Lindaland
  Astrology
  Commitment Phobia

Post New Topic  Post A Reply
profile | register | preferences | faq | search

UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone! next newest topic | next oldest topic
Author Topic:   Commitment Phobia
ariestiger
unregistered
posted April 20, 2006 02:58 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I have no expectations. Anyone else feel the same way?

Don't get me wrong...I'm perfectly pleasant to guys (I assume they understand what I mean when I give them non-committal signals because I perceive them as being tougher emotionally than women, by and large, and figure they should be able to take it)...but there are just so MANY guys out there and I just enjoy the socializing/friendship/whatever for what it is. If they start talking about anything more serious than something lighthearted I run.

Why the U-turn in my opinions? Well, there came a point when I figured I'd never allow myself to be emotionally hurt by anyone again - possibly around the time of the Mar 29 eclipse - & the *commitment* part of my brain went out of circulation.

I also can't really commit to a single group of friends or people, or certain responsibilities or ties. For example, I am terrified of property ownership, or taking on a pet, since it involves responsibility that I would rather not have. Any astrological reasons for this? (My b'data: 16.15pm, April 18th, 1974, Bristol, England)

IP: Logged

wilsontc
unregistered
posted April 20, 2006 03:18 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
tiger,

In general, feelings of "restriction" have to do with Saturn challenges. Feelings of "fear" have to do with Pluto challenges. In your chart you have Saturn square (challenging) Pluto, which gives you BOTH of these challenging feelings. Saturn challenges are handled by accepting responsibility. With Saturn focused in the 10th house (where Saturn rules), you most likey have faced and handled most of your restriction challenges. That just leaves Pluto.

Quite often Pluto fear can be made to go away by asking yourself, "What's the worst that could happen?" In one of the examples you gave, the worst that could happen is that suddenly you find yourself in a serious conversation you didn't plan to be in. So what? Face the fear and face the dull conversation.

Why do I emphasize this? Because closing off so we will "never be hurt again" isn't a solution...it is only hiding. And hiding makes us feel weak and scared about ourselves. Only by coming out from hiding can we become strong and powerful (Pluto) and USE that Pluto power. This is particularly important in your case because you have Pluto focused in your 1rst house (being), indicating that who you are (your "being") has to do with the power you have (Pluto). So if you feel powerless or scared, you lose something of YOU in the process.

Of course, being a strong, responsible, powerful person, you can ignore this and continue to avoid serious people in the hopes that you won't get emotionally hurt again. But sometimes avoiding deep relationships is the greatest hurt of all.

Wishing you the best,

Tim

IP: Logged

marsconjunctmercury
unregistered
posted April 20, 2006 03:25 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Interesting. I am a Sagittarius Tiger and am known for the same thing. I would NEVER take on a pet out of choice. I seem to go off people as soon as i think they like me, which is a bit wierd, and as soon as i think yep they're relying on me.
Also i was about to buy a flat a year and a half ago. I got cold feet and blew half the deposit on a car - twat! Still renting now.
What we have is either a fear of commitment (negative) or an absolute belief in the search for the ideal, and that it will come along (positive). Mind you i think it's come along before, but i don't think i was ready and my life sorted enough.
Another thing is i think Tigers are popular loners.

------------------
4th December 1974 18:00GMT Isle of Wight UK

IP: Logged

Jupiter
unregistered
posted April 20, 2006 11:00 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
hmmm interesting the whole Saturn thing. Always new what it meant but I never really thought about it. Yes, Yes I too have the whole fear of commitment thing and guess what sign Saturn is in , in my natal chart,...... LIBRA ha!!!!!!
how's that for astrology being accurate, big sigh!!!!
Jupiter

IP: Logged

ScarlettSoul
unregistered
posted April 21, 2006 01:32 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Interesting. Tiger would be Leo, correct (lion)? I see a lot of the same characteristics you mention in myself. I'm Aries w/Leo Rising, Pisces moon. (4/13/77 - 11:53am, Juneau, AK)

It's scary to care about someone, scary to know someone is depending on you (yikes!). Scary to know they could change their minds about you.

