posted July 08, 2006 03:57 AM              

Had very bad year, all downs and no ups that I can see as yet.

Marriage ended, was cold and cruel and neglectful, I was always begging for love , affection and mostly his time but unfortunately I was like an invisible entity to him.

Left Oct 05 with youngest son, moved to different country, started an education for my self after being stay at home Mum for 15 years and doing all part time jobs to suit family.

Oldest son stayed with Dad, he must have thought I will have a Dad for once but this did not last long and he is now getting same treatment I got.

Both kids now declaring they hate him.

I have to go back and get my kids together and away from him.

I am scared stiff, it has been a really bad struggle so far, my exams are 2 weeks away and the stress of it all has made me ill, I have to put the kids first but unsure as to whether this is a good move, elder son refuses point blank to come to us so I have no choice really.

Can anyone see light at end of tunnel for me and my children, just a glimmer to keep my spirits up as I am completely drained with worry and stress.

I would be forever grateful.

I am Aqua 14 /2 /60 @ 10.55am

Ex is Cap 3 /1 /67 @ 7.26am

Son is Pisces 24 /2 /93 @ 17.48pm

Son is Aries 20 / 4 /92 @ 6.20am

Thank You all

posted July 08, 2006 04:06 AM              

Me Aqua 14/2/60 10.55am Edinburgh Scotland UK

EX Cap 3/1/67 7.26am London, England, UK

Son Pisces 24/2/93 17.48pm Somerset, England UK

Son Aries 20/4/93 6.20 am London, England.

posted July 08, 2006 07:37 AM              

I can definitely relate to your situation. I got divorced last year after 11 years of spending enourmous amount of time and energy taking care of my ex-husband family (elderly parents, his daughter, nieces, nephews - you name it)and trying to keep up with my career. I think, belonging to a big family (or any family for that matter) may provide you with some false sense of security which makes being on your own a very scary thing. I know, I was terrified. However, the past year's events proved that they needed me a lot more than I needed them. I am sure that you will find out the same thing about your ex-husband at some point. Not that it really matters.... but think about all this time and energy that you can finally turn onto yourself.

I looked at your chart briefly (I am running off to work) and the first thing I noticed that it's a lot heavier on the right side which means that you focus on other people rather than yourself and help from other people means a lot to you and can be very beneficial. That said, you have certainly come to the right place . I am sure you will find a lot of support and advice here.

posted July 08, 2006 10:07 AM              

I just wanted to say how much I admire your courage in moving away and building a new life! That's often the hardest thing to do at the end of a relationship, especially when there are kids involved.

I know at the moment you feel like it's all piling in on you and that you must put your kids first but I just want to suggest to you that you stop and take a deep breath before deciding what to do. I think it sometimes helps if someone outside the situation reflects your life back up to you, acting as a sort of mirror so you can see the whole picture and not just the fragments. So here goes...

Look at what you say about your life before the move: Marriage... was cold and cruel and neglectful... I was like an invisible entity to him... doing all part time jobs to suit family.

And look at what you're doing now: started an education for my self... exams are 2 weeks away.

I completely admire and would normally agree with you wholeheartedly about putting your kids first, but because of the way that you've given and are still giving to all of your family, (see Kamilla's observation about right hand side charts and focussing on others) I just have a feeling it ought to be your turn now.

And I don't think it will do your son any harm to learn some give and take either - it's a very valuable part of growing up to learn that we should sometimes do things for others, especially when they have done things for our good so many times His choice sounds like it consists of living with a father who can't show him any love or affection, or moving to be with his mother who has always shown him love and affection. Now that he's experienced the scenario he originally chose, he can make a more informed decision this time round.

Of course, you must ultimately do whatever feels right to you; but I would hazard a guess that this is life's way of presenting you with the opportunity to find your light at the end of the tunnel... a tunnel that for some 15 years sounds like it's been rather dark.

Whatever you choose itl, I wish you all the very best of luck, happiness and love. You deserve it

Sarah xxx

posted July 08, 2006 11:06 AM              

I want to say a huge thank you to both you lady's who replied.

You are so right Cardinalgirl, I am too emotionally involved to see the woods for the trees and will have to take step back, very hard but I can try.

It is difficult when you are still getting your buttons pushed and emotional blackmail too, I put myself at the back burner again I do not think think I can change this yet.

