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Author Topic:   Question about a scorp pal
future_uncertain
Knowflake

Posts: 193
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Registered: May 2009

posted August 29, 2006 04:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for future_uncertain     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I love her dearly. And she's terribly affectionate and loyal toward me.

But...

Whenever we're around other friends of mine, she makes it her sole purpose to make me look like a total arse. Especially if it's a friend she's never met before.

Normally I'm pretty straightforward, but if I said something to her, she would feel absolutely horrible about offending me. I think she does it all in good fun, but this behavior is baffling to me.

So, all you scorp experts, why is she doing this, and what is the best way for me to make it stop.

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Gooberzlostlovefound
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posted August 29, 2006 04:40 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Can you elaborate on what she does when you're with friends?

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Dulce Luna
Newflake

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From: The Asylum, NC
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 29, 2006 05:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dulce Luna     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think I know exactly what you mean. Me and my sister had a Taurus friend who would do the same thing to us. She has other issues too that go along with it-like bi-polar disorder.(Not saying all bi-polar people are like this,just to clear things up) Whenever she felt like she wasn't the center of attention she would embarrass one of us on purpose in front of everyone in the group. Unfortunately I don't have the right advice for you because we ended up cutting this girl off.

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future_uncertain
Knowflake

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posted August 29, 2006 08:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for future_uncertain     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yep, it's exactly like that. I hope it doesn't come to a point where this would come between us because our friendship is very special and valuable to me. She's a real gem in every other way.

*I'll give you a few more specific details which I'll delete later for the sake of privacy*

She's a psych major in addition to being scorpio (which may play a role astrologically, but I am not looking strictly for astro feedback.) She really loves to find a person's "weakness" and kind of toy with it. Honest to god... she really means well. I think it's one way she shows affection. I don't think she understands how embarrassing her actions can be. For someone like this I don't know if the best route is confrontation (therefore giving her another "weakness" to hone in on) or to just ignore her and see if it dies without attention.

Hmmm... I can say more later. Time for bedtime stories with my son!


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Gooberzlostlovefound
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posted August 30, 2006 12:19 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Her behavior seems a little twisted if you ask me.

Personally, I would not be able to put up with someone who got their kicks from embarrassing me in front of other people.

Do you really think she's unaware of the effect she has when she does this? (she may be, I don't know, but it's just something to think about).

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future_uncertain
Knowflake

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posted August 30, 2006 12:36 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for future_uncertain     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think she knows what she's doing, I just don't think she realizes how far she takes it or how much impact it makes.

To me it seems that she is jealous of my other friends.

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ScorpSagSag
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posted August 30, 2006 03:41 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Never under estimate the Scorps love of getting a reaction. We love to delve into that which makes a person squirm. It could be some experiment she has going on about people right now. 2 cents.

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future_uncertain
Knowflake

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posted August 30, 2006 08:03 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for future_uncertain     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
ScorpSagSag... that totally sounds like something she would do, only it's been going on forever.

Someone tell me more about this scorp fondness for watching people squirm...

My biggest question: Why?

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Peri
Knowflake

Posts: 1848
From: 49N35 34E34
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 30, 2006 08:35 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Peri     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Why?

She is manipulative and very insecure. She desperately needs attention and love that's why she is very affectionate and loyal toward you only until there is someone else around, she already knows that you love her so she tries to win others' hearts no matter what and doesn't care about you because you are "hers" already. She tries to make you look like a total arse lest others should love you more than her.

I think such people are only loyal to themselves, she will be good to you as long as she feels loved and needed but I am not sure she is your real 'friend in need';

2 cents

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Dulce Luna
Newflake

Posts: 7
From: The Asylum, NC
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posted August 30, 2006 09:08 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dulce Luna     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
I think such people are only loyal to themselves, she will be good to you as long as she feels loved and needed but I am not sure she is your real 'friend in need'


That was definitely the case with our "friend". Right on the money

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cappy
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posted August 30, 2006 09:08 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I second what Peri said. I will add: I had a "Friend" that fits this person's profile to a T...She wasn't a scorp though. But she loved to be the center of attention! And I think she secretly was jealous of me and used her sharp tongue and wit to poke at me in public. I said "friend" because for a long while I waved back and forth between feeling miserable of her "innocent" jab at me in public and considering the "realness" of her friendship. There were times I would cry in silence when it was all over thinking that I was reading too much into things and that she meant well or that I was too sensitive.
At the end of it, I had to come to term with the fact that I needed to stay away from that influence. The friendship has ended since then because there wasn't much to it in the first place...It didn't end because of what I said above, but I had enough resentment in me by then to not care and to firmly reinforce my boundaries with her...cause I realized that she didn't really care about me for she knew exactely how I felt, tough I never openly voiced my feelings to her. She chose to use that information to make a bigger arse of me...
I'm glad I'm out. Much luck. I don't know if I have any useful suggestion: my experience makes me want to say to just drop her as a friend...but for the sake of fairness give her a chance and let her know how you feel and if the behavior continues, you may have to end it there with her...That is when you will discover if she is a real friend or not.

