posted March 02, 2006 11:21 PM              

She was his collegue's(another gal) friend. The letter was about introducing himself and enquiring about job opportunities in her company.
Nothing abnormal, but the desperate tone in the letter made me sad.
It was totally different from the image he projected infront of me

I wonder why he always sounded not interested in the job opening informations, I get from my friends. Infact he told me he was happy with his current job.
But in the letter he asked her if he learned some software, will he get a *decent job!!

I have friends who can recommend him in their company.
Last month I sent his resume(of course without his permission) to one of my friends. My friend got back asking him to modify it. Till date he has not modified it irrespective of my daily reminders.

It hurt me big time when thinking he was not open with me.He wont let me help him. While he tells his insecurities to his collegue and her friend!

Is it a trust issue? I always let him know my vulnerabilities.I always let him know i didnt tell it unknowingly, but I know it is my vulnerability and I'm ok even if he knows it.

posted March 03, 2006 04:13 AM              

why dont u ask him outright as a concerned friend casually ..like u know , if he is seriously on a look out for a job , wat type of profile he is looking etc and ask him why he isnt entrusting or taking ur help in this matter ...thast the best i feel ( or maybe my sag sun prompts me so
well i know many libra and sag getting along very well so no worries...its 3-11 and any frictions will get solved very quickly:x

posted March 03, 2006 05:00 AM            

Trust is like an invisible force, it wont show itself in actions if the trust is doubted on the inivisible level. Its like an unconscious string connecting people.

There are trust issues between the two of you, but they are not just from him, they are yours too. If you trusted him, then you wouldnt have sent his resume off without his knowing or read the private letter without hiw knowledge. I'm not saying these things you did were wrong, your trying to help him, but the inivisible force of trust between you both is suffering. He wont trust you if you dont trust him. People seem to know instinctively on deep levels when there is a mistrust, it resonates between them silently yet powerfully.

You feel like he is not trusting you to help him, and it makes it all the harder for you because you openly express your vulnerabilities to him, and so expect him to share his vulnerabilities back. Strange as it sounds though, he wont be able to do this until you let go of that expectation, but as long as you hold onto it, you arnt trusting him to do it freely. Example:- Have you ever noticed that if you have a deep crush on someone, you think about them constantly, you yearn for them to like you back, you desire them to see you in romantic ways etc, then it feels like this person is actually moving further away from you, it feels like distance is being created, which makes you strive even harder, and the more striving you do the further away they get. Then... one day, you decided to let go, and return to yourself, so you withdraw your energy and become self-content again, knowing that this person does not deserve your dedicated attention anymore, and what happens next??!! They start liking you!! They start noticing you, and reaching out, and you think 'wow, why did he/she choose NOW to start noticing me romantically, I've been breaking my back for ages, and now Ive cooled down, he/she becomes interested, impossible!!'

I have noticed this happening in many relationships with many friends, its a pattern that regularly occurs in many areas of life. I'll try to explain in terms of nature - imagine a beach, and imagine the waves of the ocean lapping upon the beach. A wave will roll in and splash against the beach, pause for the tiniest second, and then roll back again into the ocean. Its a balanced ebb and flow, an equal dance between the beach and the wave, there is the intimacy when the wave joins the beach and there is the space and return to oneself when the wave falls back to the ocean. Now imagine this idea applied to human dynamics, because in my observations it happens all the time. Going back to my earlier example:- You start to like someone, have a crush on them, your wave laps against their beach, it fills their space with your essence. But instead of rolling your wave back to yourself (the ocean), you keep your wave in their space, you dont withdraw it because you want your wave to be recongised, you want the intimacy your wave is offering seen and acknowledged by the beach. And the longer you keep your wave there, the more less intimate and more distant the person seems to become. And then when you suddenly let go, and return to yourself - let your wave roll back to your ocean - then this distant person suddenly acknowledges you. But why? Its the space you have created that noruishes, thats the inivisble trust/love/energy. As long as you stay in someones space with your wave, then this person feels you there all the time, they have nothing to strive for, and their own personal space is filled with your energy, they feel your energy is overbearing and out of balance, they can feel a little suffocated and in turn this takes away their personal flow and creativity towards you. How can they approach your space with their own wave if you never withdraw your own wave from their space? They never get such an opportunity. And so then you give up, exhausted at not getting anyway, you withdraw back to yourself, and in doing so, you have just given the person their own space back. For so long they have felt you breathing in their aura, and now they feel your energy has gone, they feel free... and then they start to find they miss you! And they are now in a position to approach you with their wave, lapping into your personal space - after all, you have spent so long in their space that they have become accustomed to feeling you there, and now your gone, there is some emptiness. But the incredible thing about emptiness is that it is an blank canvas for us to paint on.

posted March 03, 2006 05:46 AM            

I see these things happening between people, but damn I struggle to put my own observations into practical use sometimes!!! Its a hrd thing to do - let go of something precious to you.