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Author Topic:   aspects in synastry that limit
chrissymgreen
unregistered
posted January 31, 2006 04:14 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
dear group,

i started this thread because i wanted to get a little insight into my relationship with my sister.

for the most part i understand my relationship with her (not to say that it's easy), but lately i've been feeling really controlled by her, limited! i can't breathe, it's like she's my co-dependent girlfriend.

see, we live together -- i have to have a roommate in order to live comfortably, as i work for a university and well, i love my job but the trade-off for less pay in my profession is tons of time off (i love traveling when i can). my dad supports my sister to some extent because she is still a student, and she has a PT job as well. we manage to keep a 3 bedroom apartment with the 2 of us (technically 5 of us with our 3 cats) and we have most of what we want. nothing fancy or anything, but i'm pretty content. im not super stuck on stuff anyway -- except for maybe my book, music & movie collection.

thing is, my sister and i have always been chummy, though she is the more gregarious one of the two of us. she likes socializing and all that junk. she doesn't need alone time, but me -- i LIVE for my alone time. god, i don't get enough of it!

lately missy won't stop trying to make me do stuff with her. it's constant. she gets mad when i dont want to do stuff with her. on sunday we had a big fight because of this. she had schoolwork to do, and plus she had made a pan of grout squiggles (wavy noodles with cabbage and onions stir-fried with butter) for dad and needed to deliver it to him. she was complaining about it (as usual -- all the stuff she needs to do), and so i offered to help her out by delivering the grout squiggles to dad myself. she got kind of huffy, said she'd rather just do it all herself and then she invited me to go with her to dad's. i said no. she couldnt understand why i was willing to go to dad's to deliver the food but not willing to go with her. truthfully i do love her, and she's great to spend time with for the most part. we even have our own language, like twins -- we're 6 years 3 days apart, my mom went into labor with miss at my 6th birthday party. we were born very close in time and basically at the same time of year...so we have the same ascendant. we look eerily similar too, ive seen pictures of her where, if i ignore all the extraneous information in the pic like her hair and whatnot, i see MY face when i look at hers. anyway, all that said, she drives me nutso! ive NEVER known anyone who needs approval so much (we all need it to some extent; in missy this need seems pathological), besides maybe this one friend i have who has mars in leo.

i know that she has pluto rising, as i have uranus rising. this accounts for a good portion of our personality differences right there...her pluto sits right on my ascendant. and i see there's a wide opposition between her saturn and my venus, perhaps that has something to do with this.

im not sure though...ive never really studied the synastry between our charts before. i was hoping someone would have some insights...i really am trying here, but it got so bad last night i deliberately called her cell phone when she was at work, so i knew she wouldnt answer, and then i left a message that i had tons of errands to do after work and i didnt know what time id be home...and then i didnt come home til 10, when i knew shed be asleep. i just wanted to be by myself! and of course, i get a phone call from her at 9 am this morning, she was asking me where i was and saying she missed me, and did i want to do something tonight? argh!

any thoughts greatly appreciated.

here's our charts:


thanks guys!

sincerely,
chrissy

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wilsontc
unregistered
posted January 31, 2006 06:02 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Chrissy,

You said:

quote:
...lately i've been feeling really controlled by her, limited! i can't breathe, it's like she's my co-dependent girlfriend...she likes socializing...i LIVE for my alone time...lately missy won't stop trying to make me do stuff with her...i know that she has pluto rising, as i have uranus rising. this accounts for a good portion of our personality differences right there...her pluto sits right on my ascendant. and i see there's a wide opposition between her saturn and my venus, perhaps that has something to do with this...i was hoping someone would have some insights...

It seems as if you have some pretty good insights of your own! She has:
Pluto (transformation, also control) conjunct (energy is combined with) your Ascendant (self), so she is always controlling you.

You have:
Uranus (friends, also independence) conjunct her Ascendant, so you want to be independent from her in a "just friends"/close but not TOO close way.

In addition her:
Saturn (duty, also restriction, authority) opposes (energy is over-excited by) your Venus (relationships), indicating that she restricts you in the relationship and may try to play the "adult" role to you.

Also, since she has more planets on the right side of her chart she focuses on others more than herself. Since you have more planets on your left side than your right side, you focus on yourself more than on others. This can also cause some issues over "what to do": she wants to socialize all the time while you would rather be alone from time to time.

One other interesting things about these two charts is that the houses (divisions in the chart) are VERY similar: so you tend to look at the various areas of your life similarly. Since the planets are in different houses you have different focuses on the areas in your life. But this similarity causes conflict and questions such as "Since we are so similar why don't you just do things my way and make my life easier?"

Another interesting aspect is Pluto (transformation, also control) trine (energy goes very easily with) your Venus (relationships). This implies your sister may have some type of "control" over you in this relationship. There was an interesting discussion here awhile back on Pluto-Venus combinations and its relation to obsession which might be interesting to read: http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum1/HTML/003433.html

If this situation persists and you feel as if your time is being entirely dominated by your sister you might moving out and finding a different roommate who is not so demanding on your time. This might be a good time to do this and take control of your own life since transiting (planets in the sky) Pluto is squaring (energy needs to be combined with) birth Pluto.