Ex, tho we are still married, I will never fathom, my days of trying to are over, but he still gets on phone to confide then to scream and shout, he has fallen in love twice now with online friends, takes off for miles to meet them and forgets he has a child at home, and I mean for hours, try 2 days the last time, I think this is appalling hence my having to return and pick up very damaged pieces, no amount of talking or trying to get him to see sense ever gets thru, it never did in the past it never will and he is almost 40 years old.

Son at present with Dad is living in twilight world so that their paths never cross, dreadful, there is no communication between them except violence and cruel miserable mind games, what I have been called to son and to Dads new friends you would not believe, it hurt me very badly but now I do not care ,( if these people are silly enough to believe someone they do not actually know and I was with him for 17 years so I know him inside and out)
It is their misfortune, they do not know me, what I went thru am still going thru.

Younger son used to be very outgoing, very funny and made friends so easily, now he is shadow of former self, Dad not once spoke to him in 8 months cept when I sent him texts and e mail to do so, son wants nothing to do with Dad at all now.

I think this is so bad, so nasty, so childish on ex's behalf, all these lives is turmoil and for what, I still do not know why, I did however find out that he thought we had a joke of a marriage and it was crap for the previous 10 years but that he was too much of a coward to walk away, this was to one of his online friends ( I will not use the name he calls them which is disgusting) so I firmly believe he drove me out with his cold cruel ways and that I will never forgive as I did not deserve it, I know I did not, I loved him with every part of me and feel it was now such a waste.

I know what I have to do, I am returning end of this month with nothing, no money, no roof over head etc but hoping that I can give my kids the life they should have always had, the life they actually deserved, peace, happiness, love, fun and laughter.

I also know that its going to be tough as even if we had all the above, I am left with 2 very angry teens and my nerves are shattered and I do not know if I am going to be fit and able to cope with them and our circumstances.

Why is life so tough and painful, will never know the answer.

That is why I posted all our dates etc, I cannot do any of the charts etc, I only read the newspaper ones but I have been looking at the charts and postings here and everyone seems so knowledgable, just a chink of hope somewhere down the line is all I need, all the kids need is me and I hope I can do the best I can for them.

posted July 08, 2006 11:43 AM              

My heart goes out to you - I've got to be honest, I really don't feel you should go back and give up the freedom and progress you've achieved. But I totally understand your feelings for your kids and you must follow your heart.

Just don't lose sight of your own needs and desires so completely whislt focussing on everyone else's. They need to respect your life too. Your ex sounds like he needs a verbal smacked bottom from his mother to be honest! Very strange for a Cap to be so irresponsible but then there are no realy 'moulds' as such.

You take care and I really hope things work out for you. I'm sure someone will be able to help with the chart - I'll see who I can find on my travels

posted July 08, 2006 12:23 PM              

Thanks again for your kind words.

I am never ever going back near ex, just picking up my son and walking to new life ( I hope and pray), put plans in place by finding new schools and another college place for me too so I have my goals but no football in sight if you know what I mean.

As for the ex being irresponsible I should explain, he is the perfect gent, a saint in everyones eyes, do anything for anyone, just not us who should have mattered, he switched off from me and kids as far back as I can remember and hid the switch that we could never then get thru, he removed all communication from us all and just went thru the motions putting in no effort with any of us, if I had known why I could have done something, anything, but when only one of you puts your all into a relationship and gets absolutely nothing back then its a lost cause. No longer my problem, who am I kidding, it has affected me and the kids very badly, I will never trust another as long as I live, which is very sad.

Thanks for all your help, its great to get it all off my chest at last.

posted July 08, 2006 06:56 PM              

Appreciate your kind words, I actually feel lot better having purged my feelings etc, friends are good but soon get fed up hearing same old same old, I need a labotomy, purge him and I will be fantastic, does not help me that son still in same house tells me Dad was on phone 2am to new online friend etc, such a long marriage and seems all for nothing now.

I had a conversation with ex today, still trying to make him realise that he will end up with nothing, no relationship with children ever more has to be the worst thing I could ever imagine and my heart breaks for complete destruction of family, he just see's freedom and free road to pursue his latest "soul mate" god I could scream, what the hell can be more important in anyones life than the life you made and saw brought into the world, the kids may be 13 & 14 but they are still our children, oh well talking to brick walls have never been easy so I give up.

Off to bed now and hoping for a peaceful night.

Despite all I am a bit positive but funny this changes hour to hour, day to day, I know there is a lesson to be learned here but I am jiggered if I can see what, just so fed up of the pain and grief and struggle but worse things happen to others don't they.

