posted January 03, 2006 01:07 PM              

(LOOK AT CHARTS BELOW)

This guy persued me for the longest time and I eventually gave into
his charms against my gut feeling and dated him.  At first everything was
great.  The way he treated me was unbelievable.  Later his affections
dwindled and I grew suspicious of him.  I also realized that although
he "adored" me, he knew NOTHING about me.  We dated for four months
and he didn't know my last name, what I did for a living, who my
friends were etc... He is a very trouble guy who has had a tough life,
despite being a trust fund kid.  He is a heavy drinker who takes sleeping pills and often blacks out. Anyway I feel like he also THRIVES on
fights.  He accused me of nagging and trying to change him. Yet he said not to leave him and that he "needed" me even though he would probably end up hurting me. We are both passionate/heated people but I feel no emotional connection.  Yet still there is a pull.  I am very mad at myself for getting involved with him, and have "ended" it several times. This
time I believe strongly- and hope- that it's permanent. He begged me to be in his life as a friend but I told him I couldn't. There is this desire in me to always fix things. Even though this relationship is so wrong, I want to mend it and I want to help him. Maybe it's partially because I thought this was going to be my first serious relationship.

Can anyone give me any insights?

My chart (august 24, 1980):

His chart (may 16, 1976)

posted January 03, 2006 03:52 PM              

By affair, do you mean that one of you is married, yet dating each other at the same time?

I am going to say something serious now, and I hope you take it into consideration:

This guy is an alcoholic!.Also, it sounds as if he on a suicidal mission here. I mean, the sleeping pills and alcohol? He is definitely suicidal. He needs help as soon as possible, before anything else! I am not making this up- I know a guy who did the same thing-he was an alcoholic and he tried to take his own life with sleeping pills!

posted January 03, 2006 04:46 PM              

I agree with Yang. As far as the charts are concerned, he has Saturn conjunct Mars in his 12th house (House of self-undoing) so to speak, and Transiting Saturn in his 12th as well. TOUGH! Mars conjunct Saturn is as follows: MARS conjunct SATURN
The conjunction of Mars and Saturn shows that you can use your energies constructively. Any tendency shown elsewhere in your chart to act on impulse is tempered with restraint. You rarely waste energies on unproductive activities. You are a physical person, but you know how to control and use of your physical energies. This aspect produces the capacity for hard work, enduring strength, and resourcefulness. Often this conjunction marks a tendency toward anger or hard feelings that you must control, if you can. You must avoid the negative attitudes and resentments that sometimes develop. That said, their location in his 12th house, I would presume is about bottled anger towards himself, the only person he is undoing, is himself!

One explanation to your feelings of PULL and his neediness are as follows: Your Asc. are opposites. You represent what he needs most, and so does he ON THE SURFACE, your moon conjunct his Desc. given a wide orb, He needs you, or so he thinks. Your Sun and Mercury are in are in his first house, when you are around, you sort of give him unspoken re-affirmations, you make him feel HIM. The Sun in other people's house light up that area, the first house is the EGO, you do the math.

Not that any of this justifies his self-destructive behaviour, but then again this is to help you and help him.

posted January 03, 2006 07:26 PM              

You said:

quote:

---

There is this desire in me to always fix things. Even though this relationship is so wrong, I want to mend it and I want to help him.

---

If you are a spiritual person, you might try repeating this over and over:
God grant me the strength to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I can not change, and the wisdom to know the difference.

If you are NOT a religious person, substitute something else for "God"! Then let him go and focus your attentions on people you CAN help and who WANT your help. Fortunately for you, there are many out there!

Suggesting letting go,

Tim

posted January 03, 2006 09:31 PM              

*** He is a heavy drinker who takes sleeping pills and often blacks out. Anyway I feel like he also THRIVES on
fights. He accused me of nagging and trying to change him. ****

reading your post .. looking at his chart .. reading the other posts .. knowing what i do about taurus men .. i would triplex Tims' advice .. as in extra strongly ***Suggesting letting go*** ..
for Your own sake !! .. for your own Health !! ..

re: the post by Muse
***.. he has Saturn conjunct Mars in his 12th house (House of self-undoing) so to speak ..***
.. that is quite a potential for physical violence .. and it could erupt as if from nowhere ..

posted January 03, 2006 10:33 PM              

Both will make him nervous and insecure and prone to arguments. I don't believe you can change the way he acts, but by insisting he see a therapist you can help him control his drinking and use of pills. That may help his personality and get his needs under control.

I dated a Jupiter/Merc Taurus and I have a Cancer Moon, it's so funny because he used to cry that his needs were so painful they hurt.

i stayed with him way too long, but now he is getting therapy which he needs.

When you say you are afraid of him cheating that means you feel guilty, afraid to leave, because it would hurt you. Your Mars and Moon do not like cheaters-so you are worrying yourself. Own up to the fact that he is cheating or not because you know underneath. Do some snooping.

It's best to end the romantic part of the relationship gradually-it's the only way at this point-and keep him as a friend otherwise you will feel too guilty and get sucked back in.

Make sure he sees that therapist even if you have to drag him there-Taurus isn't very motivated sometimes.

You probably are changing his life you know, just in detriment to your own.

Good luck, after going through all of that with mine, he did punish me for helping him, reacted bitterly to being forced to change, clean up, and refused to settle down with anyone girl. So he has basically traded one problem for another, but he was too angry to be friends with.

I don't believe anyone has the training to deal with this sort of problem-

Please, please insist he go to therapy and insist on telling the therapist yourself or with him about the drinking/pills.