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Author Topic:   Love -Black hole..!
sweetlibra
unregistered
posted December 22, 2005 02:33 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
A woman I know is like this. She loves very deeply so much that we feel suffocated.
She does not give freedom to others and gets hurt easily if we speak something in defense of us.
Any ideas how to deal with such a person?
I'm suffocated, yet drawn to her love

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Lauren
unregistered
posted December 22, 2005 04:43 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
hmm does she have negative Pluto aspects.. or leo/scorp squares?

I think you should set your boundaries. If she gets offended, she gets offended.

People who smother are in deep need of affection and they usually have some psychological problems. In a lot of cases it's because they didn't receive much affection as children or the parents were not present a lot of the time and now they are scared of abandonment so they grab a hold and never let go.. out of fear. It isn't so much about loving deeply, as it is about being afraid of losing your love..and everyone else' love.. afraid of being on her own. She needs to understand she can be *ok* on her own..and she can cope.

I think she needs professional help with this. Try to have a talk to her about it. If she won't hear it.. if she won't talk..then maybe it would be a better idea to slowly distance yourself from her.. You said you feel bad and suffocated…so try to help, but if she won't accept your help.. I don't think there is much you can do. There are certain things that are really just up to the person. If they don’t make an effort to change. If they don’t admit they have a problem…you can only help so much.. It’s up to her to figure this out.

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Swerve
unregistered
posted December 22, 2005 06:30 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Sounds like a typical case of co-dependance. many many people have this. I do. Working on it right now.

Its a mixture of low self-esteem, being confused about your identity, not having your emotions validated by those you grew up around, and the overwhelming fear of rejection and abandonment.

The catch 22 is that to be in a relationship like this can make you resent them and bring about their own self-fulfilled prophecies of rejection.

But, unless she is ready to admit to herself she has these issues and has the courage to face them she will remain trapped.

Here is a link with some info:
http://www.allaboutcounseling.com/codependency.htm

I wish her all the love in the world - because it probably feels inside like even that won't be enough right now.

Swerve

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sweetlibra
unregistered
posted December 22, 2005 07:07 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
She is of my mother's age. So I cant advise her.
I mean I can advise my mother, but not someone who thinks age makes people wiser.
She lost her parents when she was an infant. I guess the insecurity comes from that.
She got married when she was hardly 16. So dependency is huge. I dono her birth time or date. Only thing I know is she is born in the last week of Dec and now is about 42 -43 yrs.
I think her husband and children encouraged her insecurity feeling by being more caring.
I try my best not to be painfully straightforward with her.
But there are times when I myself is in a pit and needs time alone.
That aspect of me she cant understand and behaves like I had hurt her!
And then she starts crying and quits eating for days until I feel guilty of not caring her enough!!
it sucks sometimes!!!

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Yin
Knowflake

Posts: 1951
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted December 22, 2005 08:25 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Yin     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Great link, Swerve!

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