Plutonicaly,

Tim

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Mystic Gemini
unregistered
posted January 31, 2006 06:12 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Lately my sister's been doing the same also. I need space and I snapped at her. I didn't mean to. She just found out she's pregnant so I don't want to be mean you know?


So I have been cooking for her everyday.


She knows my cancer rising can't be cruel enough to not cook her a meal.


LOL.

Sometimes she's bossy and irritating.


She's a capricorn sun, gemini moon, and taurus rising.


my descendant is in capricorn and so is my south node.


------------------
Gemini sun, Cancer rising, mercury in Gemini, moon in Taurus *29, venus in Taurus, mars in Libra

*´¨)
¸.·´¸.·*´¨) ¸.·*¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·´ * Lost in the peace of serenity
Blind my eyes I cannot see
Lost my soul but found my heart
Again a time, when I shall start

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astro junkie
unregistered
posted February 01, 2006 01:13 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
It's not like I've seen a million Synastry Wheels, but I've never seen one like this, where the Asc, Desc, IC & MC were aligned almost perfectly. At first I'm thinking, they're twins. But then I realize, that's impossible. But wouldn't twins have their Houses match up as well?

There has to be that feeling, yet you have all these Planets making all these Angles with each other, so it just makes me think "hardheadedness" and "power struggles". But I'm not really sure what I'm saying. Maybe, that it would be all-or-nothing. You either really agree or you totally disagree because the Transiting Planets are passing over the same respective Houses.

------------------
... it's better to light a candle than curse the darkness

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Quinnie
Moderator

Posts: 780
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Registered: Apr 2009

posted February 01, 2006 01:47 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Quinnie     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hey Chrissy my sister and I also had this kind of relationship for a long time. She is a Cappy, I am a Libran and her Saturn is on my Venus, meanwhile my Saturn squares her Sun (she has a Leo ascendant). Her Ascendant also opposes my Moon. Her Pluto is also on my ascendant. This kind of stuff just amazes me at how accurate astrology is! Don't be a room mate with her anymore. If it's anything like me and my sis you need to live apart in order to be able to truly respect each other. What you are describing sounds very similar to my situation. It's like you identify so closely with each other but it's not all the good parts, you bring out the worst traits. For me I felt guilty my whole life for wanting to be away from her that I allowed our relationship to be controlling and limiting. We lived like roomates too but eventually I had to get out and break free. I now have my own home and family I can breathe finally. She finds it better too. Sister relationships are difficult. You share your whole life together, experience the same family experience and you can grow dependant on each other too much so that it can be suffocating and difficult to seperate and live your own life. But I found when I made the break our relationship got better

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chrissymgreen
unregistered
posted February 01, 2006 04:21 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
thanks, guys!

wilsontc, you hit on several things i had not realized, for instance how i focus on myself more (with more planets on the left side of my chart) and how missy focuses on others more (more planets on right side)!

you know, this sounds weird to say, because i am really sensitive to other people, and what they might be going through. im very tactful. perhaps that's the pisces sun in me? missy however, with her aries sun/aries venus (and her venus is rx, isnt it?) can be very wrapped up in her own stuff, a little selfish sometimes. you think that's just all due to the differences between pisces & aries?

that's probably it, in combo with her pluto rising (gosh, she loves to manipulate). i almost think that the focus she has on others stems from a personal need to be in control. does that make sense? so in other words, she's feeding her own ends there. i do focus on myself more than she does, but what ends up happening is that i just internalize things, never really say much as to how im feeling about any one thing, even if something bothers me. i tend to bottle things up.

M G, i feel for you! definitely take some time for yourself when you can.

A J, you're so right about hard-headedness. that's definitely there, in our relationship. i used to just keep my mouth shut around her, missy tends to blow up a lot (again...i guess this is the tempestuous side of her aries placements, also that taurus moon which maybe contributes to a stubborn streak, no...? and also her pluto rising...) and i used to just ignore it. i let it slide right off my back. lately though, perhaps because of what wilsontc said...(pluto is squaring my natal pluto, plus t. pluto is right on my natal moon in 3rd house)...i dont want to take her blow ups. she's got such a nasty temper that i tend to not wanna be around her.

and yeah, we get the twins thing a lot. i found this picture of us to share with you how similar we look (i know the quality is crappy, but at least you can see the similarity in our faces). i am on the left of the pic and she's on the right.

and quinnie, oh man, my heart goes out to you. it IS hard. im so close with her, and me being me (uranus rising, sag moon, aqua venus...) i just want us to get along in a very laid-back, adult way. i dont want any fights or confrontation or stuff like that. i hate avoiding her. but she's just so darn clingy and defensive, i get so antsy and feel the walls closing in. ya know how it is.


anyway, thank you so much guys!


c

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