When you've lost the person you gave everything to, it's hard not to be cautious forever after.

I used to lay it all out there, now I play my cards close...


IP: Logged

astroleolady
Newflake

Posts: 6
From: in the ether
Registered: Jul 2009

posted April 21, 2006 02:53 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for astroleolady     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi ariestiger,

This is what I saw in your chart. I hope it helps you to understand yourself a little better.

The ruler of your 7th house Neptune (Pisces on 7th cusp) is in Sagittarius. Neptune in Sagittarius can expand any of Neptune's qualities. Pisces on the 7th house cusp may help you to seek unrealistic or idealized relationships, the "Mr. or Ms. right" type of person, which doesn't really exist. Pisces and Neptune also rule inhibitions, so you may hold back emotionally in face-to-face partnerships. And Pisces and Neptune bring "cloudiness and fog" into your partnerships, leaving you and even your partners possibly confused. You maybe expecting too much from them.

Neptune squares your Moon, Venus and Jupiter conjunction in Pisces in the 6th house, increasing any idealization and inhibition problems in your relationships. With all the Pisces and Neptune in your chart fantasy and escapism appeal to you. At times you may like to be alone and have periods of insecurity.

These inhibition and escapism traits could also be directed at groups and friends because Cancer, ruled by the Moon, is the ruler of your 11th house. Property ownership is ruled by Cancer, the Moon and the 4th house. You have Sagittarius on the cusp of your 4th house. So your 4th house ruler, Jupiter, and the natural 4th house ruler, the Moon, are conjunct one another. By bringing in the Neptune square in, we bring in inhibitions and insecurity with regards to owning property.

Jupiter and Sagittarius rule expansion and thus the need for freedom. You don't liked to be fenced in. Both your Moon (emotions) and Venus (love) are conjunct Jupiter, bringing the need for quantity and change in your emotions and affections. You are dreamy, romantic, charming and attractive to men.

Neptune is retrograde in the 3rd house, directing it's energy inwards. A retrograde Neptune may help you to live in a dream world at times in order to escape from the harshness of reality.

Capricorn, naturally ruled by Saturn, is on the cusp of your 5th house of romance, love affairs and the love that you give. Saturn rules caution, fear, responsibility, duty, restrictions and limitations and your Saturn is elevated in your chart in it's natural 10th house. An elevated planet takes on significance in the chart. Pluto is retrograde in your 1st (identity) in Libra. Pluto in Libra can lead to fickleness in partnerships. The ruler of your 5th house (Saturn) is square that Pluto. You may have a fear of rejection, so you avoid the deepness, seriousness and intimacy usually found in a progressive, mature relationship. You have trouble committing and accepting responsibility.

You have Uranus in Libra which is retrograde directing the energy inward. A retrograde Uranus will increase the need for personal freedom. Uranus in Libra can help you to be independent and individualistic in your relationships. This is further emphasized by your Sun opposing Uranus. Excitement and change may follow in the footsteps of your relationships.

Aquarius is the ruler of your 6th house, which is the house that rules pets. Aquarius on the 6th can make you feel cool and impersonal towards pets. Uranus is the ruler of Aquarius. As I said before, the Uranus opposition you have increases your need for freedom. You don't want to be tied down by the responsibility of owning a pet. Combine that with all the Pisces and Neptune appearing by sign and aspect in the 6th house may make you fearful of pet ownership and thus avoid it.

IP: Logged

ariestiger
unregistered
posted April 21, 2006 03:16 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks for the excellent responses - astroleolady, you make so many points about aspects/placements I'd not considered and some which I'd only heard recently mentioned, like Capricorn on the cusp of my 5th house.

