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Author Topic:   Clingy People-What do you consider Clingy?
sthenri
unregistered
posted January 15, 2006 04:22 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
What do you consider Clingy or Needy in a SO?

A. Verbal-he calls for no reason, confused, calls at wrong time, doesn't call and then calls and talks for an hour. Makes bad jokes, uses profanity, repeats him/herself, asks you the same question over and over again. Demands to know what you really meant by what you said a month ago.

B. Physical-he or she hangs all over you, demands sex at 3am monday night, wants to touch you all over constantly, considers you property, asks you to not see, touch or talk to other people, considers your appearance his or her business.

C. Emotional-punishes you for not taking him/her seriously, or not laughing/laughing at jokes. Is over sympathetic, demanding of details into your life. Talks about emotional subjects that make you nervous.

D. Mentally-introduces you to topics/people that he/she will not give up on. Invites strangers into your home, has special dietary needs, has fixed ideas, and political opinions, and insists that you repeat what he/she just said, and focus on what he/she is saying. Tells you constantly he or she needs space to be his or her own person. Brings up odd gossip about people you don't want to know.

Please give you sun/moon and ascendant.

Natasha
Taurus/Cancer/Sag
Mental, Physical-both push me away.

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bullhead
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posted January 15, 2006 04:49 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
natasha, i consider myself emotional clingy cuz my moon in taurus. clingy in a sense i need to feel the relationship is ok, he still loves me then once i have that reasurrance, then i dont care, i would just love to hang out with my friends. LOL.
but most of all im verbally clingy, i like to phone up my bf whichever or whtever comes up to my mind it might be hard to take cuz moon is in the 5th, very drmatic. but i do dat to friends 2, so i think more verbal than emotional clingy.
on the flip side, i dont like physically clingy relationships, it drag me down, i hate it. I feel sad and lonely spending 2 much time with the same person, dats y when they ask me to live with them i refuse, been there, done that! but guys are like dat all the time, if i go to visit them spend the nite over, next day i want to get the hell out of there, i want to change of senerio, go see my friends or go back home or something. i need varieties, its like i have an internal siren tellin me, get out now! and they hate it, of course, men are very very much physically clingy, they want to get close doesnt matter when they just want to, and they think they own u, they think u owe them by takin care of ur outer beauty, and i freakin hate dat.Some guy told me dat if i dont see him at least 2-3 times weekly dat we are not bfgf, im like saids who? i didnt pay attention to him, still see him once a week, when i want to see him i see him. if he **** me off then i see him every 2-3 weeks.
I dont mind someone are mentally clingy as long as they just share their views but PLS dont try to force on me, it will never work!
cap sun, taurus moon, sag risin, aqua venus
o, one more thing, i noticed dat they dont really like me having friends callin me when im with them, they said its disrepect, but i mean, hey, im not gonna turn off the phone becuz of u! i dont know wht kind of clingy is dat

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Azalaksh
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Posts: 982
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted January 15, 2006 04:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Azalaksh     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Natasha ~

The first thing that struck me about A,B,C and D are that they resonate to the word "controlling" more than the word "clingy".....
Just my 2 cents worth

'Zala

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nove731
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Posts: 43
From: Strasbourg, France
Registered: Jun 2009

posted January 15, 2006 05:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for nove731     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Someone who consistently calls every ten minutes. For instance. The Virgo/Gemini/Aquarius girl I made a thread about will call at 4 PM, keep me on the phone until 10:30 when I'll hang up to go to bed. At 11 PM when I'm asleep, she calls again, saying I've had enough sleep, and need to entertain her. I suppose she thinks it's cute, but when I'm getting detention the next day for falling asleep in French, I'm sure as hell not thinking the same.

UGH

The same person hangs all over me everytime she sees me. She doesn't understand the term "personal space". If I won't let her touch me, she thinks I hate her and puts me on a guilt trip.

That's what I define as "clingy".

