posted July 03, 2006 05:33 AM              

I miss you lots. its defiantly more of a mental missing, i think about you a lot, almost all the time!! its more of a phyical, i have times where my body aches for you. its a spirtual thing..my soul has lost its twin, and misses the bond. a friendship thing, we got along so well and talked so long. but maybe my emotions are dead? DON'T FRET though, read on, LISTEN. sometimes I wonder if I even love my mom or if I am to damn indifferent emotionally. I simply do not miss her or anyone in my family when I am gone. though i care about all the wrong things! like L****** being a b!tchy friend or j*** being a fu(ker way more than n***** or h**** being amazing friends to me. its like i care emotionally about my image and it not being tarnished, if it is, that is when I am hurt. i don't take well to critism either. and am hurt if it is recieved. I want everyone to think right of me.

I wanted you to listen cause I figured out that you will be amazing for me emotionally and you will bring that out that side of me, I am sure as long as you countinue to make the effort. maybe I can help you on your spirtual side, at least offering some philosophy. point is: we all have things to work on. what I feel today won't be the same tomorrow. its not like i hate or dislike..its just, I have never had the thought and feeling that I love my mom or my sister. just, they are there and sometimes I can't stand them but most of the time I can deal with their company and like them and sometimes they even help me!

I just want you to know me inside and out and what goes on. there are many ways to love, many different varities. my heart aches with passion in a way it rarely has. at least some of the time. others, it just helps me live. but regardless, you are something quite new to me. it is a gradual process. i don't cry like you do or even feel it coming..but my heart is impacting me more and more and i am feeling things inside..more than just the mental or physical or spirtual missing i have.

point is, i was put on this earth to teach things and learn things. I feel I have a lot to teach you and a lot to learn from you outside of the phyical realm. now that you know more, what do you think??

posted July 03, 2006 06:03 AM              

on second thought!
I was in the shower and remembered times where I would genuinely think "man I love so and so" as far as friends..like a*** or p** or something. though that is rare. I think I hide my emotions a lot and since I hide them so much, it almost feels as if i have none. I hide them and DENY THEM ALL THE TIME FROM MY MOM..maybe I need to stop that. she is usually right about me and I am stubborn and deny it and refuse to believe she knows me that well. because I don't even offer her what i offer my friends as far as my insides, yet she knows me better than my friends a lot of the time. I want to be complicated and hate being read sometimes.

I have emotions, I just show them in unconvential ways. I am discovering myself..you are along for the ride..I am on your roller coaster too and I enjoy it so much.

posted July 03, 2006 07:29 AM              

Arent you a Scorp sun....can we see yer chart please?

posted July 03, 2006 07:52 AM              

Carlfloydfan, Aries is a pretty masculine sign. The moon is very feminine. It's not surprising you'd want to look tough or hide your emotions. Aries feels very uncomfortable showing any vulnerabilities or soft emotions and lovey dovey stuff.. I guess you'd be ok showing other emotions like anger. I remember you saying you weren't very fiery despite the fire in your chart, but I thought you looked it. That was the first thing that came to mind.. you had a fiery vibe.

The fact that you're saying you miss her in a mental and physical sense.. not so much emotional.. seems fitting to Aries.. Because fire is passionate but not sensitive. I guess you feel passion more than a sensitive love feeling and you miss the passion. Obviously you can’t feel passion for your mum or sis, and that’s probably why you don’t tell them you love them. Passion is an easy feeling to express for fire signs (mainly Aries) because it seems heroic almost. Expressing love or affection seems kinda wuss-ie and weak. It doesn’t mean you don’t feel it. I think you feel it more than you realise. Sometimes unless you lose something you don’t realise how much you actually cared for it. You don’t necessarily have to say “I love you” to people if it makes you uncomfortable putting it out there. I have a Cap moon.. I know what it’s like to get tongue tied with those words.. but.. there are other ways to show it.