I do fear rejection so I generally leave people before they can leave me. My father was on the point of leaving my mother for another woman when I was 18 months old and she still makes the point now that, for example, having a child would "lumber" one, and complains about how her pets tie her down...yet still needs to have them around (Saggie with Sun in 4th House, me suspects ).

ScarlettSoul: Tiger corresponds to Aquarius in the western zodiac. Interesting that you've also got a Pisces moon...as well as a Leo Asc (mine's in Virgo). Let me mention at this point that I also share a few planetary placements with, um, Hugh Hefner :Aries/Tiger with Pisces Moon, Aries Mercury, Pisces Venus, and Mars in an Air sign.

McjM, you're probably suffering form Beethoven syndrome...he was also a Sag/Tiger

Tim - how do you mean that I have most likely handled most of my restriction challenges (is this because of my Saturn Return?)
No, I'm not fazed by serious conversation, what I'm fazed about is conversation about *serious*, i.e. relationship, issues. I did so much analyzing at one point that it came to a head, and one day I woke up and decided I didn't want to analyze friendships or relationships anymore; I didn't want men to think me possessive, needy, or overemotional; I simply wanted to be fun to be with and have a good time...even if only for one date, which is as long as any liaison seems to last with me...but I feel it's long enough to figure out whether there's any real chemistry there. And really, I'm having so much fun! More fun than I ever did being "serious"! What do you make of that?!

IP: Logged

wilsontc
unregistered
posted April 21, 2006 04:37 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
tiger,

I was responding to:

quote:
...If they start talking about anything more serious than something lighthearted I run...I'd never allow myself to be emotionally hurt by anyone again...I also can't really commit to a single group of friends or people, or certain responsibilities or ties. For example, I am terrified of...

My experience has been that part of life is the acceptance of and awareness of pain. Pain and struggle helps us to grow and develop in our life. So when I hear about someone who has decided they would "...never allow [themself]...to be emotionally hurt by anyone..." I think that this person might be shutting themselves off from life. In addition, allowing ourselves to be "terrified of" anything is a first step which can result in letting our fears rule us.

Going back to astrology, I see you have Jupiter (expansion, wisdom, opportunity) conjunct (energy is combined with) Venus (relationships) conjunct Moon (home, also emotions) focused in 6th house (daily work, also analysis) conjunct Descendant (others). This indicates you have a STRONG need to connect with others around you, both by analysis and through your emotions. I also notice you have NO energy focused in the 5th house (self-expression, also dating). This indicates to me you do not normally focus on "dating" (i.e., just "having a good time") and are more likely to want to have "relationships" with others. So when you say, "...I just enjoy the socializing/friendship/whatever for what it is..." it makes me wonder...what is it to YOU?

And now I understand better the fear that underlies this denial of your need to relate and understand (by analysis) your relationships, "...I didn't want to analyze friendships or relationships anymore; I didn't want men to think me possessive, needy, or overemotional..." You had made up your mind that the people around you saw you as somehow abnormal because of your continual need to analyze and understand emotionally all your relationships.

However, this is who you are. You are a person who needs to know about your relationships. Who gains wisdom and understanding from the people around you. Dating is not enough for you (no focus in the 5th house): there needs to be some type of relationship with others. However, wherever the Moon is in a chart, there is always change. So your feelings about the relationships change...and perhaps the relationships themselves change. By shutting yourself off from these relationships and not opening up and accepting the changing moods of relationships, you close your self off from your own energy.

I had thought with such a strong Saturn influence in your chart you had mastered restriction challenges. But maybe your Saturn "restriction" energy has become overly strong and is now "restricting" you in areas where it has no business being. Such as relationships.

Perhaps the challenge is to find people who relate to YOU and are willing to accept you for who you are: a person with a need to KNOW and understand emotionally and by analyzing the nature of the relationships around them. These people may be hard to find, but finding relationships with them may be the best thing for you.

