posted December 19, 2005 11:51 PM              

ANd yesterday was the anniversery of a friend's murder, and as I often do around this time, I am having trouble sleeping, and when I do I have horrible dreams. Last night I got about a hour of sleep, which was certaibnly not enough to deal with my mother's insanity.

Of course, there's some sucky transits for me right now that I can point a b*tchy finger at for all of this:

- the present transiting fixed Grand cross with Saturn in Leo, Jupiter in Scorpio, Mars in Taurus and Neptune in Aqua is heavily affecting me: tr Saturn is conjunct my SN right now, whie tr Neptune is conjunct my NN and Mars.

- Tr Pluto is presently exactly opposed my Sun, and with tr Sun conjunct tr Pluto, this only adds fuel to the lovely mutable grand cross this forms with my natal mutable t-square with my Sun, Merc, moon and Pluto.

Two grand crosses - could it suck more???

Yes it can.

- Tr moon in Leo has moved into my 12th house. This is most likely fueling my most present moodiness and anxiety. Oh yeah.

All I have to look forward too is by Thursday the moon will have moved into my 1st house, which is always a good rush of positive energy for me. Also the Sun moves into Cap, which could be a relief for me.

posted December 20, 2005 02:15 PM              

Today I'm not so much anxious as just depressed and struggling to get things done despite a very strong urge to just implode. If I try to relax, I'm restless and my thoughts are fuzzy and uncollected. I hoping being iwth my friends in a couple days will help me get out of this funk.

I have to sing at midnight Mass on Xmas Eve, so practicing for that is kind of helping me cope with this too. At least I have something to keep me focused and give me some direction, since I dont' go back to work until Jan. 6.

posted December 20, 2005 02:40 PM              

I too picked up a retail position at night for additional cash and then stressed about all the gifts I didn't buy-which is counterproductive. Now I closed out my credit card account so I can't touch it and made a resolution to live with no credit, to pinch pennies and keep myself in tune.

It was tough I wanted to spend, and spend, but I can't trust myself this month.

Pluto was square Pluto for me last year and I was flat broke no matter what I did. Everything dissolved and everybody took their time. Finally it's over and jobs money are flowing again.
Pluto had this strange way of making me give attitude and made me feel I had less than other people, so it was a struggle to be friendly.

Now I dont' know where that was coming from but I am better-although still too much Neptunian dreaming. I just applied to a corporate position that involves meeting and greeting famous and wealthy clients for a private investment firm. Now my imagination has itself going thinking of all the possibilities if they actually hired non submissive me, why is that?

Going to the Cancer's for big Irish Christmas Eve/Day party, no plans New Years as he has to work. I will try to find work at a local establishment to keep busy.

Take Care,
Natasha

posted December 20, 2005 03:14 PM              

: gives gem nymph a mahoosive hug :

i managed to buy some gifts this year! last year i had to focus on the kids in the family as priority and give the rest small gifts or stuff i made myself cos i had just seperated from my hubby and had debts coming outta my ears! payday is friday and only 3 more gifts to get then.. including my man which is eluding me ideas wise.. what do you get for an aries man with cappy moon?

posted December 20, 2005 06:35 PM              

Hope you can enjoy yourself nonetheless during the holidays.

Things can only go so far down before they are due to come up right?

posted December 22, 2005 11:04 AM              

What do you think about THIS theory for this time of year. Find the energy to be lazy.

posted December 22, 2005 11:19 AM              

Actually I'm feeling better. I had a rather difficult flight out yesterday, that invloved delays, a missed connection, rude people, etc.

But with tr moon in Virgo, I can be a real trooper and was able to be attentive and on the ball...like reserving a seat on another flight when it looked like I could potentially miss my connecting flight - which I did. So did many other people, and they got stuck on standby. I felt particularly sorry for these really cute German guys on my flight who missed the only connecting flight to their destination for that day and got stuck at Dallas/Fort Worth overnight. It was a rough day yesterday for many.

posted December 22, 2005 01:05 PM            

This time of year brings out the best and worst don't ya think... I try to lose myself in the magic of it all... 2 small kids who still believe lends a dash of sparkle on what sometimes seems to be just craziness.. I've tried to move away from all the material aspects of the season and have tried to focus on the real meaning of the season... it's all to easy to get lost in the hustle.. gifts.. money(pluto square natal pluto)... I have just tried to be grateful for all i have and to soak up some of that lost magic i see in my children's eyes....