right. I also attended meetings to learn more about a friends addiction. It helps. I thought I understood... I thought that I alone could help this person. I beat myself up emotionally for always feeling like I failed. I felt weak because I wanted to give up sometimes. It's a horrible thing to experience. Not only for the one with the problem, but also for the one standing by and trying to help. ___________________________________________
Scorpio sun, venus, mars, mercury and uranus
Libra moon, pluto and asc. IP: Logged |
ScorpSoul
unregistered
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posted November 16, 2005 04:21 PM
Well thanks everyone for your insights. I know that at the end of the day he has to help himself and I'm prepared to completely distance myself if I see no sign of heeding my advices. It'll be a tough lesson but it's one I'll have to learn I guess.
Well about the difference between a continuous user and a dependent, I saw it online. Though at the end of the day, it is about two kinds of people leading to their destruction, I can see why this difference would make sense: A friend of mine is dealing with a brother in law who is on the dependent end: dependent to means that control is completely lost. I don't know, seeing my friend as someone who uses this substance but who looks fine on the surface and in every day situations gives me hope. It's the difference between a complete alcoholic and a continous drinker. (I have a friend of mine who drinks at home every day without thinking much of it. But of course, there is an effect on his liver that he is not thinking of. He is not the complete alcoholic because he doesn't attack anyone when he is drunk or is willing to do anything to get alcohol). But maybe it is worse, bcause then he still thinks he has control when that is elusive in itself in this situation.
His behavior is definitely about escapism: I caught him in a depressive mood one day after he's been using, and I asked him about his worse fear and he says : it is to keep doing the same things without taking responsibility for his actions...I think that it is the crux of the issue and that he is at a moment where he is realizing that he has to chose between this and something better. I hope he choses well.
He does get defensive about it. Admits that it is a problem that he tried to deal with. I think that he is jailed at this point by a decision that he took years ago to do that first try...
I bought him a self-help book today about self-acceptance. I hope he takes it well and that it makes a difference. I am well aware that a confrontational approach is useless and would produce the opposite effect. The only other thing that I can do is send him internet info about this and hopes that he comes to a decision...if not it will/would be kind of sad to lose a friend...
Anyway, here is his astro info below. It's funny that his rising is in libra.Sun Aries
Ascendant in Libra
Moon Aquarius
Mercury Aries
Venus Gemini
Mars Gemini
Jupiter Capricorn
Jupiter is technically near the end of house 3 and is interpreted in house 4.
Saturn Gemini
Uranus Libra
Neptune Sagittarius
Pluto Libra
True Node Aquarius
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Arnicka
unregistered
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posted November 17, 2005 12:26 AM
Mars Neptune hard aspects can indicate problems with drug use or underground criminal activities.IP: Logged |
Azalaksh
Knowflake Posts: 982
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted November 17, 2005 12:45 AM
SS ~Were I in your shoes, I would get the weekly schedules of N.A. in your area. Mention to your friend that you are worried about him, and you thought this might be a place where he could talk to others who have been at exactly the same point in life that he's at: failed relationships, sensitive and lonely, drowning/numbing their sorrows. Offer to go to the meeting with him, or drive him there. I would be surprised if he accepted at once, but perhaps it will start him thinking. But don't assume because he's gainfully employed that this is a sign of success at controlling his substance use/abuse. I held down full-time jobs during my worst cola-abuse years, yet I was "out of control". I don't believe there is such a thing as "recreational" cocaine use, the stuff is insidious. I asked him about his worse fear and he says: it is to keep doing the same things without taking responsibility for his actions
Now this is a positive sign! Sounds like a man who is nearly ready to change his life for the better. The things holding him back are fear and familiarity: the fear of the unknown new Life Without Coke and the reluctance to let go of familiar panaceas. The people at N.A. who've "been there" can help. If it still operates the same, then he can ask someone he respects for their words at the meetings to be his sponsor -- a kind of big brother/buddy to help him through the first few months of living clean. Good luck to you and your friend I hope he has the courage to open his sensitive self up to a new life and a new way of Being. 'Zala IP: Logged |
AcousticGod
Knowflake Posts: 4416
From: Pleasanton, CA
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted November 17, 2005 01:26 AM
Well, there is Robert Downey Jr. another Aries with a fixed Moon (Taurus). He's got Aries and Virgo stelliums.On a positive note, though, he was brilliant in a new movie Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.  Maybe your Aries should become an actor?  IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
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