I also notice currently you have transiting (planets in the sky) Uranus (friends, also rebellion, unstructuring, restructuring) conjuncting this stellium (collection of energy) I described. This might indicate you are right now rebelling against who you are. Just remember that sometimes Uranus transits rip down the old...and leave nothing behind. Instead, REstructure your attitude towards OTHERS. Make sure others are willing to accept you for who YOU are, instead of unstructuring yourself just so you can be like what YOU think they think you should be. That way...madness lies!

Guessing and wishing you the best,

Tim

IP: Logged

ariestiger
unregistered
posted April 21, 2006 05:26 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Tim, I've already had so much pain. I can't take any more pain. I can't give my heart to indifferent people, I can't depend too much on one person. When I say I enjoy an exchange for what it is, I mean, just for the pleasure of it. Whether it be conversation, whatever. I met with my Aries father over the Easter weekend and I am struck by how much I am like him now (i.e. typical "steely" Aries type); in personality, I'm the absolute mirror...but I feel happier, I feel stronger, because now nothing can get to me like it used to. I am assertive and upfront and I think (and hope) people around me respect my lifestyle more for that reason.

In any case I follow a crazy diet, have geeky interests and don't look as good up close as I do on photos or under the dim light of a bar - LOL - so deep down I know partnership would be very difficult in practice, at the same time I don't see any reason for not exchanging pleasantries of whatever kind with dates, if there is something about them that I genuinely like...but they can't expect me to be committed to them.

You say that I worry about people seeing me as abnormal, but I am eternally flexible and actually quite happy to be so (all that Gemini and Pisces). When people find out the real me (after 1 date, usually)...that I am a cutesy-looking blonde with oddball geeky interests (which is a strange mixture)...they probably won't want to know much more. That's fine by me, too...possibly works both ways...doesn't mean there should be any hard feelings. They've obviously made a mistake just being attracted to me for my looks...but, ah, well. I mentioned Beethoven in an earlier post and I think he was probably un-liveable with for reasons of being similarly eccentric. What I do try to do now is smooth the eccentricity out a bit so people aren't too shocked at first meeting, so that they should only gradually think, as they get to know me better, "uh, this person just isn't NORMAL".

But enough about this angst, I can't let it take me over as I used to; I need to have exceptional self-control at all times!!

I take on board what you say abt. Uranus, and my empty 5th house...in contrast to my relatively full 6th, 8th & 10th.

IP: Logged

marsconjunctmercury
unregistered
posted April 22, 2006 06:11 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
f off
------------------
4th December 1974 18:00GMT Isle of Wight UK

IP: Logged

sthenri
unregistered
posted April 23, 2006 11:25 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Aries tiger, you seem to be worrying about how other people see you a bit too much, it's normal to be concerned, but it's a perception that gets out of whack. You are very normal, at your age I went through the exact same thing, and didn't want to be tied down at all, sick of commitment. Plus I didn't feel like catching a man.

Now four or five years later, I've come full circle, but i am going forward slowly.

Men are like buses and they keep coming by, eventually you want to share a ride with someone, but for now you want to walk alone.

You just went through that divorce and had way too much of one person, it's normal to be self sufficient for a while. It's okay to have company, I feel, that is not romantic or intimate.

When it's time to share your home, food, space with someone, you will know. One day you will want to do something and you will need a partner, and then it's your decision.

I am very much a soft hearted romantic, and still there are times I would rather walk alone.

To me, Ariestiger, your lifestyle sounds healthy,

Nat

IP: Logged

marsconjunctmercury
unregistered
posted April 23, 2006 03:01 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Agree with above.

------------------
4th December 1974 18:00GMT Isle of Wight UK

IP: Logged

All times are Eastern Standard Time

next newest topic | next oldest topic

Administrative Options: Close Topic | Archive/Move | Delete Topic
Post New Topic  Post A Reply
Hop to:

Contact Us | Linda-Goodman.com

Copyright © 2011

Powered by Infopop www.infopop.com © 2000
Ultimate Bulletin Board 5.46a