Good news is I passed all my mocks, in preparation of real exams in 2 weeks, God knows how but someone, somewhere is looking out for me, just need them a wee while longer says she with fingers crossed, want kids to know that hard work pays off and good can come out of bad.

posted July 08, 2006 08:42 PM              

Currently in your chart you have had transiting (planets in the sky) Saturn (duty, also restriction, structure) conjuncting (energy is combined with) your Nadir (inner world). When Saturn conjuncts our Nadir we can feel very inwardly restricted and unhappy, as we attempt to structure who we are inwardly. Any problems that are going on become magnified and intensified as we feel the weight of our duty and obligations. Saturn recently left the Nadir so that inward pressure is now gone and you feel much more able to do things.

On your ex's side, transiting Scorpio (transformation, also sex) Jupiter (expansion) is conjuncting his Midheave (outer world), so is out in the world being expansively sexual. Jupiter energy is about getting out and having a "good time" and it doesn't care about duty or structure. So your ex is only concerned about having a good time in the outer world. In addition he soon will be having his Uranus opposition, a time when people rebel against what they have been doing and want "change at any cost" in their lives. In addition transiting Uranus (friends, also rebellion) is conjuncting his birth Saturn, so he is very likely to rebel against his own sense of duty and responsibility.

Since Saturn is moving upwards in your chart, your Saturn energy is building, making you better able to structure, better able to take responsibility, and better able to have a career (also associated with Saturn).

Onward and upward,

Tim

posted July 09, 2006 12:29 AM            

Congratulations on escaping your Dark Entity (ex)!! And I’m wishing you all the best on your exams in two weeks, I have a feeling you will do well ;-)

I’m thrilled for you that you summoned your innate courage, took your child(ren) and left their father. Some women stuck in unhappy marriages aren’t able to do what you have done. I see a large shining light at the end of your tunnel, and I don’t think it’s an oncoming train!! You’ve taken such a huge step to better your own life and your boys’ lives What an enormous challenge you’re facing, and with such fortitude!! You’ve already discovered that the secret to your success is putting one foot in front of the other, and trudging down the tunnel towards the light, towards your goalposts. The football IS in your hands!!

My heart goes out to your boys. And you are still their mother – regardless of what the older one wants (staying with Dad?), I think you should take both kids with you and pursue a divorce as soon as possible, with you getting custody for now. Have you explained clearly to them how you see the situation with their father and why you needed to leave and why it would be best for the three of you to start a new life with a chance at some happiness?? I think your Arian son might have an easier time adapting to Life Without Father, but kids are so individual that I cannot say by just looking at his chart – maybe Tim would have a look at both the boys…..

As for your comment:

quote:

---

I will never trust another as long as I live, which is very sad.

---

What I see just glancing at your chart:

Transiting Uranus is applying towards opposition with your natal Moon –

Uranus transits to the Moon directly affect the feelings, the public image, and personal popularity. Other people and things affected by Uranus are the mother, important women in the native's life, domestic life, and the home.

What does the Moon rule in your chart? Look to the house(s) of your natal chart with Cancer on the cusp for areas of your life where Uranus is acting to awaken. Look to planets in Cancer in your chart to see other parts of your personality that Uranus is now infusing with the urge to break out of existing routines.

Uranus transits opposite Moon
~The urge to "express yourself" takes hold; and since expressing yourself generally means doing something you aren't supposed to do, this is likely to be a period of strange behavior. You tend to kick over the traces and run wild with whatever ideas you have been suppressing up until now. You can see your complexes and your subconscious in the cold light of day if you are sufficiently in possession of yourself to look for them. Use self control here to direct your energies into some useful channel: remember that "being yourself' is important only when the "self you are being is worth the effort. To be, or become, your best self as a result of this transit is to harness your magnetism, your originality and your creative talents for all time. To run wild is to accumulate a fine crop of wild oats to be mowed down and carted away later.

*Any relationships that you are involved in that have strong dominance-passivity themes or are stifling and restrictive to either one of you, are likely to explode now. Even relatively minor constraints and expectations made of each other can become a source of tension now.

+A (perhaps) difficult time when you could find yourself feeling rebellious and independent regarding your current situation or surroundings. Your erratic behavior could bring you in opposition to a group or younger person or just strain relationships.

Transiting Pluto will conjunct Jupiter in your 7th house of Partnership/Relationships in a year or two….. (here’s the complete text) http://www.cafeastrology.com/plutotransits.html

Pluto Transits Conjunct Jupiter
~Your perspective on what you want from life, what you are willing to do to get it and the values that you want to express undergoes a change. If you have been working in a direction that is compatible with your standards and your philosophical or religious views, you are likely to be effective. This thus becomes a time when your past faith and hard work are rewarded, bolstering your confidence and helping you to make even bigger plans for your future - plans that are based on a realistic and solid foundation.

