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Author Topic:   MOMMY-SCOPES! Why your mother hates you.
Heart--Shaped Cross
Newflake

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Registered: Nov 2010

posted July 17, 2006 06:44 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Heart--Shaped Cross     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Aries: Mommy's Little Soldier
Your mom hates you because:

Such a brave little one! Always trying to be first. Walking early, talking early! Except for potty training, you pretty much blew through the whole infant-toddler curriculum. Mom was sure she had something special on her hands. But the progress slowed and then just stopped. There are early bloomers and late bloomers, but you, Aries, you peaked as a toddler. Since kindergarten, it's been nothing but big failures and small victories. Your mom hates you because you are a self-important, argumentative failure with nothing to show for it but mediocre ideas, dime-store gumption and a new definition of wasted potential.


Taurus: The Lump Of Child

Your mom hates you because:

You have all the personality of a bowling ball in a potato sack. She thought that there was some sort of everyday magic to creating a child until she had you. Your status as a wet pile of wasted flesh has taught her that children are nothing more than eating, ******** , ******* , and puking machines that slowly gnaw their way through your wallet until you have nothing left to give. But you, Taurus, you have the gift of being a mediocre meat sack piece of **** whose lack of real ambition and inspiration make for a life coarse and heavy enough to grind down even the brightest of spirits. You are a dull, anti-transcendent piece of dirty concrete dropped by the stork because he could no longer stand the weight of your useless flesh dragging him down.


Gemini: The Pompous Little Twit

Your mom hates you because:

To be honest, at first, mom sure was excited by the test scores and fancy words. At first. Later, it became apparent that your only real smarts involve convincing other people that you're intelligent. Which you're not. You're clever. There's a difference. While many thought you motivated by curiosity, mom saw that it was, in fact, a revolting form of masturbatory intellectual vanity.


Cancer: The Vaginal Remora

Your mom hates you because:

With your constant attempts to crawl back in, there's no room for Daddy in the Mommy-hole. Happy birthday, you ******* vaginal remora.


Leo: Mommy's Little Star!

Your mom hates you because:

Of the many long hours she had to sit and try, somehow, to be encouraging while you insisted on "performing" commercials for her. At first she thought you might have a dramatic talent. Which is true, if being a relentless attention vacuum is a talent. Every time mom sees your wretched narcissistic mug, it just makes her think of what else she might have accomplished with all the time and energy she put into you.


Virgo: The Reason Love Is Conditional

Your mom hates you because:

You will never be good enough. At anything. Ever. Even unconditional love has its limits for failure. Your name, Virgo, is spray-painted on that line.

Libra: The Motivation For Birth Control

Your mom hates you because:


I'm not sure, but I ******* hate you because you're a patronizing, passive-aggressive, cheating piece of **** .


Scorpio: God's Revenge On Your Parents

Your mom hates you because:

What's not to hate? Seriously.


Sagittarius: The Bundle Of Joy

Your mom hates you because:

She really, really hoped you would grow out of it.


Capricorn: The Future Tyrant

Your mom hates you because:

While she was holding you in the delivery room, you looked up at her, burped, and said: "Look, ***** , you brought me into this world, and with that comes a few responsibilities. You have to feed, clothe, and house me. Beyond that, do what you want. Nurturing won't be necessary. I can buy better love than yours once I'm out this **** hole, earning. And I am out, too, at 18. You can expect a Mother's Day card once a year and box of whatever **** -chocolate you carry inside those saddlebag thighs on your birthday. Other than that, you get nothing. So let's make this work while we have to."


Aquarius: The Frosted Turd

Your mom hates you because:

She had to endure your constant attempts to distinguish yourself. She knew that your creativity and originality were really nothing more than a pathetic and dishonest way to justify your inability to deal with the real world. She knew you were, at heart, a broken piece in an ugly jigsaw puzzle, and that any attempts to circumvent that fact were really tantamount to frosting a turd.


Pisces: The Compensating Loser

Your mom hates you because:

Your adoration for her is actually just a pathetic veil for your otherwise complete and total failure as a human being. Mom hates you because your devotion DOES NOT and CANNOT outweigh the shame of having you for a child.

------------------------------------------

send praises and/or complaints to:

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseac tion=blog.view&friendID=20183849&blogID=145416162&MyToken=fa8032df-ecfc-41a8-b2ff-015ad6b5dd1b


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pidaua
Knowflake

Posts: 67
From: Back in AZ with Bear the Leo
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 17, 2006 08:14 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for pidaua     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hee hee... why grow out of it? I am purrrrrfect and mommy always said I was special.. then she made me where those shoes and helmet LMAO

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Green Fairy
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posted July 17, 2006 08:23 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Vaginal remora lol lol lol lol

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Dulce Luna
Newflake

Posts: 7
From: The Asylum, NC
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 17, 2006 10:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dulce Luna     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
"With your constant attempts to crawl back in, there's no room for Daddy in the Mommy-hole"

Oh sh*t! That was funny ....Oh God

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BlueEyes24
unregistered
posted July 17, 2006 11:52 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
"Scorpio: God's Revenge On Your Parents

Your mom hates you because:

What's not to hate? Seriously."


hahaha.... that was mean but funny at the same time. And the Cancer one is HILARIOUS.

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GeminiLover75
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posted July 17, 2006 11:59 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
hahaha! Somehow those ring true in a hilarious way.

