posted April 21, 2006 05:22 PM            

My uncle is sick. He has emphazema (sp?) and can no longer work. My uncle and his wife have literally no income. For reasons, I don't understand, his wife refuses to work. Apparently she believes that the man should be the one working, not the woman. When my mother suggested that she get a job, she said "Why don't we just move in, and have Matthew get a job?" I'm 16. I'm an honors student. I'm very involved in school. I hardly have time to do homework. I can't get a job right now. Not to mention the fact that I think that it's pretty unfair that I should bust my ass while she sits on the couch all day and bosses me around. (She almost never leaves the house. She just sits there, smokes, and watches CourtTV.)

Well. Anyway. They're being evicted and need a place to stay. And they asked us if they could stay with us until their social security crap starts in July.

It sounds really simple, doesn't it? We should just let them move in. But...It's not. We live in an 850 sq. ft. apartment. Just between my mother and I, we have no space to move. There's barely walking room. We already have 5 cats. If they moved in, we'd be taking 2 more. Can you really imagine what a house with that many cats would smell like? We already have to work hard just to keep our house smelling nice. There's no room for their stuff. We have no room for them to sleep.

On top of all this, they smell horribly. Whenever they come over to our home, their smell (Something remnant of cigarette smoke, cheap plastic, and cat pee.) lingers for hours afterword. If they were to stay there for such a long period of time, I'm afraid that everything in our home would adopt their permeating smell. I really don't want to smell like them. I know that sounds selfish, but I think I'd shoot myself.

And...my mother told them that she'd wait to see what I say. She's basically leaving this all up to me, and I don't know what to do. I don't want to say "No." because I'd feel bad, because they've helped us out before, and I'd feel like a selfish ******* ...But at the same time, I don't think we can afford to do it. Financially or otherwise. I don't think my sanity would hold out. I'm afraid of smelling like them, and then having no one like me. That sounds shallow, but it's important to me. I'm afraid of being stuck in this hellhole forever, because I know they're just going to come in and basically ass-rape any resources we have.

I really just don't know what to do.

posted April 22, 2006 06:45 AM              

Basically THEY are inviting THEMSELVES over and imposing themselves on you trying to dictate what you should do with your life. They have no right to do that and they MUST take responsibility for their own lives even if it means your aunt needs to be forced to go out and get a job. They cannot project their problems onto you. And I know how some of those "visits" can spill over into almost infinity. It is your and your mother's apartment and your mother is right to count your opinion as valid (some parents don't with their kids).

I think these issues to do with *home* actually have to do w. the Sun in Taurus/Mars in Cancer more than Pluto. Being a fellow Aries I feel for you.

posted April 22, 2006 08:22 AM            

I think if you went to your mother an dlet her know while you apppreciate that she is respecting your opinion, you think it isn't fair that because she is afraid of the ramifications of saying no, that she'd put it on you.
This is not up to you. Stand united, not divided from the get go.....
If you calmly state that
-realisticaly, your place is too small to accomodate extended visitors.... you can't argue with logic.
-You simply can't get a job ( for them!!!! THE GALL!!!) because realistically, that is not a reasonable solution. You need to focus on school, not on narrow views of their world..PLus, How in the world could you possibly get a job, with no experience, and a full plate at school, that would support two/more people? Not gonna happpen. Studies will get you farther in the long term, bottom line.
-You are afraid that having them stay there will do long term damage to your relationship, and rather than helping, it would hinder your relationship. While you want to help, you will demonstrate help in other ways. ( Pull out a list of support groups/housing/ government help etc.)

Your mother needs to realize that she is putting stress on you and your abilities to reason help and responsibilities to family versus making it on your own in the world eventually. She is not doing you any favours right now.. She knows the realistic answer is no, and she feels the same way, but is torn between what is the right thing. She passed the buck.
You know what the right thing is..
I am anxious to follow the developments here. It took up a lot of my focus today.

posted April 22, 2006 11:39 AM            

I believe environment contributes a lot to state of mind. I've even moved cities and felt a remarkable change. It's tangible. For that reason I think it could only be bad to subject yourself to their intrusion. The effect of their presence can and probably will affect your mom as well, and that could just be a nightmare.

Do you have friends you could possibly stay with if they happen to move in? I'd definitely make that part of the deal if your input is valued.

posted April 22, 2006 02:21 PM            

AT,pixie and AG, wise souls that they are, gave excellent suggestions, and I really have nothing to add except my support. Like pixie, I urge you to come back and let us know how this works out. Your mom needs your help so that she can come up with the courage to say NO. I have attacks of skepticism and cynicism occasionally, and what I felt when I read about your situation is once your uncle and his wife have found a safe, FREE place to camp, it will take a bulldozer to get them out again. Expecting you to work to help support THEM is OUTRAGEOUS!!! And I can’t help but wonder if your uncle’s emphysema is self-inflicted (you mentioned smoking).

I hope your mom won’t cave in, thinking it’s kindness or the return of favors. Her brother is asking too much. Your home is too small for double the occupants it now holds. The Universe has handed your uncle and his wife an opportunity. It may seem hard-hearted, but they need to solve their problems with their own brains and effort – not take advantage of the kindness of family, enabling them to continue the status quo and take the easy path.

posted May 04, 2006 09:09 PM            

How are things going??

posted May 05, 2006 06:59 AM              

In addition to that I am going to add a very wacky suggestion, I dont know how practical it is going to be.

You are 16 and very bright. Try to be a go getter and move to a big city for a job. Not for them but for you, to build your future.
Someplace where maybe you can even continue education at your own pace, part time?

Michael Dell actually started his own business at 15 and is a billionaire today. You dont have to do that, just work with similar entrpreneurial spirit, preferably in areas where heavy commissions on sales are given.

Just being a good student , getting a degree and walking the beaten path is no guarantee that life will get better. Maybe this unwarranted and unfair intrusion is a signal from the Universe for you to take a risk and aim for something very high ?

Edit: ATiger, Pixel and Zala have also given very god suggestions