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Author
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Topic: A brick wall with an iron coating
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Inner depths
unregistered
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posted July 23, 2006 04:06 AM
 
Sigh - another revelation of myself. My friends tell me that I have perfected the poker face look and they can never tell how I am feeling. Most of the time I can't tell what I feel and I have a cancer moon. My anxiety has hit the roof many times over and I can't help but think it may be the effects of T saturn square my natal saturn of T pluto square my natal pluto.I just wish that I could feel ever so freely and express myself with ease and not be behind my perfectly made wall that I have erected from years of verbal and mental abuse from my family. I worry about my parenting skills and some of the time I feel so disconnected from my 4 year old daughter. My relationship with my mom growing up was not a good one - we never got along and were distant over the years. Though now, we do try to bond more. My ex has called me the afirweatherparent and hates me for asking him to look after his daughter more. Sometimes I think I had my daughter with the wrong person..... Such is life - filled with many strange and bizarre things.... ID IP: Logged |
Rev. Alice
unregistered
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posted July 23, 2006 03:53 PM
It could be your way of dealing with emotional abuse--which is clearly evident in your chart.
Am I right in thinking that you are only 18 years old? Chances are you are still trying to deal with your own childhood in a family that was, at best, very detached from you.The good news is that you have abilities that older generations did not, so you probably just need to trust yourself more. The even better news is that your daughter has even greater abilities than you do, AND she chose you. That means that you are the mother she wanted--and truth be told, he is the father she wanted as well. Today's children need less and different parenting than those born 2-3 generations ago. Try not to worry. We all do the best we can and we all have some hindsight regrets. Still, the vast majority of children grow up to be successful adults. I am reasonably certain that you are just the non-traditional parent she most needs.
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You are a blessing and you are blessed.
Rev. Alice
www.lifeprintastrology.com IP: Logged |
jkxx
unregistered
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posted July 23, 2006 04:29 PM
ID,Saturn is the planet that turns our beliefs into reality, or rather, makes us see reality through our beliefs. Your tough childhood has contributed such negative beliefs (I know, mine has been similar) that are making you feel powerless and doubt the future. - But though the brick wall stands tall and prominent you can pick up its bricks one by one and reduce it to nothing. There's more meaning and intention behind our lives than we like to realize, just as Rev. Alice suggests. If you have been stuck seeing only the bad possibilities, try to step back and imagine the opposite - what would happen if the next thing you try went well. The worst you can possibly do is accept that it's over and give up. -jk IP: Logged |
Inner depths
unregistered
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posted July 23, 2006 08:44 PM
Rev Alice,It was my way to deal with the severe abuse I have faced in my life. The squares in my chart get me shivering. (Currently I'm 30 some odd years old.)I'm striving to recover from what all has happened in my life. My new projects that I have started this year is to learn to trust myself and find my own voice - by taking up karaoke and ballroom dance. Now I'm looking to get into some comedy workshops and to put a comedic spin on my life and experiences. I have always admired entertainers - musican and comedians the most. JK, I grew up not appreciateing myself and not know just how valuable I am. It hurt so much being treated like I was a 3rd class citizen and the people in authority in my life growing up abused their power - being in charge of parenting etc.. Life can be an illusion at times and spin reality into a fog - what appears to be is not what it really is.....Hmmmmm probably why I enjoy the theme song to Grease.... Health sake - I have to go seek help and deal with the hurt and all the buried stuff before I can move on...... Thanx all  ID IP: Logged |
Scorpio Chick
unregistered
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posted July 23, 2006 09:50 PM
ID, I don't know if we have the same astrological makeup, but I could have written your post. I often feel the same way as you described about my child, mother, ex, and I hope things get better for you. Congrats on taking the steps to get to know yourself. I think we, as women, often tend to be so concerned with our loved ones, that we forget ourselves. Sending good vibes your way! IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
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