Aries/Sagittarius/Virgo

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alanabelle86
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Posts: 40
From: Somewhere over the rainbow
Registered: May 2009

posted January 15, 2006 06:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for alanabelle86     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
for me clinginess is all in like attitude.. basically if a person can't do anything by themself. and i dont mean like they call you up for the first time and say lets go out. but i mean its like teh 10th time, and youve gone out withthem everyday for the past week and a half, and they keep calling and you say i'm sick. and they say well we wont be out that long, and you say i think ill stay in and they get super mad. or if you're out in public and you talk allllll day, and hang out all day (in like a large group) and you go to a restaurant in this group and they desperately need to sit next to you, and they need to sit near you or ride with you in the car, and they need to sit with you at the movies, and they want to go over your house and sleep over..and they want to hang out and do it all again the next day and the next and the next and the next. and if you say to them, well i can't do it today, i'm a little burnt out...EVEN IF EVERYONE ELSE IS GOING, the person flips.

thats what i consider clingy..some one who cannot do anything by themself and its not like everyone else is here and i want you to be it. its like YOURE cool so im gona LATCH onto you and NEVER let go..

that gets frikkin annoying, kinda like when ppl start expecting favors from you all he time cuz you come through and eventually you stop doing favors and they get mad and say OH YOU HATE ME...


i hate stuff like that, thats just me. its when ppl arer oveexpectant of you and feel/act as if you're not there then the world will fall apart, after you've been there more than enough.


Scorpio Sun/Leo Moon/Libra Asc...after a while it's like chill out, or ill write you off for good..

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alanabelle86
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Posts: 40
From: Somewhere over the rainbow
Registered: May 2009

posted January 15, 2006 06:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for alanabelle86     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
A. Verbal-he calls for no reason, confused, calls at wrong time, doesn't call and then calls and talks for an hour. Makes bad jokes, uses profanity, repeats him/herself, asks you the same question over and over again. Demands to know what you really meant by what you said a month ago.

B. Physical-he or she hangs all over you, demands sex at 3am monday night, wants to touch you all over constantly, considers you property, asks you to not see, touch or talk to other people, considers your appearance his or her business.

C. Emotional-punishes you for not taking him/her seriously, or not laughing/laughing at jokes. Is over sympathetic, demanding of details into your life. Talks about emotional subjects that make you nervous.

D. Mentally-introduces you to topics/people that he/she will not give up on. Invites strangers into your home, has special dietary needs, has fixed ideas, and political opinions, and insists that you repeat what he/she just said, and focus on what he/she is saying. Tells you constantly he or she needs space to be his or her own person. Brings up odd gossip about people you don't want to know.



sounds like my boyfriend...

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peace
Knowflake

Posts: 35
From: Las Vegas,NV
Registered: Apr 2009

posted January 15, 2006 11:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for peace     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I say it's a toss up between a Cancer and Pisces.

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Lauren
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posted January 16, 2006 03:44 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Definitely B for me. The others don't come close lol With B, I would break up with the person, though I most probably wouldn't be with them in the first place. If they would continue to bug me after the break up, in a similar manner.. I'd go as far as suing them for harassment. I find that sort of behaviour revolting.

Aries Sun/Capricorn Moon/Gemini Asc (cancer cusp)

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Swerve
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posted January 16, 2006 05:28 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I find this a fascinating subject, was asking my female housemate what she thought it was just the other day.

Seems these are mature perspectives on clinginess.

Good for a guy to know ladies. As a sensitive chap its handy to know your boundaries so that they can be respected properly.

One question though. Do you think you would judge a man's behaviour differently than to your own?

For example, my now-famous ex-Cancer would cling like anything in the car (holding my hand all the time when I was trying to drive, when we were in a club, when we went to the bar), call me constantly (tell me "I need you here" every night as were 200 miles apart, call me to say she would be homke from the pub in 10 mins and was it OK for us to talk EVERY NIGHT - she is an alcoholic but I didn't judge, e-mail at least 30 times a day while I was at work - which I enjoyed actually but my work suffered.)

However, when I went to visit her she was distant in front of her friends and never sat next to me, closed the door without waving goodbye which annoyed me as I had driven down, and on the holiday with me stayed distant with her friend and made comments about how I need reassurance in front of my friends all time - "oh, he needs another cuddle.....".

At the end of the relationship she said I was clingy and possesive and was quite nasty about it.

I'm a little confused by that but put it down to immaturity.

So you ladies saying what is specifically clingy and possesive is fascinating, I want to get it right next time, or at least call a lunatic on her behaviour.

Thanks,


Swerve

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sthenri
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posted January 16, 2006 08:18 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Swerve, she was narcisstic and self centered. If she wanted you only alone that is a sign of someone who wants an unequal relationship.