If you have been working along lines that are in conflict with your religious and philosophical views, this could be a time of tension. A change either in the direction of your life or in your values will thus be necessary to deal with your growing sense of frustration. This can lead to a religious rebirth, a time when a particular church or cult seems to express what you feel you really need from life. Whether this religious growth is along institutional or personal lines depends on what you feel is missing from your life. Your main effort now should be in trying to live up to the best in you, rather than lowering your standards to achieve a more transient worldly success.

*The need to expand your horizons and break free from the limitations of your present life style is the major theme during this time period. At this point in your life your current situation seems too restrictive and confining. You feel hemmed in by surroundings and people that are too simplistic, narrowly focused, and petty.

+Intense focus on your career can find you mercilessly cutting back and getting down to the bare essentials regarding the path or direction you are taking with your life. You will have a sense of being almost driven to pursue your course and succeed.

Lovely CG ~

quote:

---

Very strange for a Cap to be so irresponsible but then there are no realy 'moulds' as such.

---

Good luck, intothelight – please come back here and let us know how you’re getting on!!

Zala

PS: I'll leave you with a positive Affirmation --

posted July 09, 2006 04:55 AM              

Are you able to post a pic of yerself.....

If not and you are agreeable I would be happy to send some anyway !!!

Dont lose heart...I went thro two horrible divorces and actually thought at one or two points, I might die cos the stress was so intense....

But I didnt....and I am here still with a very good man (despite the challenges) I am happy and blessed....

And so will you be....

posted July 09, 2006 05:09 AM              

And a huge thank you.

I am finding all this insight fascinating and it takes my mind off other stuff, so I am very grateful to you all.

Eldest Son chose to stay with Dad merely for his friends and school, he was in secondary education and it was a bad time for him to have to relocate, however due to isolation and Dad removing every bit of comfort possible from him, computer, tv, no money etc he stopped going to school and has not been in 3 months, he is a very intellegent young man,very handsome and a good mimic, can do almost any accent and have you in stitchs of laughter, finds learning so easy and was always in top 3 at school, he now see's no friends, only talks to me and brother by phone and text and as a quite introverted lad, I can see the work I will have to do with him and the anger I will have to cope with.

He is very shy and does not make friends easily and on 3 occassions Dad broke his trust, in a bad way, hence now no communication between them. He stays in his bedroom if and when Dad dcides to get home. Dad plays real bad mind games, tell you he is on his way and not turn up, child hungry thinking dinner is going to be soon and Dad will walk in 3 hours after saying he was on his way with no explanation, God I have been there on many occassions, once told me and this will sound crazy, that he had bought me chinese takeaway, when I asked where it was, he kept pointing to the floor saying its there, its there, there was nothing there so this is the kind of person he is, almost convince you that you are going mad, I would rather face a lion than the stunts he pulled.

If I had the money to get to him months ago I would have done in an instant.

Youngest Son is not looking forward at all to returning, Do not blame him as he is worried re all the chaos and abuse and isolation we left in first place, he is still a very young boy despite being 13 and also intellegent and deep with his thoughts and surprises me with profound remarks and his insight regards his Dad, very good at reading people, sees things I would have overlooked.

I know this is a very scary time for us all and I wish I had a magic wand for them, I am 46, big and ugly enough to take what life throws at me but it is so unfair on them.
One minute I am fine, the next I am unable to focus and descend into tears and weariness and woe is me and what am I to do, which gets me no where.

Work wise, I used to be a nurse till I damaged my spine, many moons ago, I love people especially the elderly, I am type of person who would bring a homeless man home for cup of tea and dinner and he stayed 5 days, ( I kid you not) long story.

As ex could or would not ever get home to allow me a decent job that would have given me outside life and independence I basically worked from home doing anything for what I term pocket money, he gave me none, he did the shopping etc, he decided whether I smoked or not depending on mood he woke up in. I kept the home and family spotless and knew that my brain was being wasted.

I enrolled on a course doing Anatomy and Physiology with Holistic Massage and I love it, my goal is to work with the elderly as after years of being part of a couple and one spouse dies, they usually end up in nursing or old folks homes and all of a sudden no one touches them, when we are born the first thing anyone does is hold us and I think this is basic in all humans , to be held / touched, my views are simple but this is what I rally want to do, the course has been very intensive, only 17 weeks long so to get this far is a blessing for me and to stick at it despite all going on has made me very proud of myself.