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future_uncertain
Knowflake

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posted August 30, 2006 01:52 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for future_uncertain     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Insecure and manipulative... yes, I see that. The baffling thing is, she is otherwise not like this. She is a strong, independent, creative, vibrant person. That's why her behavior doesn't make much sense to me.

She has tons of friends, a large, loving family, and a brilliant future ahead of her.

It doesn't seem to add up...

I appreciate everyone's feedback. You guys are alright!

She's quite a bit younger than me. I wonder if this could be a factor?

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23
Knowflake

Posts: 250
From: The Strand
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 30, 2006 05:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for 23     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
really depends on the circumstances I think. If she is insecure, then this might be a cause or she feels bad about herself in some way, she might project this on you. I admit at times, I have done this myself. If so, it could pass.

How far are you into the relationship? If its early, she might be testing you out.

If it happens continuously and won't stop, then you should think about ending it. I had a friend who would constantly upstage me and would have to argue with me on every point just for the sake of trying to put me down. I got rid of her, best thing I ever did for myself.

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future_uncertain
Knowflake

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posted August 30, 2006 08:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for future_uncertain     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
We've been friends for about five years... really close friends for the last three years.

The majority of our friendship does not revolve around this issue, so I'm not at a point now where I would consider ending the relationship.

It's hard for me to judge her too harshly because I feel that most of us have our issues to deal with. I know that I have in the past exhibited some unusual or less than desirable behaviors in relationships out of sheer ignorance of my own feelings, reactions, and consequences.

I can see how, on the surface, it appears that she may not be a true friend, so I hope it doesn't sound like I'm insulting any of you who have taken the time to respond. But I do think she is a true friend, I just think she is acting like a fool sometimes and I would like to understand her actions better. You've all given me lots of food for thought!

(I just don't want to throw the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak.)

So perhaps I should clarify... if someone dear to you, and to whom you were mutually dear, acted like this, how would you handle it? The truth is, most of us at some time or another has engaged in immature, counterproductive behavior, even when we knew better.

Thanks!

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ScorpioRising
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posted September 01, 2006 04:20 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well-truth be told, she might not realize that she is taking it "too far." Its a personal habit of mine that I have tried to correct. As others said, she might be insecure (I esp. agree with Peri), but she might also be very confident and think that you can handle a joke (according to her version of a joke.) I would talk to her! Nothing of a serious nature-but just a remark on how you would feel better if she didn't cross certain lines. That's what I would do anyways. Hope that helps!

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future_uncertain
Knowflake

Posts: 193
From:
Registered: May 2009

posted September 01, 2006 05:10 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for future_uncertain     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
but she might also be very confident and think that you can handle a joke (according to her version of a joke.)

I think you may have hit the nail on the head.

Thanks!

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23
Knowflake

Posts: 250
From: The Strand
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 01, 2006 05:15 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for 23     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Seriously, why don't you have a chat to her and lay down the issues, tell her how you feel and see what she says back? She might open up and tell you why she's doing it.

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future_uncertain
Knowflake

Posts: 193
From:
Registered: May 2009

posted September 01, 2006 08:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for future_uncertain     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm all for the straightforward approach. However, if I may astro-type for a moment, I've noticed that when my Scorp (or Scorp influenced) buddies are confronted, they tend to deny, turn it around on me, then either sulk or find some small way to get revenge.

I don't necessarily think that's an isolated negative trait... I think most of us have our quirks, consciously or subconsciously. I just find that, usually with Scorp (and also Aries) the straightforward approach only tends to breed resentment. Never understanding or compromise.

I've come to the conclusion that Scorpio never loses and Aries always wins. Two of my bosses are husband and wife-- he's a Scorpio and she's an Aries. Interesting chemistry between the two of them sometimes!

*Would love to hear more about this confrontation thing from Scorpios and Non-Scorpios alike.*

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