posted July 03, 2006 01:48 PM              

Moon Aries 21°54'40 - 03 direct

Mercury Sagittarius 00°16'29 - 10 direct

Venus Sagittarius 21°11'10 - 11 direct

Mars Capricorn 23°15'27 - 01 direct

Jupiter Capricorn 09°48'46 - 12 direct

Saturn Scorpio 18°31'12 - 10 direct

Uranus Sagittarius 12°03'53 - 11 direct

Neptune Sagittarius 29°32'06 - 12 direct

Pluto Scorpio 02°34'03 - 09 direct

True Node Taurus 27°26'17 - 04 retrograde

Ascendant Capricorn 20°29'42

2nd House Pisces 05°20'08

3rd House Aries 15°55'33

Imum Coeli Taurus 15°17'26

5th House Gemini 07°48'48

6th House Gemini 28°04'47

Descendant Cancer 20°29'42

8th House Virgo 05°20'08

9th House Libra 15°55'33

Medium Coeli Scorpio 15°17'26

11th House Sagittarius 07°48'48
12th House Sagittarius 28°04'47

Sun Sextile Jupiter 4°38
Sun Conjunction Saturn 4°04
Sun Sextile Ascendant 6°03
Moon Trine Venus 0°44
Moon Square Mars 1°21
Moon Trine Neptune 7°37
Moon Square Ascendant 1°25
Mars Sextile Saturn 4°44
Mars Conjunction Ascendant 2°46
Saturn Sextile Ascendant 1°58
Neptune Sextile Pluto 3°02

posted July 05, 2006 12:29 AM              

Your scorp sun/aries moon is a difficult combo. aries moons can't really show emotions, but scorps are ALL emotion, but they are loathe to reveal anything.

You're also full of sagg, which makes you a bit self-absorbed and not easily able to feel your emotions. This abundance of sagg, coupled with all your scorp makes for a push and pull type of confict within you - it is like an internal war. And you don't have enough air to make any sense of it all.

Your descendant is in cancer, a water sign, which would mean you want a very emotional, feeling and expressive partner...probably to help you feel your feelings more for yourself, or even FOR you, so you don't have to do it yourself.

On a different note, not related to astrology, it bothers me that you don't feel like you love your Mom and sister. It also seems like you are only interested in what other people can do for you, how they make you feel - people seem like objects to you, or at least that's the way it came across from your post. It all seems to be about you. This could be all the sagg, mixed with the cappy and scorp, or just an environmental or life experience issue. Either way, it needs to be addressed by you, preferably with the guidance of someone experienced. You seem like you want to do this; you know something is wrong...so find someone to help you with it.

Good luck

posted July 05, 2006 05:13 AM              

I wanted to respond to you mustang, because you made some valid points. a lot of those points were quite accurate! I am ever changing, ever evolving, self discovery has been a main theme all my life. maybe the reason i don't love my mom in a convential way is because I was adopted. I don't have that blood relation. that unspoken tie.. maybe it doesn't make a difference..i don't know. I just don't see myself in her at all. I like her most of the time. Maybe the love I have is just hidden deep within. I feel bad about not knowing..I just don't know. maybe it will be tested someday. I figure if I make an effort for someone..something is there..though I worry if its just an obligation...that I may do things for people cause its the norm. but that can't be the case all the time. I make huge efforts a lot.

I like sports sometimes. some of those atletes just have that killer instinct in a competitive non threatening way..you need that in life..maybe thats why I approach friends the way I do. I do feel bad that I come off as overly needy. I worry that they view me that way. I never use friends though, that is just rotten.

You are right, I have an amazing girl who loves me very much. she is very emotional and I am lucky to have her. she feels more confident with me and she is not just a gf, but a very good friend. someone to joke with and have fun with. I need someone like that, that I can stand all the time too. she balled before we parted..she lives 7000 miles away. I did not cry but the pain I felt within was terrible for a few days. than I got use to it. now I miss her as I described in the first post, but I still ache for her, long for her. that aries moon may make me a firey lover.. a passionate one more than an emotional one. I am passion filled for music of all kinds.