Someone wrote about religion coming back into my life, I am a lapsed catholic, it was drummed into me as a child but I found an open chapel one day and just walked in and enjoyed the peace and quiet and felt wonderful, I only attended mass once, but I often go and just sit when its empty.

I was given a book of angels and that spoke to me if that does not make me sound too mad, now I ask for peace and happiness for my children and me and their Dad too, despite all that has gone on I would hate for him to be unhappy.

Who knows what the future holds, I am clinging on by the skin of my teeth, I have been in a very dark place on numerous occassions the past 8 months,gone to bed wishing I did not wake up, very selfish I know, been without a penny to my name, sold almost all I got here, lost tremendous amount of weight, been in hosital with severe palpatation, been covered top to toe with eczema, lost sight in one eye also due to stress, it came back thank God after 8 hours so all in all, life has been tough but somehow you just keep trundling on, the human spirit is amazing.

I know things will gt worse before they get better and thats what scares me, I have had the worse and do not want anymore, not for me , not for the kids.

I think I need therapy, a guiding hand, an angel to guide me and keep us all safe.

I know I will be ok, I think, just really scared and not looking forward to this lonely path that needs to be taken.

Thank you all, you have been a great help to me.

posted July 09, 2006 05:29 AM              

That would be wonderful, yes please and thank you.

I dont know how to add a photo, just as well really as my face would sink a thousand ships, not launch them LOL.

I had Reiki recently and felt so peaceful so thank you so much.

posted July 09, 2006 05:32 AM              

Just open up and receive.

And if you are able to go for a reiki session as often as possible, it would really help you thro this.

Can I just get an image of you....hair, eyes (colour) build etc...

Thanks

posted July 09, 2006 05:37 AM              

I am 5ft 5ins
Shoulder length strawberry blonde hair.
Elfin face square shaped, blonde eyebrows / eyelashes/
9st in weight.
Have open, friendly face, smile a lot.

Is that ok

posted July 09, 2006 07:08 AM              

We all have a guardian angel (as St Padre Pio the healer also believed), and yours is there with you now and WILL help exactly as needed, and especially so if you ask. If you're Catholic you might also like to take comfort in a saint who means something to you. If you don't have one, Padre Pio is wonderful in coming to the aid of those who need to be healed. His well-known saying is "pray, hope and don't worry".

I believe that the reiki and the healing from Sue G will also do much for you.

posted July 09, 2006 08:54 AM              

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I feel great, I really do, I have written ex a very long e mail outlining all he has done to us all and requesting his help in funds to get back for our son.

Had no reply but any obstruction on his part will not be or look good anyway.

As I re read my e mail I cannot believe what I put up with, the absolute gall of the man to even think he can treat his wife and children as he has done, but keeping his saintly attitude and hat for the outside world.

Writing that has given me great strength, oh he will deny it all no doubt as I am the bleep bleep psycho, he likes to tell everyone and you know what he almost made me one too with the cruelty and punishments he doled out.

But I am not and never have been and never will be, I am the one picking up the pieces cause I am strong enough to do so, I am the one yet again giving up everything cause I am strong enough to do so,I am the one the boys turn to for everything because they love and trust me and what greater acolade can a Mammy have.

Sue and everyone else, I do not know how you did it by my God whatever it is, is working, what a difference a couple of hours makes.

I feel brighter and lighter and more positive than I ever did do before so God bless you all, I will never forget this kindness, ever.

I know Padre Pio, he is huge in Ireland, I have never prayed to him before tho,I will google and see what prayers I can find, thank you for that.

I have been very down and feeling ill since Friday so today I am taking things easy, think my brain and body are telling me to slow down and chill out. I will listen for a change.

On 22nd and on 24th I have my exams, on 28th I leave to go get my son and hopefully a new beginning for us all, I hope I can keep in touch with you all as you have lifted my spirits and really really helped me.

Lots of love

posted July 09, 2006 11:54 AM              

I am so happy that you are feeling better. I admire your career choice and wish you the best of luck with passing your exams and moving on into the healing field. And for the boys, I am a mother and I know how much you want to protect them and how much it hurts to see them not happy... Children are more resilient than we think and your love is a great source of strenght and support of them.

Also, I want to thank you for teaching me a lesson.