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Lousianagrl
unregistered
posted July 18, 2006 12:10 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
My mom is/was always p*ssed off about what I wear.
I always hear her say "You're not wearing that! It's too weird! Why can't you dress like a normal girl everyday?"
I wear it anyway. I've always (ever since I was a baby) worn WHAT I wanted to wear and she can't make me change! You should see my elementary school pics...I look like a rainbow bum! I don't dress slutty so she really can't say anything about my clothes, anyway.

Libra: The Motivation For Birth Control

Your mom hates you because:


I'm not sure, but I ******* hate you because you're a patronizing, passive-aggressive, cheating piece of **** .


ohh burn I'm guessing the author didn't like librans..?

------------------
Sun::Aquarius
Moon::Libra
Asc&venus(conj.)::Pisces
Mars::Gemini
Merc.Saturn.Nep.Uranus:: Capricorn

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AcousticGod
Knowflake

Posts: 4416
From: Pleasanton, CA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 18, 2006 01:44 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for AcousticGod     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
That's an impressive astrologer.

Apparently, I'm not the only Capricorn virtually out of touch with my family for most of the year.

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sue g
unregistered
posted July 18, 2006 08:29 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
ooops sorry guys,,,I dont find any of em funny....a little too harsh for me....

sort of like slapstick humour....dont appeal to me at all!!!!

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miss_muffet
unregistered
posted July 18, 2006 12:01 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
The author must either have a pretty sad childhood or have a tremendously humourous nature to write this...

Just to make a point across: NO SANE MOTHER WILL TRULY EVER HATE THEIR CHILD.

I don't think even the mother of the most psychopathic person hates their kid. Probably just blame themselves for the child's failure.

I am of course speaking on behalf of any "normal" mother.

Miss Muffet

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taurean_scorpion
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posted July 18, 2006 12:09 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think it's funny.

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taurean_scorpion
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posted July 18, 2006 12:09 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think it's funny.

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Aquarius_Lover
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posted July 18, 2006 12:13 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Funny!

I love these kind of sarcastic signs definitons.

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Dulce Luna
Newflake

Posts: 7
From: The Asylum, NC
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 18, 2006 12:15 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dulce Luna     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I thought these were funny too...just take it with a grain of salt. I was able to laugh at myself when I read this because in some aspect I do remember clinging to my mom when I was young. It's just humor and nothing more. They're not serious, remember that.

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pidaua
Knowflake

Posts: 67
From: Back in AZ with Bear the Leo
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 18, 2006 02:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for pidaua     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
OMG...People it is a g*d damn joke.. it is similar to 'How to recognize a Bast*ard'


Do I think my Sister-in-law, a Scorpio HATES her Scorp and Aqua sons? Hell no (I'd kick her a$$ if she hurt them). Do I think a mommy really thinks their Cancer child (that would be my Leo granny and my Cancer mom) is a vaginal remora?

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Venus
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posted July 18, 2006 03:26 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi HSC
Thanks for sharing these with us - I thought they were very funny!
Venus

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Venus
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posted July 18, 2006 03:26 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi HSC
Thanks for sharing these with us - I thought they were very funny!
Venus

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Venus
unregistered
posted July 18, 2006 03:27 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi HSC
Thanks for sharing these with us - I thought they were very funny!
Venus

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Venus
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posted July 18, 2006 03:27 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Sorry!!!

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shirty
unregistered
posted July 18, 2006 03:34 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
They were hilarious.

That is all.

~shirty

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sue g
unregistered
posted July 18, 2006 03:45 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
"There were hilarious

That is all"....

Maybe to ye guys,,,,

Not to me....

But then again, I never did run with the crowd.....

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amisha121877
unregistered
posted July 18, 2006 03:51 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
LOL

Oh my Gosh

"Sagittarius: The Bundle Of Joy

Your mom hates you because:

She really, really hoped you would grow out of it."

SOOOOO TRUE, SO VERY VERY TRUE

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pidaua
Knowflake

Posts: 67
From: Back in AZ with Bear the Leo
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 18, 2006 04:49 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for pidaua     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
well.. sue, to each their own.

Some people think calling George W. Bush a baby murderer and superimposing his face on Christ on the Cross is funnier than Carlos Mencia while others, myself included, find it to be sickening.

So of course there are those that find joke scopes like this to be appalling.... and some find it funny....


Guess it depends on the nature of the joke and how we perceive things.

Maybe some people feel guilty because they have had that sick thought of getting rid of their child, Susan Smith sure did. Maybe some get offended because they came from a family where mom didn't give them the love they should have received.

What offends you most? The fact that it is from a mother's perspective or making fun of the different signs?

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sue g
unregistered
posted July 18, 2006 05:00 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
The word hate used so often....

My father is goin thro something at the moment...he is 80 and breaking down cos he never forgave his mother for hating him...

Sorry to be so heavy, but it touched a nerve in me thats all....

And no Ive got no problem with the signs being made fun of ,,,, I am the first one to admit the negatives of my own sign,,,,and also ready to take the p*ss out of myself...

Carry on laughing guys...everyone to their own...Hey?

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pidaua
Knowflake

Posts: 67
From: Back in AZ with Bear the Leo
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 18, 2006 06:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for pidaua     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Ahh... I understand Sue.. maybe is should have been more like along the lines of the kid versus mom and the kid...

Sorry about your father- I can never understand how a mother can hate a child or blame the child for their own problems.

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