Women do not treat men friends any differently, a jerk is a jerk, and if someone can't be your friend without getting something out of it, because of their pride, then he or she is a real jerk and not much of a friend.

If it's always different in front of people it's a red flag next time. Instead of trying to figure out what you did wrong, remember that you will meeet hundreds of women and these experiences are so you can remember the red flags and reject that person's attitude. In the end that woman will show that side of herself to others, and show the good side to you. You have to a show a woman that you drive that train, very subtly. Do not ever let a woman interfere with your work and tell her so, do not let her interfere in your day to day routine.

It's about respect and how someone talks to you is how she will treat you. Be polite and cold to anyone who talks to you like that in the future.

Natasha

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Swerve
unregistered
posted January 16, 2006 09:58 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Natasha - I don't want to deviate from your topic here too much, and I have received so much attention lately I am feeling greedy. But what you have said here has really clicked. I have been looking at Narcisstic Personality Disorder, and not only is my mother a prime candidate, but yeah this Cancer and the previous g/f's I got involved with. All very much centre of the universe and when the going the going got tough completely apathetic, such a switch around from when they needed attention.

I think I'm an enabler for them.

Very interesting to know. Going to do some research.

Swerve

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Stargazer
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Posts: 46
From: just left of center
Registered: May 2009

posted January 16, 2006 10:26 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Stargazer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Natasha... i agree, its sounds a lot like a control thing too. B- describes the cancer in my life... it sometimes feels like a smother verses clingy.... I also feel that i enable him to do some of it and that i am that of an addiction... hope that made sense?? I know its the virgo in me that attracts this type of "needs fixing" guy... it gets me into trouble every time... i look for the potential in someone rather than that "already there" guy... and then wonder why he is attached to the hip and i'm left dissapointed......

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pinkfairy
unregistered
posted January 16, 2006 10:52 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
O

I once
had a
neighbour
hang on
to my leg
for a week
and a half

he came
everywhere
with me..

rather clingy
wouldnt you
say

cornflakes?

O

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Happy Dragon
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posted January 16, 2006 12:05 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
/

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Swerve
unregistered
posted January 16, 2006 12:45 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks Happy Dragon.

But I already suspected something like this as she lives with 3 guys and treats them like her personal servants, emotionally manipulative even though butter wouldn't melt on the outside.

She also told me that she and her friend "take down men's egos" when they approach her in clubs, but then she plays the woe is me I'm lonely thing.

I think maybe she saw me as a nice diversion, or a sap who was sensitive to her needs. She kept saying "what I have I done to deserve you" and "I hope I don't scare you away".

There is a side of me that been hardened beyond belief by life and at a certain point I defend myself in no uncertain terms. The fact I really know whats going on with ppl makes it all the more cutting when I let rip.

She said that I think she's a cold-hearted cow and she was right. Immature as well. I think she'll end up bitter like my Mum.

When the mask was useless I became an irritant. The game was up.

These points here that have been made about clinginess are going in my red flag list.

Swerve

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BlueTopaz124
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Posts: 207
From: Portland, OR, USA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted January 16, 2006 01:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BlueTopaz124     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
A girlfriend of mine, a Scorpio (surprisingly) is very clingly/needy and must have the highest phone bill. The reason I say 'surprisingly', is most Scorpios are the epitome of being in control of themselves and most situations and fairly autonomous. But not this woman. She has a Sag boyfriend, they live 1 1/5 hours' drive from each other and she expects him, after a hard week at work to drive (in rush hour traffic) to be at her house Friday night when she snaps her fingers...it doesn't matter if he's tired, he needs to be there NOW. She is also on the phone constantly. CONSTANTLY. I have never known anyone who talks on the phone as much as she does, and at work - her superiors are always commenting that she is always away from her desk and spends way too much time socializing near the water cooler. I have never known anyone who needs to be connected so much to other people and is a relationship vampire. I mean it - she says everyone else is needy when she really needs to look in the mirror (if a vampire is able to do that hahaha) and see who is the needy one. All conversations revolve around her and her problems and issues...it's always all about her. A discussion might start out about you or someone else, but before long, it ends up being about her. She had serious drug problems once upon a time and is actually a very spiritual person, but the world still revolves around her. I've seen the infamous Scorpio stinger in action when she doesn't get what she wants.