Quote:
"Who knows what the future holds, I am clinging on by the skin of my teeth, I have been in a very dark place on numerous occassions the past 8 months,gone to bed wishing I did not wake up "

I have felt a lot like that during this past year and I am pretty much in the same boat as you are except for I was never brave enough to tell the entire world how hurt, scared and miserable I really am. And I am too damn proud, or should I say arrogant to admit that I need help and ask for it. This is not a real strentgh when you cry all night and in the morning spend half of hour to make sure that you look perfect and no one would ever guess how you feel.

posted July 09, 2006 12:18 PM              

I am heart sorry for you, my entire world is merely a computer screen but look at the help and kindness and geniune love and affection from strangers like yourself who have been more help to me in 24 hours than any real friends have ever been, real friends have their own problems and lives and usually do not want to be seen to be taking sides.

I have done exactly what you have too many times, for years in fact so I know all about the clown mask we wear for the outside world, you know what, it is merely a mask, your eyes always tell people how you really feel and I bet if you had one, just one close and trusted friend that you could confide in for a bit of support and tell how you feel, that friend probably already knows, we are not actors, we are real feeling human beings, please tell just one person and you will be surprised at help, just a sounding board is all that we need usually.

You keep your chin up, give yourself a hug and here is one for you ((((((((())))))))), for you to send me your kind wishes and words says more about you as the lovely person you are.

Your in my thoughts and prayers and thank you. All of you kind people.
God I am sure someone will complain in a mo that this is not about astrology, sorry.

posted July 09, 2006 12:56 PM            

quote:

---

God I am sure someone will complain in a mo that this is not about astrology, sorry.

---

intothelight, and Kamilla too -- you have huge and caring hearts and wonderful senses of humor -- these will get you far, and I feel both of you will survive these dips in the road with your beautiful hearts and souls intact!!

into, please keep us posted on how exams go, and on your adventures in reclaiming your older son -- and the three of you starting life anew!!

Zala

posted July 09, 2006 01:10 PM              

I have never faced the horror and pain you have, but I have gone through some awful things-and I have been at the verge of death (and beyond.) Looking back, I can honestly say God saved me. I went through all the stages-intense crying, helplessness (this is the worst), and plain numbness. In the end it was taking one step at a time, and just letting time heal. (ITS VERY hard for me to not do anything, and just let it heal me-but thats exactly what I had to do.)

I remember one day where I wished that the sun would fall on earth-and burn all in its path.

At that time-there was no light at the end of the tunnel for me-so you are ALREADY DOING GREAT! EVen though you don't see it now hun...

I did a tarot card reading for you (hope you don't mind..)

Your present shows as.. Page of Swords, when reversed: The dark essence of air behaving as earth, such as a sandstorm: The approach of an unexpected challenge, met with muddled thought and unjust action. A person filled with a destructive appetite for all matters of mind and logic. Voyeurism, espionage, and misguided witch hunts. The use of clever argument and eloquent speech to mask the truth. (Sounds a lot like the EX)

Your future- Queen of Pentacles: The essence of earth behaving as water, such as a hot spring: A warm and generous host, providing shelter and comfort for all who would seek it. A person steadfast, practical, and domestic, able to create opulence and stability in any setting. The qualities of maturity and sensibility, coupled with an innate appreciation for nature and the material world.

This card is A GREAT CARD TO GET...It means that you will indeed find the warmth and happiness you are looking for. Someone (perhaps an older lady or a spirit of a lady) is already looking out for you. Its hard to tell time exactly-but I think 3-6 months should get you on your way. Please keep a look out for an older, mentor type lady. This card also means that this experience will turn you into a fountain of warmth and stability-something I am sure your boys will love you for.

Pleaseeee be strong. And feel free to post here. Its a great community-and I promise we will never turn you away. I KNOW ITS HARD_but I am praying for you-as many others on this site are as well I am sure. And there is power in prayers..

I leave you with a few gifts-not much-but I hope they help you as they helped me...

On Pain
Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses
your understanding.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its
heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.
And could you keep your heart in wonder at the
daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem
less wondrous than your joy;
And you would accept the seasons of your heart,
even as you have always accepted the seasons that
pass over your fields.
And you would watch with serenity through the
winters of your grief.
Much of your pain is self-chosen.
It is the bitter potion by which the physician within
you heals your sick self.
Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy
in silence and tranquillity:
For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by
the tender hand of the Unseen,
And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has
been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has
moistened with His own sacred tears.

Khalil Gibran
http://hopeinablog.blogspot.com/2006/05/key-to-happiness.html
(a great article which has helped me!)