posted January 07, 2006 01:52 PM            

I have this friend. I love her dearly, she's one of my best, but she clings so badly, that sometimes I get angry by just seeing her.

She treats me like I'm her boyfriend or something. She knows I have no interest in that, though. We'll hang out one day, and then she'll want to do it every day after, and gets angry when I don't want to, or I already have plans, telling me I should break them to hang out with her. She acts like I'm obligated, and really, I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I can't take it.

She clings to me like glue whenever she sees me, and it irritates me to no end. She expects me to stop whatever I'm doing, and stop talking to whomever I'm speaking to just to speak to her. Ughhh...I just want to be around other people. I don't like being around ONE person ALL the time. I don't like the feeling that I can only be around HER in social situations. I don't like feeling like I have to be a default DATE if she's around. I just want to be socialize. I do have other friends...

Is there anything here that would indicate this kind of friction in our charts?

Mine: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v470/nove731/Astro/56269f2a.gif

Hers: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v470/nove731/Astro/7a74bbbc.gif

posted January 07, 2006 03:14 PM            

quote:

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She's just very loving and attentive like most with Venus in Libra.

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Yeah...well her "loving" is borederline obsession...

I know she used to like me, but she keeps on saying she doesn't anymore. It doesn't bother me. I wouldn't have stopped being friends with her for that, but she needs to stop it. Everytime she breaks up with some guy, she always starts liking me again. She doesn't understand why I won't go out with her. She doesn't understand that I won't go straight for her...I don't like girls. You'd think that'd be pretty self explainatory...:-? The fact that she's bisexual would make me think she'd understand that you can't change something like that. :-/

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Conversly you have Venus in Pisces which i personally wouldn't touch with a barge pole! No warmth, shys away from affection, totally non-expressive except in a kind of ethereal pointless way.

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I'm probably one of the most expressive people I know. So your description of Venus in Pisces is quite off for me. I'm a very hug-y type person too (granted, I used to not be). I don't shy away from affection. Warmth? Maybe. Depends what you mean. I'm quite happy to listen to people's problems and try to help them. But I'm not going to get walked all over, either.

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Have a chat to her, tell her what the problem is, and say that if it carries on like that, tell her it will strain the friendship between you two. Also tell her that she is a GOOD friend and things shouldn't be like this. You should be there for each other, but at the same time you need space to be alone and to socialise more!

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posted January 07, 2006 03:46 PM              

Just say it straight cos its your life and being with others should be a pleasure. Its not being mean. And you dont have to be either. Its just establishing the boundaries that feel comfortable for you.

posted January 07, 2006 05:29 PM              

This person has a whole lot going on, at least from the first impressions I get intuitively looking at her Wheel.

First, she's got a TON of nervous energy, and this can turn into anxiety very easily.

Next, she is a very good person, I think you know that. She's very much looking for a sense of security, and it goes even beyond that. A big part of what is going to give her that security is if she is identified by others as being a person who is a very loving. She may be so anxious to prove that, she's missing the forest for the trees.

Read everything you can about Chiron in Cancer. Her Jupiter is in Cancer as well, and they are both in her 5th House. She gets discouraged easily and second guesses herself too much. It's sort of sapping a chunk of her desire to be more socially viable to others. Perhaps you make friends a little more easily and she's latching on to you hoping some will rub off on her.

But SHE's probably closer to being that person she thinks YOU are, she just needs to be made more aware of it. Understand, you cannot instill in her everything she needs to understand like, overnight.

I'd also try to make her aware of those STRONG Pluto energies in her Chart. But do so with care. She has Pluto in Scorpio in the 8th House, and it makes lots of very powerful Aspects, including Trining her Chiron, the area which needs healing. This can make her prone to obsession, jealousy and possessiveness.

Her Pluto is also Sextile her Mars, which means that she carries this Pluto influence in her actions, and it's also Sextile her Neptune, which means she may be projecting a bit of fantasy on to others. Wake her up very gently, and have tons of patience.

posted January 07, 2006 06:40 PM              

She has Libra (relationships) modifying Venus (relationships), which gives her a "nice" energy: in her eyes it is important for people to be "nice" and "fair" with each other. You have Pisces modifying Venus (Venus in the sign of its exaltation), which gives you an "all loving" energy: it is important in your eyes to love everyone everywhere in some way or another. More about these two signs in Venus here: http://www.cafeastrology.com/articles/lovesexsecrets_venuspg2.html

As you already know, there are many challenges between you, indicated by the many challenges between your personal planets (Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, and Mars) which indicate that you see things from VERY different points of view. This also indicates that it could take a lot of "working things out" in order to get along for long periods of time.

The attraction to her on your side seems to be her Virgo (daily work) modifying Mercury (daily work) conjuncts (energy is combined with) your Ascendant (self), so when she communicates she seems to understand you and who you are. On her side her conneciton to you could be that your Mars (being, also action) conjuncts (energy is combined with) your North node (future goals). So in some way you are actively helping her to achieve her goals in life. She feels as if she is "moving forward" in life when she is doing things with you.

There is another BIG difference between you: your planets are focused at the bottom of your chart, so you focus more on your inner world than your outer world, while hers are focused at the top of your chart so she focuses more on the outer world than her inner world. As a result, you may want her to become more aware of who she is inwardly while she wants to get you to go out into the world more.

While this ensures you both get exposure to areas in life you don't naturally focus on, it also ensures that you will have this "friction" between you about what to do with your time. This, added to the lack of personal connections mentioned creates the issue you describe.

Since your Saturn (duty, also responsibility) trines (energy goes easily with) her Mercury (thinking/daily work), possibly if you suggest that since you both agree that you are not dating, the right thing to do is to see each other occasionally, as friends. And that, as friends to each other, it is also important that you allow each other to be friends with others. Which means you will need to be "close but not TOO close" with each other.

It is a challenging situation, but if you are honest and direct you should be able to keep your friendship while gaining your "space". And, if it doesn't work, then she had the wrong idea about the friendship in the first place!

In friendship,

Tim

posted January 07, 2006 06:45 PM              

in friendship

one must

always be

honest

tell her

straight

to leave
you alone
for a while

if she is
a friend
she will
honour
your
request

if not
she isnt
a true
friend