Natasha, what I also about your examples are control and once dated someone like that. It has to be his way or the highway.

Laura

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MoonPixie
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Posts: 128
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted January 16, 2006 04:49 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MoonPixie     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I once dated this Leo Sun/Aries Moon. He was super clingy for someone I wasn't even seriously dating for very long.. He'd tell me what to do, and if I didn't do it he'd follow me around until I'd do it. He tried to make me to go to UIUC- which is in the middle of NOWHERE (no offense)- and whenever we were apart, he'd magically appear out of nowhere. When he was downstate on the weekend, he called me and told me to come drive down to visit him. Not only did I JUST get my license that morning, it would be a three hour drive. When we walked in the hallway, he'd ALWAYS have to hold my waist, was always holding my hand, didn't like that I had so many male friends.

After we broke up, he told everyone that he "totally had sex with me and I went wild". Not only did I tell everyone that we never did have sex, I told everyone about how he only wanted to date me after this girl he was chasing for three months started dating someone else.

Let me add that we only went out for 13 days.

Jerk.

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WaterNymph
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posted January 17, 2006 05:14 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
A is confused and has self esteem issues

B controlling

C emotionally manipulative

D
“and insists that you repeat what he/she just said, and focus on what he/she is saying.”

omg lol that’s such a Gemini thing, I’ll usually be thinking of something else and they’re all “are you listening, what did I just say?” in a very serious tone…I just blurt anything, which usually makes them laugh and they start again.

As for the rest of D I wouldn’t call it clingy, just annoying and controlling.

Clingy is a good thing

Controlling, manipulative and possessive is annoying. It’s like someone’s stealing your air, you can't breath…you feel suffocated and claustrophobic - I feel hot and dizzy just thinking about it. I am actually claustrophobic.

A fish needs to swim free damn it
Pisces/Virgo/Pisces

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cancerrg
unregistered
posted January 17, 2006 01:33 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
" SCARY "

if thats the mature person's idea of clinginess .
thank god ! i dont fit the bill !

when i read the first one , i felt - ok, i have some of the traits .
i might call my friends many a time (though i am phonephobic , i dont normally call unless necssary )

and as far as sex is concerned , i am the kind who might demand it everytime leave alone 3 am in the morning

and lastly , i have some strong political opinions based on logic though

thanks natasha for helping me rediscover myself

p.s. : just for record , cancer sun, taurus moon ,aries asc. , cancer merc .

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Happy Dragon
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posted January 17, 2006 12:47 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
/

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Swerve
unregistered
posted January 17, 2006 02:57 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think I have sometimes had my downright honesty mistaken for manipulativeness.

For instance I told that Crab that I knew that I would always come second to vodka. She apologised and said she wouldn't be like that. I said no need to apologise as I actually meant it and understood. Thats the way she is, it might be a little bit of a prob for HER, but I was cool, she was like that before I met her.

Then she gets the idea I want her to stop going out so much and dedicate more time to me. I think thats why she called every night.

Odd. I was totally OK with her being as she was. I never asked her to choose between me and her friends, that would just be stupid.

Anyway, my point is that maybe milder forms of emotional manipulation might be more of a misunderstanding or projection thing.

Not sure I know what I'm talking about here though to be honest.

Some people are just twisted at the end of the day. You become an excuse for them to justify themselves. Sad really.

Swerve

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thosa
unregistered
posted January 17, 2006 03:06 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
"O
I once
had a
neighbour
hang on
to my leg
for a week
and a half

he came
everywhere
with me..

rather clingy
wouldnt you
say

cornflakes?

O"

pinkfairy
u
r
too
phunny

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MoonDuchess88
unregistered
posted January 17, 2006 06:31 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
ummm, all of the above....

A=nosy

B=controlling in that douchebag sort of way(sorry)

C=manipulative

D=Inconsiderate and self centered (inviting strangers into my home and then wanting some space? WTF??)

Cancer/virgo in 8th/cappy

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akanksha
unregistered
posted January 18, 2006 01:53 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
definitely A for me...but i dont know why all these options sound like a cancerian insecure person 2 me... though A would be most irritating of all....

sun:cancer
rising: aquarius
moon:taurus

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cancerrg
unregistered
posted January 18, 2006 10:08 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
WELCOME AKANKSHA !!

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